Critical Role

# MARISHA, TRAVIS

To Vox Machina! [cheering] →

# BRIAN

Los Angeles! It's Critical Role Live! [cheering] Welcome, welcome, welcome. →

I apologize in advance for many of the things you're going to see here tonight. →

As usual. →

I'll take these off because I can't really see anything. →

We couldn't afford the insurance in case I fall off the stage. →

Guys. →

How does everybody feel? Is everybody ready to stay turnt this evening? [cheering] As you know, we spend a lot of time on our outfits for these live shows. →

I went online, and I Googled-- →

# AUDIENCEMEMBER

[Inaudible] [laughter] →

# BRIAN

[Inaudible] fashion. →

I'm color blind, is the problem. →

I wanted to know, like, what do the drug dealers in Beverly Hills dress like? [laughter] Well, this is actually what I wear when I go to the skate park to sell cigarettes to kids. →

[laughter] We have a few announcements to get to before, or we could just keep talking about this outfit. →

This outfit kind of says, like-- This outfit says, "Cocaine's back, baby!" [cheering] That's what it's saying. →

Just moments from now, my friends, you are going to witness, at these very tables, a masterclass in how to remember how to play a character. →

[laughter] [cheering] I got to be bad cop and say, we have a strict no spoiler policy tonight. →

[cheering] So as you-- yes, thank you. →

As you can see, we have fancy cameras and equipment placed all over the place. →

This is being recorded, and it's going to be released next month. →

[cheering] Which is awesome. →

What about my pants? My pants you can come see any time, brother. →

You can see them after the show. →

[cheering] Problem is, I doubt both of us are going to fit in them. →

[laughter] So there's no reason for you to hold your phone up for the next four hours, and film everything, and try to bootleg it online. →

We're going to put it out at much better quality than your crappy phone. →

We do have team members standing by at each of your houses to shave and poison your cats if you do tweet, and Instagram spoilers tonight, so I hope you said a big goodbye to those little furry creatures before you got here. →

The bottom line is, guys, just don't be a dick, because that's my job. →

[cheering] Okay. →

I can't hear you, and honestly, the people on stage are the ones who should be screaming, so I'm sorry, it's just too far away. →

But speaking of your wonderful outburst! Tonight, you guys can cry, you can laugh, you can cheer, you can scream, you can gasp. →

You can run all those emotions. →

The only thing we ask is that you do not shout any rules, suggestions, comments to the stage, you do not shout any rules, suggestions, comments to the stage, during the show. It's just-- [cheering] The only reason why we ask that is because it's really shitty. →

And the people at home can't hear you anyway, so. →

And, you know, it might make some of the people around you laugh, but if you've ever seen an episode of Talks Machina, jokes don't always go as well as you planned or hoped, so... →

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. →

Without further ado... →

[cheering] I want to introduce the cast of Critical Role. →

[cheering] Travis Willingham! [cheering] [cheering] Ashley Johnson! [cheering] [Vox Machina Critical Role Theme Music] Give it up for Laura Bailey! [cheering] Liam O'Brien! [cheering] Give it up for Marisha Ray! [cheering] Happy Birthday to Mr. Taliesin Jaffe! [cheering] Prepare yourselves for Sam Riegel! [cheering] And Mr. Matthew Mercer! [cheering] (inaudible) [cheering] [Crowd] (singing) Happy Birthday to you. →

Happy Birthday to you. →

Happy Birthday, dear Taliesin. →

Happy Birthday to you! [cheering] →

# MATT

Oh, if you only knew the adrenaline pumping through these veins right now. →

(laughter) Well, welcome everybody, to the amazing Ace Hotel stage. →

Well, welcome everybody, to the amazing Ace Hotel stage. →

[cheering] To join us for this fantastic return of Vox Machina. →

[cheering] To fill a tiny little unexpected gap in the history that came about. →

Before we get started, just out of a curious show of hands, raise your hand if you have no idea what's going on. →

# LAURA

Oh no. →

# MATT

(laughs) That's my favorite part of every live show. →

Welcome, and I'm sorry. →

[laughter] But anyway, so happy to be part of this fantastic experience, this great venue. →

So many of you amazing people came out from all over to be a part of this tonight. →

Thank you for traveling, whether it be from your apartment down the street, or many states or countries away, we really appreciate you making the journey. →

[cheering] →

(chuckles) Before we get into this, we have a couple of quick announcements. →

As you know the drill. →

First and foremost, we have our fantastic epic thanks to Wormwood for being our sponsor for tonight's sideshow. →

[cheering] Been friends of the show for quite some time. →

They made our fantastic table that we get to play on. →

# LAURA

Yay! →

# MATT

They made this awesome game screen for me just for tonight, which I'm happy about. →

# LAURA

Just for tonight? →

# MATT

They've been very kind, yeah. →

# LIAM

One time only. →

# MATT

One time only, yeah. →

No, this comes with me. →

But no they've graciously donated a $25 gift card to everyone that makes a purchase at the merch area of the lobby. →

# SAM

Whoa! →

# MATT

So anybody who wants to go there during the mid break area, there's a gift card there waiting there for you, if you go ahead and buy something. →

But huge thanks to our friends at Wormwood for being fantastic supporters of all we do here with the show. →

And, yeah, just really really appreciative. →

And... →

I think that's the extent of my announcements. →

# LAURA

Oh, wow! →

# MATT

They're pretty quick tonight. →

# LAURA

(distressed sound) →

# SAM

We just got to light all of our fake candles, guys. →

# TALIESIN

These fake candles haven't been lit. →

# MATT

Let's light the fake candles. →

# MARISHA

Turn on the candles. Set the mood! →

# SAM

Yeah, got to set the mood! →

# MARISHA

Oh man! →

# ASHLEY

Got to set the mood! →

# TRAVIS

Can't Taliesin just snap and that shit happens? [laughter] →

# SAM

No, when he snaps, someone in the audience gets pregnant. →

[laughter] [cheering] →

# TRAVIS

That's how that happened. →

# TALIESIN

Sorry about that, Travis, by the way. →

I apologize. →

# LAURA

Oh shit. →

[cheering] →

# ASHLEY

That's good. →

# SAM

Ronin does look like a pyramid a little bit. →

[laughter] →

# MATT

On that note. →

[laughter] Let's go ahead. →

And dive into... →

[cheering] →

# TALIESIN

Oh no. →

Vox Machina, and the search for Grov. →

# LAURA

I'm going to throw up. →

# MATT

Grov, Grob. →

Grog. →

Oh, the nerves are there, can't you tell? For tonight's live show of Critical Role. →

(maniacal laughter) [cheering] (fantastical music) [cheering] [cheering] (gun fires) →

# LAURA

Oh, no! [cheering] [cheering] (high-pitched note) [cheering] [cheering] →

# TRAVIS

(chuckles) [cheering] [cheering] [enthusiastic cheering] →

# MATT

So. →

# TALIESIN

Oh no. →

# MATT

The band of adventurers known as Vox Machina [cheering] had come together as friends, family, compatriots, and then eventually, some the greatest heroes known to the current age of Exandria. →

In standing up to the force of the ascending god, Vecna, managed to, through guile, skill, and the power of friendship [laughter] seal his essence away on the other side of the divine gate, where he could not trounce and destroy, and mold the Prime Material Plane to his will. →

In the process, fulfilling a deal made by their compatriot Vax, saw him step into the grasp of the Raven Queen, and vanish for good. →

[awwing] In that sorrowful combination of loss and victory, seeing the relatively robust remains of Vasselheim that you saved from the massive incursion of the risen primordial titan that was serving as the delivery method for Vecna's city of Thar Amphala. →

You gathered your things, and returned to Whitestone to just ruminate on the events that had transpired. →

[laughter] [cheering] →

# ASHLEY

That's my boy! →

# MATT

That bring us [laughter] only a couple of days later, from this climactic battle, still fresh in the throes of the immensity of what has happened, and what you've achieved. →

We come to Whitestone. →

[laughter] As the rest of you scatter off for a moment, to deal with your own processing and digestion of this mixture of emotions. →

Pike. →

[cheering] →

# ASHLEY

Okay, okay, okay. →

# MATT

After taking some time in the Parchwood Forest, the timberlands that surround Whitestone, you begin to ascend the stairs to the base of Whitestone Castle. →

And out of the corner of your eye, in the center of the courtyard-- [laughter] →

-- you see your best buddy, Grog, the massive goliath barbarian berserker, from the plains-- [cheering] →

-- of Tal'Dorei, champion of the causes you fought together since your childhood, pluck a card from the Deck of Many Things. →

[laughter] →

And in a brief euphoric moment of surprise and excitement on his face-- [laughter] →

-- his eyes go dead and he falls forward face first onto the ground. →

[cheering] [laughter] →

# ASHLEY

Grog? Grog?! [awwing] I'm going to run over to him and I'm going to try to shake him awake. →

# MATT

Okay. You take a moment, you shake him. →

You know the best ways to wake Grog, usually in his various drunken stupors, is, yeah, backhand him a few times. →

# ASHLEY

I give him a good backhand across the face. →

# MATT

Got you. (slap) →

# ASHLEY

Grog! →

# MATT

Impact hits. →

# ASHLEY

(whimpers) →

# MATT

His face unresponsive, his eyes just dull. →

Nothing. →

He's alive, you feel for breathing. →

He's definitely, as a body, there, present, but there's nothing behind it. →

# ASHLEY

Grog, are you in there? Hello? Oh no. →

Oh no! [laughter] →

# SAM

Travis, say something, jesus! [laughter] →

# ASHLEY

I'm going to try to sit him up. →

# MATT

Okay. →

# ASHLEY

(grunts) →

# MATT

Easy enough for you with your gauntlets of ogre strength. →

# ASHLEY

I'm strong. →

# MATT

You sit him up and he folds most of the way forward. →

His head slumps between his shoulders. →

No response. →

# ASHLEY

Oh no. →

But I notice that he's still breathing and his heartbeat is still there? →

# MATT

You take a moment and listen, heartbeat's still going, strong as ever. →

(heart beating) →

# ASHLEY

Okay. →

Grog, I'm going to go get help. →

You stay right here. →

Do not move! [laughter] Ugh, okay. →

I'm going to go inside and see who I can find. →

# MATT

Okay. Stepping inside, shouting around briefly, Percy, and Keyleth, and Scanlan. →

Those of you who are going about your business, you eventually begin to hear the calls of Pike bringing you together. →

# ASHLEY

Hey! Grog picked a card and he-- he looked at it, and he smiled, and he was happy, and then he fell over. →

[laughter] →

# SAM

No! No, no, no, Pike, that would be ridiculous. →

We're heroes, we just saved the world, why would-- Why would he do such a thing? This is the end of the story, Pike, the end! [laughter] →

# TALIESIN

Surely Grog is-- even Grog is not that foolish and irresponsible, I mean, we would... →

There's no reason. →

He's obviously playing a prank on you. →

# ASHLEY

No, no, no, he's not playing a prank. →

# MARISHA

Were the cards shiny? →

# ASHLEY

Yes, it was a deck-- →

# MARISHA

Yeah, I mean, checks out. →

# SAM

It was shiny, that's true. →

# ASHLEY

We both almost picked them together one time, and-- We didn't. →

Because I thought maybe it wouldn't be a good idea, but I guess he just got excited and thought "why not?" →

# MARISHA

Yeah. →

# ASHLEY

(sighs) But he's still breathing. →

His heart's still beating. →

He's just not awake. →

So maybe he's just in like a really deep sleep. →

# SAM

Well, let's go get Vex and-- oh. →

[groaning] →

Sorry. →

It's just-- It's just force of habit. It's just new, it's fresh. →

# TALIESIN

Let's get everyone and go outside. →

# SAM

Yes. →

# LIAM

This is a roast a year in the making. →

(laughter) →

# MARISHA

Yep. →

[cheering] →

I go find Vex. →

# MATT

All right. →

It takes a little bit of time, because she's still out in the middle of the Parchwood, doing her own walkabout. →

And as you return, you can already see there's a little bit of chaos in the corner of Whitestone Castle. →

A number of the various guards have gathered around. →

You can see the rest of your allies, the rest of your friends, all gathered around the slumped forward, unresponsive body of Grog Strongjaw. →

# LAURA

What did he do? [laughter] →

# MARISHA

Yeah, you know those cards that we probably should have taken away from him? Yeah. →

# LAURA

I had those for a while, you know, I had those. →

# MARISHA

I know. →

# LAURA

I gave them back to him. →

# MARISHA

(sucks her teeth) Well! [laughter] →

# SAM

You know, I feel like this is on us. →

This is sort of on us, really. →

# LAURA

I mean, he's a child, really. →

# SAM

Yeah. →

[laughter] →

# ASHLEY

Well, to be fair, most of the cards are really good. →

So maybe he's somewhere having a super good time. →

# SAM

Oh yeah, maybe this is a vacation for him. →

# TALIESIN

Do we see which card got pulled? Is it, perhaps, on the ground? →

# MATT

No, the card actually seems to have dissipated and vanished, or at least the text has. →

You go and find it on the ground and inspect it, and the actual front face of it is now blank. →

# TALIESIN

Well, this is helpful. →

# SAM

We'll need to know more information, but before we do anything, I think it would help me if we had the entire group with us. →

So if you would, everyone, allow me, I think we're missing one member of Vox Machina, that we're going to bring out right now onto the stage. →

[exclaiming] →

# MARISHA

You asshole! →

# TALIESIN

You're such an asshole. →

[aghast screaming] [screaming, laughter] →

# MATT

You're a terrible human being. →

# LAURA

Max?! →

# SAM

Max isn't there-- →

# LAURA

Get that thing-- →

# SAM

-- that's a puppeteer. →

# LAURA

-- off this stage. →

# SAM

It's a puppeteer. →

Ignore Max. →

# LAURA

How dare you. →

# LIAM

I wish I knew how to quit you, Sam Riegel. →

# SAM

You leave it! →

# MARISHA

Besides, it's inaccurate. →

He didn't leave a body behind. →

[groaning] →

# SAM

That's how I imagine he looks. →

# LAURA

I thought for a minute it was going to be Trinket. →

# LIAM

So did I! →

# LAURA

I thought you were being really kind, and then-- And then you proved yourself once more. →

# LIAM

Sam does not think of Trinket as a member of Vox Machina. →

# MATT

Fool me thrice. →

# TRAVIS

I'd much rather prefer a skeleton on stage than a giant fucking bear. →

# LAURA

I thought it was going to be a Trinket that we have! Shush, you. →

# LIAM

(bear growl) →

# MATT

Gathered around, your friend unresponsive, and being the only real representatives. →

Most everyone else is still probably back in Vasselheim, helping clean up and settle the city, and deal with the aftermath of that incursion. →

What would you like to do? →

# LAURA

What do we do? →

# MARISHA

We go and find him right now, of course. →

Let's go do something. →

# SAM

We don't know where he is. →

# LAURA

We don't even know what he is. →

Maybe he's just in a coma, I don't know. →

# TALIESIN

Someone understands these cards. →

Someone knows the options. →

Someone knows what this is. →

And somebody owes us at this point. →

[laughter] →

I say we go to Vasselheim and very politely demand some help. →

[laughter] →

# MARISHA

I've missed Percy. →

[laughter] →

# TALIESIN

Me, too. →

# SAM

All right, but I can't carry him, he's huge. →

# ASHLEY

I can. →

# SAM

Well-- [cheering] →

# ASHLEY

I'm going to do my best to try to pick him up and fireman style. →

# MATT

All right. →

Go ahead and just make a general strength check for me. →

# TRAVIS

First roll. →

[cheering] →

First roll! →

# SAM

Matt, may I inspire her before she goes? →

# MATT

You may. →

You may. →

[cheering] →

# SAM

Okay. →

♪ I have slayed Chroma Conclave ♪ ♪ I have taught Vecna Counterspell ♪ ♪ Only to be with you ♪ ♪ Only to be with you ♪ ♪ But we still got to find ♪ ♪ our goliath friend ♪ [cheering] →

# MATT

So. →

# ASHLEY

Wait, what does that mean? →

# MATT

You have a d12 that you can roll and add to any-- →

# TRAVIS

Is that real? →

# LAURA

It's not going to do anything for that, Ash. →

# ASHLEY

I rolled a natural one. →

[cheering] →

# SAM

Not a U2 fan. →

# TRAVIS

(laughs) Not a U2 fan. →

# ASHLEY

Off to a great start. →

# SAM

But you get to add a d12. →

# MATT

I'll say the combination of distraction from his song, and just the emotional panic of what's transpiring, you're not quite finding the strength, and eventually somebody has to help you just carry him at the moment. →

# ASHLEY

It's not working! →

# LAURA

I can try to put him in the necklace, I don't know what that would do. →

# SAM

But isn't Trinket in there? →

# LAURA

No, Trinket's right next to me, you dick. →

[laughter] →

# MATT

(bear growl) →

# LAURA

Where do you think he lives? →

# SAM

Where? I don't see-- is it a him? Is it a her? →

# MATT

(growling) →

# LAURA

Scanlan Shorthalt. →

# SAM

I'm sorry. →

Force of habit. →

# LAURA

He's been through a lot with you. →

You should protect him. →

He's family. →

# MATT

(chuffs) →

# LAURA

And family's important, Scanlan. →

Yeah. →

# SAM

You're right. →

I'm sorry. →

[laughter] Well, I was only saying that if you put Grog in there, that means we won't be able to bring Trinket. →

[laughter] →

# LAURA

I'm pretty sure Trinket will be safe in Vasselheim. →

# SAM

So you're saying we do get to leave Trinket behind? I mean... →

# LAURA

I don't even know if this'll work. →

I go over to Grog and I hold his hand up to the necklace, and try to put him in. →

# MATT

Okay. →

Concentrating on the aspect of the necklace, you watch as his body (whoosh). →

It's tucked into a small, gray-like mist, and absorbed into the necklace. →

# LAURA

Hope that didn't kill him. →

[laughter] Shall we? →

# MATT

Roll a constitution saving throw, Grog. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. →

# MARISHA

Oh my god. →

# TALIESIN

I think it's time to perhaps head to Vasselheim. →

# MARISHA

Yeah, let's go. →

# LAURA

No, Sam, you didn't! →

# SAM

I did it. I drank out of it. →

# MARISHA

No! →

# LAURA

No! →

# LIAM

Everyone in the cast tried to convince him to not drink from that poisonous cup that is broken on the inside and full-- →

# MARISHA

It's rank. →

# LIAM

It's broken. →

# TALIESIN

So bad. →

# TRAVIS

There are smurfs living inside of that thing. →

# MATT

Whatever was last poured in that at the end of the last campaign has been in there for a year. →

[groaning] →

# SAM

Yeah, I have tetanus now. →

# LAURA

And many other things, I'm sure. →

# LIAM

Yeah, enjoy your botulism. →

Great. →

(groaning) →

# TRAVIS

Fuck. →

# MATT

Anyway. →

# TALIESIN

Oh god. →

# MATT

What would you like do? →

# MARISHA

Uh, let's go. →

# LAURA

Yeah. →

# MARISHA

Vasselheim? →

# ASHLEY

Yeah. Okay. →

# MARISHA, LAURA

Yeah. →

# MARISHA

It's like we were there yesterday. (laughs) We were there yesterday. →

(weak laugh) Okay, let's go, yeah? →

# TALIESIN

You're-- if you would be, I assume we're close enough to the Sun Tree that you can Transportation via Plants? →

# MARISHA

Yeah. →

[laughter] →

# MATT

All right. →

# MARISHA

Hi, Sun Tree. →

# MATT

"Good to see you, Kiki." [cheering] As the now vibrant, and blossoming Sun Tree sits in the center of the main court, the center of the main courtyard, center square of Whitestone proper-- you got a proper. →

Keyleth steps up to it, places her fingers across it, and you watch as the trunk seems to tear and split into an arched doorway. →

On the opposite side is... →

# MARISHA

Vasselheim. →

# MATT

All right. →

# MARISHA

When I do that I go: Sun Tree, does this hurt you? →

# MATT

"Kinda tickles." →

# MARISHA

Okay! You're the best, Sun Tree. →

# MATT

"I know." →

# MARISHA

Okay, let's go. We have six seconds, go! (laughter) →

# MATT

As you guys all charge through, that immediate sucking sensation through your abdomen, your lungs seem to empty of air for just an instant. →

As you step out the opposite side, you look around, and you're in the center of the Abundant Terrace. →

Just on the outskirts of the Birthheart, the Melora section of Vasselheim, where the Wild Mother looks over all of nature and the surrounding vicinity. →

You're in the center of these rows and rows of beautiful trees, this gorgeous orchard. →

That the colors have been turning into the oranges and reds. →

The smell of smoke is still in the air. →

And as you look past the greenery, you can see there's still curling plumes of gray and white smoke, the lasting aspects of the battle that had transpired not but two days before. →

You don't hear any shouting or din, so you get the sense that the combat has completed. →

But as you look past, you can't help but look up and see the ominous visage of the incredibly massive and still, unmoving, primordial earth titan, looming over the city, mid-step, its gait outstretched right over the Quadroads in the center of the city. →

You can see the crumbled city of Thar Amphala, still atop of its head and shoulders. →

And it's weirdly serenely beautiful to see it still, as this monument of that final battle. →

You can see birds now, dissipating off of its arm and gathering, and flying through this thing that was so frightening, and brought imminent destruction, now, has its own weird legacy. →

So whereabouts in Vasselheim are you looking to go? →

# LAURA, SAM

Uh... →

# MATT

It's been a year. If you have questions, you can ask me, it's okay. →

# SAM

Yeah. →

What-- What-- What's in Vasselheim again? →

# LIAM

New campaign, who dis? →

# MATT

I know. →

[laughter] →

# LAURA

So wait. →

# SAM

We want to go see some of our old friends, like Allura. →

# TALIESIN

Allura's my first vote. →

# SAM

Gilmore. →

# LAURA

Yes, Allura would probably know. →

# SAM

Other people. →

# MARISHA

Kima. →

[laughter] →

# LAURA

But I think Allura would know about this, and Gilmore might. →

# SAM

Why don't we get everyone? This is big news. →

# TALIESIN

We'll start there and we'll-- we need an expert opinion. →

# MARISHA

Is it big news? Grog did something stupid, I don't feel like that's, like... →

[laughter] I mean, I'm not... →

We just killed that thing, so like, that's big news. →

# SAM

Yeah. No, you're right. →

# MATT

All right. →

# TALIESIN

I grabbed the cards, by the way, so, we do have them pocketed. →

# MATT

Well, of the areas you've visited, there is the Trial Forge, which is the area that is Kord-based. →

There is the Platinum Sanctuary, which is where the council met right before the attack, and that's where all the various leaders, and your friends all met. →

That seems to be one of the main seats of enforcement of the city. →

# TALIESIN

I think so. →

# LAURA

Yeah, yeah, yeah. →

# MATT

Okay. →

# LAURA

Let's go to that one. →

# MATT

All right, so you guys start making your way over towards the Platinum Sanctuary of Bahamut. →

Making your way through the streets, you see many of the armed bastions and mercenary troops that are dragging away the bodies of the Remnants of Vecna, that have been killed, and they've cleaned up most of the surging armies of undead and the necromancers that had them at their beck and call. →

You also see them gathering some of the non-survivors of the citizens of the city. →

But more than that, you see the thriving community coming back together again. →

You see in the streets, families that are decorating a celebration of some kind. →

You can see people that are helping clean up, and redecorate the space, and bring it back to a sense of normality. →

As you make your way over towards the Platinum Sanctuary, you climb up the stairs along the side of the mountain known as the Heaven's Stair. →

You reach the familiar peaks at the base of the sanctuary, the large pillars that mark the entrance, the familiar soldiers, the Scalebearers, nod as you approach, surprised to see you return so soon, and step aside. →

You enter the echoing halls of the inside of what is the Platinum Sanctuary up on Silver Talon's Reach. →

As you enter the interior, about two dozen or so soldiers seem to fill the interior hall of the inner sanctum, parting as you approach the centerpiece of that area. →

Within that chamber, only a portion of the heads of the city are present. →

You see the Holy Curator Curtis Uleas, which you've met once before when the council met before the attack on Vecna. →

You see him. He's a squat, bald, mousey-looking fella, but he represents the Quad Roads, and the high-- Erathis, the Law Bearer. →

You also see a guard next to him, and another compatriot, maybe a mercenary, bodyguard. →

To the right of that, you see a representative of the maidens of the Raven Queen, known as the Trust of Winters. →

The collection of veil-bearing maidens, all dressed in black, that had previously been watching the temple that exists here in the city. →

You see them also being flanked by two or three similarly adorned, but more military-ready bodyguards that also seem to worship the Raven Queen and are part of this trust. →

They're all discussing some sort of matter of clearing up the vicinity with Highbearer Vord himself, the elven head of Silver Talon's Reach. →

As they're in mid-conversation, everyone begins to part to let you in, and as soon as they turn to see you and what this strange business is, their conversation falls silent, as the Highbearer turns to you all and goes, "Oh, you're back so soon. →

The celebration isn't for a few weeks. →

Maybe you've got... →

bored?" →

# TALIESIN

Not quite yet, unfortunately. →

I do hate to be making a request so soon, but one of our members has fallen prey to something foolishly, and... →

we feel that perhaps, just at this moment, we're not capable of handling any more loss, and we would really appreciate (sighs) a bit of consideration to our plight. →

# MATT

"Interesting." You look upon his furrowed elven brow, himself one of the elders of Vasselheim that worships under and represents the will of Bahamut here in Vasselheim, the Dawn City. →

Looking about the rest of you he goes, "Well, based on the company you're keeping, perhaps it's the larger and... →

slower one?" →

# LAURA

I bamf him out. →

Just right there on the floor. →

I bamf Grog out. →

# MATT

(thudding) The body just slams-- [laughter] -onto the open marble floor in the center of the inner sanctum, with a loud, heavy thwack. →

That skull hit with an intensity that, knowing Grog, probably hurt the marble more. →

[laughter] You see a lot of them, all of the surrounding individuals step back and there's a bit of a (gasping). →

And the hushed gasps and curious murmuring to the sides. →

And the Highbearer just goes, "Oh, wonderful. →

If he's dead as well, we have means of resurrecting, and we do, oh--" →

# LAURA

No, no, he's quite alive. →

# MATT

"Sleeping?" →

# LAURA

Maybe? →

# TALIESIN

We found him next to this, and I display the deck. →

# MATT

"And what, pray tell, is this?" →

# TALIESIN

I would be very careful, and please do not draw a card. →

# MATT

"I haven't lived this long by ignoring such warnings." →

# TALIESIN

You will not be-- (laughs) I would reckon that perhaps you would not live much longer if you ignored that one. →

# MATT

He hands it off to a compatriot of his you can see, who looks to be very dressed in familiar robes of blue and silver. →

But begins to draw an arcane sigil, as the city seems to shun overt arcane magic, they also understand it's a necessity in certain circumstances, but only in trusted levels. →

This individual finishes casting the spell, takes it, goes, "Ah." Whispers into the ear of the Highbearer who goes, "Dear lord." [laughter] [laughter] "You let him have this?" [cheering] [cheering] →

# TALIESIN

Now, in our defense, it is very difficult to not let him do anything he likes, and, at the time, I had been meaning to replace it with a fake copy, but things got complicated, and I lost track of time. →

# LAURA

You should see his puppy dog eyes when he tries. →

It really is quite pathetic. →

# ASHLEY

And to be fair, he really didn't pick one for a really long time. →

[laughter] So, it's amazing that he waited this long. →

And he's not slow, he just has a lot left to learn. →

# TALIESIN

We kept the demonic skull out of his hands. →

I mean, that was something. →

# MARISHA

Yeah, it was really a trust exercise, but... →

[laughter] You know, looking back, maybe we should have started with like, the one where you fall, and like a group of your friends, and they catch you. →

# SAM

While this is going on, I'm going to command my unseen servant to, like, puppeteer Grog's arms Weekend at Bernie's style. →

[laughter] →

# LAURA

Oh, he's back! →

# MATT

"That is strangely delightfully macabre." [laughter] →

"You may continue. →

(sighs) Give me just a moment." And he closes his eyes for a second, and you hear him mutter under his breath, "Please, your friends have arrived, and they need your assistance." And but a moment later, there's a sudden, (whooshes) a surge of energy and a blast of wind, and there you see about 15 feet away, the familiar braided long hair of-- [cheering] Arcanist Allura Vysoren. →

[cheering] Her spinning skirt comes to rest and goes, "Friends, (laughs) what is wrong with him?" [laughter] As Grog just dances being held aloft in the air. →

She waves her hands, and he drops like a sack of potatoes. →

# TALIESIN

Yes, uh... →

# SAM

We don't know what's wrong with him. →

I mean, we know what's wrong with him-- [laughter] →

-- in general, but specifically to this time, we don't know what's wrong with him right now. →

# MATT

The Highbearer interrupts you and goes, "He drew one of these." And she goes, "Oh, shit." [laughter] →

# SAM

That's what we said. →

# MATT

"Well... →

Let me see," and she gets close and pinches his cheeks and rolls his eyelids back and looks at his eyes, and listens to his chest, and goes, "Well, I have a passing knowledge of what's capable. →

The good news, he's alive. →

The bad news is, the soul is not present. →

It's somewhere else." →

# SAM

Excellent, where? Where is it? →

# MATT

"I don't know. →

Somewhere. →

Probably under the guard of some dangerous entity." →

# LAURA

What? →

# MATT

"And to retrieve it, you would have to bring this to it," pointing to the body on the ground. →

# LAURA

Who the fuck makes these cards? [laughter] [cheering] →

# MATT

To which the Highbearer goes, "There were many individuals in the Age of Arcanum that have continued to prove why Vasselheim is a very divine-based society." Allura thinks for a second, "Um, well, give me a moment. →

Maybe I can... →

Maybe I can cast a ritual that can pinpoint this, hold on." →

# SAM

Yes, yes, please. →

# TALIESIN

Thank you. →

# MATT

She thinks for a second and begins casting something. →

(chanting) "Nothing. →

(sighs) I think this magic may be beyond me." →

# MARISHA

Who is not beyond? →

# MATT

"I don't know. →

Any of you have any means of reaching beyond the planes? To gather information, see something. →

