Critical Role

Linkable transcripts

Campaign 1 Episode 107

Scaldseat

CRWiki
# MATT
Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight's episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons and Dragons and can't listen to a count off screen when we're going to go live. But I appreciate the effort guys.
# LIAM
Nobody could hear me say, "Scaramucci, I fucked up."
# MATT
I did. Don't do that. His life's hard enough right now. All right. Anyway, bringing this back in, thank you for joining us. We'll pick up here in a minute for the actual story, but first we have some quick announcements. No, not Siri.
Announcements. Come on. She's all right. First and foremost, tonight's episode is sponsored by our friends at Puzzle Quest. Magic: the Gathering.
Samuel, you wanna talk about this?
# SAM
Hi, everyone. It's me, Sam Riegel. Tonight, we're pleased to be sponsored by Magic: the Gathering - Puzzle Quest, which you can find at bit.ly/magicrole. Guys, the hour of devastation is at hand in Magic: the Gathering - Puzzle Quest. Check out new card abilities like Eternalize and the latest Planeswalker to arrive: Elspeth, the Sun's champion! Not second or third place; the Sun's champion! Jump into daily live events where you can compete alongside your coalition for top placement or head over-- I don't know any of these words.
(laughter)
Or for top placement or head over to the all new training grounds to perfect your deck! With over 150 new cards, you can craft an all new strategy to dominate the leaderboards! Magic: the Gathering - Puzzle Quest: 50% Magic, 50% match three RPG, 100% Puzzle Quest! Download on the App Store or Google Play. Okay. So typically, when Puzzle Quest is our sponsor I do a little quiz with Taliesin. Today I'm going to throw it to Liam O'Brien, just to mix it up. The theme of tonight's quiz is: Is this a Magic: the Gathering card or a Kama Sutra position? (laughter)
Black Lotus.
# LIAM
That is Kama Sutra.
# SAM
That is Magic: the Gathering.
# MARISHA
A classic! That is the world's most famous Magic: the Gathering card!
# SAM
Reverse cowgirl.
# LIAM
Magic: the Gathering.
# MATT
Strangely, yeah. White deck.
# SAM
She Wolf.
# LIAM
She Wolf is Magic: the Gathering.
# SAM
No, that's--
# LIAM
God damn it! (laughter)
# SAM
Lone Wolf.
# LIAM
That's Magic: the Gathering. I'm just doing B on every question.
# SAM
Illicit Auction.
# LIAM
That's Magic: the Gathering.
# SAM
You're correct! The Angry Pirate.
# LIAM
That's a Sam Riegel original.
# SAM
That's a Kama Sutra. Correct, Liam O'Brien.
Maybe two more. Two more. The Curled Angel.
# LIAM
That's so close to another phrase. Let's call that the Kama Sutra.
# SAM
Correct! The Mud Hole.
# LIAM
(high voice) Magic: the Gathering?
# SAM
Correct! (cheering)
The last one, last one: Excavation.
# LIAM
Ew!
# SAM
It's both.
(laughter)
Marvel Puzzle Quest! No! Magic: the Gathering - Puzzle Quest
# MATT
Yay, Puzzle Quest! This time Magic. Well done, Sam. Well done, Liam!
# TRAVIS
I was educated.
# MATT
All right, moving on. Laura, we had some updates you said as far as merch goes?
# LAURA
Merchandise!
# TRAVIS
She's playing with her giant trash bag of dice.
# LAURA
I just finished organizing it, you guys.
Okay. I wanted to give you guys some updates on some merch items. Those amazing posters? They will be sent out in a week. I think. Yes. They will be sent out in a week, because they're in the warehouse now, ready to get shipped. I've gotten a lot of messages asking where are the aprons? And the reason that they're not shipped yet is because we ended up selling so many that the manufacturer didn't have enough cloth to make the aprons, so then there was a backlog of that. So they're done, and they're about to get to the warehouse so you'll be getting your aprons in a couple weeks, and then we'll start getting them, so that's solid. Also, we have these awesome necklaces.
Also, some other stuff.
# SAM
Nice and vague.
# MATT
Things are there. (laughs) Thank you, Laura.
Let's see, next up. GenCon live. We are at the tail end of any available tickets for the show. So if you haven't got one yet and you're still planning to be around or near Indianapolis for GenCon and want to come see, get it quickly. We're about to close that out. Looking forward to seeing everyone there who's coming, it's going to be fun and depending on the next couple episodes, I'm real curious to where it ends up when we get to GenCon.
# LAURA
So it's going to be a canon episode?
# MATT
Oh, it's a canon episode. It's going to be the next episode.
# LAURA
What if we all die at the live show?
# SAM
If one of us dies tonight, do we not go to GenCon?
# TRAVIS
Yeah, pretty much.
# MATT
Well, we'll put you in the front row.
(groaning)
# TRAVIS
If you die, we will lower you from above like an angel on a fly reel.
# MATT
On the Peter Pan wire setup?
# TRAVIS
With some asshole swinging you from side to side.
# MATT
Just sending you across the audience.
# TRAVIS
(yelling) I want to get down, I can't feel my legs!
# MATT
Make an acrobatics check!
# LIAM
It's going to be so fucking great.
# MATT
So yes. Look forward to that.
# LAURA
I like how we all assumed it was going to be Sam that was dead and flying above the audience.
# MATT
All right. So also, the Critical Role podcast. We have up to episode 30 now available.
Next batch went up, so those of you who are coming on the podcast audio version of our crazy story, those episodes 21 to 30 are available for you now.
Talks Machina, once again on Tuesdays. We'll have a discussion about this episode next week and on Tuesday at 7:00pm Pacific, with our wonderful host Brian Foster on Twitch and Alpha.
# LIAM
Is next week the one that they're off, though?
# MATT
Are they off next week?
# LIAM
I think they're taking a week off, no? The week after?
# MARISHA
Both? Both. The week after Gencon we will be streaming the panel that we did at GenCon. I feel like Brian is going to be in New York for Ashley's birthday right now. He flew out today.
# MATT
So not next Tuesday, but the Tuesday after.
# LAURA
Wait, no! I thought he'll be back by then.
No?
# LIAM
He'll chime in on Twitter.
# MATT
Follow Talks Machina on Twitter for updates about what's happening next episode.
# TRAVIS
We planned this out way in advance.
# MATT
Last couple things: Sagas of Sundry. The final episode of Dread is now up on Alpha, and we'll see the finale of that crazy, crazy ride.
# TRAVIS
It's so good. It's scurry.
# MARISHA
We've got our first Sagas of Sundry tattoo! It's beautiful and gorgeous. I love it.
It's amazing.
# TRAVIS
I watch the show with the lights on 'cause it creeps me out.
# MATT
Good. We didn't have that option. And also the new episode of CelebriDND is up as well, where I got to dungeon master wonderful John Bradley who you may know as Sam Tarley on Game of Thrones.
Also, had a wonderful guest Laura and Liam joined us for that. It was a lot of fun, so check it out.
I believe our last announcement today is the birthday of one fabulous goliath barbarian.
# TRAVIS
Once a year, y'all. Once a year.
# MATT
Travis Willingham, happy birthday, buddy.
# LAURA
Happy birthday, bb!
# TRAVIS
I can't die today, right?
# SAM
Where's the cake?
# TRAVIS
It's in my stomach.
# LAURA
There's no cake, y'all.
# SAM
But where's the cake?
# TRAVIS
I mean, that was awesome.
# MARISHA
I have a little cake eraser. Do you want the cake eraser for the game? Hang on. Where is it? Where did I put it? Happy birthday!
# TRAVIS
It's a little Pike cake!
# MATT
And on that, enjoy your cake. And let's bring us into tonight's episode of Critical Role.
[dramatic music]
And welcome back.
# TRAVIS
We didn't say anything.
# MATT
No, you didn't. I was waiting and there was absolute silence. Wow. This is what it's like to have respect.
(laughter)
# MARISHA
107 episodes later.
# MATT
That's all it took. And it's the last time it'll ever happen.
# LIAM
Lulling you into a false sense of security.
# MATT
So, anyway, last we left off, Vox Machina, in facing the terrible threat of Vecna returned to physical form, sent you all through this conflict to seek audiences with a number of the deities of Exandria. After getting blessings and fragments of the essence of three of the gods, you discovered that Vecna had completed the Ritual of Seeding and ascended into godhood. However, discussing with Ioun, the Knowing Mistress, it will take a little bit of time for him to both understand the extent of his power, to claim his domains, and expand beyond his current condensed avatar form, so time is of the essence. Not to mention that in order to claim the full strength, there needs to be a showing of power and faith to gather attention and faith from the masses.
So with that information, you also imbued upon Grog the ability to blacksmith and Percival the knowledge of the construct of these Divine Trammels, things that could possibly be used to seal and have been used previously to seal a god as killing them is a very difficult and dangerous thing. Retrieving this information, you discovered that the place where these can be crafted is called the Core Anvil. Once belonging to the All-Father, the deity of construction, design and craftsmanship, it resides beneath an underwater volcano known as Scaldseat, off the shore of a city called Shorecomb in Issylra. You also had a fantastic little run-in with Vecna, recently, taunting you all.
Last we left off, you had found yourself in Vasselheim, went to the Trial Forge to speak with Earthbreaker Groon, discovered what would be required to attempt to make contact with Kord, and you made communion with the Raven Queen, and in declaring your complete faith in her she offered a piece of her essence to give you the third seed with which to make a third Divine Trammel, and with you all falling asleep within Scanlan's Magnificent Mansion, you cast True Polymorph on yourself to take the form of a planetar and did whatever you did in that form as you all went to sleep that evening.
# LIAM
Except that while he was checking out his junk in the mirror-- heavenly junk-- I shut the door behind Keyleth and I. I don't think we should go another couple of days in silence.
# MARISHA
Has it been days?
# LIAM
Just barely.
# MARISHA
Feels like an eternity.
# LIAM
I know that you are angry, and I am just-- I'm sorry.
