Mr Cranky Rates the Movies

Not much time to pick up good stuff off the web at the moment, but I have to recommend Mr Cranky Rates the Movies. Go and find your favourite films and watch Mr Cranky rip them into tiny fluttering blood-soacked pieces. And then eat the pieces. Sample quotations:

What kind of runaway ego do you have to have to actually credit yourself as “McG?” If that doesn’t create a picture in your mind of a guy sucking his own tool, I don’t know that anything can. (Charlie’s Angels)

[M]ust loyal Trekkers be forced to endure a three-way acting duel between Stewart, Shatner and Data’s emotion chip? Watching Stewart and Shatner go at it is like witnessing a title fight between Mike Tyson and a frozen enchilada… (Star Trek: Generations)

Maybe somebody not cowed by Redford could point out the obvious to him: YOU ARE OLD, MAN!! REALLY OLD!! AND YOU LOOK OLD!! Director Tony Scott can use all the soft focus he wants short of ejaculating directly on the camera lens, but it doesn’t really help. (Spy Game)

[L]et’s face it, if courtesans looked like Nicole Kidman… the human race would have died out long ago because there would have been a line of men with hard-ons from Paris to Moscow abandoning their usual fertilization duties in favor of hot courtesan sex. (Moulin Rouge)

Absolute classic. Haven’t laughed so hard in ages.

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