I'm not a divination specialist, unfortunately." →

# LAURA

I mean, Pike, you could pray. →

(uncertain) I could pray. →

[laughter] →

# TALIESIN

Would hitting him again perhaps help? →

# SAM

It can't hurt. →

It can't hurt to hit him one more time. →

# TALIESIN

Scanlan, I think you should go ahead and give it a try. →

# SAM

All right. I'll go up and use my whip. →

(laughter) →

I've used it once. →

This'll be two. →

I'll just whip him in the gonads. →

[groaning] →

Maybe it'll just-- maybe he'll just wake up. →

# MATT

(whip cracks) [laughter] →

(whip cracks) →

# SAM

Well. →

Multi attack! (laughter) →

# MATT

No response. →

Allura has walked over and taken the deck from the Highbearer, closes her eyes for a second. →

"Right, all right. →

Best I can ascertain. →

The only way to really find out where his soul resides is through a very, very powerful arcane incantation that can bend reality to your will, to a small degree. →

I, unfortunately, am not powerful enough to utilize this. →

Nor do I know one with such capabilities." →

# SAM

Ahem. →

[laughter] →

Hi. →

[cheering] →

Hi, whip guy here. →

I mean... →

I have a thing. →

But I don't know how it works, and I've never used it before. →

# MATT

"A thing?" →

# SAM

I just have a power and I feel like it might be helpful here, but I really don't know what it will do to me after I do it, which is why I hesitated to bring it up at the beginning. →

But if that's our only hope, I could make a Wish. →

# MATT

You watch Allura's face drop in absolute surprise and awe. →

And then, "You let him... →

... wish?" [laughter] →

# TALIESIN

Wait, why does anybody think we let any of these people do anything? [laughter] →

# MATT

"Valid point. →

That is amazing. →

By all means, I would love to see this," as she puts her arms out and pushes everyone else back about 10 feet. →

# TALIESIN

Do you need anything? Are you all right? →

# SAM

I could use a cup of seltzer. →

[laughter] →

# ASHLEY

Do you want me to stand with you, while you do it? →

# TALIESIN

Does Grog still have the infinite thing on him? The infinite cup? Mug? →

# SAM

I do want you to stand with me, Pike. →

I do. →

Perhaps you could stand behind me and sort of put your arms around my waist. →

Just in sort of like a-- →

# MARISHA

Awkward prom? →

# SAM

Yeah, awkward prom-type pose. →

# ASHLEY

I can, but what will that do? →

# SAM

You don't need to know. →

[laughter] →

# ASHLEY

Okay. →

# MATT

(chuckles) →

# SAM

Am I doing this?! →

# MATT

Are you doing this? →

# LAURA

I don't know, are you doing this? →

# SAM

What will it do? →

# LAURA

What will it do to you? →

# SAM

I don't know. →

# TRAVIS

One way to find out, baby. →

# ASHLEY

How many-- [laughter] →

# MATT

Allura goes-- →

# ASHLEY

How many wishes-- you have one wish? →

# SAM

I don't know! →

# MATT

"As far as I understand, from what I've read about this, it is a wish. →

Just be very particular with your wording. →

And don't get greedy." →

# SAM

So I shouldn't wish for 1000 Grogs to appear right here, because they'll all fall on me and kill me, or something like that? →

# MATT

"That would be the end of Exandria." →

# SAM

Okay. →

I am very confident, but I wouldn't mind some input on how I should phrase this. →

# LAURA

Percival, you were very, very good at coming up with our wish wording the last time we had to do this. →

# TALIESIN

Right. That's right, that's right. →

# LAURA

You remember that? Oh, you don't remember that, Pike, it was when you died. →

[laughter] →

# ASHLEY

(groans) Well. →

# TALIESIN

That was a while. →

# SAM

How about something like... →

I wish to know the location of Grog. →

That's simple, right? →

# MARISHA

Well, no, because he's right here. →

# TALIESIN

The precise location of Grog's soul. →

# SAM

Yes, yes, yes. →

The precise location of Grog's soul. Okay. →

# MARISHA

Hey, Scanlan. →

# SAM

Hey, Keeks? →

# MARISHA

What's the limits of this spell? Because, theoretically, could you just be like, "Oh, I just wish for him back," and then, like, end of day, end of show. →

(laughs nervously) →

# TALIESIN

I don't understand your metaphor. →

# SAM

You know, I love a good story, and that seems like an anticlimactic one. →

(laughter) [cheering] →

# MATT

Allura pipes up and goes, "And I would say there are great limitations to the capability of this spell, specific to the terrifying enchantment of this deck of cards." →

# TALIESIN

I think the strongest thing I could even think to say would be to bring all of us near the loc-- no, I think just best the-- →

# SAM

She said don't get greedy. →

# TALIESIN

Don't get greedy. →

# SAM

She said don't get greedy. →

# TALIESIN

I would like, yeah, the precise location of Grog's soul. →

# SAM

Who am I wishing to? I really am not a big-- no offense, Pike-- I mean, I've been learning the ways of Sarenrae, maybe I should wish to her? →

# LAURA

Don't you have Ioun's eye or something? →

# SAM

Sure, but I don't want to make Pike jealous or anything, I don't know how this works. →

I'm still new to religion, so. →

# MATT

You look across the chamber, there appears to be one monk of the Cobalt Reserve that's built within the city that goes-- [laughter] →

# SAM

What? I'm converting for a girl, all right? It's okay. →

[cheering] →

All right. →

Here goes. →

[laughter] →

♪ I wish ♪ (laughter) ♪ It's not for me, it's for my friend ♪ I wish to know the precise location of my friend Grog's soul. →

# MATT

The minute those words leave your lips, the rest of you watch Scanlan's face just go slack. →

And for a moment, you are so afraid that he went the same place. →

# MARISHA

Why does this keep happening?! →

# MATT

Scanlan. →

As that happens, your vision suddenly is wrested away from this location. →

The familiar pillars and warm daylight and the vision of your friends are torn from your vision as suddenly you feel yourself, your consciousness being temporarily thrust through the inner planes. →

Fire burning, primordial energies, as water turns into blankets of steam hundreds of miles long. →

You're thrust through that barrier into the outer planes, beyond the divine gate. →

The familiar lattice of energy that holds the gods at bay from their far realms. →

And there you see, just brief instances of madness and insanity at the corners of the Abyss. →

Suddenly, your consciousness is brought to a location of deep, burrowed, massive caverns, twisting through rock and earth. →

There, in a lightless expanse, where wind is endless, and maddening. →

You see a tower, a mountain comprised of toppled boulders. →

And at the very top of this you see a small plateau with a low wall around it, and a glowing, red gem that sits there in the middle. →

And you can sense Grog's essence trapped within that stone. →

And a voice tells you, "Your friend's soul is locked on the realm of Pandemonium. →

Atop the Howler's Crag in Cocytus." →

# SAM

The what? [laughter] →

Howler's Crag? →

# MATT

The Howler's Crag on Cocytus. →

And then your consciousness is ripped out of that space, thrust back into you to the point where the force sends you almost ass over tea kettle onto the ground. →

(splats) →

# SAM

(gasps) Ah. →

# LAURA

Are you all right? →

# SAM

The wonders of the universe did unfold. →

[laughter] I know the location of Grog's soul. →

I was given untold power. →

He is near a tower. →

I saw a red gem, and he's in Pandemoni-em! [laughter, cheering] →

# LAURA

Wow. →

# SAM

I think this is how I talk now? [laughter] Orange. No, it's good. I'm good. →

I'm good. →

Phew! That was really weird, guys. →

I know where he is. →

He's in the realm of Pandemonium, in Howler Crag, near Crokeedus, or something? I think that'll get us there. →

# MATT

All right, couple things have to happen here. →

# SAM

Couple things? Couple things? What happens to me? That's all I care about! →

# MATT

I rolled a 39%. →

There's a 33% chance every time you cast the Wish spell to do anything beyond getting a spell, that you lose it forever. →

But you keep it. →

# SAM

(relieved laughter) →

# TRAVIS

Holy shit. →

# MATT

However, your strength is currently three. →

(groaning) →

# LAURA, TRAVIS

Three? →

# SAM

That's a negative six, right? →

# MATT

Um-- →

# MATT, SAM

Negative four. →

# SAM

Negative four. →

# MATT

Oh, that's actually a lucky roll. For two days. →

# LAURA

Oh. →

# SAM

(moans) →

# LAURA

Great. →

(laughter) →

# MATT

The physical stress of the sheer force of arcane power that channeled through you to bend reality has left you dilapidated and weak. →

# SAM

But Pike's holding me. →

[laughter] →

# ASHLEY

I got you. →

# MARISHA

Oh. →

# SAM

(slurring) I can't talk, I'm really weak. →

# ASHLEY

That was so great, though. →

You got so much information. →

# SAM

I did. →

# ASHLEY

I can help you walk and carry you wherever we need to go. →

# SAM

I don't know. →

# ASHLEY

Oh, you can't talk, even? →

# SAM

I can, I'm just-- [laughter] →

I just don't know. →

I feel so weak. →

# ASHLEY

Oh no. →

# LAURA

How long are you going to be like this? →

# SAM

I don't know! [laughter] →

# ASHLEY

Can I-- →

# LAURA

Oh no. →

# ASHLEY

I wonder if I could cast Greater Restoration. →

# LAURA

I mean-- →

# TALIESIN

I don't know if that would fix it. →

# LAURA

We can't go to fucking Pandemonium or whatever with you like this. →

# TALIESIN

Well, we need to prepare ourselves anyway. →

We don't know any-- well, what do we know about Pandemonium? →

# MATT

Allura is taking this information and goes, "Well, that's-- We now know where he is, that's good. →

Pandemonium, that's bad." [laughter] →

"Pandemonium is a terrible realm of the outer planes. →

It's adjacent to the horrors of the Abyss, and the chaos of Limbo. →

It's a place of great madness, a domain of rocks infused with massive tunnels, carved out of screaming winds, where your sanity is challenged at every edge. →

A lightless expanse of pitch black. →

There are disorienting pathways ever-twisting through the caverns. →

Creatures of violent mania stalk the dust and sand blasted tunnels. →

The few that are banished there are left to lose themselves in the chaos around them. →

Cocytus is one of the more central regions, but the tower you speak of it's a home of many lost secrets, deadly denizens, and rumors speak that atop this very crag, there's a space where words that are shouted against the wind can be heard by whoever the intended recipient is, no matter where they are on the planes. →

But few, if none, return from there, due to the dangers present. →

So, um, you could probably use some help. →

I don't-- Kima would kill me." →

# TALIESIN

We understand. →

# MATT

"But I trust--" and at this point, the Highbearer goes, "Well, the city does owe you a favor. →

Let's see. →

Are there any individuals here who'd be willing to raise a hand and volunteer to aid the saviors of Vasselheim on a dangerous mission to the plane of Pandemonium?" →

# TRAVIS

(clears throat) [cheering] →

I am so sorry. →

Did you say the plane of Pandemonium? →

# MATT

And you look over by the high curator, Curtis Uleas of the Erathis quarter of the city. →

And next to him you see...? →

# TRAVIS

Bertrand Bell. →

Sir Bertrand Bell. →

At your service. →

# MATT

Describe what you look like, if you don't mind. →

# TRAVIS

Yes, I'm in my late 50's, early 60's, a devilish silver fox son of a bitch. →

[cheering] →

Beautiful orange, maroon, and purple robes of the finest finery, and a beautiful rapier on my hip. →

And I have beautiful tan skin, if I may say so myself. →

# LAURA

What color are your eyes? →

# TRAVIS

Piercing blue. →

# LAURA

Oh. →

[cheering] →

# TRAVIS

I couldn't help but notice you said the plane of Pandemonium, one of my realms of specialty. →

This is the legendary group known as Vox Machina, is it not? [cheering] →

# TALIESIN

It is indeed, good sir. →

# SAM

(mumbling) Yes, yes, yes. →

# TRAVIS

My gods. →

The little fellow, he's an interesting one. →

God, the services you have done to this city, incredible! Absolutely outstanding. →

You know, I myself was a fierce, fierce warrior, of great renown, known far and wide for my many exploits, my great talents. →

Have you ever heard of the whispering werewolf of the North? Yes, I slayed that beast, I'm sure you've read about it. →

# MARISHA

(laughs) →

# TRAVIS

Yes. →

Perhaps, though, the horrible hippogriff of the West? [laughter] →

Yeah, any takers? →

# LAURA

Yes, I've heard of that one. →

# TRAVIS

That? Also me. →

# LAURA

Wow. →

# TRAVIS

I might have gone by a different name because I like to keep it low profile. →

I would truly value the chance to aid heroes such as yourself, and I'm sure my talents could lend you a little bit of help in your endeavors. →

# MATT

"Wonderful." →

# MARISHA

What talents? →

# TRAVIS

Well, I am quite the esteemed fighter, and I've been to this Pandemonium, plane of Pandemonium many, many times. →

# MATT

"Well then, Sir Bertrand. →

It would seem that you would be the necessary guide for such a journey. →

Consider yourself the guide." →

# TRAVIS

(stammering) I-I merely meant I would advise them on the trip. →

# MATT

"Yes, on the trip. →

You will guide them. →

Anybody else who would wish to join this venture?" →

# LIAM

Yes. →

[cheering] →

# MATT

Surrounding the Trust of Winter's representative, the veil-covered woman from the-- →

# MARISHA

No. →

# MATT

-- from Raven's Crest in the Duskmeadow of Vasselheim, you see one of the guardian champions step forward, if you would describe yourself. →

# LIAM

A woman with deep, dark brown, almost black hair, and a very polished, fine black breastplate, a coif of feathers at her neck. →

All dark robes, and five gleaming stars around her neck. →

The Raven's Crest, and the Trust of Winter would be proud to aid you in this. →

We have felt that the Matron's chosen has departed this plane. →

We know how painful this must be for you now. →

We wish to offer our service, my service, as thanks for saving Vasselheim, the temple, all of us really. →

It would be my great honor. →

# MATT

"Very well. →

Lieve'tel. →

You have been accepted into this party. →

Great! I have business to attend to. →

Gather your things, find your own way." Allura's like, "But we--" (as Vord) "What do you want from me? I am not a plane jumper, I run this. →

And if you haven't noticed, this entire city was nearly razed to the ground. →

So I have some things to attend to." →

# LAURA

Yes, but think of all the new summer homes you'll be able to build. →

[laughter] →

# MATT

"I like your chipper attitude. →

Now please leave." [laughter] →

# MARISHA

Allura? →

# MATT

"Yes, Keyleth?" →

# MARISHA

Do you have anybody else who might be interested in going, other than her? I'm sure she's very... →

nice. →

# MATT

"Unfortunately at the moment, we-- Anybody?" →

# MARISHA

Yeah, anybody? →

# MATT

And the room, as you look around the chambers, most everyone-- you can see a moment where they want to help, but everyone looks genuinely frightened at the prospect of traveling to the plane of Pandemonium. →

So, after this awkward, 60-second silence, the distant (throat clearing), cough, Kind of a sneeze. →

# LAURA

Bless you. →

# MATT

(as Allura) "All right. →

Well. →

This is-- this is great." →

# MARISHA

Yeah! →

# MATT

"Do you need to rest up?" →

# LAURA

Yes. →

# TALIESIN

That would not be a terrible idea. →

# MATT

"All right, take a few days, gather your things." →

# LAURA

Is Grog going to be all right for a few days? →

# MATT

"I hope so." →

# ASHLEY

Wait, you've been to the plane of Pandemonium. →

Will he be okay? →

# TRAVIS

Yes, he will be fine. →

[laughter] Once we're there, we will tap into the local fauna and concoct a bit of an antidote that should right him for our-- →

# MARISHA

There's local fauna? →

# TRAVIS

Yes, many different plants and animals. →

# MARISHA

What? →

# TRAVIS

You'll see when we get there. →

# SAM

(high-pitched confused groaning) →

# TRAVIS

Your friend, I believe he needs help. →

# LAURA

I thought you could talk, Scanlan. →

# SAM

(moaning) →

# MARISHA

Oh, Scanlan, do you think he's lying? →

# SAM

Uh huh. →

# MARISHA

Oh, yeah. →

[laughter] He's got that look on his face when he doesn't trust people. →

[laughter] →

Can I do an insight check on Bertram? →

# MATT

Sure. →

[cheering] →

# MARISHA

(chuckles) Uh-huh. →

# TALIESIN

I missed that die. →

# MARISHA

Oh my god, it's such good insight! 20! →

# TALIESIN

Whoa! →

# MARISHA

And I rolled terribly! →

# TRAVIS

12. →

# SAM

Oh! [cheering] →

Guys, you're such a good audience. →

We love you. →

Thank you for coming. →

And Wormwood is a fine maker of tables and things. →

# MARISHA

Do you have any flowers from the last time you visited Pandemonium? →

# TRAVIS

Alas-- →

# MARISHA

I like to collect flowers on my journey. →

# TRAVIS

I left a few of the pressed flowers that I had at home. →

I don't have any with me, unfortunately. →

# MARISHA

(whispered) Scanlan, I think you're right. →

# SAM

(moans) (high-pitched, slurred) You're shitting me! →

# TRAVIS

But fear not. →

As long as I am with you, we'll be fine. →

# LAURA

He's going to get us killed. →

# MARISHA

Yeah, yeah. →

And what--? Sorry. →

Hi, hi. →

# LIAM

How do you do, child? →

# MARISHA

What? Do you-- child-- me? →

# LIAM

Well, I-- →

# MARISHA

Yeah. Hi. →

# LIAM

Hello. →

# MARISHA

What's your name? →

# LIAM

Oh, Lieve'tel. →

Lieve'tel. →

# MARISHA

Lieve'tel. →

# LIAM

I'm sorry, is there a problem? →

# MARISHA

(squeaking) No! [laughter] No! Um... →

# TRAVIS

Your voice is very high. →

# MARISHA

What? Bye. I'm going to-- Percy, come here. →

# TALIESIN

I believe what she's trying to say is your patron owes us a mighty debt, and we appreciate you beginning that centuries long process. →

[cheering] →

Back, baby. →

# LIAM

I am fully aware. →

And I hope that you will consider this that first step. →

I have spoken to my matron. →

I have some idea. →

We felt him depart, and I know. →

And she looks at Vex'ahlia. →

[groaning] I know losing a loved one across the veil is always a challenge. →

That is a simple truth, but it makes it no less difficult for all of us who go through it. →

And yet, the story he wove with his thread is a noble one. →

And we know that he gave his life so that others would live, and we are grateful. →

And that is why I gladly give my aid. →

# TALIESIN

Thank you for helping us make it not be two lives that we have to give for this cause. →

# LIAM

I am so sorry. →

# MARISHA

Do me a favor. →

And don't talk to me about how painful it is any more. →

Okay? →

# LIAM

I understand. →

# MARISHA

Okay, let's go to bed! Let's get some dinner! →

# MATT

Allura pipes up. →

"I'll have to go through my archives. →

I may be able to at least, if not find, I can maybe borrow from Eskil if he has it. →

A rune that I can create a circle to send you to Pandemonium." →

# TALIESIN

My god. →

# LAURA

Do you have a wonderful rune to get us back? →

# MATT

"No, that depends on you guys." →

# LIAM

If need be, I can supply that process. →

# TALIESIN

Excellent. →

# LAURA

Oh. →

# MATT

"I believe you can as well, Keyleth." →

# MARISHA

Yep! →

# LAURA

Oh! →

# MARISHA

Done it a lot. →

(laughs awkwardly) [laughter] →

# LAURA

I remember that. →

Of course, I remember that. →

# TALIESIN

Like it was yesterday. →

# MATT

(as Allura) "It's only been a few days, what's wrong with you?" →

# TALIESIN

Rough days. →

# LIAM

Well, we have so much in common. →

[groaning] →

# TALIESIN

Let's take a couple days, rest up. →

# MATT

"Yes, let's do that. →

I'm going to go to my tower, do my research. →

Rest up. →

You especially, Scanlan." →

# SAM

(pathetic whimper) →

# MATT

"I'm proud of you." →

# SAM

(moans) →

# MATT

"I'm proud of you. That is magic I had never, ever sought to see done." →

# TALIESIN

Brave man. →

# SAM

(whimper) →

# TRAVIS

Allura, is there-- have we talked about hazard pay for this? Any sort of coin, or... →

# MATT

"I'm going to explain to you the term 'volunteer.'" [cheering] "It comes from the archaic Elven word, veloum, which means, 'give everything.' So I am very impressed with your ability to give your life and sacrifice everything for the good of these fine people. →

Rest well!" And she teleports away. →

[cheering] →

# TRAVIS

Ah, heh. →

Looking forward to it. →

(clears throat) →

# LIAM

Master Bell, I have heard many a story about you. →

Are you sure you're up for the challenge? →

# TRAVIS

(chuckling) Am I up for the challenge? My goodness. →

My dear woman. →

Is the challenge up for me? [cheering] →

# LIAM

Well, at least there will be entertainment on the way. →

# TRAVIS

Felt like that was a dig. →

[laughter] →

# MATT

All right. →

If you guys would like to take the next couple of days to rest in Vasselheim. →

Is there anything in particular you want to, or need to take care of before this journey? Because we are on a bit of a time crunch. →

Speak now, or forever hold your inventory. →

# TRAVIS

I'm good to go. →

# TALIESIN

Let home know what we're doing and beyond that, ready to go. →

# SAM

I feel like maybe we should just quickly check in with Gil, Gilmore. →

Just like a quick... →

[cheering] Just to see how he's faring. →

# MATT

All right. →

Through the use of a Locate Creature spell, which is easy enough for you to muster over the next couple of days, you find that Gilmore is still within Vasselheim. →

Leading yourself down towards the Quadroads, you see a portion of the city not far from one of the massive footsteps of the primordial titan that had crushed three square blocks in one giant footfall. →

Where that crater is, you can see there's a number of families that are out of a home. →

But a lot of them have been gathered around, and you can see there are bastions bringing food. →

And among them, you see the familiar purple and gold robes, beautiful dark skin, goatee, and ever present rosy smile of Shaun Gilmore, as he's currently down there doing a series of tricks with Prestidigitation to impress and bring joy to a group of about six or seven children on the side of the road. →

You watch as these sparkles extend from his fingertips, and he begins to weave them around, and then suddenly as he releases, they explode into a dozen glowing orange birds that (flutters) flutter away and then (popping) disappear into small fireworks. →

# MARISHA

(yells in alarm) →

# MATT

The kids scream loudly, and then cheer and clap. →

They rush up and two of them hug his leg, and he's like, "(chuckles) It's nothing, really. It's a cantrip." [laughter] "Oh my goodness. →

If these aren't faces that I've been wanting to see. →

Come here!" And he runs up and puts his arms around. →

You see he puts one arm around Keyleth and just to Percy. →

And he puts one around Vex, and leans down for Pike, and goes, "Oh, it's so good to see you! Most of you." Is Grog back in the necklace at this time? →

# LAURA

Yes, he is. →

# MATT

"Where's Grog?" →

# LAURA

Uh. →

Soulless. →

[laughter] →

# MATT

"(laughs)" →

# LAURA

(laughs) →

# MATT

"You better not let him hear you say that." →

# LAURA

Grog. →

No, really, he's soulless. →

He's in the necklace right now. →

He's unconscious, and... →

# MATT

"Well, I guess that's par for the course, wouldn't it be? And where's the pretty one?" [groaning] →

# TALIESIN

That's-- →

# SAM

I'm right here, hi. →

[laughter] →

# TALIESIN

We're having to make a dash to Pandemonium soon, →

We're having to make a dash to Pandemonium soon. →

We were wondering if you had any advice and/or ideas of ways to keep safe in that realm? (sighs) →

# MATT

"I'm not going to lie, I'm not the most school-learned practitioner of the arcane arts. →

It's more of a gift. →

But from what I've heard in passing, it's a very very nasty place." →

# TALIESIN

We will fill you in on all of the insanity when we return, but we are taking Grog there to reconstitute himself a bit. →

He was toying with a Deck of Many Things. →

# MATT

You notice as he's listening to this conversation, there's a dual aspect of his current attention. →

He's listening, but he's also watching all of your faces, and you watch his expression slowly drop. →

# LAURA

We need to talk to you. →

[groaning] →

# MATT

"I, uh... →

I believe I already have an idea." →

# MARISHA

I mean, you knew it was coming, right? →

# MATT

"I did." →

# MARISHA

Yeah. →

# MATT

"It doesn't make it any easier, but, (chuckles) who am I to say that to you?" →

# SAM

We tried. →

# MARISHA

I reach out and I grab Vex's hand. →

# SAM

We all tried so hard. →

# MARISHA

And I grab Scanlan's hand. →

# SAM

But we couldn't... →

# MATT

He steps forward and just puts his arms around you and holds you. →

And whispers into your ear, "I'm so very sorry. →

The two of you shined so bright. →

But that light hasn't gone away either." And he steps away for a moment, and you can see the tears down his face as well. →

"But I'm proud. (laughs tearfully) My god, look what you've done. →

When I met you, you were a bunch of bumblefucks, I mean, seriously." [laughter, cheering] →

"I was raising prices because you were so brash and obnoxious. →

But..." →

# LAURA

I knew you were. →

(laughter) →

# MATT

"Oh, I couldn't haggle past you, Vex. →

Anyway. →

Thank you for letting me know. →

Now's not my time to grieve. There's..." And then he points to all the families out there on the road and says "They-- they've lost far more. →

I'll tend to them. →

Maybe once you complete this venture, we can all have some nice tea, and some pastries, and we can reminisce and talk story." →

# TALIESIN

I look forward to it. →

# MATT

"Me, too." →

# TALIESIN

To Pandemonium, I suppose. →

# LAURA

Yes, push on. →

He loved you. →

And so do we. →

# MATT

"I know. →

I know. →

Anyway. (clears throat)" He casts Prestidigitation, and you watch as the tear marks just dissipate. →

His eyeshadow gets noticeably more vibrant and fantastic. →

# LAURA

That is a good cantrip. →

# MARISHA

Jealous. →

# LAURA

Yeah. →

# MATT

"Well, I have an audience to perform for. →

You take care of yourselves. →

Remember. →

We made plans. →

My place, Emon. You know where to find it." (laughter) →

He walks over to you and says, "You take care." →

# LAURA

Yes, darling. →

# MATT

"Children, come! (laughs) Let me show you why they call me glorious." [cheering] →

# SAM

Good out line. →

# TALIESIN

Yeah. →

# LAURA

Yes! →

# MATT

So. →

You guys take the next couple days to rest, gather your things, prepare yourself for a journey you're not entirely certain of what awaits you on. →

But, thankfully, you regain your physical strength back. →

But, thankfully, you regain your physical strength back. →

[laughter] →

# LAURA

What are you back up to now? →

# SAM

13. →

# LAURA

Woo! →

# MATT

Good. →

# LAURA

Way higher than my seven. →

Oh damn! →

# MATT

Allura rejoins you, as you all gather back up in the Silver Talon's Reach, in the Platinum Sanctuary. →

Not in the inner sanctum but in the central hallway there, there is a place that is utilized for ritual, and this was the place chosen to complete this spell. →

As you all gather around, Allura pulls out a book and she goes through it again, finds the page, and takes a little bit to complete this very elaborate glyph across the ground, and she's-- some of it she knows by heart, some of it she's having to refer to the book, and she goes through and completes copying all these various runes. →

And then goes, "All right, friends, come please, stand in the center." →

# ASHLEY

I jump in real quick. →

# MATT

Okay. →

(as Allura) "And do you have Grog with you?" →

# LAURA

Oh yes. Should I bring him out? →

# MATT

"As long as he's with you it should be fine. →

Is Trinket coming?" [laughter, awwing] →

# LAURA

How terrible is Pandemonium? →

# MATT

"Well, it's called Pandemonium." [laughter] →

"(chuckles)" →

# LAURA

I'm having a very hard time here. →

# TRAVIS

Sorry, who's this Trinket? →

# MATT

At which point you hear behind your ear (growls). →

# TRAVIS

Fuck! [laughter] →

# MATT

You turn around to see this massive, brown-furred grizzly bear covered in armor that's just, teeth are exposed, its lip quivering with a snarl. →

(growling) →

# TRAVIS

Friend or foe? Friend or foe? →

# LAURA

He's a friend. →

# LIAM

Oh, that is a handsome bear, and she walks up and starts scratching him by the neck. →

You are a beast, look at you! →

# MATT

(grunting) →

# LIAM

I think you should bring him with us. →

[awwing, laughter] →

# LAURA

(tearfully) Sorry, someone very close to me did that as well. →

I mean, maybe we should. Trinket? →

# MATT

(inquisitive groan) →

# LAURA

It's quite dangerous, you know. →

Grog is the necklace, so if anything happens to you, you won't be able to go there. →

You understand? →

# MATT

You see he starts, like, making this subtle notion of his nose towards the ground. (grunts) →

# LAURA

What do you mean? I cast Speak With Animals. →

# MATT

(low-pitched) "I can carry him." [awwing] [laughter, applause] →

# LAURA

All right. →

All right, you can carry him. →

# MATT

(slurping) Big, long lick upside your face with a giant bear tongue. →

# LAURA

I bamf Grog out. →

# MATT

(splat) Second heavy slam on the marble floor of the inner sanctum. →

It echoes through the long halls and pillars and you watch as the nearby scale bearers all stop to turn to see what that loud firecracker sound was. →

Oh, it's Grog. →

[laughter] →

# TALIESIN

You're lucky we don't shave you in your sleep. →

Ugh. →

[oohs] →

He had it coming! →

# MATT

(laughs) [cheering] →

# SAM

I think his face just moved. →

[laughter] →

# MATT

All right. →

Trinket walks over. (thumps) And starts dragging him by his teeth. →

Like pulls up. →

# LAURA

Okay, okay, okay. →

Can someone-- Pike, can we get Trinket? →

# ASHLEY

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here. →

# MATT

With both of you together, you manage to get Grog's extremely heavy body onto Trinket's back, and wrestle him between the shoulders. →

# LAURA

Trinket? →

# MATT

(inquisitive grunt) →

# LAURA

How does it feel? →

# MATT

(decisive grunt) →

# LAURA

All right. →

# MARISHA

I think I have some rope. →

We might be able to, like, tie Grog's hands and his legs, and he'd be like a Grog backpack on Trinket. →

[laughter and cheering] →

Just if you want to. →

# LIAM

You snooze you lose, buddy! [laughter] →

# TALIESIN

Does the wearing of Grog backpack increase or decrease Trinket's AC, out of curiosity? [laughter] →