# MARISHA
I was angry. I was very angry, and maybe if we had this conversation yesterday, even, I might be yelling that to your face right now. But it's hard to be angry at bravery and selflessness.
I mean, we've always had the problem of you having one too many ladies in your life, right? (laughs) It's hard to compete with a god.
# LIAM
I've done a lot of stupid things in my life, and I've never had any regrets, really. I do know the chance you took on me, and I've confirmed your worst fears, and then some.
# MARISHA
It's not your fault.
# LIAM
Regardless, I am sorry, and I regret that I'm not outright dead already and that you have to stare at this walking pantomime of a life in front of you, but Kiki, I'm grateful for the time I have left to look on you, and I am grateful to fight for your future. And I'm grateful for that chance you took on me.
# MARISHA
I wouldn't take it back. You taught me how to take chances. (laughs) Can I ask you a question? What exactly was the deal that you made with the Raven Queen? Was it when we slew Vecna, or defeated him? I have a feeling semantics are becoming increasingly more important.
# LIAM
She offered me a way back, and it was the only way back. I wasn't coming back, not after that. Not without her blessing.
# MARISHA
Even if we found a way, you wouldn't take it. To reverse the deal. I'm not asking. I'm just confirming.
# LIAM
I don't want to leave, but there are some things that I will not test. Hey. I do have faith in her. And I have faith in you and what you'll do. (sighs) God, I feel so stupid.
# MARISHA
It's fitting, really. You can protect that plane. I'll be here to protect this one. I mean, if these past few days have taught us anything, it's death isn't the end. I just don't want to forget. If Sprigg could forget the names of his party members that he died alongside-- he ran-- never mind. What's going to happen in a hundred or hundreds or even a thousand years? I don't want to forget this. What if there comes a day when I don't even recognize the name Vox Machina anymore?
# LIAM
I don't believe that will happen. You're going to live a long life. Yes. And you will love again. And you will lead. And you will be loved, because who cannot love you?
# MARISHA
I can name a few.
# LIAM
No one of any worth.
# MARISHA
I'm grateful for you, and I always will be. And I'm grateful for any second that we have left. And I don't want to spend any more being angry at you. And I'm sorry that I was.
# LIAM
You don't want me to go?
# MARISHA
(laughs) Of course not.
# LIAM
Hey, I'm fucking cold. Will you give me a hug?
# MARISHA
Yeah. It's the weirdest thing, by the way, you being cold. I mean, it's just something to get used to.
# LIAM
Yeah.
# MARISHA
Yeah.
# LIAM
I don't have any clever closer. I'm just going to crawl into bed and go to sleep.
# MATT
Okay. Both of you curl up and fall asleep.
The morning comes. You all come to consciousness within Scanlan's Magnificent Mansion. And find breakfast of various grains and oats and quinoa.
# TALIESIN
Lentils.
# TRAVIS
What do you mean lentils? What is that? What is a lentil? Is it a leaf? Is it a bean?
# TALIESIN
No one really knows, to be fair.
# TRAVIS
Why on god's green earth is it even here? I don't understand.
# TALIESIN
Lentils are here to punish us.
# TRAVIS
Really?
# TALIESIN
Yes. We have done something terribly wrong, and now we must eat of these.
# TRAVIS
That makes sense an hour from now when I get punished in the loo.
# TALIESIN
We are punished by that.
# MARISHA
I'm sorry. This head cold mixed with crying is bad.
# LAURA
It gets you, right?
# MATT
Yeah, it's rough.
# LAURA
Yeah, that's what happened to me that day.
# MARISHA
It's the worst!
# SAM
Well, your voice is super sexy tonight, so that's good.
# LAURA
(raspy singing) Smelly cat, smelly cat--
# MARISHA
(raspy singing) What are they feeding you?
# MATT
All right, so as you finish your meals in the morning, prepare yourself for the actions of the coming day, what do you wish to do?
# LAURA
I don't fucking know.
# SAM
Are we going to this volcano under the water?
# LAURA
Yeah, right? That's where we have to go.
# SAM
We need to be able to swim.
# TALIESIN
And we need to be immune to poison.
# LAURA
Yes, so if we have a Heroes' Feast, that will take care of one thing. And I have two chalices because we never used the one.
# SAM
We should save at least one for a certain fight.
# LAURA
Yes, obviously.
# TRAVIS
You can make us breathe underwater, right?
# MARISHA
Yes, I can.
# LAURA
All of us? Even Trinket?
# MARISHA
(unsure) Yes?
# LAURA
And Pike?
# MATT
Well Pike, goes up-- yes, don't forget! "I can prepare the feast for you guys. That way, you "don't have to spend a spell of yours for it. As you guys are on this mission to go make this-- I can be "help-- I think I need to stay here for now to shepherd both the people in my temple of the "Everlight with whatever words I can keep them calm under this chaos in the city."
# LAURA
Oh no! Pike, but what if Vasselheim is attacked?
# MATT
"Then I can let you know. I also have a Sending spell prepared, so if anything happens, I "can let you know immediately. As long as you're on this plane."
# SAM
It's so convenient!
# MATT
"That's what clerics are here for!" She punches you in the shoulder.
# TRAVIS
Can I have something of yours, at least until we see each other again? (sounds of distress)
# MATT
"Of course, Grog!" And she comes up to you and, "Let me see your axe real fast."
# TRAVIS
Ooh, the Bloodaxe?
# MATT
"Yeah!"
# TRAVIS
There you go! Mary Poppins handbag.
# MATT
She hefts it and takes a little bit of her fading blue hair at the tip and carves off a little piece of it, hands the axe back to you, and very deftly braids it into a small braid, ties it off, and hands it to you.
# TRAVIS
(gasps) It's the sweetest thing ever.
# MATT
"No, but seriously don't eat it, please."
# LAURA
That's really creepy.
# MATT
"Grog! No! No."
# TRAVIS
I tie it onto my necklace.
# MATT
Okay. "Please be safe. And if anything happens, I'm going to let you know as soon as "possible."
# LIAM
Oh man, it's going to hurt not to have you with us, though. Oh, well.
# MATT
"You guys will be fine. Better we save our strength for whatever's out there."
# TRAVIS
Yeah, and if Vasselheim is attacked, you don't go saving the city all by yourself.
# LAURA
Seriously.
# TRAVIS
I know what you're like.
# MATT
"Why would I steal the fun from you?"
# TRAVIS
That's what I thought.
# MATT
"Okay!"
# TRAVIS
All right. Bye, Pike.
# LAURA
Wait no, she has to prepare the Heroes' Feast for us before we say goodbye.
# TRAVIS
Hi, Pike!
# MATT
You hand her the chalice, and she prepares the feast within the mansion, so what little bit of for some of you may have been an unsatisfying breakfast this morning is quickly taken over by the fantastically tasting feast of such a holy spread. Taking the hour to eat it, all of you guys get the benefits of Heroes' Feast.
# TRAVIS
No lentils, right?
# MATT
There is a bowl of lentils for those who may want it.
# SAM
I had some.
(laughter)
# MATT
All right, so as the Heroes' Feast says here--
# LAURA
Immune to fear and poison and advantage on wisdom checks.
# MARISHA
And you roll 2d10 extra.
# TALIESIN
Wisdom saving throws.
# MATT
I'm going to roll 2d10 for you guys.
# LAURA
Do you guys want food now, or do you want to wait until the break?
# TRAVIS, MATT
Let's wait until the break.
# TALIESIN
We'll take a slightly early break in the long run.
# MATT
Whoa! Two nines! (cheering)
That's lucky. Okay, so there you go. That's 18 additional hit points.
# LAURA
That can regenerate?
# MATT
Yes. That's the maximum of your hit points for the next 24 hours, so keep that in mind, folks.
# MARISHA
Yeah, dope!
# LAURA
How long do your inspiring speeches last?
# MARISHA
Oh, that is an excellent question. How long do my speeches--
# SAM
Said Kathleen Turner.
# LIAM
Said Harvey Fierstein.
(laughter)
# MARISHA
Said Katharine Hepburn.
# MATT
Inspiring Leader. A creature can't gain temporary hit points from this feat again until it has finished a short or long rest. So you have temporary hit points until your next long rest, essentially.
# MARISHA
Okay. So can I double up on that?
# LIAM
Give us more hit points?
# MATT
You can. It'll be temporary hit points on top of that, yes.
# MARISHA
Oh. Yeah.
# SAM
We're probably not going to fight anything, though.
# MARISHA
Since my voice is completely shot, and I don't want to do a speech.
# TRAVIS
Yeah, but we need it.
# MARISHA
I am going to do--
# MARISHA, SAM
An interpretive dance! (laughter)
# MARISHA
Of us swimming through the volcano, and then going underground and shielding ourselves, and then fighting! And then Grog's forging the trammels! (enthusiastic a cappella music)
# TRAVIS
Holy shit.
# LIAM
Still shouted narration through it all.
(laughter)
# MATT
Wow, that happened.
# TALIESIN
I'm amazed that took over a hundred episodes. I've been waiting for the interpretive dance for a long time.
# LAURA
Yay, how many did we get from that?
# MATT
So everyone gets 18 temporary hit points, right?
# TALIESIN
Is that max goes up 18?
# MATT
No, temporary hit points, so as soon as you take damage, they go away from the temporary first. Temporary never come back. Then you have the maximum hit point bonus.
# TALIESIN
So 18 max up and then an 18 on top of that that goes away once you get hit.
# LIAM
But do I get sneak attack damage, or is it also a critical hit?
# MATT
Raven Queen taketh away. All right, so as you guys are all sitting there watching Keyleth dance while she eats, while you're eating, it's a unique display. You're prepared for the rest of your day, Pike says goodbye to everybody, gives you a hug. Says, "Be safe."
# SAM
Pike, will you do me a favor, and will you get word to Kaylie somehow?
# MATT
"I can do that, yeah."
# SAM
Tell her Dad's okay and saving the world again.
# MATT
She goes, "...Done!"
# MARISHA
Hey, Pike?
# SAM
I should have asked that long ago!
# MATT
"Probably, yeah!"
