How to make a decent cup of tea

This is a guide for all people out there who have to make tea. Quite possibly you don’t drink tea; instead, like all the other sheep out there, you drink coffee (“oh, I need the caffeine, yeah, I do, I can’t work without it“) or more likely you just buy it at a ridiculously over-inflated price from Starbucks. But you may have to make a round of teas at work, or someone you invite over may want a cup of tea instead of a coffee. This is a simple guide to doing it.
There are lots of guides to making tea out there on the web and in books. They’ll tell you to put the milk in first, or put it in last, to choose Earl Grey tea, or Lapsang, or green tea. This is not one of those guides. It’s an instruction on how to make a single cup of tea, in a cup, with an ordinary tea bag. No Russian Caravan or Assam or anything. Just ordinary tea, like PG Tips or Typhoo or Yorkshire Tea. Here’s the guide.

  1. Put a tea bag in a cup
  2. Boil some water
  3. When the water boils, AND WHILE IT IS STILL BOILING, pour it over the tea bag
  4. Add milk and sugar to taste

That’s it. That’s all you have to do. If you make the tea while the water is actively boiling, it’ll always be pretty reasonable. If the water is not actively boiling, then it doesn’t matter which tea you’re using or when you put the milk in, your tea will taste like ditchwater piss. Boil the water!

This has been a public service announcement on behalf of people sick of drinking shit tea. Thank you.

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