# MATT

It's almost like a wild shape. →

It's just additional hit points for Trinket. →

# TALIESIN

All right! [cheering] →

I like that. →

# MARISHA

Percy, help. →

Percy! Help me! →

# TALIESIN

I am helping. →

I'm helping run things. →

Well done. Well done. →

Oh, yes, all right. →

# MATT

All right, you manage to go ahead and affix Grog's body to Trinket's back, using the plates of armor to anchor him. →

You feel pretty sturdy. →

# LAURA

You know, if we get in a fight, this is going to be really awkward. →

All right. →

# MATT

Allura looks around. →

"All right, so that's one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. →

That'll do. →

Step into the circle, everyone." You can see the nerves. →

There's a bit of a sweat bead around her forehead. →

"Just be careful. →

Keep your eyes about you. →

Stay together. →

Things are strange in the outer planes. →

Not everything is as it seems. →

And some things are far more dangerous than they may seem." →

# LIAM

This will be interesting. →

It's been decades since I've gone plane-hopping. →

Are you ready, Mr. Bell? →

# TRAVIS

(nervously) Yeah! More than ever! (clears throat) →

# MATT

"Good luck. →

And be safe." As she extends her hand, you watch all the runes glow around you. →

The chamber seems to vibrate with this low hum. →

You hear the steady cracking sound, and you think it's the temple falling onto you, but it's not. →

It's the ground crumbling from beneath you. →

All of you (swooshes) get pulled (whooshing) below, into this vacuum of space. →

And then suddenly thrust through this speeding lattice of glowing, yellow-orange energy, (whoosh) rushes past you. →

An interpretation of the Divine Gate, maybe your minds trying to interpret, or was that actually the physical Divine Gate? You don't know. →

But within a moment, suddenly, your feet hit heavy rock. →

(whooshing) You are all simultaneously blasted with one of the heaviest winds you've ever felt. →

Your vision is dark. →

There is light nowhere around you. →

You are in a black expanse. →

You can feel sand and dust rocketing and pummeling your form. →

Your skin stings with the sheer perpetual impact of these heavy, heavy winds. →

The sound of them is this curling, grinding scream of thousands of voices. →

The wind being raked across the cragulous expanse that you cannot see. →

Welcome to Pandemonium. →

[cheering] →

# SAM

(moans) →

# MATT

And that's where we'll go ahead and take our break. →

# ALL

Oh! [cheering] →

# LAURA

Oh my god. →

# SAM

Holy shit. →

# TRAVIS

Oh fuck. →

# MATT

I figured that'd be-- →

# AUDIENCEMEMBER

It's all right, Travis! →

# MATT

(laughs) That'd be a good breaking point. →

So we'll be back here shortly. →

We're going to take a little break for ourselves, and for you guys as well, to go ahead and get drinks, peruse in the lobby. →

We'll make sure to call you back in before the next part of the show begins. →

But-- Oh, shit's about to get real interesting. →

# TALIESIN

(laughs) [cheering] →

# MATT

Thank you, guys. →

We'll see you here in a little bit. →

# MARISHA

and TALIESIN: Woo! →

# LIAM

Subscribe. →

Or don't subscribe. →

That's not a question. →

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to ponder the pros and more pros of Twitch or Twitch Prime, or to take hands and gift new subs to Critters who find they can't afford them? To play. →

To sleep. →

No more. →

And by a sleep to say the cast and crew of Crit'cal Role might find their naps around their hectic schedule of a live broadcast that we have brought for your consumption, both Critter and fan alike. →

(sad music) To play, or sleep. →

No sleep. →

But just to stream. →

Aye, there's the rub. →

For with your subscription, what streams may come. →

Oh man, oh man, oh man, that is a fucking tagline. →

Do we got that? Oh! That is Twitch poetry. →

Mm! Oh, anyway. →

Subscribe to Critical Role. →

Use Twitch Prime to subscribe. →

Gift some subscriptions. →

You-- you got it. →

Wrong soliloquy for the skull, but that's fucking good. →

(upbeat classical music) (tense music) TRAVIS (V.O.): As you navigate the dark and stressful corridors of adulthood, armed with nothing but the power of nostalgia. →

With the pale glow of the cabinet, and oversized neon buttons as your guiding torch, open your soul to the raw power of the All Work No Play MAME cabinet, armed with over 20,000 old school arcade games, including some very bizarre and obscure titles that were clearly made by a very lonely developer. →

Really, the Critical Role crew just desperately needs an excuse for some low-key socialization. →

# TALIESIN

As a matter of fact, the first home system was the Magnavox Odyssey back in 1972. →

It came with six games: tennis, table tennis, like a Simon Says-- TRAVIS (V.O.): Especially after the two-hour weekly meeting that precedes the filming of the show. →

You have the power. →

Nostalgia power. →

This is MAME Drop. →

Airing Tuesdays at 4:00pm Pacific, on Critical Role Twitch. →

(party music) →

# TRAVIS

(distorted VO): No actual powers granted. →

We realize MAME cabinets were cool ten years ago, but we're excited to finally have one. →

(sighs) Howdy, partners. →

The Critical Role posse is wrangling a new show to our Twitch Channel on February 26th called, Travis' Yee-Haw Game Ranch. →

# BRIAN

Travis' Yee-Haw Game Ranch? Well, that sounds funner than a bag of corn kernels in a deer's-- (laughs) I'm sorry. →

(beep) You see, (beep) I'm crazy. →

(beep) We can't do this. →

(beep) Oh my god, dude. (can opening) (beep) What are the-- Marisha! (beep) I can do it. →

I can do it. →

(beep) (giggling) Jesus Christ. →

(beep) 'Cause I can't look at him. →

(beep) Oh, fuck. →

(beep) Goddamn. →

(beep) Goddamn it. →

(beep) This one's tough. →

(beep) (laughter) (beep) (laughter) (beep) (laughter) (beep) TRAVIS: Deep in my plums. →

Deep in my plums! (beep) TRAVIS: (blows raspberry) (beep) (laughter) (beep) →

Well, hell. →

(laughter) (beep) →

I'm a 36-year old man! (beep) →

Well, that sounds funner than a bag of corn kernels in a deer's hind side. →

What's Travis' Yee-Haw Game Ranch about? →

# TRAVIS

Yee-Haw. (resigned sigh) Yee-Haw Game Ranch is where I, Travis Willingham, →

# BRIAN

And I, me, Brian "Yee-Haw" Foster. →

# TRAVIS

(lip smack) Round up the most rootin' tootin' games on this here side of the Mississippi. →

# BRIAN

Well, you seem all beer and Skittles. →

I'm over here grinning like a jackass eatin' cactus. →

What kind of games are we going to play? →

# TRAVIS

Good old-fashioned games, like Call of Duty, Red Dead Redemption, Grand Theft Auto 5, new games, old games, and much, much more. →

# BRIAN

Well, I'm more turnt up than a hornet in banana pudding. →

That's enough powder to send any man's six-shooter a-blastin'. →

How often can I fill my canteen at that stream? →

# TRAVIS

Oh, it's going to do-si-do with our cousin show, MAME Drop, and stream bi-weekly on Tuesdays at 4:00pm Pacific on Critical Role's Twitch channel. →

# BRIAN

Well, hell, you better bet your momma's floral bloomers that I'll be there quicker than a lonely farm boy on a herd of sheep. →

# TRAVIS

(lip smack) Well. →

I'm drying up faster than a drunk in a jailhouse over here. →

So we'll see you live on Tuesday, February 26th. →

But for now, it's time to put out the fire, and call in the dogs. →

# BRIAN

Yes, sir, I'm going to get on about my rat killin'. →

# TRAVIS

Y'all come back soon now, ya hear? →

# BRIAN

Yee-Haw. →

♪ Travis Willingham's Yee-Haw Game Ranch ♪ Yee-Haw! (beep) →

Wow. →

Well. →

# MARISHA

Oh my god. →

# BRIAN

We had fun. →

# MARISHA

That was-- →

# BRIAN

We had fun. →

(beep) →

Hello. →

Welcome back to Critical Role Land. →

I'm here to share some exciting news. →

Between the Sheets is back for season two. →

As promised, this season, we'll be interviewing storytellers from music, film and TV, comics, D&D, and more. →

Some of our guests this season are rapper, writer, nerd and friend of the show, Logic. →

Cinematographer Quyen Tran. →

Actor and painting guru Will Friedle. →

Writer, showrunner, and leader of the High Bear Nation, Noelle Stevenson, and more. →

Also this season we have upgraded cocktails, thanks to a trio of New York Critter bartenders. →

You can watch episodes live on twitch.tv/criticalrole, on Monday nights at 7:00pm Pacific, or Wednesdays on our YouTube channel, at youtube.com/criticalrole. →

Come join us for a drink, will you? [old-timey music] [futuristic music] →

# MARISHA

Like that? (glasses rattling) →

# BABS

(frustrated sigh) [futuristic music] [fantastical music] [cheering] →

# TALIESIN

Wow. →

# MATT

And welcome back. →

So. →

Jumping in where we left off. →

After being transported across the planes by Allura's spell, you all touch down into the rocky expanse that is the plane of Pandemonium. →

The heavy winds are smashing into you not to a degree where it's damaging you, but it's just a painful sting against the skin. →

The sound of the wind around you is what's more catching your attention. →

This roaring, this perpetually churning din is loud. →

Loud. →

And there is no light. →

You are in darkness. →

And even those of you with darkvision, the sheer volume of dust and sand that's being blown around you, is limiting your vision to about 10 to 15 feet. →

# TRAVIS

(loudly) Ah yes! The winter winds of the Pandemonium plane! I recognize it anywhere! [laughter] →

# SAM

Bertrand, how do we get out of this? →

# TRAVIS

You know it seems the seasons have changed since I was last here. →

Does anyone have any light? →

# ASHLEY

I cast Light. →

# SAM

Hey! →

# MATT

All right, you cast Light, and in the area, most of you that are in the proximity, the immediate vicinity of Pike, the-- What do you cast Light on? →

# ASHLEY

My finger. →

# MATT

All right. →

# TRAVIS

You're like fucking E.T.? →

# MATT

Yep! In a true E.T. moment-- →

# ASHLEY

I don't know if I've ever cast Light before. →

# MATT

-- Pike is a bright-lit beacon. →

And those of you who are a few steps away from her, you can just barely make out her shape, as the area is this dull, orange brown glow where it fills up with the perpetual sandstorm around you. →

So you can see the space immediately in your vicinity, but you still cannot see past the 10 to 15 feet around you. →

This storm is cutting your vision off, and you have no idea quite where you are, where to go. →

What do you want to do? And it's getting perpetually colder, too. →

The wind here is cutting and cold. →

# SAM

Well, we tried, guys. →

[laughter] →

# TALIESIN

I think we need to find shelter. →

# ASHLEY

Grog's soul? [laughter] →

Grog's soul! →

# MATT

Trinket comes over to you and he's like (groans). →

# LAURA

I know, dear, this is awful. →

Oh. →

Just keep breathing out. →

Keep doing that. →

# MATT

(frantic exhaling) →

# LAURA

Scanlan, does any of it look familiar? →

# SAM

Oh, that's right, I saw this stuff. →

When I saw a glimpse of this place, nothing looked like this. →

Literally nothing. There was a red gem. →

There was a tower. →

There was... →

nothing like this. →

But maybe someone could locate the tower or something? Can you find a distant object with magic? →

# LAURA

Sure, if it's within 1000 feet. →

# SAM

Oh. →

# TALIESIN

Well... →

# LAURA

It could be. →

I suppose. →

# SAM

There was a red gem. →

Maybe someone could focus on that. →

I don't know how magic works. →

# MARISHA

I could try to scry on it, but-- →

# LAURA

Oh, that's smart. →

# MARISHA

I mean a red gem is, like, a red gem? →

# LAURA

You could try to scry on Grog's soul. →

# MARISHA

DM, can you scry on someone's soul? [laughter] →

# MATT

You are familiar enough with them. →

You could certainly try. →

[cheering] →

# MARISHA

You know what's really great? I still have that scrying eye! So let me just, let me just-- →

# TALIESIN

Let's make a circle. →

Make a circle. Everyone make a circle. →

# MARISHA

Try and block the wind, I got to-- →

# TALIESIN

Yep. →

# MARISHA

Ugh, my hair! →

# SAM

Get in here, Tel and Bell. →

# TRAVIS

We're huddling up, is that-- okay. →

# SAM

Yes, huddle up! →

# MARISHA

I just need to-- And I look at it. →

# MATT

Okay. →

# MARISHA

And I concentrate on Grog's soul. →

And the red gem. →

Grog's soul meets a red gem. →

# MATT

Okay. →

# MARISHA

Yes. →

# MATT

All right. →

First and foremost, I would like you to make a constitution saving throw. →

# TRAVIS

What? →

# LAURA

What? Oh. →

# MARISHA

Why? →

# SAM

Because Pandemonium! →

# MARISHA

Because Pandemonium? →

# MATT

Because you are being blasted and buffeted with a heavy wind. →

Just curious. →

Just give it a roll. →

# LIAM

Oh, it's Pandemonium in here! →

# MATT

(laughs) →

# MARISHA

Don't fuck me, Gil. →

[cheering] [laughter] →

I know where you're sitting. →

# SAM

Row K, seat one. →

# MARISHA

Uh... →

Eight. →

# MATT

Eight. →

The sand is blasting into your eyes, and it gets in the corner of one, and you close it for a second. →

The scry of the object fails. →

# MARISHA

Ow! →

# TALIESIN

We need shelter. →

# MARISHA

Ah! →

# SAM

I can make us a mansion. →

[cheering] →

# LAURA

But that's another plane. →

# SAM

But no, that won't help us, that's on a different plane of existence. →

We won't be able to find him from within. →

# TRAVIS

You know, I feel if we push forward, we'll find what we're searching for. →

# SAM

You are the guide. →

# TRAVIS

Follow me! And I just push forward. →

# TALIESIN

I wouldn't do that, that's-- no. →

# MATT

You watch as Sir Bertrand just vanishes into the dust storm. →

# TALIESIN

That is the most pompous, egotistical arsehole I've ever met in my entire life! [laughter, cheering] →

Who acts like that?! →

# LAURA

Nobody I've ever met. →

# SAM

This is awkward. →

Very awkward. →

# TALIESIN

Dropping the mask, and I suppose we're trying to find the idiot that ran into the dust. →

# TRAVIS

It's really quite cold up here! →

# SAM

We'll follow. I'll follow. →

# LAURA

Yeah. →

# MATT

All right. →

# MARISHA

Can I do a gust of wind spell in the opposite way? And then try to counteract it? Is that... →

# SAM

Hot wind-on-wind action? →

# MATT

Okay. →

It is a cantrip for you, and you are of the Air Ashari. →

# MARISHA

I am. →

# MATT

As you concentrate on your Gust cantrip, you're able to keep the wind at bay for about five feet ahead of you. →

So you can create a wind shield perpetually in front of you. →

# LAURA

I'm going to stand right next to Keyleth. →

# TALIESIN

Yep, getting in there. →

I've got the mask, I'm okay. →

# LIAM

Do you know, I can us create a proper shelter here if we require one. →

It will hamper my ability to return us home if need be, but I'm not the only one here who can do that, am I correct? →

# MARISHA

Uh, you're correct. →

# LIAM

Would we like a shelter? →

# TALIESIN

Let's perhaps venture-- →

# SAM

Let's press on. →

# TALIESIN

-- a little further, but it's good to know the option's available. →

# TRAVIS

(loudly) It's really just as bad out here as it was back there! [laughter] →

# LIAM

There he is. →

# MARISHA

I rush to catch up to Bertrude, and put the shield in front of him. →

Kind of behind him. →

# MATT

As Bertrand turns around seeing the light appear, you can see his silver mane is just flocked light brown. →

His face is caked in dust and dirt, and his eyes are held very tightly shut where the gathering sand is now pushing into the corners of it. →

# TRAVIS

Like a chimney sweep? →

# MATT

Yeah. →

[laughter] →

# TRAVIS

I have my Shield of Expression out, which is the exact visage of if Richard Gere and Sean Connery had a baby. →

# MARISHA

Ooh. →

# LIAM

Ah! [cheering] →

# TRAVIS

This doesn't do much! →

# SAM

Get behind us. →

# TRAVIS

That's very helpful. Thank you. →

# TALIESIN

We need to get our bearings. →

I'm not sure if shelter is the way to do that yet, but we do need to figure out where we're going, and how. →

# MATT

Percy is talking, and you cannot make out the words, because he's talking too softly. →

# TRAVIS

I see it flapping. I don't hear anything! →

# LAURA

Can someone else use the scrying eye while you're doing that cantrip, Keyleth? →

# LIAM

I am able to scry, if need be. →

# SAM

Yes, yes! →

# LAURA

How about we do that? →

# LIAM

And I might be able to find the swiftest route to your friend if I do so. →

# MARISHA

Do you know what his soul looks like? You have to concentrate on his soul. →

# LIAM

I only what his giant drunken body looks like. →

I'm not sure what the soul appears to be. →

# MARISHA

About the same! [laughter] →

# LIAM

I am here to serve, shall I? →

# LAURA

Think of a red gem as well. →

(yelling) Think of a red gem as well! →

# TRAVIS

A red hen? [laughter] →

# LIAM

I will try to scry on a red gem, and the big numbnut's soul. →

# MATT

All right, are you sitting behind the gust of wind that Keyleth's holding up? →

# LIAM

Yes, I am. →

And I'm-- wait, first. →

# MATT

Yes? →

# LIAM

I cast Guidance on myself. →

And then I do the same. →

# SAM

I'll make a Minor Illusion of what the gem looked like, so you get a better, better impression of it. →

Do it. →

# MATT

All right, got you, and the scry is... →

Pulling it up here. →

Excuse me. →

# TALIESIN

Flip flip flip. →

# MATT

Scry is concentration, so technically, when you begin to cast the spell, the Guidance will fade. →

So you will not get the benefit of your own Guidance. →

# LIAM

Ah, understood. →

Cleric, level 18. →

One-shot. →

Fun. →

# MATT

I know, it's a brave new world. →

# TALIESIN

I'm so proud. →

# MATT

But however, standing in the space behind Keyleth does prevent any sort of battering for the purposes of concentrating on the scry spell. →

And thankfully, Grog is-- there's not a lot to Grog, necessarily, so the description that Keyleth gave you with Vex's support made it-- seems to be enough. →

So, as your focus narrows. →

[laughter] →

# ASHLEY

No, his soul is beautiful! It's perfect. →

# MATT

I didn't say it wasn't perfect, I just said it was... →

simple. →

[laughter] →

# ASHLEY

Simple things are beautiful. →

# MATT

They are. →

Not mutually exclusive. →

# TRAVIS

(as Grog) Thanks. →

# MATT

In focusing your attention, not the direction that Bertrand was standing, but you get the sense, to your back and right side, you feel your consciousness being thrust through the sandstorm in that direction. →

You can't make out any details of the vicinity. →

You just have a feel of the pull, and it seems to just continue on and on for a distance. →

And then suddenly you see the rocks. →

It looks like a tower, a mountain, but it's like a crumbled castle or a landslide. →

It's just a pile of loose boulders and stones, stacked up into this gradual spire. →

Along it, you can see dozens of cavern holes. →

Entrances and caves that suffuse the entire structure. →

And you're brought to the top where you see the peak, where a somewhat square, rectangular wall surrounds a flattened bluff point. →

There you see a tiny, glowing, flickering red stone, no more than the size of maybe a fist. →

And you see a shape rise from around the side. →

Kind of hard to make out what it looks like from this distance, because your focus is on this particular stone, as it is the source of the scrying. →

But you see something blurred and moving around the outside, and you hear a heavy, loud scream. →

(screams loudly) Weirdly humanoid. →

But bigger. →

And... →

unearthly. →

And that's what you see. →

# LIAM

Well. →

I've put my eyes on him. →

For the next step, I could find the quickest path there, but I can sense that it is in that direction, and I would prefer to save my Queen's favor for bigger challenges. →

Shall we push through? →

# TALIESIN

Yes, let's. →

# LIAM

That direction. →

# TALIESIN

I suppose we line up behind Keyleth. →

# MARISHA

Flying V. →

Flying V, everybody. →

# MATT

You read Percy's lips in the middle of the loud storm. →

Not hearing his voice, lost. →

# TALIESIN

Well, you know, it was some stage speaking. →

# MATT

Need a little more volume to get them to hear you. →

# TALIESIN

(yelling) We're going to line up behind Keyleth! Motherfucker. →

[cheering] →

# MATT

Welcome to Pandemonium, Taliesin. →

# TALIESIN

My god. →

# LIAM

Okay, now, could you give us five small pain reacts and five medium pain reacts? →

# TALIESIN

(grunting) [laughter] Sorry, it's just gut reaction. →

Yeah. →

# MATT

All right, so as you're all lining up behind Keyleth, it's not helping your vision, but it's helping it not slam you in the face necessarily. →

The loud-- the volume of it is still very intense, and it's a little disorienting. →

The ground just seems to not have much shift in elevation. It's this somewhat rocky, hilly surface, seemingly sandblasted over endless eons to be smooth against what may have been at one time a very jagged surface. →

Continuing to press on, you travel for the better part of an hour in that direction, and there's seemingly no change, no shift. →

and there's seemingly no change, no shift. →

The wind sometimes dies a little bit softer, and you begin to get excited at the prospect of it lessening and then, (whooshes) it comes back twice as hard and you have to stop for a second and hunker down, and wait it as this wind storm sweeps through. →

Everyone suffers four points of bludgeoning damage, as a wind storm batters you with a completely unexpected cavalcade of rock and stone pieces. →

Then, 10 seconds pass, and it dies back down again. →

Your ears are starting to ring and turn red and warm from both the impact of the wind, and just the heavy, heavy, constant, perpetually screaming, howling wind. →

I need everyone to go ahead and make a constitution-- Oh, sorry, wisdom saving throw for me, if you don't mind. →

# SAM

Wisdom. →

# LAURA

Even Trinket? →

# MATT

Even Trinket. →

# SAM

Is this a magical effect? It's magical. →

# MATT

Nope! →

# SAM

No, it's not. Oh. →

# MATT

Not a magical effect. Sorry, buddy. →

# SAM

Great. →

# TRAVIS

This is a save against sandblasting. →

# SAM

Okay. →

[laughter] →

# TRAVIS

18. →

# MATT

18, good to know. →

All right, Pike? →

# ASHLEY

Nine. →

# MATT

Nine. →

# AUDIENCE

Nein! →

# MATT

(laughs) Vex? →

# LAURA

21 for Vex and 14 for Trinket. →

# MATT

Nice. All right, Lieve'tel? →

# LIAM

17. →

# MATT

17, Keyleth? →

# MARISHA

24. →

# MATT

24. →

Percival? →

# TALIESIN

Nine. →

# AUDIENCE

Nein! →

# MATT

Nine. (laughs) →

# SAM

11. →

# MATT

11. All right. →

The perpetual sound, the cold temperature, and the wind that's buffeting around you, it's a lot. →

And it's constant. →

And for an hour of this time, it's starting to really show why this place can be a maddening location to be left or live. →

Both Percival and Pike take a point of exhaustion. →

# LIAM

May I, for a moment? In the middle of that sandstorm, while we were getting blasted like that, I will be walking behind Lady V-- hmm. →

de Rolo. →

I almost said Vessar. →

Do you know, I saw you and your brother once. →

Outside of Her temple. →

You look very much alike. →

# LAURA

No shit. →

[laughter] →

# LIAM

I am also from Syngorn, although it's been 150 years since I lived there. →

I know he would want you safe. →

Stay close to me. →

And-- [groaning] She places her hand on Vex'ahlia's shoulder and casts Death Ward. →

# MATT

Okay. →

So go ahead and take note of that, if you don't mind. →

# LAURA

(tearfully) Okay. →

Sure. →

(exhales) Thank you. →

# LIAM

Any way I can help. →

# MATT

You hear a new sound begin to emerge from the storm, ahead of you and to the left. →

At first, it just sounds like an additional shout. →

But it's a voice. →

"Travelers! But appearing far more armed and prepared than most. →

A posse." You look ahead, and you see the shape, this humanoid shape, shorter than you expect from a normal human, but nevertheless, a head, shoulders, arms, legs, begin to step through the blasting sand. →

You can see a cloak tightly pulled around its form, whipping heavily in the wind in your direction. →

As it steps into the light of Pike's finger-- [laughter] The figure appears to be male. →

The skin has a yellow tint to it. →

His ears are pointed like the purest of elves. →

A scraggly patch of facial hair frames a pointed chin. →

The nose seems shorter and snubbed. →

The head's a bit elongated at the back of the skull. →

Fine tattoos seem to adorn edges of the face that is dust-beaten and pockmarked, just blasted with sand, and from just the immediate look, this looks like an individual who's been here for some time. →

You've had a little bit of not direct interaction, but from what you've heard in your research on the skull that you found, beneath Whitestone, or not underneath, once underneath Greyskull Castle, one that you had fought over previously. →

A very similar shape to the head. →

[laughter] →

# SAM

What? →

# MATT

Steps out further from the dust to come into the light, with a smile and wide eyes, and goes, "Bring presents?" →

# TRAVIS

Identify yourself, villain! [laughter] Bertrand Bell commands it! →

# TALIESIN

Oh dear. →

# MATT

"I, uh... →

My name, (laughs)-- I, uh... →

I do not have one. →

I had one? What is my name? Could you tell me?" →

# TRAVIS

This is not good. →

[laughter] →

# SAM

If the fellow wants a name, we should give him one. →

# LAURA

Bob? →

# SAM

Yep. →

# LAURA

Hey there, Bob. →

# MATT

"Is Bob my name?" →

# LAURA

Sure. →

# MATT

"It does not ring a bell. →

But, few things do these days. →

Ha! I am... →

Bob." →

# TALIESIN

It suits you. →

# MATT

"Thank you very much! You've-- You look very clean." →

# TALIESIN

I don't feel very clean. →

# MATT

"You've traveled far then, travelers, yes?" →

# TALIESIN

I think that's fair to say, yes. →

# LAURA

Insight check? →

# MATT

Go for it. →

# SAM

Is he crazy or not? →

# LAURA

I want to see if he seems dangerous. →

Of course he's fucking dangerous. →

Oh. →

(vapid voice) He looks really sweet, I mean... →

I don't know. →

# MATT

It's interesting. →

He's hard to read. →

[laughter] "But, uh... →

Where are you from, then?" →

# TALIESIN

Far away. We're looking-- do you know if there's somewhere quieter we could speak? →

# MATT

"Quiet? (laughs) Not much quiet here, friend. →

[laughter] →

# LIAM

We're looking for higher ground, a tower, perhaps. →

# MATT

"Ah." →

# LIAM

Do you know of one? →

# MATT

"I have seen this tower, yes." →

# SAM

How far is it from here? →

# MARISHA

And how do you know it's the tower we're talking about? →

# MATT

"There's only really one tower in this part. →

So maybe I'm assuming." →

# TRAVIS

That sounds good. →

Lead on, then. →

# MATT

"(laughs) I'm not leading. →

I came for presents." →

# SAM

Presents, presents, presents. →

# MARISHA

Wha-- →

# SAM

Presents. →

# LIAM

Are there any consequences if there are none for you? →

# MATT

"No. →

I was just hoping you would have some." →

# MARISHA

I quickly Druidcraft a little bouquet of flowers. →

These are from... →

Me. →

[laughter] →

# MATT

As the Gust cantrip falls, and you create the flowers, the sand and dust just shatters them in a gust of wind. →

As he reaches for it, and they (whooshes). →

# MARISHA

I'm sorry! →

# LAURA

Keyleth! →

# MARISHA

I try to chase after them. →

Where you-- oh. →

# MATT

You watch Keyleth vanish into the sandstorm, chasing the flowers. →

# LAURA

Oh no. →

# MARISHA

I d-- I think they're gone! →

# TRAVIS

Put the wall back up! [laughter] →

# MATT

"Don't worry!" →

# MARISHA

Sorry! →

# MATT

"You'll lose friends here. →

I lost mine." [awwing] →

# MARISHA

Sorry, sorry, sorry. →

# MATT

"Oh, she's back!" →

# MARISHA

Hi. →

# MATT

"You are luckier than I." →

# MARISHA

What? →

# MATT

"But you weren't visited, either. Ha!" →

# LAURA

Oh no. →

# ASHLEY

Bob, how long have you been here? →

# MATT

"Uh-- (voice cracks) I don't know." →

# ASHLEY

How many friends did you come here with? →

# MATT

"I don't remember." →

# ASHLEY

Well, how do you know you lost friends here, then? →

# MATT

"Well, I don't have any." [laughter] →

# ASHLEY

Good point. →

# MATT

"But I feel like I didn't come here alone. →

I think. →

Ah. →

That's what happens when the roiling anger visits. →

Anyway. I am so sorry to bother you. →

I have much to get done." →

# LAURA

Wait, the what, the what, the what? →

# MARISHA

Yeah. →

# LAURA

The what visits? →

# MARISHA

The what? →

# MATT

"The roiling anger!" →

# MARISHA

The boiling anger? →

# MATT

"Roiling!" →

# TRAVIS

Roiling with an R. →

Roiling anger. →

# MARISHA

The roiling anger. →

# MATT

"The big voice. →

The big, dark one." →

# MARISHA

What? →

# TRAVIS

We heard it. It's very loud. →

Where does that come from? →

# MATT

"You'll see." [laughter] "I thank you. →

I thank you all so very much for your presents, and your presence. →

I have to get work done. →

Good luck with the weather, I think it might rain." And he turns around, and he just walks into the dust storm away from you. →

[cheering] →

# LAURA

I think that Bob might be crazy. →

# MATT

Scanlan, go ahead and make an arcana check for me. →

# SAM

That is... →

28. →

[cheering] →

# MATT

Something was needling in the back of your brain the whole time this guy was here. →

As soon as he's away, it hits you like a ton of bricks. →

That's a githzerai. →

It's one of the gith races, that both were-- they were once enslaved by the mind flayers. →

Long ago in a distant plane. →

And then they divided into two different races, the githyanki, and the githzerai. →

The githyanki are roving terrible pirates that travel from plane to plane, taking what they can. →

The githzerai are much more... →

enlightened. →

And exist in Limbo. →

Not far from here, technically, in the whole scope of things. Um-- [laughter] That guy's not doing too well. →