# MARISHA
Could you also do one of those to Tary?
# MATT
"Right!"
# SAM
Well, don't say, "Dad's okay, saving the world again." That won't make any sense to him.
# MARISHA
Tell him we're all alive.
# LAURA
Tell him we love him, and that we're okay for the time being.
# SAM
Especially Scanlan. He's probably really concerned.
# MATT
(laughs) You see this secondary dull flash and release of energy at her fingertips as she finishes the glyph.
# TALIESIN
Are we doing this now?
# MATT
There we go, we have food now!
# LAURA
We're doing it live! Can I have one slice of breakfast pizza?
# SAM
What is this, a restaurant?
# TRAVIS
Jesus, what the fuck?
# LAURA
He's like: hold on.
# LIAM
Pelor, can I have one slice of breakfast pizza, please? (laughter)
# MARISHA
This marker sucks balls!
# MATT
So Pike makes her way toward her temple. You guys are still within Scanlan's mansion, what are you doing?
# LAURA
Okay, I guess we should exit the mansion.
And then--
# SAM
How are we traveling? And where are we going?
# TRAVIS
Do we Plane Shift?
# LAURA
Above the water, over to the volcano. How do we do this?
# MARISHA
It's a bit away from Vasselheim, if I remember. I did see a tree, right, that was near the town?
# MATT
Yep.
# MARISHA
So yeah.
# LAURA
Okay, so once we're there, do we know exactly what we're doing?
# SAM
We're diving down into the volcano, forging some trammels.
# LAURA
And the volcano's underwater. Is that what the schtick is with it?
# MATT
Yes. It's on the floor, and you can notice it because across this open clear ocean, there is one column of black smoke that emits from the waves.
# LAURA
So it's an active volcano that we're diving into?
# TALIESIN
Underwater.
# LAURA
Solid.
# MATT
Essentially.
# SAM
One question. I have the infinite blessings of Ioun's knowledge. I am a holy man. However, I'm not exactly clear. Do we need those little peas to make these trammels? And we have three of them.
We're not going to get more of these before we forge the trams?
# LAURA
I don't think there's time.
# TRAVIS
Remember, Delilah was already down there? She was in tunnels underground, right?
# LAURA
Somewhere. We don't know where, exactly.
# TRAVIS
We don't know if she's at this forge?
# LAURA
No, we don't know if she's there, we don't know if she's with Vecna.
# MATT
The vision that you had, she was topside, and there was snow.
# MARISHA
Yeah, she was coming out of Thar Amphala.
# MATT
Well, tunnels that burrowed beneath the city of Thar Amphala.
# MARISHA
And she was coming out. She had both of her eyeballs back, and was like, "Ooh, it's "chilly." Bitch! Enjoying the winter snow.
# LIAM
Two regular eyes?
# MARISHA
Two regular eyes! Why do you think she keeps coming back? (gasps) Oh no.
# TRAVIS, LAURA, LIAM
What?
# TALIESIN
You're nervous about everything, is that what we've come to?
# MARISHA
I don't know, maybe she made a deal similar to the deals we've made, but with Vecna.
# TALIESIN
I would assume so.
# MARISHA
I mean, if gods can give us their blessing, why can't she have one?
# SAM
We should really tip 10%.
# LAURA
I know, at least!
# SAM
You know, be really generous.
# LAURA
Look at this! You guys!
# TRAVIS
So we go. Right? Do we go to the shore and then out into the ocean on a ship?
# LAURA
We go to the shore, then we climb up the volcano, then we dive into the volcano?
# TRAVIS
The volcano is underneath the ocean.
# LAURA
But there's smoke coming out of it!
# TRAVIS
Underneath the ocean.
# MARISHA
Yeah. A trail of black, sooty, bubbly goodness.
# TRAVIS
We've only talked about it for four hours; it's okay.
# LAURA
I thought maybe the top was coming out of the water.
# MATT
No, it's at the bottom of the ocean.
There are volcanoes underwater, and this one is less burning smoke. It's the sulfuric gases and poisonous fumes of the various reactions and chemicals and pressure beneath.
# TRAVIS
You never watched behind the scenes on Titanic?
# LAURA
I got it.
# SAM
How do we get there?
# TRAVIS
We go to the shore.
# MARISHA
Well, I have a tree. I can get us there.
# SAM
Okay. Let's do it.
# MATT
So. With your things gathered, you all find your way, I imagine it's not too far of a walk from the Raven's Crest to a tree that is functional for this spell. It's on the southern border of the quarter that holds the Birthheart, the orchards and various trees there. You find yourselves a suitable tree, gather yourselves, steel yourselves. Now that the morning has come, the tension in the air of Vasselheim and the word that spreads of some sort of looming threat, though sourceless and directionless, definitely has built this air of fear and rush for preparation that surrounds you.
# TRAVIS
I have a question, sorry.
# MATT
Yes?
# TRAVIS
Did Pike come with us to send us off?
# MATT
I'll say sure! She walks you guys to the tree.
# TRAVIS
Pike? You know you have-- what's it called you put on me one time? That Death Ward? Should we put that on one of us before we go, just in case it's super dangerous? One of the squishier ones? Does someone want Death Ward, so if you go down--
# SAM
Put it on Vax.
# TRAVIS
Yeah, no.
# LAURA
I think either Percy or I.
# LIAM
Pass.
# LAURA
You.
# TALIESIN
You.
# SAM
Oh god, just kiss already!
# TALIESIN
We do.
# SAM
Oh god! They do.
# TRAVIS
Boulder-Parchment-Shears. Perfect opportunity.
# TALIESIN
Flip for it. Heads or tails?
# MARISHA
Boulder-Parchment-Shears.
# TRAVIS
Yeah, come on.
# TALIESIN
Boulder-Parchment-Shears?
# TRAVIS
One time. One, two, three, go!
# MARISHA
Oh!
# LAURA
You.
# SAM
Boulder always wins.
# MATT
"I can give it to a few people." (laughter)
# LAURA
Thanks, Pike! That's convenient.
# MATT
"That's going to tap out my spells there.
I'm going to have to save some for Sending, just "in case."
# LAURA
Yes, of course.
# TRAVIS
Those two.
# SAM
Mr. and Mrs. de Rolo.
# MATT
"Okay, this'll only last for eight hours, so travel quickly."
# TALIESIN
It's Mr. and Mrs. Vex, let's be fair.
# TRAVIS
Thanks, Pike. I thought it might help.
Just in case.
# MATT
"You, too?"
# TRAVIS
Nope! Nope. I like a little danger in my life.
# LAURA
Is this going to be like the kraken fight? Are we going to be underwater fighting again?
# MARISHA
I hope not.
# LAURA
You weren't there. We almost fucking died because you weren't there with us, Scanlan. I hated you at that moment.
# LIAM
Water under the bridge. Water under the kraken. We're on brighter horizons
# MATT
As you guys are arguing, she leans forward and beneath her breath finishes the incantation with the Death Ward, and you, Vex'ahlia, it sounds like a soft clinging of gentle metals in the back of your head, and as it hits this warmth hits your chest and then it sets in. It doesn't quite fade, it's like having a localized blanket held to your sternum. Who else would like one?
# MARISHA
How many does she get?
# MATT
I'll say for the purposes of this, she can muster four.
# LAURA
Scanlan.
# LIAM
(raspy voice) How many does she get?
# MARISHA
(mafia-style voice) How many you got?
# TRAVIS
Do you want one?
# MARISHA
Yeah.
# LAURA
If you die, I'm going to be really upset.
# TRAVIS
On my birthday? Come on! What are the chances?
# MARISHA
He's got that whole barbarian "knock me down, I get back up again" thing.
# LAURA
I get the fuck back up again! You're Hercules Mulligan!
# MARISHA
That's why he would be a rogue/barbarian, I think!
# MATT
So for those four that have marked it, you have Death Ward, which lasts for eight hours. The first time you drop to zero hit points, it brings you to one, and then the spell fades.
All right. Pike sends you off with a wave and you all step through the tree. You feel the transitional burst of energy as the druidic magics pull you from one living source to another, and you all emerge on the outside of a tree that is barely wide enough to sustain the doorway between the two, and as you all gather on the outskirts, you turn around and you can see this somewhat-leafless, living through the winter, but not the prettiest tree you've seen. The doorway portal closes behind you.
Glancing around you, there is a light snowfall and you can see slush and snow gathered, dirty, along the edges of the streets. You are on the outskirts of the city of Shorecomb. Population-wise, it can't be more than a few thousand people at most.
It looks like there's a very healthy fish trade.
To the immediate right of you, there's a cliffside, maybe 200 feet from the edge of the town where there are carts going to and from. You can the large crane carrying large containers and large nets filled with caught fish from the bottom of the cliffside. People around noticed you emerge from a tree, and you can see about four or five of the various peasants and working folk stop in their tracks and stare at you, frozen.
# LIAM
I know, weird, right? Really weird.
# MARISHA
Hi!
# MATT
"This way, James." And he grabs his little kid's hand and the kid is slack-jawed watching you as he drags him off to the side. People start walking again and still glancing over their shoulder, they go about their business, keeping a very close eye.
# MARISHA
Maybe I should have found a tree less in the center of things.
# TALIESIN
I'd rather be here.
# MATT
It's not the center of town, thankfully.
Still off to the side, but you did catch the eye of a few folk.
# LIAM
I mean, you still transported us a long way.
That's commendable.
# TALIESIN
How would one go about finding out if you're being watched via magical means? Is there a way to do that other than if one is not a magic user? Is that a perception check?
# MATT
No, there are actual spells designed for that.
# LAURA
Are there spells designed to mask you?
# MARISHA
Yeah. I don't think any of us have them.
# SAM
To mask you from scrying?
# LAURA
Yeah, so people can't see us. Do you know of anything like that, Scanlan?
# SAM
I've heard of such things, but I don't currently have one.
# TRAVIS
Cool.
# TALIESIN
Just curious.
# TRAVIS
Good question.
# LAURA
Yeah, because Vecna's fucking watching us.
