The perversity of banks

Aquarion rants about his bank’s slowness and lameness in the age of instant gratification. He’s not wrong.

I’m with an internet bank. They’re a pain in the arse, for two reasons. The second is that it’s a real pain to pay in cash or cheques into the account there, because you have to send them away or pay them into another account and then bank transfer the money, and we do that all the time, and it’s really annoying!. The first and most important reason is that we told then that we had a payment going out and asked them to transfer a fiver (just a fiver) off the credit card into our current account, so that the payment could be made (we were about 40p short in the account of being able to make it). We asked them if the payment from the CC would clear that night, in order to be ready for the payment to go out the following day, and they assured us yes, repeatedly. So, the next day, the payment went out and was rejected because there wasn’t enough money in our account. I got on the phone to the, bleeding out of my ears with fury, and they told me that they process outgoing payments before they process incoming payments. Now, that not only means that they lied to us about whether it’d work, but there is no reason to process outgoing payments before incoming ones other than to screw people like they did us. They could just as easily process incoming before outgoing and then fewer people would go into an unauthorised overdraft, but then of course they couldn’t hit as many people with unauthorised overdraft fees. So they’re deliberately mean to sting people for money. Fuck that. Moreover, the outgoing payment was the first direct debit for the car insurance, and, because the first one was rejected by the bank, the insurance company automatically cancelled the direct debit and made us pay the whole year’s fees in one lump sum. So i had to find a few hundred quid at no notice at all, and when I later asked the bank for an overdraft to get that money they told me I couldn’t have one because i was a bad credit risk.

It would clearly be a horrible piece of libel for me to tell you, my readers, that the bank is Intelligent Finance, so I won’t.

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