# TRAVIS

Yeah, yeah. →

# SAM

I explain this to my fellows. →

# LAURA

Should we help him? →

# SAM

I don't know, I think we have bigger fish to fry right now. →

# TALIESIN

Could we even find him? →

# TRAVIS

Nope, no, let me look. →

He's gone. →

[laughter] →

# TALIESIN

I mean what could we even do, really? →

# MARISHA

What?! →

# TALIESIN

(yelling) What could we even do, really?! [laughter] →

# TRAVIS

You sound like such an old crotchety bastard! →

# MATT

I'm so happy. →

[cheering] →

# LAURA

I think you sound lovely, darling. →

# TALIESIN

What?! →

# SAM

We must press on. →

Come on. →

# MARISHA

I think Scanlan's right. →

I think there's bigger githzerai. →

Is that what you said? →

# SAM

Sort of, I'll tell you later. →

Let's just go. →

# MARISHA

Okay. →

# TRAVIS

Here we go! →

# MATT

All right. →

# TALIESIN

It might snow. →

# MARISHA

Yes. →

It might snow. →

# MATT

Pushing on in the direction that you managed to suss out that you should travel. →

Being partial guide, next to Keyleth, which is an uncomfortable pairing, pushing through the storm. →

# LIAM

I'm also going to pull out a silver rod from my belt, which glows faintly, to help guide the way. →

# MATT

All right, which rod is this? →

# ASHLEY

We don't need it! [laughter] [cheering] →

# LIAM

You say that now. →

The Rod of Alertness. →

# MATT

Rod of Alertness, got it. Okay. →

# ASHLEY

Oh, I didn't know that's what it was. →

# MATT

(laughs) →

# ASHLEY

In that case. →

# MATT

All righty. →

Pushing on, you eventually feel a slight grade of the ground. →

There's just a very faint bit of gradual elevation, which, while you have no visual idea of what this plane looks like right now, and unable to see beyond that small radius around you, you gather from what you were told this would be where this massive cavern would be curving. →

Yet it continues to curve, it continues to curve like you're climbing up what feels like it should be the side of a massive mountain, but the gravity doesn't shift. →

You don't feel yourself at an angle. →

And it seems like gravity's relative to the surface of the interior of the cavern. →

Another hour of travel passes. →

Everyone please make another wisdom saving throw. →

# TALIESIN

Mother fudgers. →

# LAURA

Jeez Louise. →

# TRAVIS

Four. →

[groaning] →

# TALIESIN

I'm going to reroll that. →

# LIAM

On brand, Bell. →

# LAURA

Natural 20 for Vex. →

# MATT

Nice. →

[cheering] →

# LAURA

And a 14 for Trinket. →

# MATT

Great. →

# ASHLEY

19. →

# MATT

Great. →

# LIAM

26. →

# MATT

Great. →

And what'd you get, Bertrand? →

Okay. →

# MARISHA

28. →

# MATT

All right. →

# TALIESIN

15. →

# MATT

Great. →

# SAM

15. →

# MATT

Great. →

All of you feel yourselves adjusting a little better to this chaotic plane. →

Bertrand, who have traveled here so many times in the past. →

Maybe it's the years you've stacked on, maybe it's the constant screaming of the wind, (screams) into your ears. →

But you take a point of exhaustion. →

# TRAVIS

Oh fuckballs. →

# MATT

Which for those who are keeping track out there, point of exhaustion means that your ability checks are at disadvantage. →

[audience member woos] →

# TRAVIS

Cool. →

# MATT

So. →

# TRAVIS

Good stuff. →

# MARISHA

Don't "woo" that! →

# MATT

"Yeah!" [laughter] →

# MARISHA

What's wrong with you? →

# MATT

I love it, I'm here for it. →

[yelling] →

All righty, perfect, so. →

Towards the end of this hour, as you're pushing on. →

Eventually, you begin to see the shapes of different small formations ahead of you, begin to just apparate at the edge of the sandstorm. →

You see these dark peaks, no more than five, six feet off. →

And as you get close, carefully, it's a cluster of rocks. →

Move a little further, there's another one, it's a little larger. →

It looks like a stacking or a pile. →

And then you move forward again and you see another, and another, and then a bunch of them. →

A bunch of them that rises up, just beyond your peripheral, and you can just barely make out the dark, and the shape that continues on. →

This may be the base of that tower. →

That mountain-like structure that was seen in both of your visions. →

# SAM

We should go up. →

# LAURA

How's the wind? →

# MATT

You see like, a few small openings, like cavern entrances, caves, scattered along the little bit you can see, and you're at, like, 15 feet from the base of it right now. →

# LAURA

Should we go up, or go in? →

# SAM

(stammers) →

# TRAVIS

I'm pretty sure inside is better than out here! →

# MATT

At which point you hear the sound of the wind begin to shift or change. →

Something pierces through, cutting through again, similar, in a way that it catches your attention to the voice you heard earlier, only it's much louder, and much more of an ominous screeching howl. →

(screeches) →

# LIAM

I use the Rod of Alertness to cast Detect Evil. →

# MATT

Okay. →

What's the radius on that? →

# LIAM

Oh, not that far at all, 30 feet. →

# MATT

No. You do not detect anything. →

# LIAM

Mmkay. →

# TRAVIS

Did it sound like it was coming from in front of us, or just all around? →

# MATT

It sounded like it was coming probably in the direction of one of the nearby caves at the base of the mountain. →

Then you hear-- (screeching) behind you. →

# ASHLEY

Where did you see Grog again? →

# SAM

I saw-- it was on the peak, right? →

# MATT

On the peak. →

# SAM

On the peak of this hill. →

That's it, that's all I got. →

# TALIESIN

I think if we're going to meet anything, we should meet it somewhere quieter, perhaps. →

# MATT

(screeching) →

# LAURA

I think maybe move forward. →

Is it behind us? →

# SAM

Let's go. →

# MATT

Starting to surround you. →

# SAM

Let's go in. →

# TRAVIS

Inside. Inside. →

# MATT

As you begin-- now, the spell that you're casting, you're concentrating on it still? →

# LIAM

Yes. →

# MATT

You begin to see, and sense, things closing around you. →

Two. →

# LAURA

Inside, inside. →

# MATT

Three. →

# TRAVIS

Yes, must go, must go. →

# LAURA

Let's not get surrounded. →

# SAM

Let's go, let's go, let's go. →

# MATT

All right, you rush in towards the nearest cavern? →

# LAURA

Sure. →

# MATT

All right, you rush. →

And right as you get to the mouth of it, something peeks out towards you. →

You see a massive, feral, dog or wolf-like body. →

From foot to shoulders on all fours, it stands maybe about a foot higher than you, Vex. →

Where you can see its like, weird, thick, scaly skin, gray and leathery. →

Across its back, a bunch of these extended tendrils, like spines follow the back of its spinal cord to the very base of its body. →

Where its face is, you see a stunted nose with open nostrils that close to keep the sand from blasting in. →

These glowing, red eyes that peek out at you, and this toothy mouth that opens up, as a toad's throat opens and fills with air. →

# LIAM

I whisper the Raven Queen's name and cast Beacon of Hope on the party. →

# MATT

All right, well. →

[cheering] That is the only immediate reaction you get, because I need you all motherfuckers to roll initiative. →

[cheering] →

# LAURA

(yelling) →

# LIAM

Just a reminder, because it's been a while, that means advantage on wisdom saving throws and death saving throws, and all healing is at max. →

[cheering] →

# SAM

Yeah! →

# TALIESIN

Oh my god. →

# SAM

Wait, where's Matt? →

# TRAVIS

Don't fuck me, Gil. →

[cheering] →

# LAURA

Oh my god. →

# MATT

Carefully place it. →

# LIAM

Show us your maps! →

# MATT

It's coming up, don't worry. →

# LAURA

Oh my god. →

# MATT

Let me adjust something real fast. →

# ASHLEY

Maybe it's friendly! (laughter) →

# MATT

All right. →

So looking at this, we had Vex coming off to the side to try and make it into the cavern right there. →

Where would you guys like to be placed in this vicinity, as you are towards the base of the mountain? →

# TRAVIS

I would be near Vex. →

# MATT

All right. We're going to place Bertrand right there. →

Keyleth, where would you be? →

# MARISHA

I was sort of up front, guarding from the wind. →

# MATT

All right, so we'll put you there with Vex. →

Percy. →

# TALIESIN

I would be behind Bertrand. →

# MATT

Behind Bertrand. →

# TALIESIN

Yeah. →

# MATT

Pike, you have the light spell, where would you be? →

# ASHLEY

So glad I have my glasses up here. →

Maybe just tucked in there somewhere. →

I don't know. Just surprise me. →

# MATT

Sure! Words every dungeon master loves to hear. →

[laughter] Scanlan. →

# SAM

Back to your left. →

# MATT

Back left here? →

# SAM

Boom. →

# MATT

All righty. →

# LAURA

And Trinket. →

# MATT

Trinket, yes, is... →

Oh, and you as well. →

# LIAM

Equidistant to the half-elves, please. →

# MATT

All right, so you would be probably over in this region. →

# LAURA

I would say Trinket would be behind Percy. →

# MATT

Trinket is behind Percy. →

We'll put Scanlan there then, we'll say. →

All right. →

So this entity is now emerging from this cavern. →

And has met you straight in the face. →

# LAURA

Great. →

# MATT

That opening point. →

# SAM

In your face! →

# MATT

As another appears to be stalking around from here. →

# SAM

Ooh, no. →

# MATT

Another seems to be stalking out from here. →

# SAM

Oh no. →

# LAURA

Ah! →

# MARISHA

Oh, he's big. →

# LAURA

Oh, they're huge! →

# MATT

And another seems to be stalking around from here. →

# SAM

What?! →

# LIAM

Ooh. →

# SAM

Matt! →

# MATT

What?! [laughter] So. →

# LAURA

I'm real excited for my arrows in this wind. →

# MATT

That's a great initiative roll for them, too. →

So top of the round, 25 to 20. →

Who's got that? →

# LAURA

(whistling) →

# TRAVIS

Oh, good. →

Good. →

[cheering] →

# MATT

20 to 15. →

# TRAVIS

19! →

# LIAM

19. →

# MATT

Ooh! →

# LIAM

Ahh, oh! →

# MATT

All right. →

# LIAM

So this is Vox Machina, eh? →

# MATT

19. →

All right, so we got that. →

Perfect. →

15 to 10? →

# LAURA

15. →

# TALIESIN

13. →

# MATT

What was it? What was it? →

# LAURA

15. →

# MATT

15 for Vex. →

# TALIESIN

13. →

# MATT

13 for Percy. →

# MARISHA

12. →

# MATT

12 for Keyleth. →

All right. →

10 to five. →

# SAM

Eight. →

# MATT

Eight for Scanlan. →

[cheering] Pike? →

# ASHLEY

I rolled a three. →

[cheering] Keeping Pike alive! →

# MATT

On brand! →

# TRAVIS

It's good to be back. →

# ASHLEY

Good to be back. →

# MATT

So, actually, it's because of your quickness and reaction time that got you guys so quick, partially you just being prepared, and you just being scared shitless, both of you go first, you're at the top of the initiative order. What are you doing? →

# LIAM

Shitless, you're up. →

# TRAVIS

Ah! →

# MATT

Sir Bertrand, what are you doing? →

# TRAVIS

I draw my Gambler's Rapier Blade, and I attack the one nearest to me with three strikes! →

# MATT

All right. →

[cheering] So you rush forward to join the others at the front of the cavern, as it's now about to scream in your face, you watch its throat swelling as it takes in air and dust and sand. →

Go ahead and make your attacks. →

# TRAVIS

Beautiful. →

First one is a 24. →

# MATT

24 hits. →

# TRAVIS

Second one is a 27. →

# SAM

Jesus. →

# MATT

That hits. →

# TRAVIS

And a 17. →

# MATT

All three hit. →

# TRAVIS

Yeah, you bet they fucking do! [cheering] Four. →

12. →

24. →

Uh, nine. →

33 total points of slashing damage! →

# MATT

Nice! As it pierces into it and goes to the hilt within its body, you withdraw the blade and watch as this black brackish liquid (spits) pours out of the slightly puncture wound, and a bit of the wind that it was gathering in its throat seems to (gasps) escape it, and the wound just closes to keep the air in. →

But you have wounded it. →

It seems to have left a mark. →

# TRAVIS

Ah ha ha! →

# MATT

As its burning red eyes, go-- (snarls) towards you. →

# TRAVIS

No. →

# MATT

Is that the end of your turn? →

# TRAVIS

Yes. →

# MATT

All right. What would you like to do? →

# LIAM

Lieve'tel rips one of the five silver stars from her robe, pulls away and blasts out from her hand, and turns into... →

seven streaking pink arcane energy bolts and flies into the beast that is furthest from me on that map. →

# SAM, MARISHA

Dope, dope, dope, dope. →

# LIAM

One, five, six, 10. →

12, 15, 19... →

26 points of damage. →

And as a bonus action, I will... →

pray to the Raven Queen, and the tip of my staff starts to glow as I cast Holy Weapon on my walking stick. →

[cheering] →

# MATT

Just as a note: Holy Weapon, is a concentration spell. →

# LIAM

Which one is? →

# MATT

Holy Weapon is a concentration spell. →

# LAURA

Oh no, so is Beacon of Hope. →

# MATT

So you will drop your beacon. →

# LIAM

Say that again? Oh. →

Shit. →

# MARISHA

Uh-huh. →

# TALIESIN

Welcome to cleric. →

# LIAM

Yeah, it's a brand new character. →

# MATT

(laughs) It's all good. →

# LIAM

No. I'll leave it just as the star. →

Thank you for the tip, DM. →

# LAURA

I'm next? →

# LIAM

Just the star. →

# MATT

All right. So you're good with that? →

# LAURA

Just nod, yes. →

# MATT

Yes, you're good? →

# LIAM

Yeah, good, done. →

# MATT

All right, that finishes your turn. →

Now it comes to the howler's turns. →

# LAURA

No! →

# TRAVIS

They're called howlers? →

# MARISHA

Howlers?! →

# MATT

They are. →

So... →

This one here that comes around the corner, as it prepares itself, the one that you haven't been paying attention to most at this point, inhales deeply, and-- (squeals) lets out this horrible, screaming howl. →

# LIAM

What the fuck, Matt! [laughter] →

# MATT

What? →

# SAM

Oh! →

# LIAM

Oh no! →

# TRAVIS

What the fuck?! →

# LAURA

That's a really big area! →

# MATT

That gets all of you. →

I need all of you to make a wisdom saving throw, please. →

# SAM

Oh. →

# TRAVIS

So Beacon of Hope dropped, right? →

# MATT

No, it's still up. →

# MARISHA

So we have advantage. →

# LIAM

I got some leniency, because I've never done this fucking character before! →

# SAM

We have advantage, is that right? →

# TRAVIS

Oh, fuck me. →

# MATT

You do. →

# SAM

Thank god. →

# LAURA

And this is wisdom, you said? →

# MATT

It's a wisdom saving throw. →

# TRAVIS

Yeah, but I have disadvantage because of a point of exhaustion, so it's a regular roll, right? →

# MATT

You need two points to be on saving throws, I believe. →

# SAM

Exhaustion is disadvantage on ability checks. →

# MATT

It's just ability checks. →

# LIAM

Advantage everybody. →

# MATT

Just roll with advantage, that's all you need to know. →

# LIAM

Beacon of Hope. →

# TRAVIS

Better. →

[laughter] →

# MARISHA

Oh, buddy! →

# TRAVIS

Three. →

# LIAM

With advantage?! →

# TRAVIS

Yeah, I rolled a one and a two! →

# LIAM

Why'd you roll such a dick? →

# MATT

All right. →

So Bertrand is a three. →

Pike? →

# ASHLEY

14. →

# MATT

14, okay. →

# LAURA

20 for Vex, 16 for Trinket. →

# MATT

Got it. →

# LIAM

27 for Lieve'tel. →

# MATT

All right. →

# MARISHA

23. →

# TALIESIN

11. →

# SAM

Natural 20. →

# MARISHA

Hey! [cheering] →

# MATT

All of you instinctually reach up for your ears to cover it. →

Most of you manage to press out the horrible, squealing wail except for Sir Bertrand, Pike, and Percival. →

# SAM

Ooh. →

# MATT

The three of you feel it tear into your soul-- →

# LAURA

What did you roll, Percy? →

# MATT

-- and you are filled with absolute fear. →

A deeper fear than you felt probably in all to memory, and at least since the battle of Vecna, if not more. →

You are frightened of it and incapacitated until the end of its next turn. →

# TALIESIN

Fuck. →

# MATT

Boop. →

Boop. →

Boop. →

So that's its action. →

# TALIESIN

Damn it. →

[laughter] Damn it, damn it, damn it. →

# MATT

It leaps up onto the rocks and goes and moves around to where Scanlan is, and now snarls at him. →

(snarls) The one on this side is going to move around to strike you, Scanlan, with a rending bite. →

Its jaws open and reach forward to try and grab onto your body. →

That is a cocked die. →

# SAM

I'll do Cutting Words, I'll pick up my hand cone. →

[cheering] →

# MATT

Liam. →

# SAM

And I'll try to distract it with my Hand Cone of Clarity. →

(farting sounds) [laughter] (farting sounds) →

# MATT

All right, go ahead and roll your d12. →

# SAM

My d12. →

12. →

[cheering] →

# MATT

So I legitimately, I just showed Liam, I rolled a natural 20 on the attack. →

Which means it did 26. →

Reduce down to 12, that brings it to 14. →

What's your armor class? →

# LIAM

However as a reaction-- →

# SAM

My armor class is 16. →

# LAURA

Oh, so don't worry about it. →

# MATT

So. →

# LIAM

That's not necessary. →

# MATT

I don't know, you want to use your reaction? →

# LIAM

What did you do? →

# SAM

I'm okay! →

# LIAM

What did you do? →

# MATT

He's fine, he's fine. →

# SAM

I farted at it and it got confused. →

It's a classic D&D move, Liam! →

# MATT

Okay, well, damn it. →

You robbed me of a natural 20 at the top of the game. →

# SAM

Yeah! →

# LIAM

Yes! →

# MATT

I'll remember that. →

[laughter] These other ones, however, are going to take their turn now. →

# SAM

Oh god. →

# LAURA

Oh god. →

# MATT

That one is going to go after Pike, who is currently incapacitated on the ground. →

# LAURA

No! →

# MATT

Incapacitated is kind of rough, you see. →

Because... →

# LIAM

Is that an auto-crit? →

# MATT

Incapacitated, I believe, is an auto-crit if it hits. →

# LAURA

(gasps) →

# LIAM

Okay. →

# LAURA

I think she's laying down with her shield over top of her, though. →

# MATT

That's a 21 to hit. →

# ASHLEY

That does not hit! →

# LAURA

Yeah! [cheering] →

# MARISHA

Monstah! →

# ASHLEY

I'm a monstah tank! →

# MATT

Level 20. →

And this one here is going to go after Bertrand, because you are also incapacitated. →

# LAURA

Oh no. →

# MATT

That's going to be 18. →

# TRAVIS

That hits. →

# MATT

All right. →

# LIAM

Lieve'tel will use Sentinel at Death's Door as a reaction, you can reduce a critical hit to you or an ally within 30 feet to a regular hit. →

[cheering] →

# MATT

Okay. →

Good to know. →

All right, so, you instead take 34 points of damage. →

# SAM, TALIESIN

Ohh! →

# LIAM

(laughs) Holy shit! →

# TRAVIS

Oh my god! →

# MATT

That's 12 points of piercing. →

# TRAVIS

Okay. →

It's all the same. →

# MATT

And 22 points of psychic. →

As its teeth tear into your body, →

# MARISHA

Wow, okay, okay, okay. →

# MATT

You feel that haunting shriek that has you so scared suddenly just vibrate through your entire being. →

The tears begin to pour down your face. →

Which then the sand cakes on. →

You look like the worst clown that's ever existed right now. →

[laughter] That ends their go. Vex, you're up. →

And Percy, you're on deck. →

# TALIESIN

Am I useful at this point, or am I just waiting for my turn to pass? →

# MATT

I mean, you're waiting for your turn to come. →

It's Vex right now. →

# LAURA

So I have a question. →

# MATT

Mm-hmm. →

# LAURA

With my vast arrow expertise, would I be able to shoot in this wind? →

# MATT

You actually can shoot in this wind. →

I will say that the distance fired, like the actual full length of your bow is reduced quite a bit. →

# LAURA

Okay. →

# MATT

So what is your current range? →

# LAURA

Very, very far. →

With Fenthras, I mean, I've got Sharpshooter, so I'm assuming it's like 120 feet. →

It's something crazy. Yeah. →

# MATT

All right, so yeah. →

You have 60 feet, is your range. →

# LAURA

Okay. →

# MATT

So you're fine here. →

That's only because you're fucking awesome. →

[cheering] →

# LAURA

Okay. →

So. →

I'm going to shoot an arrow at it. →

First, I'm going to Hunter's Mark, though. What what! [cheering] The one that's on top of Pike. →

Because the one... →

# MATT

We'll say that's them there. →

# LAURA

Okay. →

# MATT

That'll work. →

We can just use a counter there. →

# LAURA

Yeah. →

Okay. I guess I'll roll, then. →

Okay. →

Oh, plus fucking 16! So that's a 24. →

# MATT

24 hits, roll damage. →

# LAURA

Awesome. →

Oh god, wait, what do I do? (distressed sound) Oh wait, is it next to anything? Wait, I forgot. I'm also a rogue. →

Is it next to anything? →

# MATT

It is engaged with Keyleth. →

# LAURA

Yeah! Okay, cool. →

Okay, cool. →

# MARISHA

Wait, what? →

# LAURA

So I'm going to roll this. →

Roll these. →

# MATT

It's snarling at your back. →

You're currently pincered between the ones coming out of the cave, and the one that just leapt behind you and attacked Pike. →

You heard its teeth grind against her armor, and you're like, what? You look over right as Vex is pulling an arrow and unleashing it into the creature. →

# LAURA

Okay, okay, okay, okay. →

(faintly) So 15, plus-- →

# MATT

On your mic, on your mic. →

# LAURA

Three is-- (louder) 15 plus three is 18. →

Plus all this. →

# ASHLEY

Ooh. →

# LAURA

Is-- okay, 18 plus 28. →

# LIAM

Good rolls, good rolls. →

# LAURA

32. →

35. →

# MATT

35 on the first arrow, nice. →

All righty, so (whooshes). →

It sinks into the side of its neck and it (snarls) it manages to pull away just slightly and come back at you, snarling, (snorts). →

What are you doing? →

# LAURA

Yeah, yeah, I'm going to hit it again with another arrow. →

# MATT

Go for it. Release it. →

# LAURA

And I'm going to try to sink it into his neck. →

Oh, wait. →

I've got this thing. Wait. →

# MATT

Remembering abilities from a year ago. →

# LAURA

Hey, man, look! →

# TRAVIS

Read faster. →

# LAURA

I can-- shut up. →

If I can... →

[laughter] I'm going to take a penalty to my attack roll, and if I hit I'm going to get a plus 10. →

# MATT

Go for it. →

# LIAM

Yeah, sharpshooter! →

# LAURA

Okay, okay, that's 23 minus five. →

Does that still hit? That would be an 18? →

18? →

# MATT

18 does still hit. →

# LIAM, SAM

Yes! [cheering] →

# LAURA

(tongue noises) Woo! 16, 17. →

20, plus 10 is 30 points of damage. →

[cheering] →

# MATT

How do you want to do this? →

# ALL

Yeah! [cheering] →

# MARISHA

Yes! →

# LAURA

I want to-- right as it's inflating its stupid neck balloon, I want to shoot an arrow right in it so it, like, poofs. →

# MATT

All right. →

As it breathes in, snarling, (croaks) you watch the next expand and swell, and right as it's about to scream right in your face, you release the arrow, and (whooshes). →

The flesh just tears open, exposing the inside of its throat. →

It tries to scream, but the arrow has lodged up into the base of the skull, and you watch as its eyes dull. →

(weakening snarl, thump) Falls to the ground. →

Killed. →

# LAURA

Ha ha ha ha ha! →

# ASHLEY

Eyy! →

# LAURA

Ahh! →

# MATT

All right, does that finish your turn? →

# LAURA

Okay. →

I'm going to-- yeah, that's everything I can do. →

# MATT

You have your bonus-- oh, no, you cast-- →

# LAURA

No, I-- yeah. →

# MATT

Never mind. →

All right, Percival, you're up. →

# TALIESIN

Weird question. →

# MATT

Yes? →

# TALIESIN

Does the Silence spell I have built into my glove, is that a bonus action or an action to activate, I'm trying to remember. →

# MATT

It's an action. →

You still have to cast the spell. It's an action. →

# TALIESIN

It's a thing? So, yeah, for fun, I'm going to make a 15-foot sphere of silence. →

# MATT

Okay. →

# TALIESIN

Around me. →

(whooshes) And then I'm going to take an action surge. →

# MARISHA

(to the tune of "Sound of Silence") ♪ This is the sphere ... of silence. ♪ →

# TALIESIN

Then I'm going to burn a point of grit for Deadeye. →

And I'm going to add that to-- I'm going to take a negative five to that hit, also. →

# MATT

Okay. →

# TALIESIN

With Retort. →

# MATT

To which one? →

# TALIESIN

The one that's attacking the... →

# MATT

Oh wait, you're incapacitated, buddy. →

# TALIESIN

I was asking, am I out out? →

# MATT

Sorry, I forgot that you're down. →

Yeah, you don't have a turn. →

# TALIESIN

Okay, never mind. →

# MATT

We'll come to that next round. →

We'll come to that next round. →

# TALIESIN

I'm erasing. →

Oh, look at that-- →

# MATT

He giveth and he take away. →

Not my fault! It's the howler's fault! All right, Percy's turn's done. →

Keyleth is still standing, though. →

Keyleth, what are you doing? →

# MARISHA

I... am... →

# TALIESIN

Never mind. →

# MATT

Sorry, buddy. →

# MARISHA

Okay. So I have a doggy in front of me? →

# MATT

You do, and a dead one behind you. →

Don't say doggy. →

# TRAVIS

Howler. →

# LAURA

It's a howler. →

# MARISHA

All right, a howler. →

# LAURA

It's an evil doggy. →

# MARISHA

Okay. →

I'm going to take my staff, I'm going to start channeling a spell through it, I'm going to reach out, and I'm going to grab him by the throat, and I'm going to cast Chain Lightning through my Spire of Conflux. →

# MATT

Okay. →

# MARISHA

Just then I'm reaching the staff, bringing lightning down from the sky, and then into this doggy's-- howler's face. →

# MATT

(laughs) →

# TALIESIN

Puppy. →

# MARISHA

No, that's worse. →

# MATT

Perfect. →

All right, so Chain Lightning. →

# MARISHA

Which-- Yeah, and then I'm channeling it. →

Need more d8. →

# MATT

All right, now this is to all three of them? Because you can chain to the other two. →

# LAURA

Oh shit! →

# MARISHA

Yeah! →

# MATT

That's dexterity saving throws for them, I believe? →

# MARISHA

It's... →

yeah. Yes, yes! →

# MATT

All right, let's take all three of these guys here. →

Ooh, that's not good for two of them. →

One of them, the one of here, gets a 19. →

The other two was a natural five and a natural one. →

So they fail. →

# MARISHA

So two. →

# MATT

Yeah. →

# MARISHA

Okay, okay. →

# MATT

They all take damage, but roll damage first. →

# MARISHA

Okay. →

# TALIESIN

Ooh! →

# MARISHA

That's pretty good. →

# TALIESIN

That's pretty good. →

# LAURA

Do you still get to reroll ones? Wasn't that a thing? →

# MARISHA

(gasps) I love y-- Wait. →

Yes, element, yeah, I love you! →

# MARISHA, TALIESIN

(exclaiming) →

# MARISHA

Okay. →

[cheering] →

18. →

22. →

39! Sorry, sorry, 29 damage. →

# MATT

29 damage? →

# MARISHA

Yeah. →

# MATT

How many did you roll? →

# MARISHA

Wait. →

No, I do it again, I do it again! →

# MATT

It's 10d8 damage. →

# MARISHA

Sorry, one more time. →

# MATT

So that was what, 29 plus? →

# MARISHA

29. 29 plus-- →

# LIAM

Reroll those ones. →

# MARISHA

Reroll those ones. →

# MATT

(giggles) Thank you for bearing with us as we get back into the swing of things. →

# LIAM

Also, don't talk to me about rogues being OP, motherfuckers. →

# MARISHA

29-- →

# MATT

Every class is OP if you look at it. →

Which is balanced. →

# MARISHA

29. →

31. →

Fuck. →

I hate this pressure. →

43. →

49. →

50. →

Three, 53. →

[cheering] →

# TALIESIN

That was some clutch shit, right there. →

# MATT

So as you reach out and grab the one in front of you, you see as her hand glows, this vibrant, bluish-green energy, and suddenly (crackles). →

This burst of electrical power just blasts through its body. →

Its muscles tense up as it shakes in her grasp, and you watch as two small forking elements of this electricity shoot off, and jam into the sides of the two other howlers. →

One of them manages to pull behind a rock, but it still catches its side. You hear (shrieks). →

It takes half the damage; that one only takes 27. →

The other two take 53. →

As you pull your hand back, the one in front of you is still standing, but its body is now smoking, and elements of its leathery hide are now suddenly bubbling up from the blistering from below. →

It's looking really rough. →

# MARISHA

As I'm still clutching it by its throat, I yell to the rest of the group, I say: Get inside! As I transform into an earth elemental, still clutching it. →

[cheering] →

# LAURA

Whoa! Keyleth's huge! →

# TRAVIS

What the fuck? [laughter] →

# MATT

So Vex, you actually get pushed away. →

As she transforms into an earth elemental, it ends up shoving you out of the space and away from the creature. →

It's forced movement, so it does not get an attack of opportunity. →

# LAURA

Hey. →

# MATT

But yeah. →

That finishes your turn. →

# MARISHA

Yep. →

# MATT

All right. →

Scanlan, you're up. →

# SAM

I will look at the two that are around me. →

They're still alive, right? She didn't kill them? →

# MATT

Correct, there's three of them still standing. →

The two next to you look damaged, but still doing okay. →

The one that's in front of Keyleth is looking really bad. →

# SAM

Okay. →

Whew. Hoo, hoo. →

Seeing the one next to Keyleth is-- nope. →

Nope. →

I'm just going to do Thunderwave at the two in front of me, through my hand cone. And I'll just try to blast them away from me. →

# MATT

Okay. →

Oh and to the point, I checked my notes again here, technically you can move on your turn at half speed, Percy, if you felt that you wanted to. →