# TRAVIS
Right now?!
# LAURA
Yeah, all the fucking time.
# TRAVIS
You're sure?
# LAURA
Yeah.
# TALIESIN
Yeah, right over there.
# TRAVIS
Do we take a boat now? Or do we find some dolphins and ride out majestically?
# LAURA
Are we on the water?
# MARISHA
Can we make our way to the shoreline?
# MATT
Okay, it's a couple hundred feet to get to the edge of the cliff. And these are sheer cliffs that drop off for 150, 200 feet or so before it hits very hard pebbled beaches. These aren't sandy beaches.
# MARISHA
I stop everybody, saying, be careful. It looks like it could be a thousand feet, which is deceiving.
# TRAVIS
You know, you're only talking to yourself.
We all know.
# MARISHA
A thousand feet is so long.
# LIAM
So we're on cliffs facing the ocean, right now?
# MATT
Yes, you guys are at the edge of the cliff.
You look down, and there are the rocky beaches, there are a number of large docks that jut out from the rocky beach, and you can see there are about five or six varying degrees of rickety winding wooden staircases that are built into the cliffside that lead from the top edge of the cliff down to the beach below. You can see a lot of workers are currently hauling large sacks, small crates and boxes, things that are too small to bring on the large winding cranes that they have on the edge as well. There are ships coming, there are ships going. It looks like this is a decent trade stop for cities along the shoreside here in Issylra.
# LAURA
What do our elven eyes see? Can we see the smoke?
# MATT
Make a perception check.
# LAURA
That was a Legolas reference, in case you were wondering.
# LIAM
I'm not familiar with that reference.
# LAURA
A perception check?
# MATT
Yes.
# LAURA
20.
# MATT
20. Glancing out at this distance, the sky itself is very cloudy, very gray. It's a very gray day. It's cold, it's chilly, the wind that's blowing is very faint, but it's enough to the point where snow is falling. There is a very faint mist in the distance. Either a storm is coming or a storm has passed that's preventing you from seeing any sign of a glimmer of the smoke. So you're not entirely certain the direction.
# MARISHA
Can I tell if the storm is coming or the storm has passed?
# MATT
Make a nature check.
# LIAM
And there are people about?
# MATT
There are people about and some of them are just passing, not paying mind, and few of them stop and glance at these very well-dressed, very dangerous-looking figures that have now just walked up and look out past the ocean, but no one's broaching any conversation. They look like they're more making a wide berth or keeping a very untrusting eye on you as they walk past.
# LIAM
Druid's doing interpretive dance again.
# MATT
So what did you get?
# MARISHA
I'm a motherfucking human barometer!
# MATT
What did you roll?
# TRAVIS, MARISHA
Natural 20.
# MATT
Oh shit! Okay.
# MARISHA
Yeah. I'm really good at the check.
# MATT
You get the sense that a lot of the snow that was in the street when you got there and the slush was from a storm that recently passed. And the clouds and the fog that you see in the distance, it looks like it's blowing away.
# LIAM
You there, little girl.
# MATT
Okay. (laughing) Strangely, no little girl is working at this dock. However, the person you did see that looked like a little girl is actually a generally short fellow who has a wrap over the top of his head, a swollen cheek where it looks like he might have some sort of a tooth infection who spins around. It's not a bonnet. It's a crusty looking fisherman, who is like, "Who are you "calling a little girl?"
# LIAM
Oh, my bad, fellow! Sorry, as you can tell, we're not from around here. Visiting. Yeah, I had a couple of questions. One, there's a volcano just off this coast somewhere, right?
# MATT
"Aye."
# LIAM
Do you know where it is? Could you point to it?
# TALIESIN
Was that affirmative or surprise?
# MATT
Points out to the ocean.
# LAURA
Is he pointing in a general direction? I look where he's pointing. Can I see anything?
# MATT
No.
# LAURA
Damn it.
# LIAM
Are there boats for rent, for hire?
# MATT
"Maybe? Yes? I mean--"
# LIAM
All right, thank you, I think that's all I needed from you, okay.
# LAURA
I pull out a piece of gold. Do you know where the volcano is?
# MATT
"Yes. What, do you think I'm a dog? What is this kind of treatment?"
# LAURA
Do you want to make some gold?
# MATT
"Yes! I'd love to make some gold!"
# LAURA
Then can you tell me where the fucking volcano is?
# MATT
"There we go, straight questions." He rubs his swollen cheek side. You can see his teeth are graying and yellow. There's a little bit of blackened decay at the edges, but he grins a little bit at the sight of the gold. "I need a little more than that paltry sum."
# LAURA
Paltry sum? How much gold do you see every day? I pull out another piece. Is this enough?
# MATT
"Make it five, and I'll introduce you to my docksmen."
# LAURA
All I want to know is where the volcano is.
# MATT
"But you're not looking for a ship to rent, right? Like he said?"
# LAURA
No.
# MATT
"All right. (sniffles) Volcano is that way." And he points out. You see he glances over, he lines up where you can see a couple of larger rocks that are breaking out from the shore surface maybe 20 or 30 feet out from where the pebble beach ends and meets the water line. He's lining up his arm and, "That way, about five miles."
# MARISHA
Five miles.
# TRAVIS
Hey, use your elven eyes, see if you can see it.
# LAURA
Yeah, I'm going to look real hard. We're a thousand feet up.
# MATT
Still, it's too hard to see right now.
# LAURA
Can't we spell ourselves out there?
# MARISHA
Well.
# TALIESIN
We might want that later.
# MARISHA
I mean, we could. We can.
# LAURA
We should rent a ship.
# TALIESIN
If we get a ship, then when it's all over, we have a way out.
# TRAVIS
Otherwise, we're walking five miles underwater.
# MARISHA
I would rather save my 8th-level Animal Shapes in case we need to bail.
# LAURA
All right, here's three more gold. How about that introduction?
# MATT
"That I can muster." Puts the coins in a little pouch in the side and buttons it up and locks it. "All right. Follow me."
# SAM
What's your name, young lady?
# MATT
"Fenna."
# SAM
Fenna. Pleasure to make your acquaintance.
# MATT
"You as well, lass."
# MARISHA
I love Fenna in my salads.
# MATT
Leads you guys back down one of the winding stairways, and you have to wait at certain moments. There are certain areas where it switchbacks, and it's open. You would think it's a platform for looking out, but it's more for letting people get past, and for the pathways up and down, it gets narrow on the actual stairs. But eventually, you make your way down to where these docks are, and there are three large buildings that are the hubs of most people checking in, checking out. They have a number of docksmen that are keeping tabs on what's going in and out of the dock, and what materials are being shipped in, taxing those that are using it temporarily, general business in the vicinity. He leads you over. "Now then, I'm going to introduce you to "Senth. She can rent you something, at the very least. I recommend not letting that one in. She "has a thing against the smaller folk."
# LIAM
Oh shit.
# SAM
Oh. I'm being racisted against?
# MATT
"Look, I'm not-- You seem like a very fine lady."
# SAM
Touché, Fenna. Touché.
# MATT
"But I know Senth well, and if you want to make a good impression, maybe keep her outside."
# LAURA
You're not the tallest yourself, you know.
# MATT
Stretches his lower back with a couple of cracks and snaps. The hunched man gets about four, five inches of height and is almost cresting about Vax height.
# TRAVIS
Look, Scanlan. The necklace is really nice on the inside. I can vouch for it.
# SAM
I'm not going into the necklace.
# TRAVIS
Why not? New experiences, right? Whatever it takes to achieve the mission.
# LAURA
Fuck it! Fuck it, I'm not disguising him because of what he looks like! Fuck that.
# SAM
Are you standing up for me?
# LAURA
Of course I am!
# MARISHA
I would like to argue, he just disguised himself for a solid year.
# LAURA
I don't care. That was a different reason, and if your fucking dock mistress is such a bitch that she won't give us a good deal because of him then we'll find someone else.
# MATT
Fair enough. I would also recommend you lower your voice. We're right outside of her door.
# MARISHA
Wait, what's her name?
# MATT
Senth.
# MARISHA
Senth.
# SAM
It's really easy. I don't mind putting on the hat.
# MARISHA
It is the principle, but do we have time for principles?
# TALIESIN
We have time for principles immediately afterwards, when we come back.
# LIAM
We never have before. Why start now?
# LAURA
I mean, it's up to you, but I don't think you should do it.
# SAM
No, let's stand on principle.
# TALIESIN
Oh no.
# MATT
"Are we done here?"
# TALIESIN
Oh, you're still here.
# MATT
"Good day."
# TRAVIS
Thanks for your time.
# MATT
Hobbles off and makes his way back up the stairs. So you come outside to this one dock hub.
It's a modest two-story building looks like it has like a watch tower second story and the bottom floor is much larger. The door is currently closed. The wood looks a little sea-rotted. You can see the edges of the wood are curling and dark and perpetually damp. Little bits of green moss and various fungus are starting to gather at the very edges of the building, but it seems to be standing and has been there for a while.
# TALIESIN
(knocking sound)
# MATT
You knock on the door. A voice inside goes "Come in."
# TALIESIN
(door creak) I don't know why I made the sound effect.
# MATT
That's okay. As you push the door open, glancing inside, there's general gray dull daylight coming from the cloudy sky, but there are also a few oil lanterns hanging in different places. You can see stacks of maps or other heavy pieces of parchment that are curled up and tied off in sections. There are small crates, most of them empty, that are scattered about the entranceway here, and as you enter the building you watch as a very tall, thin, lanky female half-orc spins around across the room with a singular monocle that is very, very intense to make one eye look really big over the other. Spins around; sides of the head shaved and the rest of it slicked back against the head with a little bit of a light brown shock against the black to one side. Dressed fairly nice but you can see the clothing at an immediate glance is nice upfront and then tatters at the bottom. Spins around.
"Yes?"
# TALIESIN
We were hoping to charter a ship at great expedience to about five miles off the coast to the plume of smoke and the underwater volcano.
# MATT
You watch as the one eye, moving independently of the other, glances and looks each of you very quickly up and down and then slicks back into place. "That can be arranged, yes."
# TALIESIN
Excellent.
# MATT
"How long would you wish to charter this ship?"
# TRAVIS
Three days?
# LAURA
Sure, yeah, probably be less than that but three days, sure.
# MATT
Do you have a crew?
# TALIESIN
No, we would need to--
# SAM
Can any of us sail?
# TRAVIS
Not if we want to live.
# TALIESIN
We would like to charter a crew also to maintain. We're going to be doing a bit of underwater search and rescue, so.
# MATT
"Very well then."
# SAM
Will that be possible?
# MATT
"Yes."
# LAURA
Great. Wonderful.
# MATT
"Three days' rental including a crew on board. That'll run you approximately 150 gold "pieces. I require, to be in case you lose the ship or don't return with it, an additional 500 to hold "in case you lose the ship. So a grand total of 650 up front with 500 to be returned upon your "return."
# LAURA
Of course, and you have something to sign.
I'm sure Percival can draw something up.
# MATT
"Oh, but of course. I would not dream of allowing such a thing without a paper trail."
# TALIESIN
That will do.
# MATT
"Follow me." A quick contract is drawn up.
You take a glance over it, Percival. Seems very thorough but nothing beyond what was requested and basically if the ship is not returned all money is forfeit. When the ship is returned, a very intense investigation and perceived state of the ship is going to be requested from an appraiser to see if any damage was taken. Yeah, it's essentially like one of those seedy car rental places that the contract says they will ding you for every damage.
# LAURA
How much do ships normally cost?
# TALIESIN
I don't know.
# LAURA
600 is very low.
# SAM
I feel like we've rented a ship before.
# LAURA
But it was far less than this.
# TALIESIN
It was far less than this, but at this point I'm saying let's blow the money.
# LAURA
Yes, of course. I agree, but an entire ship I feel like would be more than 600.
# TRAVIS
We priced it out once before, and it was like 30,000.
# LAURA
Yeah, so she's giving us a really good deal.
# SAM
Maybe it's a shitty ship.
# MARISHA
I mean, that's fine. I'd prefer a shitty ship if it's cheaper.
# MATT
Slaps the contract down in front. "Have we a deal?"
# TALIESIN
I don't mind.
# MATT
"Very well."
# SAM
Would you take this as a deposit? I give her this platinum bracelet with a sapphire that I have. We'll get it back when we return the ship.
Oh, wait.
# LAURA
Maybe you should amend that in the contract.
# MATT
The one eye is still looking at you. The other is (buzzing) in front of the bracelet. "I "find this acceptable in our agreement."
# SAM
But wait, it just occurred to me as I was handing that over, we need platinum, don't we? That was platinum, wasn't it?
# LAURA
Yeah.
# SAM
Maybe we'll just do gold instead. Sorry, can I have that back? Sorry.
# LIAM
Smooth operator.
(laughter)
# MATT
Flings it back and there is an expression of, "Of course a gnome would do that." If this was a Telltale game it would say, "Her hatred for gnomes deepens."
# LAURA
That's fine. (bling)
# MATT
"All right." Immediately puts it into a small shelf, writes down some remarks on it. "Very "well, I will show you to the Shore Shanty. Follow me, please."
# LAURA
Oh, it sounds elegant.
# TRAVIS
Shanty's a fancy name for a mansion, right?
# MATT
Leads you out to one of the far end docks, and there are a number of decent ships and larger fishing ships, some faster-travel ships, some long boats. You see one galleon-sized ship that's just left and taken away, and on the far end there is one of the shittiest tugboat-sized boats you've seen in a while. Scanlan, you've seen boats like this and they're largely used for either relatively cheap and relatively quick messenger services. A courier ship, if you will. That's about it.
# SAM
Do we need a bigger vessel?
# LAURA
I have a feeling you don't believe this ship will make it back, do you?
# MATT
"Well, that would not behoove me; I wish to keep my ships at dock where they're safe."
# LAURA
Of course. Yep.
# MARISHA
She's got a high-ass insurance policy on this bitch.
# TALIESIN
Clever.
# MATT
"The crew is included. Go say hello. Hope to see you back in a few days." Whips around and walks her way back.
# TRAVIS
Did you see her eye? It didn't move. How does that happen?
# SAM
She seemed very pleasant. Don't know what Fenna was talking about. Shall we away? Do we need to make any preparations before we go?
# TALIESIN
I think we're ready.
# SAM
Do we have all of the materials we need?
# TALIESIN
Did we get the platinum from the bank, if I recall? I'm trying to remember.
# MATT
Yeah, we'll say that that was your intent last time, that you made the conversion to platinum.
# TALIESIN
We would've platinumed.
# TRAVIS
Let's meet the crew.
# MARISHA
Oh boy.
# TRAVIS
How many crew are there?
# MATT
There are three. Two of them appear to be the crustiest barnacles-- The gentleman that you met earlier, Fenna, looks like the brother of these two that mated. That really lived the life.
Both of these men that are inside, that're playing cards hunched over the table, can't be younger than their early sixties. One of them has a big, thick, gnarled white beard that darkens at the tips which you can only imagine, as most hair tends to get lighter at the tips, means it's crusted with stuff. They're both wearing general seafaring garb and tattered clothing. They're muscular. Their skin is very tanned. One of them's wearing a heavy knitted cap that folds back onto itself and rests on his shoulder to the side. They are both playing cards and they look over. "I "guess it's time to work." Takes the cards, pulls them up from the table. "All right, where we "going?"
# LAURA
You strapping young lads are taking us out to the volcano.
# TRAVIS
Yeah, Scaldseat.
# MATT
Both look at each other. "All right, let's wake up Santy."
# MARISHA
Santy? Shanty.
# MATT, SAM
Santy.
# TRAVIS
The name of the boat is the Sea Shanty, but the captain is Santy.
# MATT
Santy of the Shanty. Technically, this is Captain Santy of the Shore Shanty.
# LAURA
The Shore Shanty?
# MATT
Yeah. It's a mouthful.
# LAURA
Captain Santy of the Shore Shanty? I love it!
# MATT
You watch as this large gentleman walks over and slams his fist on this small, wooden-- ugh, my brain isn't working. Thank you, a hatch in the ground. "We've got customers." And you hear this rustling beneath and all of a sudden the hatch slams up, and barreling out from underneath you see the drunkest, most unshaven, unwashed, gnarled goliath you've ever seen. No facial hair, but bits of frizzled dark hair in the back, which is interesting. Very few goliaths grow hair. Now what's interesting about this, too, is the size isn't as large as you height-wise, but width is about matching yours, so this is a bowling ball of a goliath. Steps up on the top. (grunts)
# LAURA
Only taller.
# LIAM
A large Danny DeVito.
# MATT
Actually, yeah, that's a good point. But if Danny DeVito also was doing Iron Man competitions for a number of years and then let himself go, so he has the bulk of the muscle underneath but then-- Yeah. Doesn't say a word, just looks at you all and then walks out onto the deck of the ship.
# LAURA
Great.
# TRAVIS
Can I look down into the hatch where he came from? Can I see anything?
# MATT
Make a perception check.
# LIAM
We're just going from point A to point B.
This is just what we need.
# TRAVIS
Two.
# MATT
It is dark, but you can smell the rum.
# TRAVIS
There's rum down there. Down there? There is rum.
# MARISHA
Well, we have five miles ahead of us.
# TRAVIS
Let's get shit-housed. Who cares what our responsibilities are?
# LAURA
How long would it take to go five miles on this fabulous ship?
# MATT
Well, one of the two older gentlemen that were there, the one that knocked on the hatch, goes, (hums). Sticks his hand out the side of the doorway, "Maybe two hours? Three hours?"
# MARISHA
Ugh. No. I'm going to go fix with that.
Whatever. You know what I'm saying. (wind noises)
# TRAVIS
We haven't even left the dock yet.
# MATT
They pull the sail up, they get everything ready, they go ahead and undock from the dock, pull up anchor, and the general wind, because it's cliffside here, the wind is pretty strong right here at the bay, so immediately the sail billows open and the ship takes off. And they begin to curve in the direction, loosely, of where you were pointed earlier.
# MARISHA
After those initial winds, I take them and keep us going for a little bit.
# LAURA
I'm going to keep an eye on where the little guy said the volcano was and try to make sure our drunk captain is taking us to the right place.
# TRAVIS
After all, we are going on a three-hour tour.
# MARISHA
Actually, it should be only about half an hour, now!
# SAM
Ooh! There's sound effects, first of all.
Appreciate the sound effects. If we're going on a three-hour tour, I demand to know who's Gilligan, who's the Skipper, millionaire and his wife. The movie star--
# TALIESIN
Ginger.
# SAM
Ginger, yeah.
# MARISHA
Well, then there's the Professor and Mary Ann. Yeah. Well, you may be the Professor. So maybe you're Mary Ann. Does that make me Ginger?
# LIAM
Well, wait. Wouldn't you be Thurston Howell III?
# TALIESIN
I feel like I would really be Thurston.
I feel like Thurston's better.
# MARISHA
Yeah. Actually, yeah.
# LAURA
You're Mary Ann, you're Professor.
# LIAM
This is going to be very helpful against Vecna.
# MATT
You're the crazy monkey on the island that kept fucking shit up.
# SAM
Little buddy!
# MATT
All right. As you set sail, the wind picks up, speed is enhanced and you gather at this rate probably in under two hours you'll probably make it to the destination with the help of the Air Ashari--
# MARISHA
It's a 2nd-level spell. Gust of Wind.
# MATT
So as it guides on, Captain Santy stands at the front of the ship glancing out, this giant square jaw just nestled right into where the pecs meet up beneath the thick sweater that's almost hanging off the arms at this point. No cap, balding head with the scraggly hair in the back, and just looks off in the distance. The rest of the two are just sitting back where there are various jugs of some unseen liquid, keeping tabs on the sail. It's a very leisurely, lackadaisical energy on this ship.
# LIAM
How many feet, I guess, is this ship from front to back?