# TALIESIN

Oh. →

Can I crawl behind towards the cave? →

# MATT

There you go. →

# TALIESIN

Thank you. →

# MATT

You crawled five feet and get to Sir Bertrand, who's also like, (high-pitched whimpering) →

# TRAVIS

It's more like, (deeper whimpering). →

# MATT

All right, so from where you're standing, you're going to be using Thunderwave, you said? →

# SAM

Thunderwave at level three, against the two in front of me. →

# MATT

All right. And that is a constitution saving throw? →

# SAM

It is, against 22. →

# MATT

22. →

# TRAVIS

Damn! →

# MATT

One of them rolled an eight, so that's a 10. →

That's a failure. The other one rolled a natural 19, plus two, 21. →

[cheering] →

So they both fail. →

Go ahead and roll damage. →

# SAM

Okay, so that's level three Thunderwave. →

Thunderwave, where is it, where is it? →

# TALIESIN

This is why I'm so glad that I do not a play a magic user right now, this is so nice. →

# MARISHA

What do you mean? [laughter] →

# TALIESIN

I've got everything on one piece of paper. →

It's really nice. →

# SAM

Okay. →

19 points of damage each. →

# MATT

And they're both pushed 15 feet? →

# SAM

And they're-- yeah, I think it's 15 feet. →

# MATT

All right. →

# SAM

10 feet away from me. →

# MATT

Oh, 10 feet, all right. →

All right. →

You watch as Scanlan, through the hand cone, begins to just shout, and the immediate burst of thunderous force, (booming) like a lightning bolt hits the ground, and the force thrusts them both back, their claws stuck in the ground as they skid to a halt 10 feet away. →

The impact having blasted their faces. →

The one that's now furthest away from you, on that far side, its face is partially crushed in. →

You can see where once its nose was is now broken, and shoved into its face. →

That one's looking pretty hurt. →

The other one's still doing okay. →

# SAM

Now that they're out of range of me, I'm going to run over behind the big rock creature that is my friend. →

Yeah. →

And then I will, bonus action, Healing Word! I can do that, right, in this campaign? →

# MATT

Yes, we're going by the rules of the first campaign, yeah. →

# SAM

Yeah! →

# MATT

Up to 2nd-level. →

# SAM

I'll heal Bertrand Bell. →

I'll sing him a song. →

(to the tune of "Silver Bells") ♪ Bertrand Bell ♪ [laughter] ♪ Bertrand Bell ♪ ♪ It's silver fox time real soon ♪ ♪ Bertrand Bell ♪ ♪ Bertrand Bell ♪ ♪ He'll make the ladies swoon ♪ →

# MATT

Aww. →

[cheering] →

(chuckles) And roll your 2d4. →

# SAM

Okay. →

1d4, right? →

# MATT

You're casting at 1st-level or second? →

# SAM

1st-level. →

# MATT

All right, so we got 1d4 plus your charisma modifier. →

# SAM

I don't know him that well, so just 1st-level's fine. →

That's seven points of restorative healing. →

# MATT

There you go. →

All right, that finishes Scanlan's turn. →

We're back to Pike. Pike, you are afraid and incapacitated. →

So you can move half your movement, and that's as much as it'll let you go. →

# ASHLEY

Okay, I'm so scared! I'm going to clutch my holy symbol of Sarenrae. →

And I'm going to cast Lesser Restoration on myself. →

To try to get rid of the fear. →

# MATT

Okay. →

Let's see here. →

No, you do not have an action, unfortunately. →

# TALIESIN

Just half movement, we're-- →

# ASHLEY

We're just nothing. →

# TRAVIS

You can crawl five feet. →

# ASHLEY

Okay, I'm going to-- I'm going to just try to get a little bit-- I'm going to get behind our rock friend. →

# MATT

All right. →

# MARISHA

Yeah. →

# ASHLEY

For protection. →

# MATT

Move away. →

# ASHLEY

Damn it. →

# MATT

All righty. →

That's your turn? →

# ASHLEY

Well, I guess so. →

# MATT

Okay. →

The terrible paralyzing essence of this is-- this fear that's holding you is something you haven't encountered before. →

Brings us to the top of the turn, Bertrand, you're up. →

# TRAVIS

Ah! Do I have my... →

# MATT

And you can move half your movement, if you'd like. →

# TRAVIS

Half my movement? →

# MATT

Yeah. →

# SAM

There's no save to get out of this frightened--? →

# MATT

It's until the end of their next turn. →

# SAM

Okay. Shit. →

# TRAVIS

Oh, balls and ass. →

I'll crawl-- mightily-- 15 feet into the cave. →

# MATT

Into the cave? →

# TRAVIS

Yeah. →

# MATT

Okay. →

I'll say you will be going underneath the creature that's filling the entrance. →

# TRAVIS

Nope, nope, nope. →

# MATT

It's still standing in the-- →

# TRAVIS

I'm sorry, nope, I was confused by the giant rock fuck that just grew. →

I'll crawl towards that thing. →

# MATT

Like, behind it? →

# TRAVIS

Let me protect you! [laughter] →

# MATT

All right. As you crawl away, the howler does get an attack of opportunity against you. →

# TRAVIS

Shit! Fuck! →

# MATT

And because I'm counting this incapacitation for their howl as a pseudo-paralysis, because they're at level 20, I needed to buff these guys a little bit. →

Oh. →

That's going to be 22 to hit. →

# TRAVIS

Hits. →

# MATT

All right. →

# LAURA

Oh, wait, remember? He has Beacon of Hope up, so your heal would have been max heal. →

# SAM

Oh, that's right. →

# MARISHA

Eyy! Yes. →

# ASHLEY

Good job. →

[cheering] →

# SAM

Take that extra three points. →

# TRAVIS

Thanks, Vex. →

# MATT

Which will then be... →

14 points of piercing damage. →

# TRAVIS

Uh-huh. →

# TALIESIN

Oh boy, here it comes. →

# MATT

And 24 points of psychic damage. →

# TALIESIN

Yep. →

# ASHLEY

Yikes. →

# TRAVIS

Cool. →

38 points. →

# MATT

Lieve'tel, you're up. →

# LIAM

So I will-- which of these two dogs is the most fucked up? →

# MATT

Currently, the one right in front of Keyleth is the most fucked up of these two right now. →

This one is the most hurt. →

# LIAM

Well, the one that is most hurt, I will cast Toll the Dead, and-- [cheering] I don't know if anyone here knows sound therapy, but the sound of a wooden stick rolling around a metal bell like a gong-- (gong) Vibrating the shit out of its inner ear. →

And that is 4d12 at my level. →

# SAM

4d12! →

# MATT

What's its save? →

# LIAM

It's 4d8 or 4d12? →

# LAURA

Yeah, 4d12 if it's damaged already. →

# MATT

If it's already damaged, correct. →

# LIAM

And it has, right? →

# LAURA

Yes, don't roll those. →

# MATT

No, roll d12s. →

And what's the saving throw on that? Is it a constitution, or wisdom? →

# LAURA

It's a wisdom. →

# LIAM

Wisdom. →

# LAURA

(cooing) Wisdom. →

# MATT

23. →

# LIAM

Okay. →

# MATT

What's your spell DC? →

# LIAM

Oh, it's not 23. →

It is 18. →

# MATT

Yeah, I rolled a natural 18 plus five, sorry. →

# LIAM

That's okay, that's okay, that's okay. →

That's fine, Travis, that's fine. →

# LAURA

So yeah, it doesn't do any damage. →

# LIAM

It does no damage? →

# LAURA

Nope. →

# LIAM

Then I cast Healing Word on Master Bell, which is a total of eight hit points of healing. →

# TRAVIS

God, they love me. →

# SAM

It's that Reed Richards thing you got going on. →

# MATT

(laughs) That makes up for it. →

All right, that finishes your turn. →

It's now the howler's turn. →

# SAM

They're dogs, Matt! →

# LAURA

Doggy! →

# LIAM

Doges. →

# SAM

Ooh, doggo. →

# MATT

This one's going to move up towards Percival. →

# TALIESIN

Yep. →

# MATT

Going after the weakest links in this element here. →

[groaning] →

# LIAM

Oh, shit. →

# LAURA

Weak! →

# SAM

Don't insult him, dude! →

# MATT

Double fucking threes. →

All right. →

[cheering] Advantage is helpful sometimes. →

Yeah, that misses. →

You duck out of the way, it gets like a mouthful of dirt and sand. →

(growls) Pulls back. →

These ones here, are going to both come in against you, since you are the closest one to it. →

They both rush in, and because they have pack tactics, they both get advantage on attack rolls against you. →

# LIAM

All right. →

# MATT

So the first rending bite towards you. →

Ooh, natural 19 and 18. Where were you last attack? So that's going to bring it to a 25 to hit. →

# LIAM

That hits. →

# MATT

That hits. →

You take... →

Ooh, not too bad. →

15 points of piercing damage, as the teeth sink into you, and as the psychic power of its essence just riddles the interior of your mind and body, you take another 22 points of psychic damage. →

# LIAM

22. →

# TRAVIS

Damn! →

# MATT

The second strike is going to be 20 to hit. →

# LIAM

I'm pretty sure that that hits. →

Yes. →

# MATT

All right. →

# SAM

Why don't I Cutting Words that one? Can I do that? Is that a thing I can do? →

# MATT

Yeah, you got your reaction since last turn. →

# SAM

Yeah, I'll Cutting Words. →

I'll just yell at the thing. →

Ah! [incoherent yelling] Hey, your mama's so old, Ioun signed her yearbook! [laughter] →

# MATT

Roll your d12. →

# SAM

Okay. →

# TRAVIS

Wow. →

# SAM

Eight. →

# MATT

What's your armor class? →

# LIAM

16. That does it. →

# MATT

That'll miss. →

# TALIESIN

Yeah! →

# MATT

It goes to bite down onto you as the other one sunk its teeth, and as you're reacting to the pain, as it opens its jaws, it hears that and goes-- (snarls inquisitively) →

# SAM

Yeah. Yeah. →

Your mama. →

# MATT

(snarls angrily) (laughter) →

And then goes to bite you, but you're just moved and stepped away, and it's like-- (snarls sadly) →

# LIAM

Lieve'tel smiles and shakes her head at the small, purple-clad man. →

# SAM

Wink. →

[laughter] →

# MATT

That ends their turn. →

Vex, you're up. →

# LAURA

I'm going to shoot 'em with arrows! →

# MARISHA

Yeah! →

# MATT

Go for it. →

# LAURA

But first I'm going to move my Hunter's Mark to... →

# TRAVIS

Yay! →

# LAURA

Which ones are engaged right now? All of them? →

# MATT

All of them. →

# LAURA

Great. →

# MATT

And they're all pretty hurt, so... →

# LAURA

Great. →

# MARISHA

Congratulations, Ashley and Brian, by the way. →

[cheering] →

# MATT

The one that's least hurt is that one, but they're all looking-- →

# LAURA

I'll go to the least hurt one. →

# LIAM

Does that mean Ashley and Brian are both vulnerable to sneak attack damage right now? [laughter] →

# TALIESIN

Always. →

# LAURA

(humming) Okay, so 14 plus 16. →

Oh, I'm taking the-- I didn't say it fast enough. →

My sharpshooter thingy. →

# MATT

No. →

# LAURA

Fuck. →

# MATT

But you can for the next attack, so first attack still hits, go ahead and roll damage for that. →

# LAURA

Yeah, yeah, yeah. →

Okay, okay, okay, okay. →

# MATT

Dice! →

# LAURA

That's 12 plus four is 16, 18, shit balls, 21, 23, 27, and 33 for the first arrow. →

[cheering] →

# MATT

(whooshes) The arrow sinks below where its neck and the top of the collarbone would meet. →

And as the arrow goes inside, you hear its voice go-- (wet snarling) and a bit of its black blood spills out of its lower jaw. →

You hit a vital place. It's looking pretty hurt. →

# LAURA

Oh. →

Okay, I'm going to shoot it again. →

Wait, wait, I didn't say it. →

# SAM

You said it last time. →

# LAURA

So it counts? →

# MATT

Sure, I'll allow it. →

# LAURA

Six-- well this might have fucked me, because 16 plus eight is 24. →

# MATT

Minus five is 19? →

# LAURA

So it hits? →

# MATT

Still hits. →

# LAURA

Fuck yeah. →

# MATT

These things don't have a huge armor class. →

# LAURA

(humming) →

# TRAVIS

Yeah, "not a huge armor class," just hurts a whole bunch. →

# MATT

When they hit you, yeah. →

# LAURA

Plus five is-- fuck me. →

13? 13, plus three, 16, plus five, is 21 points of damage. →

# MATT

How do you want to do this? (cheering) →

# TRAVIS

That's two! That's two, baby! →

# ASHLEY

Rangers! →

# SAM

Rangers. →

# LAURA

Ayy! I want to go straight through the eyeball this time, and out the back of the neck. →

Because that's how, you know, bodies work. →

# MATT

Yeah. Well, as you release that secondary arrow, as it's backing up from the pain and the weird spatter of blood that's curling out the bottom of his lower jaw, it pulls back, and-- (snarls) gets ready to lunge towards you. →

You release the arrow, and as it lunges, the strength of its jump just falls out from under it, and it ends up just (whooshes) falling into the ground, rolling to a stop in front of you. →

You have to put up your boot to stop its momentum. →

It actually pushes you back a few feet, but then as you balance yourself, it's no longer moving as it lays limp and dead on its side. →

# TRAVIS

Yes! [cheering] [cheering] →

# LAURA

(giggling) →

# MATT

That ends your turn. →

# LAURA

Okay. →

# MATT

All righty. →

Percy, you can take an action now. →

[cheering] →

# TALIESIN

So am I actually engaged with one right now? →

# MATT

Yep. →

# TALIESIN

All right. So... →

# MATT

It's very hurt, though. →

# TALIESIN

It is very hurt. →

# MATT

Like, very hurt. →

You feel kind of bad for it, even though it's trying to kill you. →

# TALIESIN

Do I? Do I? I don't think I do. →

# MATT

Nah, not really. →

# TALIESIN

I'm going to pull out my sword, and before anything, I'm going to pull out my sword and take care of this problem. →

# MATT

All right. Pull the blade out. →

# TALIESIN

That's a... →

oh, that's nice. →

That's 25 to hit. →

# MATT

That hits, go ahead and roll damage. →

# TALIESIN

That's five points of damage. →

# MATT

Five points of damage to that one. →

All righty. →

Yeah, how do you want to do this? [cheering] It had four hit points left. →

# TALIESIN

I actually just want to use the sword to stand up. →

I want to get it into it and use it as like a post to pick myself up. →

# MATT

Just jam into its side, bring yourself to your feet, and as you put the blade in you hear (guttural squealing). →

It falls to the ground, no longer moving. →

[cheering] →

# TALIESIN

As I'm also standing up, I'm going to leave my sword in there, pull out Retort from my ankle holster, and I'm going to use a point of grit for Deadeye. →

Straight shot, with Retort. →

Thank god, that would've been terrible. →

13, 24 to hit. →

# MATT

That hits, go ahead and roll damage. →

# TALIESIN

That's 1d10. Thank you, Gil. →

We never say "Thank you, Gil," do we? →

# SAM

No, we don't, we just fuck Gil. →

# TALIESIN

Yep. →

[laughter] →

10 plus six. →

That's 16 points of damage. →

# MATT

16 points of damage. →

As the blast sound of all the wind that's still blowing through here, the sound of the gun (gunfire) going off, still echoes through the vicinity. →

It glances off the rock, the audio, and it echoes for a short bit, as you watch the creature retreat for a moment from the pain of the impact of the blast. →

(snarls) You see where the wound hits, the blood is pouring out quite heavily, it's looking very hurt. →

# TALIESIN

Hitting it again. →

[cheering] I pull another grit for that for Deadeye. →

Just because I don't want to go down right now. →

And that's... →

20. →

# MATT

That hits, go ahead and roll damage. →

# TALIESIN

All right. →

# SAM

Pachew! →

# TALIESIN

That's 12 points. →

# MATT

How do you want to do this? →

# SAM

Yeah! [cheering] →

# TALIESIN

I would like it to choke on a ball. →

# MATT

As it backs up, you see its like throat sack opens up once more, inhales deeply, and this expands to a huge point on its body. →

It's preparing for another heavy scream. →

(snarls) In the moment it goes to release it, you fire just at the moment its mouth opens, and you hear but a split second of the scream. →

(short screaming) That's as much as it gets out, before its jaw goes limp. →

Its eyes slowly close, and it takes a step, collapses onto one shoulder, and then falls, no longer moving, onto the ground. →

# TALIESIN

I'm going to take a shot at the last one. →

# LAURA

There's no more. →

# MATT

You turn around to take the last shot and they're all dead. →

# MARISHA

Throw it to me! →

# ASHLEY

Yes! →

# TALIESIN

Oh, he's no fun, he fell right over! Go on. →

# SAM

The de Rolos be murderers, man. →

# LAURA

Trinket, thank your daddy. →

He saved your life. →

# MATT

(growling) Trinket walks over and goes up and gives you a big slurpy tongue, which just fills Trinket's tongue with dirt and sand, and he goes (spitting). →

# TALIESIN

I'm going to be removing my sword from the one creature. →

# MATT

All right. If I could have somebody remove this mat for me, while we continue this scene, that'd be awesome. →

So now looking at the base of this mountain before you, and getting an essence of what kind of things may or may not exist in and around the caverns, what would you like to do? →

# LIAM

Do we need to rest before moving on? →

# TALIESIN

Let's maybe go inside and rest. →

# LAURA

We could take an hour and have some food. →

# ASHLEY

Yeah, I think we should... →

[cheering] After that. →

# MARISHA

Max, everybody! Yeah! →

# SAM

Max's rear end, everybody. →

# MARISHA

Producer Max! →

# AUDIENCE

(chanting) Max, Max, Max, Max, Max, Max! →

# MARISHA, ASHLEY

Max, Max, Max, Max. →

# AUDIENCE

Max, Max, Max, Max. →

# SAM

Unnecessary chant. →

# TALIESIN

Yes! →

# MATT

Don't make his head any bigger than it already is. →

# ASHLEY

When I get so scared, I also just get so hungry. →

I think we should eat. →

[cheering] →

# MARISHA

And I'm still an earth elemental, and I turn to Percy, and I'm like: Sure. →

I. Block. Door. →

(growling incoherently) Thank you. →

# TALIESIN

Oh, that's a very good idea. →

So you're saying that maybe we should get inside and then you can create some sort of barrier for us, so nothing else can follow us on the other side. →

# MARISHA

Yeah. →

# TALIESIN

Obviously. →

# MARISHA

(grunts) →

# LIAM

(grunts) →

# TALIESIN

Well, let's all get inside and let's get to it then, shall we? →

# MARISHA

And I earth glide under the rock, come through on the other side. →

Wait for them all to pass. →

I'm a doorman. →

Let them in. →

Check IDs. →

Check wristbands. →

And then (growls). →

# MATT

The edges of it seem to collapse around you, closing off the exit, and that cavern entrance is no longer usable. →

# SAM

Yeah. →

# MARISHA

(grunts) →

# TRAVIS

Is there any wind in here now? →

# MATT

You can hear what sounds like this low series of whistling sounds, as the wind carves through the various much smaller tunnels in here, and they are all blending in this very discordant cacophony of notes. →

So the wind is coming through, but it's not blasting you in the face. →

This is a bit of respite. →

But it does create a different, if equally strange and haunting sound. →

# TRAVIS

Hmm, the Pandemonium harmony. →

Yes, I remember this well. →

# ASHLEY

I better get to work. →

And I'm going to cast Heroes' Feast. →

# MATT

All righty. →

[cheering] →

# MARISHA

I drop my form. →

# MATT

Okay. →

So as you guys all take in of the Heroes' Feast, all of you, you are immune to poison, and being frightened. →

# ASHLEY

Could've helped just a little bit ago. →

# LIAM

Pike, what's the main course? →

# ASHLEY

Main course is... →

# AUDIENCEMEMBER

Chicken. →

# ASHLEY

No, that's too boring. →

# LAURA

Oh, we should do this for Grog. →

# ASHLEY

Oh yeah, what's his favorite foods? →

# LAURA

Gofibepo. →

[laughter] →

# ASHLEY

Yeah. →

# SAM

Gofibepo. →

# ASHLEY

Gofibepo. →

Just, that's it. →

# SAM

Three meats stuffed inside of each other? →

# LAURA

Yeah. →

# SAM

What were the meats? →

# LAURA

I can't remember, how did they have-- →

# TRAVIS

Goat, fish, beef, and pork. →

# LIAM

That's all the meats. →

# SAM

That's four. →

# LIAM

All the meats. →

# TRAVIS

It's all you need. →

[laughter] →

# MATT

Perfect. →

So as you dive into this Grogtastic feast. →

# ASHLEY

I just got why you guys made the chicken joke. →

Sorry, it's been a long time. →

(laughter) You guys know what's going on. →

# MATT

As a departure of many of the meals you've had at the essence of your friend, you instead have another meat experience, just meat. →

And now for the next 24 hours, you have advantage on wisdom saving throws. →

You are immune to being frightened, immune to poison, and Pike, if you could roll 2d10 for me, please. →

# MARISHA

Yes. →

Gimme them hit points! →

# ASHLEY

2d10. →

Where did I put 'em? →

# LAURA

Would the Beacon of Hope make these maxed out? →

# MATT

No, Beacon of Hope is faded by now. →

# LAURA

Balls. →

# ASHLEY

10 total. →

# MATT

All right, so everyone's max hit points go up by 10, and you heal that 10 that you gained. →

So keep tabs on that, because it ain't my responsibility. →

# TALIESIN

When we roll hit dice, I'm 212. →

# MATT

Are you guys also spending an hour to take a short rest, or are you continuing on? →

# LAURA

I mean. →

# SAM

Do we need to? We're healed, yeah? →

# LAURA

I don't think we need to, right? →

# SAM

Well, how are you doing, Bell and Tel? →

# MARISHA

Yeah, Bell and Tel, how are you? →

# TRAVIS

I am ready to persevere! →

# TALIESIN

Ehh. →

# TRAVIS

Our destiny awaits! →

# MARISHA

Is that vomit on your sweater? →

# TRAVIS

I had peas for lunch. It's-- →

# MARISHA

Oh! →

# TALIESIN

I think you're bleeding on the side salad. →

# TRAVIS

I'm fine. →

# ASHLEY

Didn't you say that you killed the werewolf of-- →

# SAM

The North? →

# ASHLEY

The North? →

# TRAVIS

Yes, mm-hmm. →

# ASHLEY

You seemed so scared of these... Howl-- →

# TRAVIS

No, it's not fear. →

It's the sand that's been in my throat. →

I am ready to go with all of you. →

By the way, can I get a temporary Vox Machina credit when this is all over and, you know, people are like, "Oh, Vox Machina's so brave! Also, Bertrand Bell!" It would do a lot for my... →

# SAM

We don't really give those out too much. →

I mean, it's not like an associate producer credit. →

Like, we don't just... →

[laughter] We don't just hand them out. →

# TALIESIN

Too real. →

# LAURA

But I can give you a very sizeable gift card to The Slayer's Cake. →

# SAM

Oh yeah. →

# TRAVIS

That's nice, yes. →

That'll do. →

# MARISHA

You did volunteer. →

# TRAVIS

Again, that word. →

# MARISHA

Yes. →

# TRAVIS

Yeah. →

# MARISHA

So let's, you know, just see how we do at the end of this, and then maybe we'll, you know, consider it. →

# LAURA

Yeah. →

# TALIESIN

I think that's fair. →

Let's see how things go. →

# LAURA

You're doing great, Bell. →

# TRAVIS

I know. →

# SAM

I mean... →

Not "save the world" great, yet, but pretty good. →

Pretty good. →

# TRAVIS

Well, I want you shine as well, I'm a team player. →

# ASHLEY

You just have to show us how big your brave is. →

# LAURA

Aww. →

(chuckles) →

# TRAVIS

I don't know how to do that. →

# ASHLEY

You'll maybe find that out soon. →

# TRAVIS

All right. →

# MARISHA

Even though we are in a cavern, in a very hellish landscape, and we might all die, or worse, because that's a thing. →

I just wanted to propose a toast. →

# LAURA

Oh. →

# TALIESIN

Oh, yes. →

# MARISHA

To Vox Machina. →

[cheering] Continuing on. →

In spite of... →

lacking the entire Vox Machina team. →

I'm glad that we're not stopping. →

I love you all. →

# LIAM

To the saviors of Vasselheim. →

# LAURA

To wonderful distractions. →

# MARISHA

To compartmentalization. →

[laughter] Yeah. →

[cheering] And I cast time of-- fearless-- the leader thing! Inspiring Leader! →

# SAM

Inspiring thing! →

# MARISHA

I'm a leader! →

# MATT

(chuckles) →

# MARISHA

I do that. →

# LIAM

Follow the leader. →

# MATT

All righty. Inspiring Leader. →

# MARISHA

What do I do? You also get-- →

# MATT

Everyone gains temporary hit points equal to your level, plus your constitution modifier, so 20 plus... →

# MARISHA

My level plus my constitution mod is plus 22. →

# MATT

Everyone has 22 temporary hit points. →

# TRAVIS

We don't heal that, but temporary. →

Oh, I got it. →

# LAURA

Do you get that, too? →

# LIAM

Damn you, D&D Beyond, take the extra 22. →

# MATT

It's basically a shield on top of your hit points, that once it goes away, it's gone. It's "temporary." →

# LAURA

Oh, okay, okay, okay. →

# SAM

But are we at that? Do we also gain those hit points? →

# MATT

You have 22 temporary hit points. →

The next 22 damage you take comes off that first. →

But it doesn't heal you, technically. →

# LIAM

You can push yourself up past your normal limit. →

# LAURA

Okay, so. →

The feast didn't heal us, but it gave us 10. →

# TALIESIN

Right. →

# LAURA

Awesome. →

# MATT

Welcome to level 20. →

# TRAVIS

We've been doing this for years. →

# SAM

I'm so confused right now. →

# LIAM

We're basically gods? →

# TALIESIN

And then we got those down. →

# LIAM

You guys are. →

Bertrand and I are something else. →

# MATT

So. →

Having prepared yourselves, had your drink, had your feast, had your inspiring speech, do you press on? →

# LAURA

(nervously) Yeah. →

# MATT

Deeper into the cavern? →

# SAM

Does it just go one way, or are there forks or anything? →

# MATT

Oh, there are many forks here. →

# SAM

Oh, great. →

# MATT

Who's leading the charge? →

# LIAM

I will cast, at 6th-level, Find The Path, which will lead us straight to the red gem. →

# SAM

Abso-fucking-lutely. →

[cheering] →

# LIAM

We only have a limited amount of time here tonight, ladies and gentlemen. →

# SAM

There's a GWAR show at 12:30. →

# MATT

Don't toy with my emotions, Sam! →

# LIAM

This will give us the most direct physical route to a specific fixed location that you are familiar with, which I have seen already. →

# MATT

Yes, you have. →

# LIAM

Yes. →

# MATT

All right, with that, you giving yourself the vision of that, you're now leading the charge. →

What is the marching order, please? →

# LAURA

Oh god. →

# MARISHA

Do you still know how to make us sneaky and stealthy? →

# LAURA

Yeah, I Pass Without Trace, bitch. →

# MARISHA

Oh, dope. →

[cheering] She's the coolest. →

# LAURA

Sure, I cast that, why not. →

# MATT

All right. So you cast Pass Without Trace. →

# LIAM

Damn, Keyleth! →

# TRAVIS

I'll join Lieve'tel at the front. →

I'm not afraid. →

# MATT

All right. So the two of you are at the front, →

# SAM

Death wish. →

# MATT

Who else is joining them at the front? Or who's going to be next in line? The caverns here range from between 20 to sometimes 10 feet in width. →

So at most, the hardest it's going to be shoulder to shoulder, two in a row. →

# ASHLEY

I will go after Bertrand. →

# MATT

All righty. →

# SAM

I'll be next to Pickle. →

# ASHLEY

Yep. →

# MATT

All righty. →

# LIAM

(tongue click) →

# ASHLEY

Baww! →

# LAURA

I'll follow behind them. →

# TALIESIN

Me as well. →

# MATT

All righty. →

# TALIESIN

Be with Vex. →

# MARISHA

I'll be behind the de Rolos. →

# LAURA

With Trinket. →

# MARISHA, MATT

With Trinket. →

# LIAM

This can only end in romance, Bertrand. →

[cheering] I'm 350 years old, I need entertainment. →

[cheering] →

# MATT

Are you getting your Caleb/Fjord AU fanfic into this one-shot? Is that what's happening? →

# LIAM

I'll leave it up to audience participation. →

# MATT

All right. Well, because you know the right path, you avoid a lot of pitfalls along the way, and don't have to make any survival checks to try and ascertain the best route. →

# LIAM

Yes, don't step there, that is painful, that's full of spikes, ooh, that's fun, but probably not worth our time. →

That way. →

# MATT

Every now and then you pass by one tunnel where the wind is stronger and it blows past like an open fan that's just blasting through, and you rush to the next direction. →

And moving forward. →

Out of nowhere, five bugbears come charging out of a hallway, grab and tear off Percy's arm. →

# SAM

Ah! →

# LIAM

Yeah! [cheering] Yeah! →

# SAM

Oh no! Oh no! →

# TALIESIN

Oh, oh, oh, where did that. →

I'll put these back. →

# SAM

Oh no! →

# TALIESIN

Oh, wait, wait, wait. →

# SAM

He's bleeding, he's bleeding! Keyleth, do something! →

# MATT

The sound of the wind didn't clue you into it. →

These bugbears just come out snarling, and they grab and pull his right arm off, he's bleeding out of the side of him. →

# SAM

Keyleth, do something, do something! Do something! Oh my god, who could have foreseen this? →

# MATT

They're running off with Percy's arm, what do you do? →

# TRAVIS

Are you serious? →

# MATT

Yes! [cheering] →

# TRAVIS

Ah! →

# MATT

Anyone joining Bertrand to chase down the bugbears? →

# TRAVIS

I'm going! →

# LIAM

Sam Riegel rolled such a high persuasion check in the green room before this show about-- (laughs). →

# LAURA

What? →

# LIAM

This is from the description in the final episode. →

# TALIESIN

He spent hours convincing Matt that I should lose an arm. →

# MATT

When we were skimming over this adventure in the final episode, Sam Riegel said, "It was so crazy, and Percy lost an arm. →