# MATT
Front to back, I'd say it's about 25 feet.
# SAM
We're crammed on this thing.
# MATT
This is a tiny ship. It's 25 to 30 feet.
# LAURA
There's no way to go any faster on this? Is there no way to go faster, Captain?
# MATT
Captain? You say this to the captain? He goes--
# LAURA
Do you go out to this volcano often? Lovely.
# MARISHA
Santy is so wise.
# TRAVIS
Why do you say that?
# MARISHA
He sees the sea. Look at him.
# TALIESIN
We can all see the sea. It's right there.
# MARISHA
Santy of the Shanty seas sees the sea.
# MATT
And he points out and you glance out at where Santy of the Shore Shanty is, and you can see in the distance there's a little line of dark that is rising out of the ocean.
# LAURA
Oh, you found it.
# TALIESIN
Santy of the Shore Shanty spotted--
# TRAVIS
I will throw something.
# MARISHA
Do you think Santy of the Shore Shanty sells sea shells?
# TALIESIN
Surely not.
# MATT
Rocks fall. Everyone dies.
Quickly enough, you begin to approach and you can now see what was a thin column is now a fairly large billowing stream of dark fume that you can see as the waves get larger and larger the further out you go. Certain swells, some of it breaks up and it chains and snakes upward, based on how it's finding its way to the surface.
Eventually, you get within maybe 30, 40 feet of where it breaks the surface there, and the sails fall into loose and are tied around the bottom, anchor is thrown off the side, chain is let down, and then eventually the captain turns back and--
# LAURA, SAM
All right.
# TRAVIS
Jeez. Hold on. I saw you drop anchor. Do you have an idea of how deep it is here?
# MATT
Glances over the side.
# LAURA
Very deep. Is your chain long enough for your anchor to hit bottom? Cool.
# LIAM
I'm sorry do you-- do you talk, ever?
# MATT
As soon as you say that question, the two other older gnarled gentlemen on the ship go (noises of warning). Captain is just staring at you. (spits) Spits on the ground before you.
# MARISHA
I see you're also skilled in interpretive dance. You're very good.
# TRAVIS
Oh shit. The ship will be gone when we come back up.
# LIAM
I don't wanna waste time on the gnome business.
Let's just go on.
# SAM
Let's do this.
# MARISHA
Water Breathing!
# LAURA
Oh, and Trinket!
# MARISHA
And Trinket. (poof)
# LAURA
I had him in the necklace because it was such a tiny little boat, but now he's out.
# MATT
Yeah. All right. With that, you all have water breathing.
# LAURA
Oh wait, can he swim? He's good. He did it before, right?
# MATT
Yeah. He's as good at swimming as half of your party.
# LAURA
He's an expert now after the kraken fight.
# SAM
What?
# TALIESIN
I'm so glad I don't have to do that. You just do it for me. It's very nice.
# MARISHA
Keyleth uses Alter Self to give herself the gill hands. The webbed fingers again. That was cool.
# TRAVIS
You got to do a proper paddy entry into the water. (splash)
# MATT
Perfect. As each of you make your way into the water (splashing). You can smell, by the way, the fumes. Because you see the dark color of it, you immediately envision or at least instinctively prepare for the smell of fire smoke or a fireplace. As soon as it hits you, it's a very acrid, sharp metallic smell with hints of sulfur and other chemicals that burn the inside of your nose and sinuses immediately.
# LIAM
In the water, going up our noses?
# MATT
It's the proximity. Being near, you can smell occasionally as the wind blows through, a whiff gets to you. You all make your way under the surface and begin to swim down, following with your vision where the source of this dark column of fume is.
# TRAVIS
Do we have good visibility?
# MATT
It's all right.
# TRAVIS
40 feet? 60 feet?
# MATT
I'd say about 60 feet or so before it gets a little murky.
# TALIESIN
I think I've still got one more charge on the flashlight, if I recall.
# MATT
Okay.
# LAURA
The red light?
# TALIESIN
Yeah.
# MATT
All right, so you guys make your way... down below. Who's leading this? I should get a marching order for underwater, by the way.
# LIAM
I will go ahead.
# LAURA
I'm useless and Percy's useless underwater.
# TALIESIN
Extremely useless.
# MATT
Percy has the light, too.
# TALIESIN
I'll be in the middle.
# MARISHA
I'll be with Percy, more up front.
# MATT
All righty.
# LAURA
I'll be just behind Percival.
# MATT
All righty. Grog?
# TRAVIS
Where should I be?
# MATT
You're sinking faster than most anybody.
# TRAVIS
Yeah. How about I'm the down-weighter system for whoever's in the front? I'll hold onto their ankles.
# MATT
Is Trinket in your necklace or swimming, as well?
# LAURA
He's out. He's swimming.
# MATT
Okay, so Trinket's trying to keep up next to you. Scanlan, where are you?
# SAM
I'm probably next to Percy.
# MATT
All right, so you guys begin making your way down. You can breathe the water just fine as you descend 40, 60 feet, 80 feet.
# LAURA
I'm equalizing.
# TRAVIS
You're breathing water. It's not necessary.
# LAURA
Really? Your ears wouldn't pop, still?
# TRAVIS
There's no air in your sinuses.
# LAURA
Oh, right. Okay, cool.
# MATT
It's funny. You mention equalizing, and I can't help but try and do it myself now.
# TRAVIS
Quick question. Like in space, can we talk underwater if there's no air going through our vocal cords? Cool.
# LAURA
Oh, good. We can't communicate.
# MATT
I'll say because you have the earring, it's a little garbled, but you can hear it a little bit.
# MARISHA
It's like that game we all played when we were growing up.
# MATT
You can make out the gist of things, but depending on how fast you're talking, it could be hard to hear. It's getting darker and darker the further down you descend, and the water gets murkier and murkier. It also gets warmer.
# TRAVIS
Stop peeing, Vax.
# MATT
(chuckles) I was waiting for it.
# LAURA
You called him Vex.
# LIAM
Vax, and I said sorry at the same time, so I'm peeing right now, is what I'm saying.
# MATT
It's good. It leads you into it. Descending further and further, the only visible light that you have is the one that Percival is shining below, and as it goes through, you can see it reveals another 40 or so feet ahead of you, and then as you pass over, it suddenly becomes shorter and then longer again as it comes and hits the smoke, and you can see the smoke and the fume now.
It's billowing up at a rapid pace, and the water is getting hotter and hotter, to the point where now it's starting to feel like a sauna.
# LAURA
(garbled) We didn't think about fire resistance, did we?
# MATT
About another 20 or so feet, and it's hot enough to stand, but it's getting really uncomfortable, and with Percival's light, you can see the bottom. (soft impact) You guys all land there at the bottom of the ocean. It's so dark that outside of Percival's light and the glow around you, you only see the outline of each other from the splash-back of the light as he projects it around.
# LAURA
Does anybody have any light?
# MARISHA
I can light up my flame hands.
# TRAVIS, MATT
You're underwater.
# MARISHA
But it's magic. I thought it doesn't matter?
# MATT
I will say, you get a little bit there, and it's fighting against it. It's a very faint glow.
You can see where Keyleth is, but it doesn't add any light to the rest of this.
# TRAVIS, LIAM
(garbled noises)
# LAURA
We really need to say stuff, though, because no one's going to be able to understand us.
(laughter)
# TRAVIS
Do you see anything around us?
# MATT
Make a perception check.
# TALIESIN
I may join in on that, because I have a flashlight.
# LIAM
28.
# MATT
You guys both have disadvantage on this, by the way, because of the lack of visibility.
# LIAM
28.
# LAURA
Scanlan, don't you have Dancing Lights or anything?
# TALIESIN
21.
# SAM
I can make a Fireball. (garbled) I can make a Fireball, but it will probably go out really quick.
# LAURA
(garbled) Don't you have a Dancing Lights cantrip or some shit like that?
# SAM
(garbled) No.
# LAURA
(garbled) Lame.
# MATT
All right, so glancing down, you can see you guys are standing on a rising upward cone; the top of the volcano at this point, where you can see all the ground below you, especially immediately around where the water or the fume is gushing out, is porous, dark rock. There's no soot; there's no soft surface that you hit. There's no usual bottom of the ocean you expect. Yeah, no sediment. It's just hard rock. The force of the vents seems to be pushing any of the sediment off, and it descends slowly around you and disappears into the darkness.
You can see a number of small-- strangely enough, with the heat of the surrounding area, too, you can see little bursts of color within the porous rock, and with a quick glance, Vax, you can see there are bits of plant life, colorful pinks and purples that are slowly pulled into the porous rock on the outside of these vents. You can see a very faint glow in a couple of places of the rock where it looks there is still some sort of very hot, very slow pressurizing molten rock that is cooling slowly. It looks like there's this constant slow battle between the ocean water and whatever's forcing upward.
# MARISHA
Do I see any-- (garbled) Do I see--
# MATT
(whispering) Don't, please.
(laughter)
Please don't.
# LIAM
It sickens me.
(laughter)
# MARISHA
Are there any pockets other than the main pressure point that might be a smooth entry point?
# MATT
Right now, where it's emerging, these jets of extremely hot fume that are billowing past you, it looks like there's one concentrated opening at the moment. As you walk around, it looks like it's not one central column. It looks like there's a number of smaller fissures that are all clustered around this area, and it's hard to see the separation because so much of it's mashing into one giant column as it emerges.
# MARISHA
Okay. Yeah. All right, so it's hot water and gas coming up. If I theoretically wanted to do a Control Water spell and reverse the water inwards, could we go in through one of these tunnels? Through one of these fissures?
# MATT
You can certainly try.
# TALIESIN
I hate that phrase.
# TRAVIS
You've got the Death Ward. Go for it!
# MARISHA
I'm more thinking for all of us. I don't know how else we're going to get in.
# LAURA
Can you make yourself a fire elemental, and it won't damage you if you go-- or will water fuck with you?
# MATT
Oh, water will fuck with you as a fire elemental.
# MARISHA
I could be a water elemental, though.