Those bugbears came out of nowhere." So... →

# SAM

It happened, it's canon. →

# MATT

Who is joining Sir Bertrand to attempt to slay the bugbears that stole Percy's arm? →

# SAM

I will join you. →

# MARISHA

We don't, hang on. →

You know, we don't need to chase the bugbears. →

Man, this feels so random. →

Feels like a... →

# SAM

It seems like a joke. →

# MARISHA

Like a throwaway joke that Scanlan would make. →

# TALIESIN

It doesn't feel like a throwaway joke right-- Oh god, there's nothing there! →

# MARISHA

Sorry! →

# TALIESIN

Oh! →

# SAM

There's blood everywhere! →

# MARISHA

I could just, how about we let the bugbears go? →

# LAURA

But his arm. →

# ASHLEY

We can grow you another one. →

# MARISHA

I'll grow it back. →

I have this, it's like this crazy feeling, like it's just someone wants me to burn a 7th-level spell for, like, a throwaway joke. →

So it's just this, like, creeping sensation in the back of my skull, so I'll cast Regenerate on fucking Percy. →

# LIAM

You all seem so zen about this moment, it's terrible. →

# TALIESIN

No, it'll be fine, I can just sit here and do 1d8 damage for the rest of the bloody game. →

That'll be fine. →

# MATT

The perpetual-- →

# MARISHA

You've got a gun! Isn't that like... →

Like fine? →

# TALIESIN

For four times, and then I have to reload it with something! [laughter] And that can get complicated! Which is why the joke isn't funny, I've explained this! →

# SAM

Wait, I immediately pictured you reloading it with your feet, but I think the audience pictured you reloading it with your dick. →

[cheering] →

# MATT

Percy. →

You haven't cast the spell yet, right? →

# MARISHA

Have I? →

# MATT

Have you? I'm asking you. →

# MARISHA

No, I'm just-- should I? →

# SAM

Yes, of course you should. →

# MATT

You don't have to, but I'm letting you know, you've taken 23 points of damage-- →

# SAM

Cast the spell! →

# MATT

And are continuing to bleed out, because you're missing an arm. →

# LAURA

Keyleth! →

# SAM

Keyleth, do something! →

# MARISHA

(exasperatedly) Okay! →

# LIAM

Grief takes many forms. →

# MARISHA

It does. →

I'll regenerate your arm. →

I'll bring that back, I guess. →

# SAM

Oh! [groaning] →

# ASHLEY

Oh! →

# TRAVIS

Wow! Whew! [laughter] →

# MATT

So. →

# TALIESIN

I don't like it here. →

# LIAM

(laughs) →

# SAM

Pandemonium. →

# MATT

Through the twisting, high-pitched whines and moans of the winds that are pushing through the tangled mass of caverns that suffuse the interior of this climbing pebblestone tower, you watch as Percival's coat, which is now missing the sleeve, slowly this tiny baby hand pushes out. →

[cheering] And begins to form, slowly, creepily, into a full Percival arm. →

# MARISHA

It takes two minutes. →

# MATT

Naked as the day is long. →

# TALIESIN

You could've just gotten me a cake or something, man, this is really fucked up. →

# MATT

Happy birthday. →

# TALIESIN

Jesus. →

# MATT

At which point, Sir Bertrand Bell comes back, covered in bugbear blood, holding an arm. →

# TRAVIS

I got it! [cheering] →

# LIAM

(laughs) →

# TRAVIS

What is that? Aah! →

# LIAM

(continues laughing) →

# TRAVIS

Ow! →

# LAURA

Which one-- wait, was it his left arm or his right arm? Do I need to get the wedding ring off of the other arm that just dropped? →

# MARISHA

You do, it's his left arm. →

# TALIESIN

Actually, yes. →

# MATT

I'll allow it. →

# LAURA

I'll go fetch it. →

# TALIESIN

Thank you, dear. →

# ASHLEY

Percy, can you please hold your arm with your little arm? [laughter] →

# LIAM

Come on, Kuato. →

# TALIESIN

I'm going to take my arm and I'm going to pat Pike on the head with the-- There, there. →

# ASHLEY

I'm very pleased. →

# TRAVIS

Did I manage to slay the bugbears? →

# MATT

Yeah, they're not very powerful bugbears. →

# TALIESIN

This is a lot today. →

This feels like a lot. →

# MATT

You do come back with 22 points of slashing damage from the encounter. →

But you managed to kill them by yourself. →

Sir Bertrand Bell, the legend. →

[cheering] →

# SAM

You know what, just take the arm, and just like, shove it into the Grog backpack, so we'll just keep it for later. →

# MATT

All right, so one of you guys write down in your inventory-- →

# LAURA

I'm going to put bag of colding. →

# MATT

Percy's arm. →

# TRAVIS

Percy's arm. →

# LIAM

We'll grow another Percy. →

# MARISHA

Wait, what? →

# TALIESIN

Oh, let's not. →

# LAURA

No, I like this idea. →

# LIAM

That's the next one shot! [cheering] →

We'll see you guys in a year for the next one. →

[cheering] →

(laughs) →

# MATT

Oh my god. →

Okay. →

# LIAM

(continues laughing) →

# TRAVIS

Holy shit. →

Holy shit. →

Wow. →

# TALIESIN

Well, those were some fun temporary hit points. →

# TRAVIS

That blew my mind. →

# AUDIENCEMEMBER

Thank you, Sam! [cheering] →

# SAM

Oh. →

It's canon. →

# LIAM

(laughs) →

# MATT

It is now. →

# TALIESIN

[Inaudible] Fire. →

# ASHLEY

Oh my god. →

# LIAM

(laughing) →

# TALIESIN

Jesus. →

# MATT

Continuing on, following the path. →

# LIAM

(continues laughing) →

# MATT

Through the interior that the tower, you get the sense of the wind, higher up the tower, is stronger, and it's pushing through these caverns harder. →

The path you're taking does get louder and louder the further you travel. →

And at this point, I need you all to make another wisdom saving throw, please. →

# TALIESIN

Oh god. →

# MARISHA

Advantage! →

# LAURA

With advantage! →

# MATT

With advantage. →

# TRAVIS

Fuck you. →

[laughter] →

All sevens, it's an eight. →

# MATT

Take another point of exhaustion. →

# SAM

Oh, that's two? →

# LIAM

Oh shit. →

That's bad. →

# TRAVIS

I mean, yeah. →

# LIAM

Pickle? →

# ASHLEY

18. →

# MATT

All righty, Vex? →

# LAURA

19 for Vex, 20 for Trinket. →

[cheering] →

# LIAM

29 for Lieve'tel. →

# SAM

Oh! →

# MATT

Great. →

# SAM

Sexy. →

# MARISHA

33. →

# SAM

Oh! [cheering] →

# MARISHA

Wise as fu-u-uck. →

# TALIESIN

13, my god, people. →

# SAM

13, and 13 for me as well. →

# MATT

All right, so, Sir Bertrand Bell. →

# TRAVIS

Uh-huh? →

# MATT

Your speed is how halved, as you have two points. →

And your hearing seems to be getting a little harder. →

# TRAVIS

(shouts) What? [laughter] →

# LIAM

Is he deaf? →

# MATT

Hm? No. →

# LIAM

No? →

# MATT

No. →

Just the beginning stages. →

# LIAM

All right. →

# MATT

You're beginning to see quickly the dangers of extended... →

existence here. →

# TRAVIS

(shouting) Not a problem. →

This was similar to my last... →

trip here. →

Ma-- ma-- →

# LIAM

(laughs) →

# TRAVIS

Ma-a-a-- (clears throat) Let's go. →

# MATT

There you go. →

So continuing up the tower, I would like you all to make a stealth check, as you continue, with-- →

# LAURA

Oh, yes, yes, yes. →

Pass Without a Trace. →

# MATT

Pass Without a Trace. →

# SAM

Advantage? No. →

# MATT

No, plus 10 to your roll. →

# SAM

31. →

# MARISHA

Oh, sorry. →

# LAURA

(laughs) →

# MARISHA

Cocked. →

# TALIESIN

21. →

# MATT

All right. →

# MARISHA

Plus 10? →

# MATT

Mm-hmm. →

# MARISHA

24. →

# MATT

All righty. →

# LIAM

It's not very high, it's 20. →

# MATT

Aw, buddy. →

# LAURA

Not like my 38, then. →

[laughter] →

# SAM

38! →

# ASHLEY

12. →

# MATT

With a plus 10? →

# ASHLEY

It was a two. →

[laughter] →

# MATT

I missed you, Pike. →

# TRAVIS

27. →

# MATT

All righty. →

# TALIESIN

It's been a while. →

# MATT

But overall pretty good. →

So that gives you a decent average. →

# LIAM

(laughs) →

# MATT

Continuing up this tower for a protracted period of time, hearing this howling, you hear these similar howls to the creatures that stalked you on the entrance, but they don't notice your presence, and you manage to sneak by one of the dens on the inside of the mountain. →

You walk by and watch as one begins to step through the large tunnel and you all back off, and it stalks past, and you hear it inflating and deflating its scream sack, if you will. →

You can take that with you, guys. →

"Scream sack." →

# LIAM

Ha! Ha! Ha! (chuckling) →

# MATT

Sure, sounds like that. →

However, you manage to make your way past. →

Feeling you've ascended quite a bit of the mountain, you come around the corner, and come to a larger chamber that's in the heart of this upper portion of the mountain. →

First thing that catches your eyes, this faint red glow around the corner. →

So who wants to go forward? →

# TRAVIS

I've got this, no problem! →

# SAM

Oh Jesus. →

# ASHLEY

Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. →

# MATT

All right. →

So Bertrand Bell marches forward, you guys follow suit? →

# MARISHA

That's the last anyone saw of Mr. Bell. →

# TRAVIS

We're so close fellows, follow me! →

# MATT

Anybody following Bertrand? →

# SAM

I guess? →

# MARISHA

Yeah. →

# LAURA

I'm going to... →

# MATT

I mean, you're still stealthing, so-- →

# LAURA

Oh, shit. We're stealthing. →

I'm going to ready-- can I ready an action? →

# MATT

Sure. →

# LAURA

I want to ready the Blessing of the Dawn Father. →

# MATT

Okay. →

# LAURA

But I want to wait until we've been noticed, if anything triggers. →

# MATT

Okay. →

# LAURA

All right. →

# MATT

Good to know. →

So. →

# LIAM

Right before we go round that corner to see that red light-- →

# MATT

Yes? →

# LIAM

I'm going to pull a finger bone of Purvan-- [laughter] from a pouch at my side. →

# SAM

How do you have that? →

# LIAM

I'm very high up the chain, love. →

And cast Holy Aura, at 8th-level. →

I will wait 'til we turn the corner and then do it. →

And then all of us will have advantage on all saving throws, and all other creatures have disadvantage on attack rolls against us until the spell ends. →

# SAM

Ooh! For how long? [cheering] →

# LIAM

One minute. →

Right before we turn the corner. →

# MATT

Interesting point of order. →

As you reach towards your component pouch. →

# LIAM

Yes. →

# MATT

The one where you keep all your expensive stuff. →

# LIAM

Right. →

# MATT

That pouch is missing. →

# LAURA

(gasps) →

# SAM

That fucker! That fucker, Bob! →

# LAURA

Fucking Bob! →

# SAM

Fucking Bob! [laughter] →

# LAURA

Ugh. →

# SAM

Bob. →

# LAURA

He wanted presents. →

# LIAM

Was it Bob? →

# LAURA

It was fucking Bob. →

# SAM

Who else would it be? →

# LIAM

So Purvan's finger bone has been stolen for the ages? →

# MATT

Right now, yeah. →

# LIAM

All right. →

Got it. →

Got it, sorry, guys. →

# TALIESIN

Wow. →

# SAM

Bob. →

# ASHLEY

Well-- →

# SAM

I will invoke the Blessing of Ioun. →

[cheering] →

# MATT

All right. →

# SAM

Before we go in? →

# MATT

Sure. →

# LIAM

Well, shit, if I don't have Purvan's bone, I'm going to cast Beacon of Hope again. →

# MATT

All righty. Beacon of Hope is cast. →

# LIAM

Dag, yo. →

We did put a finger bone in the bag of colding like five minutes ago. →

[laughter] →

# TALIESIN

That is fair. →

# LAURA

Do you need a finger bone? →

# MARISHA

Is it any old finger bone? →

# MATT

Unfortunately-- →

# LIAM

It's Perv's bone. →

# MATT

Yeah. →

[laughter] →

A little more time has to pass before Percy's finger bone becomes a tiny reliquary worth at least 1000 gold, of a sacred relic. →

# LIAM

Yes, you need the pinky bone of a champion of the Raven Queen. →

So unless you have your beloved's digit-- [incredulous yelling] We're shit out of luck. →

# MATT

We're going to continue. Uh-- So. →

With that spell prepared, you turn the corner to face this red glow in this interior chamber in the mountain. →

As you turn the corner, you can see the walls here have, and every now and then you've caught shapes carved into the stone. →

In here, it's runes, it's language. →

There are just different letters, it seems. →

But none of the languages are recognizable. →

Make an ar-- actually make a history check, Scanlan. →

And anybody else who's proficient in history. →

# TALIESIN

All right. →

21. →

# LIAM

21. →

# MATT

21. →

# SAM

Eight. →

[laughter] →

# MATT

Bard doesn't always strike it up. →

The two of you look at the writing here, and you know a fair amount of language, at least to the point where your studies, you'd be able to recognize the script. →

You'd be able to recognize the letters. →

You'd be able to recognize the shapes. →

You don't recognize any of these. →

These are either forgotten languages, or gibberish. →

You have no idea. →

But what catches your attention is the source of that glow, for in the center of this chamber, surrounded by drawings, like chalk drawings, but red, and black. →

All over the walls, with pictures that you haven't focused yet, because your attention is more drawn towards what looks to be the huge, fiendish creature that sits in the center of the chamber. →

You see two large, red, leathery wings that are folded inward towards its back. →

You see two black horns that curl from the sides of its head. →

You see glowing, burning eyes of heat, and a jaw that hangs open, exuding a bright beacon of burning torchlight towards whatever's in front of it. →

You see as it sits there, its ripping, muscular demonic form clutching a burning whip that is curled up on the ground on one side, and looks to be an electrified sword that rests to its left. →

This is a balor of the Abyss. →

[exclaiming] And it sits in the chamber, drawing pictures on the wall. →

# SAM

Oh man. →

# MARISHA

Wait, has it noticed us? →

# MATT

Nope. →

# MARISHA

And we're not-- (grunts) →

# MATT

You look next to it, and you can see the corpse of one of the howlers earlier. →

And it digs its finger into the base of where its head was, and then draws a smiley face. →

# TRAVIS

We have the advantage. →

Strike now, strike quick! →

# MARISHA

Or we could just-- →

# SAM

Shut up! →

# LAURA

Do we see the red gem? Do we see the ruby? →

# MATT

No. →

And you know, from your essence, that there's still more to go. →

# LAURA

Oh, fuck. →

# MARISHA

Just sneak by. →

# TALIESIN

Do we see an exit from this? Is there a way out? →

# MATT

If you were to go around it, there the tunnel continues and curves at a steep incline past the balor. →

# LIAM

How does everyone feel about turning into clouds? →

How does everyone feel about turning into clouds? [scattered laughter] →

# SAM

We've done that before. →

# LIAM

Have you? →

# SAM

It's weird. →

[laughter] →

# ASHLEY

I really like it. →

# SAM

I could make us look like cows. →

[laughter, cheering] Would that help somehow? I don't know. →

# ASHLEY

I feel like we'd just look like a snack. →

# LIAM

When choosing between cows and clouds, clouds might be preferable here. →

# MATT

You hear-- →

# MARISHA

It takes one minute to cast. →

# MATT

You hear a very, very faint noise coming from the balor. →

# LIAM

(fart noise) →

# MATT

But it's not-- [laughter] It's interesting. →

It's this low, guttural vibration. →

# LIAM

(lower fart noise) →

# LAURA

Stop. →

[laughter] →

# MATT

I know you don't care what happens to your character. →

# LIAM

No, no, I put Death Ward on her! I'm sorry! →

# MATT

It sounds like a hum. →

(low melodic humming) (low melodic humming) (squishing) And looking around the chamber, you can see this whole room is just filled with little scrawlings. →

Childike, almost. →

All across the walls and ceiling and the floor around it. →

# SAM

Holy shit. →

# MATT

It's covering a lot of the writing and the runes that have been here probably long before it came. →

But this is just an odd sight to see. →

# SAM

It's singing? →

# MATT

To itself, quietly. →

# LIAM

Humming to itself? →

# MATT

Yep. →

# ASHLEY

I think it's like a little kid. →

# LAURA

It's a little sweetie balor. →

# MATT

So what are you doing, guys? →

# LAURA

We're just walking. We should move on. →

We should still move on. →

(pigeon coo) [laughter] →

Get out. We need to get out. →

# ASHLEY

What? →

# MARISHA

Go, go go go. →

# LAURA

Go, go, go. →

We just go. →

# TRAVIS

Yes, we sneak by. →

# MATT

You sneak behind it. Okay. →

So what moment do you wait for? →

# LIAM

Perhaps right after it dips its finger into the paint pot, and starts a new picture. →

# LAURA

Yeah, yeah, yeah. →

We walk-- we take steps when it's painting. →

# MATT

All righty. →

# LAURA

That's stupid. This is so stupid. →

# SAM

We could create a diversion. →

# MATT

As you slowly move past it, just a thin sliver of space to move. →

You're having to move at half speed, which is quarter speed for you, mister. →

# TRAVIS

(cries) →

# MATT

Past it, and he holds it up a little bit, since he's towards the front. →

So all of you are moving at a quarter speed behind Sir Bertrand. →

# TRAVIS

Seven feet, you guys. →

# MATT

Yeah. →

# TRAVIS

No speed. →

# MATT

In passing by it, you quietly feel the air get hotter, and hotter in the vicinity. →

And when you start moving behind its large, folded wings, the heat is scalding, burning your skin, as you move along the wall behind it as quiet as you can. →

Each of you, in the process it takes to move behind it, for the first half. We'll see if it hasn't noticed you yet. →

But it is 3d6 per round of being within five feet of it. →

So for the... →

We'll say, six rounds to get completely around it. →

# TALIESIN

Oh. →

[groaning] →

# ASHLEY

This is not good. →

# SAM

Level 20 shit. →

# LAURA

Could we have been healing ourselves as we go, though? →

# SAM

No, that makes noise. →

# MATT

Casting a spell might give it off to your position. →

So, that is altogether, all of you, as you pass by quietly behind Sir Bertrand-- (counting quietly) →

# TALIESIN

Oh my god. →

# MATT

49 points of fire damage. →

As you all go now. →

Just skin burning and boiling at your face, and exposed, but you feel your hair curl back, and you get the smell of burnt hair begins to fill the space around your head, but you manage to all very carefully move around it, and get into the next chamber as it curves up, and you just hear its voice. →

(low humming) (squishes) As it begins to draw a little funny demon face, taking a poop. →

[laughter] →

# LAURA

(cackles) I like that guy. →

# MATT

But you move past. →

So, continuing upward, following the tunnel. →

I need you all to make another wisdom saving throw. →

# SAM

Oh, man. →

# MARISHA

Still with advantage. →

# SAM

This is rough. →

# MATT

Still with advantage. →

Welcome to Pandemonium, all right? →

# LAURA

Oh my god. →

# MATT

Deal. →

# LIAM

Beacon of Hope is only one minute, so no, not at advantage. →

# MATT

No, it's advantage because of the Heroes' Feast. →

# LAURA

Yeah, Heroes' Feast. →

# LIAM

Oh, Heroes' Feast. →

# MATT

That's right. →

# SAM

13. →

# MATT

All right. →

# TALIESIN

15. →

# MARISHA

29. →

# LIAM

28. →

# MATT

Vex? →

# LAURA

Uh. →

# SAM

I forgot what numbers are! →

# LAURA

No, I forgot my first number-- oh, it was 18 for me. →

# MATT

Okay. →

# LAURA

It was 18 for me, and then that's not-- it was a nine-- it was a 10 for Trinket. →

# MATT

As a note, that additional damage also was on Grog, because Grog's being carried on Trinket's back quietly through the chamber. →

Just envision Trinket quietly making his way around the balor, as both him and Grog get singed. →

# LAURA

Oh my god, thank god we got those temporary hit points. →

# MATT

So 59 points to Grog. Just mark it down somewhere just in case he becomes-- →

# LAURA

It was 59 or 49? →

# TALIESIN

49. →

# MATT

Sorry, it was 49. →

# TALIESIN

Did it singe Grog's hair off? →

# TRAVIS

You shut your damn mouth, Percy! [Laughter] →

# TALIESIN

(evil laughter) →

# MATT

I'll say elements of it curled, but a dwarven beard is a hardy thing. →

[scattered cheering, laughter] →

# TALIESIN

The night's young. →

# MATT

The wind gets stronger and stronger the further you climb. →

The sound, the intensity of the wailing of thousands of voices all twisting and binding together to create this terrible, terrible din that fills the plane, greets you as you step to the edge of the chamber, to the precipice of this cliff, the cliff as you step out. →

You guiding the path there, Lieve'tel. →

You can look up and see, and follow the direction that you've been planning to go that the spire is maybe 25 feet above you. →

You can see the outside of the wall. →

# LIAM

Seeing it, I whisper my matron's name, and bend the threads of fate around us, and cast Mass Heal at 9th-level. →

And everyone is at full plus their extra hit points, because that's 100 hit points per person. →

# TALIESIN

I also still have Regenerate, which means, for an hour since I've lost my arm, I'm getting a hit point a minute. →

# MATT

Yeah, so you're at full hit points. →

# MARISHA

No, 10 hit points a minute. →

# TALIESIN

10 hit points. →

# MATT

Regenerate has worn off though, at this point, from your travel, but you are full. →

# MARISHA

It lasts an hour? It's been an hour? →

# MATT

It's been an hour of travel to get through all of that. →

# MARISHA

Poopermuffins. →

# LIAM

But 100 hit points to everyone, which would probably get you to your extra additional hit points past the max. →

# MATT

There you go. →

# TALIESIN

I'm at max. →

# MATT

It's at this point you hear what's a familiar sound to you. →

It should be you, because you're the one who scryed on it. →

Actually no, you as well. You hear-- sorry. →

Trying to remember who saw what for the two visions that went out there. →

The wind is extremely strong up here. →

And the climbing should be fine, but for those of you who are prone to flight, you get the sense that these winds will take some careful guidance to not be blown off the top of the mountain. →

# LAURA

(grumbling) Yeah, right, all right. →

[laughter] →

# MATT

But you hear beneath that wind howl, this horrible "(growls) Father!" And you hear a (thoom), an impact shakes, and a few rocks, pebbles, tumble down and get blown off by the wind as it scoots by. →

# TRAVIS

Did he say "father"? →

# LAURA

Mm-hmm. →

# SAM

What does it mean, Mr. Bell? You know all about this place. →

[laughter] →

# TRAVIS

Family issues are a standard of the Pandemonium plane. →

Surely-- →

# SAM

It's like one big Thanksgiving dinner? [laughter] →

# TRAVIS

Yes. (clears throat) (blows raspberry) →

# LAURA

Should we go? Should we go up? →

# MARISHA

I'm doing the wind gusty thing. →

# LAURA

Should I cast Pass Without Trace again? →

# SAM

Sure. →

# TALIESIN

I think that's probably a good decision. →

# LAURA

(high-pitched) Okie dokie, I'm going to do that. →

# MATT

All right, so having to focus and keep up and cast and maintain the Gust spell is going to be pretty hard, because it does require somatic components. →

And this is a point you have to climb with both hands. →

So-- →

# LAURA

Stealthily. →

# MATT

-- as you all carefully make your way up the side of the mountain, I need you all to roll a stealth check, please. →

# LIAM

Guidance on myself. →

# MATT

All right. →

# SAM

31. →

# LAURA

Plus 10. →

# TALIESIN

Plus 10. →

# SAM

41-- no. →

31. →

# MARISHA

28. →

# MATT

28. →

# TALIESIN

16, 18, 26, 32. →

# MATT

32. →

# LIAM

Damn. →

28. →

# MATT

28. →

# TALIESIN

"Damn, 28." →

# LAURA

Natural one. →

[groaning] Also, uh... Trinket, how am I getting him up here? Because he's got Grog on his back. →

# SAM

I don't want to sound like a broken record, but... →

Maybe we should-- I know he's family. →

# LAURA

What are we going to do, leave him here at the bottom of the cliff? →

# SAM

Yeah, yeah. →

Leave him here. →

# LAURA

At the bottom of a cliff? →

# SAM

Absolutely leave him here at the bottom of a cliff. →

# LAURA

In Pandemonium, forever? →

# MATT

Trinket sees this argument between the two of you, and he just goes like-- (bear grunts) and starts climbing the side. →

# TALIESIN

Bears can climb. →

[cheering] →

# MATT

Go ahead and roll-- →

# TALIESIN

Bears can climb. →

# MATT

-- roll an athletics check for Trinket, if you don't mind. →

# LAURA

I'm scared of my dice now. →

It'll be a strength for Trinket, right? Or a dex? →

# MATT

It'd be strength. →

# LAURA

Okay. →

Ooh! 18. →

# MATT

Like a champ. →

[cheering] Trinket, being a creature used to climbing certain aspects of nature for hunting, and you know, many years of learning to live in the wilds, is finding the different perches in the cliffside that aren't at an extreme angle, and precarious at times, still manages to make his way slowly up the side of the spire. →

# LIAM

It's all those honey heists. →

# MATT

It would be. →

[laughter] →

# MARISHA

Roll for bear. →

# MATT

Roll for bear. →

All right, so. →

Do you all ascend? All right, what was your stealth, by the way? →

# TRAVIS

21. →

# MATT

21, and... →

# ASHLEY

Natural 20. →

# SAM, TALIESIN

Yeah! [cheering] →

# ASHLEY

That might be a first. →

# LAURA

Does her natural 20 balance out my natural one? →

# ASHLEY

Probably. →

# LIAM

You probably died. →

# MARISHA

Family reunion. →

# LAURA

Together again. →

# MARISHA

(laughs) [groaning] →

# LIAM

Finally, do you want to play like, Parcheesi, or Monopoly, I've been here for, like, it feels like eons. →

# SAM

It's been literally a day. →

# TALIESIN

(laughs) →

# MATT

As you guys ascend the tower, one hand over the other, slowly, carefully, as quiet as you can. →

Thankfully, the howling winds seem to mask any sort of slips, any sound of falling rocks, as that's a relatively common occurrence around here, and you get the sense that this tower, over time, is just slowly eroding from the winds that burn around it. →

As you climb towards the top of this, you hear the voice again. →

(grunts) (roars) And you see something swing just past the edge of the wall above you, and once again the tower, (crash) some of the stones loosen, and for a second you have to re-grasp the side. →

But you're fine. →

You slowly begin to climb towards the top. →

I'm going to go ahead and pull a map for you. →

# SAM

Ooh! Guys. →

Isn't Matt super good at this? [cheering] Wow. →

# LIAM

It's funny what 20 years of playing Dungeons & Dragons will do. →

# SAM

Ooh. →

[laughter] →

# LIAM

(laughs) Holy shee-yut. →

Holy shit. →

# SAM

How does that work? Thunderdome?! →

# MATT

So. →

I would-- let's see, where do we want to place you guys? Bertrand. Where are you? You guys are climbing up this edge here. →

# SAM

He left the stage. →

# MATT

He did. →

# SAM

He legitimately fled, right before the final fight. →

# MATT

Then I'm going to place him right here. →

# SAM

Great. →

# MATT

All right, who's next? →

# LIAM

I will be next to Bertrand. →

# MATT

All right, I'll put you there. →

# LIAM

Thank you. →

# MATT

Pike, Scanlan? →

# ASHLEY

I'll be a little bit behind Lieve'tel... →

Schrieber. →

# SAM

I'll be next to Peeky. →

# MATT

Next to... →

# SAM

Sure, sure. →

# TALIESIN

I'm going to be at the far corner, towards the audience. →

# MATT

All right, over here? →

# TALIESIN

Yes, over there. →

# SAM

Downstage. →

# MATT

Vex? →

# TALIESIN

Downstage. →

# MATT

How far up and down do you want to be? I know it's hard to see from your perspective. →

# LAURA

I'll be mid's up. →

# MATT

Sure, we'll put you-- →

# SAM

Medium. →

# LAURA

Medium-- no, you know what, I want to be a little higher. →

I'm going to be a little higher. →

# MATT

Little higher, all right, we'll put you... →

# LAURA

I'm very athletic. →

# MATT

That'll work fine, it's Bertrand's at the top there. →

Trinket is right behind you. →

# LAURA

Yeah. →

# TALIESIN

Mm-hmm. →

# MATT

And Keyleth. →

# MARISHA

I'll be in front of Percy, if you're okay with that. →

# TALIESIN

Oh, always. →

# MARISHA

All right. →

# MATT

All right. →

Oh, Bertrand's not here. →

# SAM

Is Travis dropping deuce right now? What happened? →

# LAURA

Where'd he run to? →

# MATT

I think he had to go pump some milk. →

[laughter] →

# LAURA

Welcome to my world. →

# MATT

Oh, I can only understand. →

# SAM

Oh no. →

# MATT

All right, so. →

Anyone want to come take a glance on this side? →

# LAURA

Oh wow, it's cool. →

# MARISHA

It's like a-- It's like a tiered wedding cake. →

# LAURA

All right. →

# MATT

Travis, what are you doing, buddy? Well, when you got to go. →

[laughter] That's fine. →

# SAM

We're all wearing diapers for the show, like we always do. →

# MATT

There he is! Welcome back. →

[cheering] →

# SAM

It's your move, dude. →

# MATT

All right, so. →

Bertrand, you see this first, as you are the first to ascend and glance over the top. →

As you peek past the top wall, what you see is, what appears to be humanoid. →

A human, if you will. →

But on a scale you haven't seen before. →

Standing well into about 25 feet tall, you see what may have been an adonis of a man, wearing a bit of armor around his midsection, and bracers, like a Grecian god, if you will. →

Except, dark and corrupted. →

The skin is jet black. →

The eyes burn vibrant and red. →

The wind sweeps by, blasting the hair past, as you see horns curling out of the top of the skull. →

In one hand, you see a massive hammer that's glowing red with runes, and flames burning off the side. →

And protruding from its back, whatever corruption has taken this entity has caused these four large, spider leg-like appendages to tear out of its shoulder blades and lower back to curl around. →

# LAURA

No! →

# TALIESIN, LIAM

Ooh! →

# SAM

What is that? →

# LIAM

It's Travis Willingham. →

(groaning) →

# MATT

In the center of this tower, there are smattering bits of skulls and bones just around the floor. →

And in the center, you see embedded, this red gem. →

So. →

What would you guys like to do? →

# MARISHA

It's in his head? Is that what you said? →

# MATT

No, it's in the center of the chamber. →

Calling that little campfire as the red gem, because that's the best I could do with the time I had. →

# ASHLEY

Before we crest, may I cast Holy Aura? →

# MATT

Holy Aura? →

# ASHLEY

I have it prepared. →

# MATT

What reliquary do you have to use as the material component? →

# ASHLEY

Say again? →

# MATT

The-- →

# LIAM

What special shit do you have? →

# MATT

What's your special-- He had the finger bone, what do you have to cast the spell? →

# ASHLEY

Right. →

# LIAM

I made up Purvan's finger on the spot. →

What do you got? →

# ASHLEY

The thing that I have is... →

# MATT

It doesn't matter, you go and reach for it, and the pouch where you keep it is also missing. →

# SAM

Oh, Bob! Bob is the fucking worst. →

# LIAM

(laughs) →

# LAURA

Where's my coin sack? Is my coin sack there? →

# MATT

Your coin sack is still there. →

# ASHLEY

Do I still have, okay. →

# MATT

And you check. →

Most of your base material components are still with you. →

But anything that is worth a gold piece value of material components, is missing. →

That includes the metal fork you need to cast Plane Shift. →

[distressed noises] →

# LIAM

Let me check my spells. →

# MATT

So keeping tabs, as you continue to cast spells for now, anything that has a gold cost cannot be used. →

# LIAM

Yeah. →

Oh shit. →

# LAURA

Wait, that's any kind of, like, resurrection. →

# MATT

Yeah. →

[distressed noises] →

# LIAM

Oh shit. →

# TRAVIS

Cool, cool. →

Real cool. →

# LIAM

Pertinent information that would have been cool 30 minutes ago. →

Woo. →

# SAM

I can make us look like cows for free. →

[laughter] →

# LIAM

My shit's gone. →

Can't get us out of here. →

# LAURA

Fuck. →

Great. →

# MATT

You see him continue to stomp around. →

In a unique way, it seems like it's trying to get off the top of the tower. →

But every time it goes towards the edge, something pulls it back. →

Something unseen is binding it to this location. →

# LAURA

Hmm. →

# MATT

And for a second, you recall what you learned a little bit about the deck, and the effect that grabbed Grog's soul. →

That some powerful entity was then bound to guard where the soul was kept. →

So whatever this creature's existence is here on Pandemonium most of the time, whatever anger it carries in its soul is intensified by the fact that whatever madness keeps it here in this plane, it can't even move from the top of this tower. →

And it is furious. →

# LIAM

Shite. →

# TRAVIS

Cool. →

Good be-- cool. Yeah. →

# MATT

(growls violently) Again it shakes with an impact. →

What are you doing? →

# TRAVIS

Well. →

Our destiny awaits. →

# LAURA

Do we know how to get Grog's soul into Grog? Do we know that? →

# SAM

No, we'll figure that out later. →

One thing at a time. →

# LAURA

(nervous noise) →

# ASHLEY

Well, we got to make sure that-- I don't want-- ah. →

# MATT

It's coming closer to the side. →

# TALIESIN

I'm going to... →

# LAURA

Don't look down. →

# MATT

It looks straight down at Sir Bertrand, who's looking over the wall. →

# TALIESIN

I'm going to activate my boots and cast-- and I'm going to activate my boots on the very next-- →

# MATT

Well, you can do that on your turn, because we need you guys to roll initiative. →

# TALIESIN

Aw, man. All right. →

# MARISHA

Oh boy. →

# TALIESIN

Oh boy. Oh boy, oh boy. →

# MARISHA

Oh boy, oh boy. →

# MATT

All righty. →

# ASHLEY

Fuck me. →

# TALIESIN

Woo! →

# MARISHA

That's good. →

# TALIESIN

That's better. →

# MATT

25 to 20. →

# MARISHA

21. →

# TALIESIN

24. →

# TRAVIS

21. →

# SAM

Wow. →

# MARISHA

Yay! [cheering] →

# LAURA

I was readying an action for the minute we weren't stealthed any more. Does that trigger then? →

# MATT

You guys have been stealthed until he spotted it, so, so no. →

# LAURA

Oh, okay. →

# MATT

Well, the action you were readying earlier, you mean? →

# LAURA

Yeah. →

# MATT

Sure, I'll allow it. I'll allow it. →

# LAURA

Then the minute he looked down, he would have gotten a big blast of light in his eyes, because from the inside I light up like a beacon. →

# MATT

All right. →

# LAURA

Which is going to be great here, I'm sure. →

# MATT

All right. →

The light just blasts around you. →

# LAURA

120 feet of daylight. →

# MATT

Yeah. The whole area just fills with light now. →

Anybody who's down in the intense sandstorm of Pandemonium, even amongst the chaotic blasting of wind and dirt, sees this faint brown glow up at the top of the spire. →

It's a very unique vision for anybody else out there. →

Anyway. Well done. →

So, rest of the initiative order. →

20 to 15. →

# LIAM

18. →

# LAURA

18. →

# SAM

18. →

# ALL

Ooh. →

[oohing] →

# MATT

Look at that. →

# LAURA

(chuckles) →

# MATT

All right. →

15 to 10. →

10 to five. →

[groaning] →

# SAM

Oh. →

# TRAVIS

Really? →

# ASHLEY

Yeah. →

# MATT

What you got? →

# ASHLEY

I, uh-- a four. →

# MATT

No, Pike. →

[cheering] →

# TRAVIS

Just statistically, that shouldn't be possible. →

# MATT

Well, top of the round is Percy. →

Percy, what are you doing? →

# TALIESIN

Boots are activated. →

I'm casting Hex on it, and I'm giving it, I'm giving it a... →

Let's do disadvantage on strength or constitution. →

Let's do... →

# MATT

It is now cast. →

# TALIESIN

Let's do constitution-- Let's do strength checks, strength checks. →

# MATT

Strength checks it is, all right. →

So you activate the boots. →

You can't see it yet to cast it, so I assume you're going to get into view? →

# TALIESIN

(stammers) Is he not, am I not capable of seeing him? →

# MATT

No, you can't see. The wall's blocking your point of view. →

So unless you get up towards him to see. →

# TALIESIN

I'm going to climb up a bit until I can see him. →

# MATT

About there is where you would be. →

On the side of the wall, technically. →

# TALIESIN

Oh, okay, and the boots are an action, correct? →

# MATT

The boots are, yes. →

# TALIESIN

In that case, I'm going to... →

Oh in that case, I'm going to cast Hex, and then I'm going to run back down diagonally on the other side of the wall away from everybody else. →

# MATT

That's all you do? →

# TALIESIN

Yeah, just Hex and then down, and then down the wall. →

# MATT

All right. →

# TALIESIN

But like on the other side of it, towards the audience, stage center. →

# MATT

I'll go ahead and I'll platform. →

# TALIESIN

I'm here to make life very difficult. →

# MATT

I can tell, there you are. That's your turn, Percy. →

You're up, Keyleth. →

You're going-- →

# MARISHA

Oh, fuck. →

# MATT

-- with Bertrand. What are you doing? →

# MARISHA

Bertrand, go first. →

I'm so gracious. →

# TRAVIS

Really? →

# MARISHA

If you want to. →

(whines) →

# TRAVIS

I'm a melee person. You want me to go first? →

# MARISHA

Fuck, fine, I'll go! →

# TRAVIS

Yeah, fuck that, I'm going in! →

# MATT

All right, what are you doing, Bertrand? →

# TRAVIS

If I'm up on the edge of the wall, am I within melee of the giant, demon, hammer-wielding thing? →

# MATT

Yep. →

# TRAVIS

Cool. →

[laughter] Let's take three swipes at it, plus an action surge for six total strikes. →

[cheering] →

# MATT

All right. →

So we'll say-- So you're going up on the wall, or are you getting down into the space with it? →

# TRAVIS

Can I just stay up on the ledge? →

# MATT

Technically, you are within its melee, but you have get a little closer to take it. →

# TRAVIS

I'm getting down in there with it! →

# MATT

All right, there you go. →

[cheering] Go for it, make your attacks. →

# TRAVIS

Okay. →

First one is 20 to hit. →

# MATT

20 to hit misses. →

[gasping] →

You swing towards its knee, and it just pulls its leg back and nothing. →

# SAM

Oh boy. →

# LAURA

Oh no. →

# TRAVIS

This is fucked up. →

Second one is 23 to hit. →

# MATT

Just barely hits. →

# SAM

Oh. →

[groaning] →

Okay. That's not bad. →

# TRAVIS

Okay. →

19. →

Well, that's a 22. →

# MATT

That misses. →

So take your one hit of damage. →

# TRAVIS

26 to hit? →

# MATT

Oh wait. →

# TRAVIS

I'm doing an action surge, so six total. →

# MATT

Oh that's right, 26 hits. →

# TRAVIS

Yeah. I have two more. →

Natural 20. →

[cheering] And the last one is 27 to hit. →

# SAM

Oh! [cheering] →

# MATT

So that's four hits. →

One of which-- the third hit is a critical. →

# TRAVIS

Yes. The third hit was a critical. →

# MATT

Go for it, roll damage. →

# TRAVIS

Okay, there we go. →

I got it. (excited mumbling) I know, right? 15 plus three is 18 on the first one. →

# MATT

All righty. →

# TRAVIS

Second one is 19 points of slashing damage on the second one. →

# MATT

Great. →

# TRAVIS

Third one is the crit, which is the smallest one. →

That is 12, 24, plus three, 27. →

# MATT

27, all right. →

And fourth and final hit. →

# TRAVIS

16, 19 points of slashing damage. →

# MATT

19 points of slashing damage. →

Well done, that is-- [cheering] →

# TRAVIS

Ah ha! (grunts) →

# MATT

That is just over 80 hit points in one round. →

# TRAVIS

Nice. →

# MATT

Well done. →

# TRAVIS

And that was using-- →

# MATT

So that's you hacking through, a few miss, a few hit. You're like (screams) with the rapier. →

# TRAVIS

That was the full plus three of the Gambler's Rapier, by the way. →

# MATT

Yeah. Perfect. →

All right. Is that the end of your turn? It looks down at you after you slash through and it goes, (grunts) →

# TRAVIS

I don't know! →

# MATT

And there's, like-- you see its fingers grip the maul even harder in its hand, and when it does so, dust and sand falls from the middle of its knuckles. →

# TRAVIS

I'm not afraid. →

I'm with friends! →

# MATT

Keyleth, what are you doing? →

# MARISHA

Okay. →

So... →

I... →

am going to remember you were talking-- I'm assuming it's still super fucking windy up here, right? Flying's bad. →

# MATT

Pretty windy. →

You can try to fly, but you're going to have to make checks to maintain height. →

# MARISHA

Nah, I'm fine. →

I'm going to imagine the Nine Hells because that's where I feel like I am and I'm going to turn into a goristro, burning my 9th-level Shapechange spell. →

# MATT

Oh. →

[cheering] →

# MARISHA

Fuck me solid. →

# MATT

Keyleth-- →

# MARISHA

Yeah. →

# MATT

-- nearly pushes... →

Vex, you almost get shoved backward as you watch Keyleth suddenly (whooshes) transform into this large, massive, demonic goristro, which you've seen previously. →

And that's your action. →

Are you going to attempt to climb up? →

# MARISHA

Yeah. →

# MATT

Go ahead and make a strength check for me with the goristro's strength. →

# MARISHA

He's pretty strong. →

He's a strong demon. →

Yeah, he's real strong, 25. →

# MATT

All right, and what's the movement of the goristro? →

# MARISHA

40. →

# MATT

Without issue, you (crashing) climb up the top, getting all the way up to the edge of the wall with your movement there. →

You watch as Keyleth's giant goristro form just slams her fists into the side of the tower, and ascending, and getting on top of the wall, to face the creature down. →

# MARISHA

And I just look at him, and in Demon, I just say: I'm so emotional! (screams) →

# MATT

It looks back and you and goes (screams). →

# MATT, MARISHA

(screaming) →

# MATT

It's a lot of emotion right there. →

All right, that finishes your turn, Keyleth. →

Bertrand, finished your turn. →

Now it's Vex, Scanlan, and Lieve. →

# LIAM

I will go, if that's all right. →

# LAURA

Yeah, go for it. →

# LIAM

Lieve'tel will... →

I have not meditated for 150 years to die here. →

She will climb up to the top of the wall, take the Rod of Alertness and jam it into the stone next to her. →

# MATT

Make a general strength-- or athletics check for me, if you don't mind. →

# LIAM

Guidance. →

# MATT

Yes. →

# LIAM

No. Yep. →

No, not Guidance. →

# MATT

Not Guidance, because... →

# LAURA

Yet. →

# LIAM

Oh, Jesus. →

Seven. →

# MATT

Seven? You don't fall, but it takes you all of your movement to get to the very top of the wall. →

That's as far as you can get. →

# LIAM

That's absolutely fine. →

So the Rod of Alertness jams into the stone, and bleeds bright light on the entire group, and everyone gains plus one bonus to AC, and saving throws, and can sense the location of any invisible hostile creatures that Matt has placed around. →

# MATT

I don't know what you mean. →

# LIAM

That is an action, and as a bonus, she will place her hands on the holy prayer beads on her wrist and say a prayer to the Raven Queen, and summon a Planar Ally. →

[cheering] →

# MATT

All righty. →

So, the action was placing the... →

# LIAM

And the beads, everything is a bonus. →

# MATT

Correct. →

Okay, so what Planar Ally? Just whatever shows up? →

# LIAM

It could be up to you, it could be up to-- →

# MATT

The planar ally that shows up, of course, though I don't have the colors properly for it, is massive black raven. →

# LAURA

Ah. →

# MATT

That (whooshes) where you slam it onto the floor appears. →

As its wings unfurl, the wind (whooshes) buffets it, but it manages to (whooshes) try and get five feet of the ground. →

There you go. →

That ends your turn. →

# MARISHA

Matt, I have a DM question. →

# MATT

Yes? →

# MARISHA

Because I don't want to be dishonest. →

Shapechange takes a circlet worth $1500. →

Is that like, my circlet? How do you mean when you say, like, "components"? And stuff like that? Like, my antlers are pretty dope. →

# MATT

We're this far into it. →

We're this far into it, and you know what? I'll say, he didn't get everything. →

Just a few important things. →

[cheering] I'll allow it. →

Goodbye. All right, then. →

# SAM

You want to go? →

# MATT

So. →

# LAURA

Oh. →

# MATT

Vex, Scanlan, what are you guys doing? →

# LAURA

I'm going to climb up. →

# SAM

I will as well. →

# MATT

All right. →

Up onto the wall. →

Make a strength check, please. →

# LAURA

Wait, can I-- without climbing directly in front of him, can I-- Is it possible to climb over and up? Is it all like, just, is there like a wall that you can stand on and scooch over before you get to the top ledge? I can't see. →

# MATT

Not really, no. →

# LAURA

Fuck. Okay, I'm just going to come up, then. →

# MATT

All right, well, you can move up this far, just make a general strength check. →

# LAURA

Okay. →

# MATT

Or athletics, sorry. →

# SAM

Athletics? →

# MATT

Yes. →

# LAURA

How about acrobatics? →

# MATT

No. →

# LAURA

Fuck. →

# SAM

Mine was a 12. →

# LAURA

23. →

# MATT

Oh! You manage to make it up onto the wall there. →

You both climb up onto the edge. →

And if you want, you can step inside. Up to you. →

# LAURA

Uh... →

Oh god. →

Am I allowed to-- Can I shoot him with an arrow at disadvantage, or--? →

# MATT

Well, you have Sharpshooter, I believe, right? →

# LAURA

Yeah. →

# MATT

That means. →

# SAM

No disadvantage. →

# MATT

No, wait, no, Sharpshooter... →

# TALIESIN

Ignore three-quarter recover. →

# LAURA

No disadvantage for long range. →

# MATT

Hold on. →

# TALIESIN

Ignore long range, ignore three-quarter cover for Sharpshooter. →

# MATT

Correct, but yeah, no. →

So yeah, you would still take disadvantage in melee, yeah. →

# LAURA

Okay. →

Okay. →

# MATT

For this round. →

# LAURA

I'm going to cast Hex. →

# MATT

Okay. →

Hex. →

It's been double-- or you mean, not Hex. →

Hunter's Mark? →

# TALIESIN

Hunter's Mark. →

# LAURA

Oh, right. →

Darling! →

# TALIESIN

Hex is mine. →

Hunter's Mark is yours. →

# LAURA

Right, right, I'm sorry. →

# MATT

Let's say we'll consider that Hunter's Mark, there you go. →

# LAURA

Okay. →

I think I'm going to try to run away, like, can I, is the wall just blocked up all different directions? Like, there's no getting out of this, it's all blocked up? →

# MATT

It's a good, like, six, seven feet up. →

So you either stay on the wall, or jump in. →

There's no, like, directly outside of it. →

# TRAVIS

Come on in, the water's fine! →

# LAURA

No, I don't want to. →

Okay. →

Shit. →

I'm going to-- fuck it. →

I'm going to jump in. →

# MATT

All righty. →

# TALIESIN

Oh boy. →

# LAURA

And I'm going to try to run underneath his legs and shoot an arrow up, as I'm running underneath his legs. →

# MATT

Make an acrobatics check for me. →

# TALIESIN

There you go. →

# LAURA

17 plus nine is what? 26. →

# TALIESIN

26. →

# MATT

I'll allow it. I'll put you on the other side of him. →

# LAURA

As I, like, shoot an arrow, can I slide through and shoot an arrow up? →

# MATT

Go for it, make a shot. →

# LAURA

(chuckles) Oh. →

19 plus 16. →

# MATT

That hits, definitely. Go ahead and roll damage. →

# TALIESIN

Yeah, but [inaudible]. →

# LAURA

And he's engaged, right? →

# MATT

He is. →

# LAURA

Okay. →

# MATT

Well, you haven't asked him. →

[laughter] Dumb joke, go ahead. →

Dumb, dumb joke. →

# LAURA

14 plus two is 16. →

Plus... →

Ooh. →

21. →

26, 27. →

30. →

35 points of damage. →

# MATT

35 points of damage. Nice. →

All right. →

# LAURA

And then, I'm going to shoot him again. →

# MATT

Go for it. →

# LAURA

With my blazing bowstring! →

# MATT

There you go. →

[cheering] You remembered it. →

# LAURA

18 plus 16. →

# MATT

That hits. →

# LAURA

Hmm. →

16 plus... →

Seven, 16 plus seven is 23 points. →

# MATT

23 points, nice. →

# LAURA

Yes. →

# MATT

All right, so as you scoot through, Legolas-style, (whooshes) underneath. →

Both just rocket up into his... →

# LAURA

I slide back. →

# MATT

-- corrupted crotch. →

Sure, we'll put it that way. →

# LAURA

Yeah. →

# TALIESIN

Wow, okay. →

# MATT

Kind of, (grunts) looks down at you as you slide through out the other side. →

On his other end, you get back to your feet. →

Well done, that's your turn. →

Scanlan. →

# SAM

Eh, the thing I wanted to do can't be done now! Ooh! →

# LAURA

Did I jack it up? →

# SAM

Yeah, but it's okay. →

I'll do something else. →

Let's just say, →

# LAURA

But didn't I look cool? →

# SAM

Yes! →

# LAURA

Thanks! →

# SAM

Let's just say, I'll do this, but it won't work, because he'll legendary action it, but that's okay, it'll burn one. →

I'll cast Otto's Irresistible Dance. →

[cheering] And make him dance. →

# TRAVIS

(high-pitched) Dance! →

# LIAM

♪ Everybody dance now! ♪ (singing) →

# SAM

And I will simultaneously inspire Keyleth, by singing: (to the tune of "In My Feelings") ♪ Kiki, do you love me? ♪ ♪ Are you fighting? ♪ ♪ Do you need old Scanlan to help you? ♪ ♪ 'Cause you know. ♪ Sorry. →

# MATT

There you go. →

Take your d12, Keyleth. →

# MARISHA

Uh-huh. →

# MATT

All right, and that's going to make-- It's a wisdom save? →

# SAM

It is a-- It just happens. →

There's no save. →

It just happens. →

# MATT

(chuckling) [laughter] →

# TALIESIN

Wow, you dropped the bass. →

# TRAVIS

Dance, motherfucker, dance! →

# MATT

That's true. →

# TALIESIN

Oh my god. →

# MATT

That's cool, yeah, so all you guys have advantage on attacks against it. →

# ASHLEY

We all do? →

# TALIESIN

(cackles) →

# MATT

Yeah. →

# SAM

And I think it also has disadvantage on attacks? →

# MATT

No, it just has to use its movement to dance. →

# LAURA

Well, it already has disadvantage on attacks. →

# TRAVIS

"It just has to use its movement to dance." →

# MATT

It can't leave its space, and it just sits there, as it's like (groans). →

# MARISHA

Do the Hustle. →

# MATT

It just goes into straight, like, Riverdance. →

(dancing steps) Its feet are, like, slamming, heavily into the top of the tower. →

The heavy impacts you were hearing earlier are nothing compared to perpetual blasting (stomping) as its sandals are scraping into the stone. →

You watch the other rocks tumble, and spill off the edges, picked up and swept away by the wind. →

This is very weird. →

All right. →

# TALIESIN

Going to get worse. →

# MATT

All right, that ends your turn, Scanlan? →

# SAM

Yes, sir. →

# MATT

All right, at the end of both of your turns, it's going to use a legendary action. →

# LAURA

Oh no. →

# MATT

That's two of them. →

It's going to attempt two attacks. →

Its attacks are a 15 foot cone. →

That's one there. →

Let's do two there. →

Since you're right in the way. →

So against, that's going to be Bertrand, Lieve, and Scanlan. →

That's going to be a total of 20... →

26 to hit. →

# SAM

Sure, sure, yeah, sure. →

# LIAM

Yes, that hits. →

# MATT

All right. →

All three of you suffer 34 points of bludgeoning damage. →

# SAM

Hey, that's not that terrible. →

# LAURA

Wait, I thought something you cast, Lieve'tel, gave him disadvantage on attacks against us. →

# LIAM

No, that was something the DM slapped down, so that's gone. →

Slapped that down. →

# MATT

Sorry. →

# ASHLEY

Yeah. →

# MATT

The second attack, as its hammer swings down. →

(slamming) Slams into the wall, the wall cracks and breaks. →

It scoots into Lieve, sending you against, prone against it for a moment, and you manage to just get yourself up. →

Scanlan, it almost throws you off the wall. →

# SAM

(shrieks) →

# MATT

And then down on top of you, Sir Bertrand, and you-- →

# TRAVIS

Oh, fuck! →

# MATT

You just like, ugh! The second attack. →

# TRAVIS

I'm sure that's the sound I made. →

# MATT

The second attack is going to be 35 to hit. →

[gasps] →

# SAM

Is that against just Bertrand, or everyone? →

# MATT

No, that's all three of you guys again. →

# SAM

Okay, that hits. →

# MATT

And I need you to make a constitutions saving throw, by the way. →

# SAM

Let me just check my AC. →

Yeah, that hits. →

That hits twice. →

# MATT

Make two constitution saving throws for me, Scanlan. →

# LIAM

Will I need to make a concentration check on the-- oh no. →

Wait no, that's the rod, never mind. →

Never mind. →

Nothing's up, nothing's up. →

# LAURA

Okay, good. →

# SAM

And with advantage on all these, yep. →

I got 24 and a 19. →

# MATT

All right, yeah, you're fine. →

# SAM

Whew! →

# MATT

It's 36 points of bludgeoning damage to all three of you with that second attack. →

# SAM

Even me? →

# MATT

Even you. →

# SAM

Okay. →

What happens to them that didn't happen to me? →

# MATT

It's because you're concentrating on a spell. →

# SAM

Oh, okay. →

# MATT

That's why. To see if you maintained the dance. →

All right, that ends your go. →

And it's your turn, now, because it was your reaction to set up the thing earlier, right? →

# LIAM

Reaction? It wasn't a reaction; that was my turn. →

# MATT

Did I-- Oh, no, you did it before they did. →

# LIAM

Seems awfully soon for me to go. →

# MATT

I'm trying to get my order down. →

That's all good, yeah, we'll come back to you. →

Now it is the creature's turn. →

# LAURA

Oh my god, that was just legendary action. →

# MATT

So it gets its actions back. →

# TRAVIS

What? →

# MARISHA

That's right. →

# TALIESIN, MATT, MARISHA

Yeah. →

# MATT

Well, it can't move, because it's (pounding) its feet on the top of the tower. →

Hell, for that, I'm going to go ahead and make a save for the tower. →

[gasping] That's a fail. →

# LAURA

(gasps) →

# SAM

Oh! →

# MATT

Pike, I want you to make a dexterity saving throw, as the wall comes crumbling off past you. →

# TRAVIS

This is getting worse. →

[laughter] →

# MATT

This piece, success. →

Natural one. →

Success. →

Success, okay. →

Scanlan, I'll need you to make a dexterity save as well. →

# SAM

Sure, sure. →

# MATT

So Pike, what'd you get? →

# ASHLEY

Nine. →

# MATT

Nein! →

# AUDIENCE

Nein! →

# MATT

You suffer nine points of bludgeoning damage, as the wall crumbles and tumbles past you, slamming into you, but you hold your shield up to deflect as much as you can. →

# SAM

20 total? →

# MATT

20 total, you manage to just avoid the crumbling of the tower, landing in place as the stones spill into the space around you. →

Oh-- No, because you have to wait 'til your turn to move your bear. That's right. →

Sitting there with Grog on his back. →

All right. →

So there's that. →

That's the dancing. →

(chuckles) Now it's going to go ahead and make two attacks. →

Yeah, it can't move. →

It's going to go ahead and do this again against the three of you. →

And then one against Keyleth. →

# MARISHA

Okay. →

[groaning] →

# MATT

That is 34 to hit. →

# TALIESIN

Ah. →

# SAM

Yeah that hits. →

# TRAVIS

Last time I checked. →

# MATT

That's actually a pretty bad roll. →

Okay. So you all take 28 points of bludgeoning damage. →

# TRAVIS, TALIESIN

(nervous chuckle) →

# MATT

And make another constitution saving throw. →

# TRAVIS

Being human's a bitch, huh? →

# MARISHA

(laughs) →

# MATT

And another 35 to hit. →

# SAM

Yeah, sure, that hits. →

# TALIESIN

Oh, were you splitting them, or is that two against them? Were you splitting also against Keyleth, or were you-- →

# MATT

This is against Keyleth. →

# TALIESIN

Okay. →

# MARISHA

What'd you say? →

# MATT

35 to hit. →

# MARISHA

Yeah. →

# MATT

Yeah. →

You suffer... →

35 points of bludgeoning damage. →

# MARISHA

Okay. →

And this isn't a magical effect? →

# MATT

It isn't a magical effect. It is a magical weapon. →

# MARISHA

Copy. →

# MATT

So you watch as after it's dancing in its space, looking confused and angry, keeps looking up to the sky and shouting, just incoherent phrases, and sometimes it seems like there should be language you could understand and sometimes you just hear what sounds like that "Father!" scream previously. →

And as it looks out the corner of its eye, it takes its hammer and swings on, slams twice. →

Once down into Bertrand, and Scanlan, and Lieve, and the other one slams into the side of the goristro. →

You manage to try and catch it, and it hits you in the chest. →

Go ahead and make a general strength save for me, if you don't mind. →

Just for fun. →

# LIAM

You get a plus one on that. →

# MARISHA

Do I? →

# LIAM

Yes, you do. →

# TALIESIN

And do you have advantage? →

# SAM

You are inspired. →

# MARISHA

I get plus one. →

# LIAM

Plus one from the rod I shoved in the ground. →

# MARISHA

It's not great. →

12. →

# MATT

Okay. That's fine. →

# SAM

You're inspired if you need it. →

# MARISHA

Apparently I'm fine. →

# MATT

That ends its turn. →

Pike, you're up. →

# SAM

Hey, real quick, Matt. →

I hit it with something. →

I would like to know its damage vulnerabilities, or one damage vulnerability. →

# MATT

There aren't any. →

# SAM

Ugh! →

# TRAVIS

Shit. →

# TALIESIN

Good question. →

# MATT

But good question. →

# TALIESIN

Yeah. →

# MATT

All right. Pike? →

# ASHLEY

Okay. →

I am going to crawl-- climb up to the area of destruction, where he is. →

# MATT

Mm-hmm. →

# LAURA

Oh hi! →

# ASHLEY

Oh! →

# MATT

You see enough now, there's not a sheer wall in the way, you manage to get up in its face. →

# ASHLEY

Get up there. →

Okay, and, I'm going to cast Guiding Bolt! →

# LAURA

Yeah! →

# TRAVIS

♪ Guiding Bolt, right up the butt ♪ →

# MATT

Where is it going? →

# ASHLEY

Say again? →

# MATT

Where is the Guiding Bolt going? →

# ASHLEY

Up the butt! →

# MATT

There we go. →

[cheering] →

You have advantage on the attack, because it's still dancing. →

# TALIESIN

Oh my god, this is going to be so nuts. →

# ASHLEY

Oh wait. →

So that would have been-- →

# SAM

Come on, Pike! →

# ASHLEY

Okay. →

Um, um, um, um. →

25. →

# MATT

That hits, go ahead, roll damage. →

[cheering] →

# ASHLEY

Okay, I'm doing it at... →

# LAURA

What are you casting it at? →

# ASHLEY

I was going to do it at 3rd-level, but I wonder if-- Okay, I'm going to do 3rd-level. →

Probably should do higher. →

Oh gosh, this is nerve-racking when it's on you! →

# MATT

And Percy, you're on deck. →

# LIAM

Who's hurt again, by the way? →

# TALIESIN

Oh, I'm ready. →

# LIAM

Who's fucked up? →

# SAM

Me and Bertrand, But Bertrand's probably about dead. →

# TRAVIS

No, I'm good. →

I'm going to cut this guy's toes off in a second. →

# ASHLEY

No, no! [laughter] →

Okay. →

# SAM

Bertrand's pretty much dead. →

# TRAVIS

No, I'm good. →

# TALIESIN

Maybe. →

# SAM

Are you in single digits yet? →

# TRAVIS

No, I'm handsome as fuck right now. →

[laughter] →

# TALIESIN

Three on that sword, huh? Sorry. →

# ASHLEY

Dang it. →

Okay, 19 points of damage. →

# MATT

19, all righty. →

19 points of damage to the large-- and the closer you get to it, the more you can see it. →