# MATT
You could.
# TRAVIS
Should we walk around? The volcano, is it massive?
# MATT
You don't know. Your visibility vanishes about 40 feet away from you.
# LIAM
And we're just seeing little glows in the distance?
# MATT
You're seeing little glows within the actual areas where the fumes are spewing up. You're seeing down where the smoke is emerging. You're seeing every now and then a faint glow that appears here and there.
# TALIESIN
Are the faint glows repetitive, like they're coming from the same place over and over again?
# MATT
Yeah. It looks like the glow is stationary.
It's just the smoke obscuring it as it passes by and occasionally gives you a glimpse.
# TALIESIN
Let's head towards the glow.
# LAURA
Yeah. It might be magma coming out, though.
# TRAVIS
There are tunnels that exist already.
# TALIESIN
It might be magma. Also, if we see anything resembling an air bubble, then we know there's something that breathes.
# MARISHA
If we want to wait a few minutes, I could do a Commune With Nature.
# LAURA
Yeah, do that. That's smart! Yeah.
# MARISHA
I'm going to be like, underwater tea party! (glugging) And do a Commune With Nature for a little bit. I get three questions? I want to find any easy tunnels.
# LAURA
Man-made tunnels.
# MARISHA
Man-made tunnels that aren't going to bake us alive.
# LAURA
Any dangerous creatures in the area.
# MARISHA
Any dangerous creatures in the area.
That's good. And the Anvil. Okay.
# MATT
Because of the nature of this, the radius is limited to 300 feet because it's considered a somewhat underground, not out-in-the-open setting.
# MARISHA
All right, yeah, 300 feet.
# MATT
All right, so. You take the minute and concentrate beneath. And with that, all of a sudden you feel your conscious extend into the rock and stone and the various forms of plant life that have made home around the outskirts of the top of this volcano's caldera. Your questions are?
# MARISHA
Are there any man-made tunnels that will grant us access into the volcano without burning us alive?
# LAURA
And where are they?
# MARISHA
And where are they?
# SAM
That's two questions.
# MATT
No.
# TRAVIS
Man-made is not important.
# SAM
How about, any tunnels?
# MARISHA
Are there any tunnels getting into the volcano?
# MATT
You feel the sense of the rock and the surrounding material guide your attention, very focused, into the center of where that fume is erupting.
# TALIESIN
Oh. Okay.
# LIAM
The Anvil is probably too far away at this point. Yeah, it's probably not right here at the top. What about these colorful plant things floating past us? Are they going to sting us and paralyze us?
# SAM
Should we find out, from nature, how far down in the magma it is?
# TRAVIS
Yeah, what the location of the Anvil is?
# MARISHA
I'm afraid that 300 feet--
# LAURA
But maybe it'll know how far away it is, even though it can only-- Does it work that way?
# MARISHA
Within 300 feet, I can see the area.
# LAURA
Oh, okay.
# LIAM
Said the fantasy heroes.
# MARISHA
Yeah. Hostile creatures! Hostile creatures in the area.
# MATT
Hostile creatures in the area?
# MARISHA
Dangerous hostile creatures. How many more adjectives can I throw in there?
# LIAM
Pissy.
# TALIESIN
Irritated creatures.
# TRAVIS
Starving.
# MARISHA
Do harm. Ill will.
# MATT
Terrain. Bodies of water. Prevalent plants, minerals, animals or peoples. Powerful celestials, fey, fiends, elementals or undead. You do get a very faint sense of elemental movement. You're not quite sure what that pertains to specifically, but it is moving just outside the radius of your sphere of understanding here at the top of the volcano, and it is moving slowly through rock.
# LAURA
There you go.
# SAM
Through rock.
# MARISHA
Earth elemental.
# LAURA
So we need to go in the top, yeah?
# TRAVIS
Or through rock. You can make tunnels, right?
# MARISHA
I can make tunnels.
# TRAVIS
I would prefer to do that than go down the barrel of the shotgun, but that's just me.
# SAM
Travis, can you say that with your finger flapping on your mouth please?
# TRAVIS
(garbled) No.
(laughter)
# MARISHA
Are we concerned if I start boring tunnels into the side of this that magma and pressure will start releasing out the side?
# TRAVIS
I'm just saying.
# SAM
He's just saying.
# LIAM
Vax swims down towards the cone. And I think the last time I talked about the Deathwalker's Ward, I'd set it to fire, so we'll say fire.
# SAM
Immune to or resistant to?
# MATT
Resistant to.
# MARISHA
Is my mantle helping with the heat?
# MATT
Yeah, the heat isn't bothering you as much.
It helps with extreme heat as a general weather type, but intensely dangerous heat like fire or anything, it's not going to help you with that. So you dive into the center?
# TRAVIS
Yeah, I forgot. He's like a crash test dummy. We'll worry about that later.
# MATT
You watch as Vax disappears into the liquid.
The pressure is a lot. I need you to make an athletics check first.
# LIAM
Okay, that's what I'm best at. Athletics.
Natural 20. Thanks, Matt Colville.
# MATT
You swim down into the darkness and you're using your sense of balance to keep tabs on what is up and what is down, because once you dive into the middle of this pillar you see nothing. And you begin to swim down, feeling for where the gravity is pulling you and the force against you, and use that to get your bearings.
# LIAM
I know it's probably fuck-all, but I'm going to pull out the Flametongue Dagger and try to use it as a shitty-ass--
# MATT
You can faintly see a little bit of it there. You do take three points of fire damage as soon as you enter the water, reduced to one. So you manage to push through and descend about 15 or so, 20 feet. You suffer another six points of fire damage, reduced to three. Need you to make another athletics check, please, as you're pushing further and further down.
# LIAM
Use my first Luck of the day. Oh, not good.
Same thing. Just a six.
# MATT
A six? It begins to push you up, you lose a little bit of ground. You take another one point of fire damage. You begin to make up, and you get partway down. You get another 40 or so feet down into it, you think. Still unable to really see anything. Occasionally, you see a glint of that light that you saw before. The little bit of glow. You take another three points of fire damage, reduced to one. It is a lot of heat, but you continue to push further. Make another athletics check, a third one.
# LIAM
20, total.
# MATT
20? (grunting) Pushing along, still making your way down, making your way down. You get probably another 80 or so feet before it seems to curve off a little bit to the side. The force of the water begins to shift a little bit. You take another three points of fire damage. You begin to see a faint bit of that glow that you were following earlier, and as you head towards it the heat gets more and more intense. You begin to push past some of the smoke, and you can see right there, looks like there's a glowing ember of rock about five or six feet wide that is molten rock that is slowly cooling as it's being pushed faintly out, but the force of the water curves off to the side and you continue to swim away from where that glowing ember is and following the path of where this push of water is. You take another two points of fire damage.
# LIAM
Okay. I'm Ed Harris, sinking down and down and down.
# MATT
The temperature is going up. You continue to swim, continue to swim. Further down, further down, further down. Make another athletics check.
# LIAM
16.
# MATT
Okay. You're slowing down a bit, but you're still getting ground. You also take another three points of fire damage. This is getting hard.
# LIAM
Yeah?
# MATT
And even your form, you're getting a little tired, having to go against this force. And you're not quite sure where this is going to lead you.
You're not going to stumble across an opening where it's fine to walk. You're continuing to swim down a superheated--
# LIAM
I'm going to push it just a little bit more.
# MATT
Okay, make another athletics check.
# LIAM
Okay. That's not good. That's a seven.
# MATT
Okay. You get pushed back about 15 feet or so, and you take another three points of fire damage.
# LIAM
And I'll go with it, up.
# MATT
Okay. You ride up. Before you can get entirely out of the column, you take another three points of fire damage and eventually emerge from the side of it. Uncomfortable.
# LIAM
Back into warm piss water, instead of boiling hot.
# MATT
Yes, which comparatively is much more comfortable.
# LIAM
Nope!
# TRAVIS
What did you see?
# LIAM
I mean. You can't really understand me though, can they? Right? It's all shit.
# LAURA
Oh, we can understand you.
# MATT
You have the earring on.
# LIAM
It goes forever. I think we need to look elsewhere. I don't think all of us are going to make it down that fucking tunnel.
# MARISHA
What if I'm controlling the currents?
# LIAM
(sighs) That would help. It was getting hot as hell down there. I don't know. I mean, maybe a quick look around the perimeter of this thing?
# MARISHA
I didn't find anything.
# TRAVIS
Yeah, but it might be worth it. We don't even know what the Core Anvil looks like.
# TALIESIN
We have a broom.
# LIAM
We're not going to muscle our way down.
# LAURA
No, it doesn't do anything in-- it flies.
# TALIESIN
Does it not work underwater?
# LAURA
I can try. But it flies.
# TRAVIS
I mean, no.
# MATT
You can certainly try.
# LAURA
Yeah. It'll just sit.
# LIAM
Well, I think we're either druiding our way in or looking for another way in, somehow.
# LAURA
Fuck. How long did that take?
# MATT
He was gone for about a minute. Minute and a half.
# SAM
I have an idea. What if I could make us a tunnel straight down the middle? Would the heat kill us or would the water tamp down the heat? If I can make a ten-foot wide tunnel all the way through, down?
# LAURA
With no water?
# TRAVIS
It might make another exhaust port for the heat and the water.
# MARISHA
That's what I was saying. I'm afraid of the pressure.
# SAM
The pressure of what? Once it comes up, it becomes rock. Oh, I see. There's more underneath.
# TRAVIS
You didn't see tunnels, right? You didn't see tunnels in the sides of the volcano?
# LIAM
No.
# TRAVIS
Because we're not trying to go down, we're trying to find the tunnels.
# SAM
What tunnels?
# TRAVIS, LAURA
There are tunnels here.
# MATT
Both Percival and Scanlan, make an intelligence check, please.
# SAM
Just a straight intelligence check?
# MATT
Just whatever you roll plus your intelligence modifier.
# SAM
Eight!
# TALIESIN
14.