It has a divine presence to it. →

There is something about that seems to give off a force of divinity, but it is clouded, it is shadowed. →

This is a very-- You're not entirely certain what source it is, but it seems simultaneously divine and ancient, and completely mad, both insane and furious. →

# LAURA

So it's not evil, it's good? →

# MATT

No, it may have been at one point, but this definitely seems like something evil has hold of it, or it's given in to whatever evil has slowly been eating away at its mind. →

# LAURA

Okay. →

# ASHLEY

Okay. →

# MATT

So Pike, that's your action? →

# ASHLEY

As a bonus action, I would like to bring out a Spiritual Weapon. →

# MATT

All righty. →

# ASHLEY

And I would like it to take the form of Grog's axe. →

# MATT

Okay. →

# SAM

Aww. →

# ASHLEY

A really big one. →

# MATT

There it is. →

# ASHLEY

And that'll be set there. →

And may I move just a little bit out of-- →

# MATT

What level was your Guiding Bolt? →

# ASHLEY

Guiding Bolt was a three. →

# MATT

3rd-level, got you. →

# ASHLEY

I did that 3rd-level. →

# MATT

So it's 2nd-level, got it. →

# ASHLEY

Yeah. →

# MATT

All right, so go ahead and roll to attack against it. →

# ASHLEY

(sighs) Okay, okay, okay. →

Which one do I do? Let's do this one. →

# SAM

With advantage. →

# MATT

Yes. →

# ASHLEY

Okay, okay, okay. →

Shit, 22. →

# MATT

22 just misses. →

# ASHLEY

Okay. →

The axe swings wide, it scrapes into its thigh, and then just slides off, its actual skin seemingly armored by whatever divine essence its creation once gave. →

Damn it. Okay. →

And then I'd like to move a little bit to the left. Oh wait. →

There's a bird there. →

# MATT

There's a bird there. →

# TALIESIN

Bird's flying, though. →

# MATT

You can move back here, that's about as far as you can get though, because of the time it took you to climb up, which would have been difficult terrain. →

# ASHLEY

I'll hang out there. →

# MATT

All right, so that's finishing Pike's turn there. →

At the end of Pike's turn, it's going to use another legendary action, to make another attack. →

This is going to be against... →

This'll be one against the same three, since they didn't move. →

So Bertrand, Lieve, and Scanlan. →

That is going to be a 20-- that's actually a pretty low roll for it. →

Low roll. →

25 to hit. →

# TRAVIS

Hits. →

# SAM

I will Cutting Words that. →

# MATT

Okay, go ahead and roll your d12. →

# SAM

Okay, my d12 will lower that by two. →

[cheering] →

# MATT

You all suffer-- →

# SAM

Aww! →

# MATT

37 points of bludgeoning damage. →

# LIAM

Lieve is down. →

# LAURA

No! →

# LIAM

I'm only level 18, guys. →

# LAURA

Oh my god! →

# MATT

All righty. →

Scanlan? →

# SAM

I'm okay. →

# MATT

All right. That's going to use its legendary action there. →

All right. →

That brings us to Percy. →

# TALIESIN

Shit, son. →

Okay. I'm going to be running up the-- I'm going to be running up the side of the wall, on my way to the other side of this thing, and while I'm up there, I'm going to take a few seconds at the top of the wall. →

I'm going to bust out Bad News, and I'm going to-- [cheering] →

First thing I'm going to do is spend a grit point for a disarming shot. →

# MATT

Okay. →

# TALIESIN

Let's see if this goes all right. →

Oh, come on. →

Well, that'll do. →

That's a 30 to hit. →

# MATT

That hits. →

# TALIESIN

So you have to do a strength check at disadvantage. →

# SAM

Yes! →

# MATT

That is going to be a 26. →

# TALIESIN

At disadvantage? →

# MATT

Yeah, it rolled a nine, and it's plus 17 to its strength saving throw. →

# SAM

Ooh! [groaning] →

# TALIESIN

All right. →

Well, regardless. →

Take-- that was a 15. →

15 points of damage plus six necrotic. →

# MATT

Necrotic, got it. So that's 21. →

Next attack. →

# TALIESIN

Next attack. →

# MATT

As you rush along the side of the wall, your feet spider climbing on the side, you pull up Bad News and (gunshot) one big shot (whooshes). →

# TALIESIN

Bonus action to reload, and I'm burning another grit for dazing action. →

# MATT

All righty. →

These attacks have advantage, by the way. →

# TALIESIN

Oh yeah, I know. →

# MATT

Just letting you know. →

# TALIESIN

That was 25 to hit. →

# MATT

That hits. →

# TALIESIN

And you have to do a constitution check. →

# MATT

Mm-hmm. →

# TALIESIN

11, that's 15 damage. →

# MATT

15 damage. →

And it rolled 25, 15 plus 10. →

# TALIESIN

All right. →

All right, I'm learning a lot. →

I'm going to use a-- I'm going to use a action to reload, and I'm going to shoot again. →

# MATT

Action surge? Oh no, because you have four attacks. →

That's right, level 20 fighter, bitch! Go for it. →

# TALIESIN

Natural 20. →

[cheering] →

# MATT

Wait, so you've attacked twice this round, right? →

# TALIESIN

This is the third attack. →

Because I used the bonus action to reload the first time. →

Yeah, you're right, you got it. →

And I'm feeling that I got a good shot, and because I can do this after I roll, Cabal's is going to go. →

# MATT

Go for it. →

Pump it in. →

[cheering] →

Ooh. Ooh. →

It's beautiful. →

Keyleth and Bertrand, you're on deck. →

# TALIESIN

(counting) Are they? Okay. →

That's... →

oh my god, I may need help with this. Let's see. →

17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 31, 32, 33, 38-- 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44-- 45, 46, 47, 48. →

49 times two? →

# SAM

Oh! [cheering] →

# MATT

Plus your modifier? →

# TALIESIN

What? →

# MATT

Is that plus your modifier? →

# TALIESIN

I don't-- no, I have no modifier for Bad News. →

It's just straight dice damage, there's no modifier for Bad News. →

# MATT

No, there's still a dex bonus. →

You still get your dex on top of it. →

# TALIESIN

Oh, I do? Oh, that's-- 49 is doubled, and then plus my dex modifier. →

I have not been doing that. →

# MATT

So it's 98, plus... →

# TALIESIN

Plus six. Because-- [cheering] And. →

# MATT

104 points of damage. →

# TALIESIN

Oh, it gets worse. →

And you know what happens at the end of your next turn? →

# MATT

Yeah, it takes half that damage. →

# TALIESIN

It takes half that damage again. Thank you. →

[cheering] →

# LIAM

(laughs) →

# TALIESIN

And really quick because I know other people want to play, action surge. →

# MATT

Oh man, that's... →

# TALIESIN

Two more shots. →

# MATT

All right. →

That's 104 points of damage that will lead into an additional 52, that is 156 points of damage from a single attack. →

# LIAM

Level 20! →

# MATT

I think-- I think that beats Arkhan's record for damage in a single attack. →

[cheering] →

# TALIESIN

Fuck you, dude. →

# SAM

More like Arkhan the Fool! →

# TALIESIN

Two more shots. →

I get two more shots. →

# MATT

Go for it. →

# LIAM

Literally shots fired. →

# MATT

Love you, Joe. →

# TALIESIN

15 plus-- 28 to hit. →

# MATT

28 to hit hits. →

Level 20 fighters, guys. →

# TALIESIN

That's... →

23, 24, 25, 31. →

# SAM

Percy, Percy, show him some mercy! →

# TALIESIN

25 to hit. →

Yeah, 25 to hit. →

Oh god. →

And that's six, 17, 18, 19, 20 plus my dex modifier, 26. →

# MATT

That hits. →

# TALIESIN

And now I'm ducking right the back fuck down. →

# MATT

All right. So roll-- 26 damage, you mean? →

# TALIESIN

What? 26 damage. →

# MATT

Yeah. →

# TALIESIN

And now I'm ducking, I'm rolling back down to hide. →

# LAURA

Oh my god. →

# TALIESIN

I'm keeping-- I'm going to try and get as my-- yeah. →

Up, and back down. →

# MATT

All right. →

[cheering] →

# MARISHA

Holy shit. →

# TALIESIN

Advantage on my shots and I'm a beast. →

# MATT

So from the rest of your perspectives, you watch as this hulking godling is just angrily snarling and slamming through. →

The walls are crumbling around here. →

It's tussling with this giant demon. →

And you watch Percy just go, (gunfire) And watch the creature go, "Huh?" (rapid impacts) Large, open wounds explode across its chest. →

You see craters across its normally dangerous form. →

Yeah. That's rough. →

# LIAM

Dear gods, who was that one-and-a-half-armed man? [laughter] →

# TALIESIN

Oh shit, son. →

# MATT

At the end of Percy's turn, it's going to use another legendary action. →

# SAM

Sure, sure. →

# LIAM

(laughs) →

# MATT

And, yeah. →

You would have been out of its melee range, so it does not get an attack of opportunity on you as you leave. →

It's going to go ahead and-- It's going to do another strike towards the three-- what is now the three of you. →

It angrily gets shot, and it looks over and sees that they're almost finished off. →

It's going to take one strike against there, and go once against you, because you're the goristro. →

You're the big dangerous thing. →

It needs to try and stop that spell. →

# SAM

Sure. →

# MATT

That is going to be another... →

plus 17, 26 to hit. →

# SAM

Yeah, yeah, of course. →

Is this me, Keyleth, and Bertrand? →

# MATT

You, Bertrand, and Lieve. →

So Lieve, so you lose a death save. →

# LIAM

Yeah, sure. →

# MATT

Yeah. →

# LIAM

Is it more than one? Because I'm down. →

# MATT

That's an auto crit on the attack. →

# LIAM

Two, right? →

# MATT

You're down two. →

# LIAM

Sure. →

[gasping] →

What will I do if my character dies? →

# MATT

That is 32 points of bludgeoning damage to both Scanlan and Bertrand. →

# TRAVIS

(laughs) One point left! [cheering] [laughter] →

It's wild times in here, bitches! →

# MATT

And Scanlan, make another concentration check for me, please. →

# SAM

Ooh, not good. →

No. →

No. Fail. →

# MATT

The dance fails. →

The constant slamming of feet come to an end, as the legs extend into a defensive stance, a grin curls across its weirdly perfect, pearly white teeth, as it now has control of itself once more. All right. →

That ends Percy's turn. Keyleth and Bertrand, you're up. →

# TRAVIS

(mumbles incoherently) →

# MARISHA

I mean, do you want to go, or do you want me? What do you want? →

# TRAVIS

Yeah, like half of my body doesn't even work. →

[laughter] →

Sure. →

You want to go? Go. →

# MARISHA

Okay. I just go: Fuck your dental insurance! and I leap off of the wall, come down with a flying superman punch, and I'm going to unleash a multiattack. →

# MATT

So it pushes Vex out of the way a bit. →

# MARISHA

(yells) →

# MATT

To land there. →

Vex, you're shoved-- →

# MARISHA

Fists. →

# MATT

-- out of the way, as the goristro body slams into the entity. →

# MARISHA

First attack. →

Ugh, 20. →

# MATT

20. →

The creature sees this coming, the blood is pouring out of its chest, and it goes-- and sidesteps, and you come elbow-first into the stone of the top of the tower. →

Immediate tennis elbow. →

Ah. Ah. →

# MARISHA

I'm inspired, and I'll let it go this time, but I'm not going to forget it next time. →

Rolling again. →

# TALIESIN

Oh. →

# MARISHA

Yeah, that one hits. →

That's a 29. →

# MATT

29. →

Go ahead and roll damage on that. →

# MARISHA

3d8. →

What am I? I'm a demon. →

# TALIESIN

Ones, you reroll. →

# MARISHA

Not like this. →

# TALIESIN

Oh, okay. →

# MATT

Not like this. →

Not like this. →

# MARISHA

I rolled two ones and a two. →

# LAURA

Aww. →

# MARISHA

Plus seven, so that's four, plus seven, which is 11, because that's math. →

# MATT

11 points of damage. →

# MARISHA

And last attack. →

Inspiration. →

Yeah. That'll hit with 27. →

# MATT

27. →

# MARISHA

With my hoof. →

Oh man. →

I don't know how this thing works. →

Okay. 3d10. →

What the fuck? →

# TALIESIN

I don't know what the hell that shit-- that's insane. →

# MARISHA

Nine and two ones. →

So that's 11 plus seven, so another 18 damage. →

# MATT

Still not bad, it all helps. →

So as you get up from the elbow, and just slam into it and kick your hoof into it (grunts) almost falls over, spins around, and now we have this kaiju battle going on on the top of the tower. →

There's both grappling and pushing. →

That ends your turn? →

# MARISHA

Yeah. →

# MATT

All right. →

# LIAM

Hey, DM, gentle reminder. →

Where the fuck is my giant raven at? →

# MATT

Oh yeah. →

# MARISHA

It's right there. →

# MATT

Let's let it go on your turn. →

# LIAM

On my turn? →

# MATT

Yeah. →

# LIAM

No initiative? →

# MATT

Hmm. It's easier to keep track on your turn. →

# LIAM

Got it. →

# MATT

All right. Ending their turn. →

Vex, Scanlan, and Lieve, you're up. →

# TRAVIS

Oh, me. →

# LIAM

I'm not up. →

# TRAVIS

It's my turn. →

# LAURA

Yeah, you're up first. →

# TRAVIS

Yeah. →

# MATT

That's true, that's right. →

# TRAVIS

As I watch Pacific Rim rage above me. →

[laughter] I'm just going to go ahead and burn the fucking last action surge I have and take six more strikes at his toes. →

# SAM

Yeah! →

# MATT

All right. →

# TRAVIS

That's a 19. →

# MATT

Are you going to stay put where you are? Or are you going to move? →

# TRAVIS

I'm fucking cutting up his feet, man. →

# MATT

All right. →

# TRAVIS

That's a 15. →

# MATT

That's a miss. →

# TRAVIS

Cool, this is fucking-- 23? →

# MATT

23 just hits. →

# TRAVIS

Ha-ha! [cheering] That is a 25. →

[cheering] That'll hit, that's a natural 19, so that's like a (mumbles) 30-something like that? →

# MATT

Yeah. →

# TRAVIS

Last one is an eight, and that's not going to do it. →

# MATT

No. →

# TRAVIS

No. →

Okay, so three of them. →

# MATT

All right, three attacks, roll damage. →

# TRAVIS

Okay. →

This is all she wrote. →

Two plus eight plus (mutters). →

12 on the first one. →

16, 19 on the second one. →

# MATT

Okay. →

# TRAVIS

And... →

I should've used my fucking Luck. →

Yeah. →

I should've done that. →

13 on the last one. →

# MATT

13 on the last one, nice. →

Through the strikes and the blasts and the gunshots, and the horns and hoof marks, this creature is showing wear and tear. →

It can deal a lot of damage, and it can take a lot of damage, and you guys are swarming into this, but right now, you are all wearing each other down at a very fast pace, both sides. →

Are you going to stay put, or do you want to strafe around? What do you want to do? →

# TRAVIS

If I strafe around-- oh, I'll stay within his melee? →

# MATT

Yeah. →

# TRAVIS

Yeah, I'll strafe around. →

# MATT

Which direction? →

# TRAVIS

Maybe he'll forget me. →

I don't know, the one that looks more forgettable. →

[laughter] →

# MATT

Probably this way. →

# TALIESIN

Yeah. →

# MATT

Next to the Grog stone. →

# TRAVIS

Oh. →

The Grog stone's right there? →

# MATT

It's in the middle. That's the thing right there. →

# TRAVIS

Huh. →

# MATT

You found it. →

# TRAVIS

Of course I did! →

# MATT

Does that end your turn? →

# TRAVIS

That's it. →

# MATT

All right, it's going to use the last of its legendary actions-- →

# TRAVIS

Oh no, bonus action, bonus action to Second Wind. →

# MATT

Go for it. →

[cheering] →

# TRAVIS

That's 27 hit points, woo! →

# MATT

Nice! As its last and final third legendary action, it's going to go ahead and attack you. →

[laughter] That is 17 again, 35 to hit. →

I keep rolling-- 18 and 17s on him have just been a thing. →

# TRAVIS

Uh-huh. →

# TALIESIN

Yeah, that's great. →

# MATT

And that is going to be... →

38 points of bludgeoning damage. →

# TRAVIS

(echoing pained yelling) Out. →

# MATT

All right. →

Beginning of the next turn of Vex, Scanlan, and Lieve. →

The beginning of the turn, you make your saving throws. →

Go ahead and make another death save. →

[groaning] →

# LIAM

(throat slicing) [screaming] →

# TRAVIS

Out! Out! →

# LIAM

On brand! →

# TRAVIS

Oh shit. →

# MATT

Vex and Scanlan. →

# LIAM

But the rod has nothing to do with the character, and the giant raven has nothing to do with the character, so, when it's Lieve's turn, the raven is acting. →

# MATT

The raven swings up to join the side of the spiritual weapon angrily screeching towards it. →

Go ahead and roll two attacks for me, don't worry. →

# LIAM

Okay, I have no idea, there's no details for this gigantic planar ally. →

19 plus what? →

# MATT

That's-- I'll say, plus six. →

That hits, go for it. →

Next attack. →

# LIAM

And what's the damage? There's no deets. →

# MATT

2d6 plus three. →

# LIAM

2d6 plus three. →

(chuckles) →

# TALIESIN

That's how you DM. →

# LIAM

14. →

# MATT

14. →

# LIAM

That's the first attack. →

# MATT

Second attack? →

# LIAM

Second attack hits, 21. →

# MATT

21. →

# LAURA

That doesn't hit. →

# MATT

That misses, I'm sorry. →

# LIAM

Misses, okay. →

Good job, raven. (squawks) →

# MATT

Scanlan, Vex, what are you doing? →

# LAURA

Okay. →

One of your friends just expired. →

The other one is down. →

I'm going to use my bonus action to disengage. →

# MATT

Scanlan's looking rough. →

All right, bonus action to disengage. Where you going? →

# LAURA

I'm backing up. →

Backing up nice and good. →

# MATT

All right. →

# LAURA

And I'm going to bring-- is this stupid? To bring Trinket up into the... →

# MATT

It's up to you. Do you want to? →

# LAURA

I mean, he's got Grog on his back. →

What if Grog gets next to the stone and he, like, wakes up? →

# SAM

Sure, sure, yeah. →

# LAURA

So yeah, Trinket's going to run up, and just try to, like, you know, get next to the stone. →

# MATT

What's his speed? →

# LIAM

I mean, I am a titanic healer and I am dead. →

# MATT

Speed is... →

# LAURA

40 feet. →

# MATT

40 feet, so that's 20. →

30, 35, 40. →

Gets him adjacent to the stone. →

As that happens, you watch the stone glow bright red. →

[cheering] (shattering) And shatter. →

[loud cheering] [loud cheering] [loud cheering] →

# TRAVIS

(heavy breathing) [cheering] →

# AUDIENCE

(chanting) Grog, Grog, Grog! Grog, Grog, Grog, Grog, Grog! →

# TALIESIN

(like Grog) He's back. →

# MATT

As the stone shatters, Grog's eyes immediately shoot open. →

He bulges his muscles, and all the teensy ropes that held him across Trinket's back snap off. →

Falls to the ground, pulls his axe from the side satchel that was attached to Trinket. →

And he's like, "What's going on?" You've been watching from inside the crystal, this all happening, and it's like, "Ooh, a little TV show." Oh, shit, it's on. →

That finish your turn, Vex? →

# LAURA

No, because I haven't gone. →

That was just Trinket moving. →

# MATT

I know I'm saying finish your turn, finish your turn. →

# LAURA

Oh, I'll shoot a couple arrows at him. →

# MATT

Do it, go ahead and attack. →

# LAURA

I'm going to use a Bramble Shot, though. →

# MATT

Go for it. →

Scanlan, what are you doing? →

# SAM

I know it. →

I'm ready. →

# TALIESIN

(chuckling) →

# LAURA

24. →

# MATT

24 hits, roll damage. →

# LAURA

And then, wait. My second attack also hits. →

It's 13 plus 16. →

Okay, okay, okay. →

Ah! Ah. →

That's 4d8. →

Uh. →

13. →

18. →

25. →

Plus... →

# MARISHA

Come on. →

# LAURA

29, plus... →

34, plus... →

34, 44. →

47, 49 points of damage on the first arrow. →

# MATT

Jesus. →

# TRAVIS

Oh! →

# TALIESIN

Yeah! →

# MATT

All right, go for it. →

# TALIESIN

I love you, darling. →

Well done. →

# MARISHA

Come on. →

# LAURA

11. →

16. →

24. →

27. →

# TALIESIN

I'm feeling good now. →

# LAURA

29 points on the second arrow. →

# MATT

Nice. →

So as those arrows (whooshes) sink into its body, more of its black, thick, syrupy-like blood slaps onto the ground, and where it hits, it seems to glow and then burn off. →

As it's bleeding onto the stone, its blood seems to be evaporating upon impact each time. →

It's looking pretty hurt. →

# LAURA

Ooh. Oh. →

It has to make strength saving throws. →

I'm sure it will succeed. →

But if it rolls a one, maybe. →

# MATT

No, that's a 25. →

# LAURA

What about the second one? →

# MATT

That's a 27. →

# LAURA

Damn, all right. →

# TALIESIN

Yeah. →

# MATT

No, sorry. →

# SAM

80. →

# MATT

28. →

# LAURA

Oh. →

In that case. →

# MATT

So the brambles are curling up, and it just kicks them off. →

(snapping, grunts) Awesome, that finishes your go. →

Scanlan, what are you doing? →

# SAM

Three things. →

One, I will heal Bertrand Bell. →

[laughter] Just because I want to see this. →

(laughter) I'll heal him. →

I'll heal him with an inspirational limerick. →

(clears throat) The cube never breaks, but it bends. →

And it loves being surrounded by friends. →

Look at all of these faces, it's a deck full of aces. →

All here to see how the tale ends. →

# ALL

Aww. →

[cheering] →

# MATT

All right. →

# SAM

Then I will bonus action inspire Grog. →

[cheering] (to the tune of "Hound Dog") ♪ You ain't nothing but a dumb Grog ♪ ♪ Drinking all the time ♪ ♪ You ain't nothing but a dumb Grog ♪ ♪ Fucking all the time ♪ [clapping along] ♪ Well, you ain't got no self-control ♪ ♪ but you are the best friend of mine ♪ [cheering] And then Scanlan would like to take a bow, and just walk away. →

# MATT

Which way? →

# SAM

Out, and away. →

# MATT

All right. →

It takes a reaction attack on you. →

# SAM

(screams) [laughter] I'll be okay. →

# MATT

That's 20 to hit. →

# SAM

Oh yeah, of course that hits. →

# MATT

You take... →

29 points of bludgeoning damage. →

# SAM

Thank you. →

I'm okay. →

# MATT

All right, there you go, you're fine. →

# SAM

My work here is done. →

# MATT

Like-- (grunts) keeps walking. →

Keeps walking. →

All righty. →

That finishes that go. →

It's now the Em-- I'll let you know now. It's a Forgotten Empyrean. →

There you go. You figured it out by now, for some of you. →

It's going to go ahead and take its turn. →

It's going to turn around this way. →

Now that Grog has risen. →

A part of its magic has shifted, and it turns around, and it's going to go ahead and make two strikes against Trinket, Grog, and Bertrand. →

[groaning] With a natural one. →

[cheering] That is fucked up. →

I want to finish Bertrand so bad! Second one. →

That's better. →

That is a 33 to hit. →

# LIAM

Jesus! →

# MATT

So, Trinket. →

# LAURA

It's okay. →

# MATT

Ooh, wow, okay. →

That's 38 points of bludgeoning damage, to Grog, to Bertrand, and to Trinket. →

# LAURA

Trinket takes half bludgeoning damage because of his awesome armor. →

# MATT

That's true. →

# TRAVIS

How much was it, Matt? Sorry, how much? →

# MATT

That ends the Empyrean's turn. →

# TRAVIS

How much did you say it was? Sorry. →

# LAURA

38. →

# MATT

38. →

# SAM

Bertrand's dead again? [laughter] →

# MATT

Is he? →

# TRAVIS

Oh, yeah. →

# MATT

So he hears the words. →

"Ha!" (impact) →

# TRAVIS

I got you. →

# MATT

Out. →

# TRAVIS

I'm so glad to be-- blargh. →

# MATT

Grog. →

It's your turn. →

[cheering] →

# MARISHA

Grog! →

# TRAVIS

(as Grog) I don't really know what's been going on, but this amazing movie has been playing, and it's about time you all got here. →

Vox Machina, fuck shit up! [cheering] And I would like to rage! [cheering] With my bonus action, I will smash the Titanstone Knuckles together. →

# MATT

Oh, shit. →

I forgot that mini. →

(laughs) It's been a while. →

But that's fine, you're already pretty big. →

You get the idea. →

# TRAVIS

That's right. →

I'll make the first attack against him with my bloodaxe. →

# MATT

Go for it. →

# TRAVIS

Not reckless. →

# MATT

Okay. →

[awwing] →

# TRAVIS

Just give it a minute. →

[laughter] Natural 20. →

[cheering] →

# MATT

Motherfucker. →

[loud cheering] →

# SAM

Oh, if only Lieve could have seen this. →

# TALIESIN

(laughs) →

# LAURA

No! →

# TRAVIS

That's three brutal criticals. →

# SAM

Oh no. →

# MARISHA

Oh shit. →

# TRAVIS

Five, plus 14 is 19. →

d6. →

# SAM

That's it. →

# TRAVIS

19. →

24. →

24. →

24 doubled is 48. That's cocked. →

That's a two for 50. →

And that's 11 for 61. →

61 plus... →

66 points of damage. →

# MATT

On one strike, all right. →

Next attack. →

# TRAVIS

Next attack. →

Reckless. →

# MATT

Sure, go for it. →

[cheering] →

# TRAVIS

Natural 20! →

# MATT

No, no, no! [loud cheering] →

That's fucking ridiculous. →

[loud cheering] Look at that shit. →

Get some footage of that shit. →

# AUDIENCE

(chanting) Grog, Grog, Grog! →

(chanting) Grog, Grog, Grog! →

# TALIESIN

What the fuck? →

(high-pitched cackle) →

# TRAVIS

28, 29, so 58. →

58. →

# TALIESIN

Oh my god. →

# LIAM

That is a lot of make believe damage. →

[cheering] →

# TRAVIS

58, 77. →

# TALIESIN

Oh my god. →

# TRAVIS

77 and 9 is... →

86. →

[cheering] →

# MATT

How do you want to do this? [cheering and screaming] [cheering and screaming] [cheering and screaming] [cheering and screaming] [louder cheering and screaming] →

# AUDIENCE

(chanting) Grog, Grog, Grog! →

(chanting) Grog, Grog, Grog! →

# TRAVIS

As I watch my comrades dealing incredible amounts of damage to this, I pull out my greataxe, and I swing just below his kneecap, cutting him down to one. →

I see his face come low and I'm like: No one fucks with Vox Machina. →

[cheering] →

# MATT

As you jump up, the-- your form's, as big as it is, you're about half his size. →

After the first hit slams down, it doubles over and grabs its chest. →

Looks at you, its teeth clenching, what once pearly whites are now covered in black ichor. →

And as your axe swings up one more, with a single-- (whooshes) you watch as the head, and the winds just-- (whoosh) carry it away. →

# SAM

(laughs) [cheering] →

# TRAVIS

Yeah! (yells) Oh my god. →

# MATT

The body slowly begins to melt away, into an oil-like substance, but as it hits the stone, you watch it begin to burn brightly. →

Whatever this Forgotten Empyrean, created by a death god long dead, the predecessor to the Raven Queen, punishing its once half child, and then was itself destroyed, never to be able to retrieve the son it only meant to send here but a short time, driven mad, now sent off to the oblivion it's wanted for well over a millennia. →

Because it is fucking late, I'm going to go pay the parking guy to leave it open. →

You gather your things, you gather your friends, the ones you've made, and the ones you've had along the way. →

# SAM

And the dead guy. →

[laughter] →

# MATT

You manage to hunt down that githzerai. →

# LAURA

Oh god. →

# SAM

Wait. →

Is the hunt for the githzerai another story to be told... →

# MARISHA

Later? →

# MATT

Nah. →

# SAM

On another day? →

# MATT

Nah. →

No. →

That was a couple of possibilities, depending on how things went tonight. →

But for the sake of brevity. →

# LIAM

I'm also curious, Pike Trickfoot, do you have anything chambered, or is my one shot character gone for the ages? →

# ASHLEY

I--I just don't know if I have anything. →

[laughter] No, I do, of course I do. →

# MATT

Okay. →

Retrieving your components through an extensive, really infuriating conversation with a mad githzerai, you manage to gain as part of this trade, the equipment that he had taken. →

You port back to Vasselheim, Grog, restored, in tow, the mistake... →

erased, but forever lingering in the back of your heads. →

The Deck of Many Things was locked away in the platinum vault of Silver Talon Reach. →

[laughter] To not be left in the hands of someone like Grog ever again. →

So. →

# LAURA

And one arm of Percival will always be one inch shorter than the other. →

[laughter] →

# SAM

I'm going to cast-- I'm going to cast Modify Memory. →

On Grog. →

And just convince him that the Deck of Many Things never existed. →

[awwing, cheering] And that this never happened. →

# TRAVIS

Wait, this never happened!? →

# LAURA

But he had such a good time. →

# SAM

Okay. →

Just the killing part. →

[laughter] →

# MATT

The best VR experience you ever had, Grog. →

# TRAVIS

Yeah, yeah, yeah! (laughter) I wish we had taken more time for this denouement, but its late, and we all have to get to our cars. →

Thank you for chilling with us. →

Guys. →

Thank you for coming to The Search for Grog. →

[cheering] We all love you very much. →

And is it Thursday yet? →

# SAM

Matt Mercer, everybody! [cheering] →

# LAURA

Once. →

[cheering] →

# MARISHA

Do a bow, do a bow. We always do bows. →

(fantastical music) [cheering] [cheering] [cheering] [cheering] →