# MATT
14. On this discussion of burrowing deeper within, if there were any places where you could walk that were not completely filled with water, per se, the minute you exposed it, it would begin to fill with water. Which means you'd have think of a way to either plug it or just stay wherever water exists within the system beneath.
# TRAVIS
Right. I don't know if we're trying to get to the inside of the volcano shaft.
# MARISHA
Our water breathing lasts for 24 hours.
# TALIESIN
Let's roll around a little bit. See if we can see anything else.
# LAURA
Maybe we can go around the perimeter and see if we can find some sort of entrance. Some magical-looking entrance.
# MARISHA
Scanlan, your burrowing. What means are you using for that?
# SAM
Magic.
# MARISHA
Touché.
# SAM
Sorry, Miley Cyrus.
# TRAVIS
There's a chance the Core Anvil could be made of molten rock, right? There's nothing that says it's a not dangerous, totally cool to be around piece of thing.
# MARISHA
I have a feeling that's exactly what it is. It's going to suck working around that thing.
Sorry.
# TRAVIS
I'm not worried about it. Well, we've got to find whatever it is. We don't even know what it looks like!
# LAURA
Do you know, Percival, what it looks like? Did you see it in your mind's eye?
# MATT
You only have the construct of the actual trammel, not the anvil.
# TRAVIS
Yeah, when I was getting the upload from Morpheus, did I see what the Core Anvil might look like? Or was it just like, I'm just hammering and Rambo 2 montage music is playing.
# MATT
More that.
# MARISHA
Scanlan?
# SAM
Yes?
# MARISHA
Okay. Can we tag-team this?
# SAM
All right, I can be a burrowing monster.
# MARISHA
Okay, what if you burrow and I push the water away--
# SAM
Is that a spell?
# MARISHA
Yeah, Control Water. I can push it away, and if you do that, then maybe we can all get in and then maybe I can throw up a wall!
# SAM
All right, I can burrow. You can deflect water and stuff?
# LAURA
Through the mountain? Through the volcano, instead of down the top, like he just did.
# SAM
Whatever you want.
# MARISHA
Or I can control the currents and suck us all right through down the top.
# TALIESIN
I like "control the currents." I don't know.
# SAM
But the currents can't go down because stuff is coming out, no?
# MARISHA
As part of Control Water, I can reverse the currents.
# SAM
But you can't control the lava coming up.
# MARISHA
No, it's water and gas and pressure.
# SAM
Oh, it's just gas. It's not lava.
# MATT
You can also part water, don't forget, as a part of this, too. You can also part water.
# MARISHA
I can also part water, like fucking Moses.
# MATT
Yeah, or redirect flow. Or create a whirlpool. There are all things you can do.
# LAURA
Solid, then let's try it.
# LIAM
What were you thinking? Were you thinking of Umbrasyling this shit, were you going to black dragon dig your way down?
# SAM
I was going to become a purple worm. They're excellent at burrowing and are big and could make a big tunnel.
# LAURA
Are they resistant to water and heat?
# SAM
No, but they are stacked with hit points.
# LAURA
Solid.
# MARISHA
That would be one of your top-level spells, yeah?
# SAM
The toppest.
# LAURA
Let's not do that just yet. Let's control current and see if we can fucking do it, with some light this time.
# TRAVIS
We need a walk. Walk the perimeter
# MARISHA
I mean, we can still walk the perimeter if you want.
# LIAM
I mean, we got a little under 24 hours. Fuck it, let's look.
# MARISHA
We can walk the perimeter
# TALIESIN
Let's do a little walk of the perimeter, and when we're ready, we're going to jump down and we'll Mary Poppins it.
# MATT
Okay, so you guys begin to make your way around, spiraling the outside of this.
# TALIESIN
Looking, using the light.
# MATT
Okay, what are you looking for?
# TALIESIN
I'm looking for other expelling gasses, interesting plant growth, lights.
# LIAM
Anything that looks not-natural.
# TRAVIS
Yeah, caves.
# MATT
Okay, everyone who's looking, make an investigation check.
# MARISHA
Investigation? Natural 20.
(cheers)
# TRAVIS
Oh, minus two. 17.
# TALIESIN
14.
# LIAM
18.
# LAURA
Ten.
# MATT
As you guys are glancing about, for over the next 15 or so minutes, just swimming around and keeping an eye out there, Keyleth, with your glowing hands and cruising across as you head down, you can feel a couple of other small changes in the current. Less of a fume release, more than there is a warmer area of water in a small area and you find there is a pressurized jet of water coming out of one section maybe about 25 to 30 feet down on the side.
# LAURA
Hey! You're smart, Grog!
# MARISHA
How big is the jet?
# MATT
I'd say it's between about three feet long on one side and about a foot long on the other.
It's a fissure.
# LAURA
So we can get through it?
# MARISHA
Yeah, can Grog fit?
# MATT
No.
# MARISHA
Okay.
# TALIESIN
But can Trinket fit?
# MATT
No, Trinket or Grog, neither of them can fit. Most of you guys have to squeeze through, and it's as hot as the water that was coming out of the top.
# MARISHA
Is it made out of stone? Can I call this earth? Can I call this rock?
# MATT
It's considered rock. It's volcanic rock.
# MARISHA
So Move Earth would not work?
# TALIESIN
Or Grog can punch it.
# LAURA
Yeah, Grog can punch.
# MARISHA
You are good at destroying structures.
# SAM
You're going to punch a volcano?
# MATT
Yeah, dirt, sand, or clay, so I'm going to say no.
# MARISHA
Can I transmute the rock into dirt or sand to give us a little more?
# MATT
If you have a means of doing that, you could.
# MARISHA
I have Transmute Rock. Or we can let Grog go first.
# TALIESIN
Let's let Grog punch a volcano.
# MATT
You want to punch a volcano?
# TRAVIS
Kind of.
# TALIESIN
Teach it to say your name!
# MATT
Roll a strength check.
# TRAVIS
(garbled) Say my name, bitch!
# LAURA
Don't you get advantage?
# TRAVIS
I do. Only if I'm raging.
# MATT
I'll give you advantage on this because it's a volcano punch.
# TRAVIS
Hey! Oh, 26.
# LAURA
Don't you get advantage because of your gauntlets?
# MATT
Well, no. The gauntlets don't give him advantage, but they do give him siege and he does double damage against structures and I'll consider this a natural structure. You rear back, and as you do, you guys watch. You haven't really watched him use this type of power in the dark before, and you watch as the faint bit of a few yellow runes glow as he pulls back and then slams into the side and you watch as rock breaks and bits of the volcanic rock break off and begin to tumble down the sides. He punches again and punches again and as you do watch the water flow, you feel the warmth come up. You immediately take six points of fire damage from the heated jet in front of you, but as you slam it one more time, part of it (rock collapsing) gives away underneath as one side of it begins to jet up, you watch as it looks like there is a gap or an air pocket that collapses inward and the water begins to fill in immediately.
# LAURA
Let's get in quick and then cover it. We go fast, go in.
# MATT
Okay. You guys are all fighting against the current?
# LAURA
Well, didn't you say there was an air pocket?
# MATT
Well there was an air pocket that you saw, but the stone as he punched in, as soon as it collapsed inward it was away from where the jet was. It's a very interesting thing to try and describe here in a theater of mind scenario.
# MARISHA
We're trying to go through an outward jet to this caved-in air pocket.
# MATT
Yeah, essentially you've opened up where the jet's strength has diminished a little bit at the surface at this point, and you've watched as you've punched and there will be another chamber below that was an air chamber collapsed inward, and ocean water is rushing into it right now.
# MARISHA
Okay, okay. Let me Control Water with the current, and can I redirect the current up and around us to allow us to get in?
# MATT
Okay, so Control Water takes an action to cast. So as soon as that happens, you finish the spell and as the ocean water begins to rush in (water rushing), it immediately pulls back out, and you can actually stop the current that's blowing upward and heated water is held in place, and you can look down below. The water is this slightly shimmering barrier and there is a small air-filled chamber below.
# MARISHA
Okay, yeah, I'm pushing the water, parting it, giving us a little.
# SAM
Can we fit through whatever hole there is?
# MATT
Actually, looking down inside, it looks to be roughly 20 or so feet wide on almost any other side, and it looks to be that there's a small, still pool that is there in the ground. It's a small air pocket.
# LAURA
Yeah, I go in after him.
# MATT
Okay, you all rush inside there. You land past it and it's about a 15 foot drop, you all land on your feet or stumble off to one side and catch yourself, but you're now in this chamber beneath.
# SAM
And the only thing keeping the water from rushing in here is Keyleth?
# MATT
Keyleth currently, yeah.
# LAURA
I like how everything is like, "Keyleth can do this." Can you wall it off with Create Wall?
# SAM
Well, not while casting this spell.
# MARISHA
All right, push the water, Wall of Stone (boom).
# MATT
As soon as the water pushes away, it begins to pull back, and immediately you can hear the rush of the ocean suddenly, oppressively, darting downward to fill the space where you are and then with that, (slamming) you watch as volcanic stone stretches out and slams shut. You're now in a pitch-black room except for the surface of his light and the glowing of Keyleth's hands.
# LAURA
Yay! Which are brighter now because we're not in water.
# MARISHA
Oh!
# TALIESIN
Ow, my ears popped.
# SAM
That was amazing!
# LAURA
That was fucking sick!
# MARISHA
You punched a volcano!
# TRAVIS
I did, didn't I? Grog versus the volcano!
# MATT
As you guys have this conversation, you're talking, and sounds are happening, everything's fine. But, (exhales) breath is hard.
# MARISHA
Oh, oxygen?
# SAM
Or poison?
# TRAVIS
Air pocket.
# MATT
All of the air in here is poisoned. There is no oxygen in this room. There is that pool of water in the center, maybe four-foot wide, and you can see it's kind of bubbling a bit, like whatever the fume is that's filled the space is--
# LIAM
How does Heroes' Feast factor into this? Heroes' Feast. Doesn't that guard against poison?
# MATT
You're not poisoned. You're not having toxic shock and dying right now, but you're suffocating.
# TALIESIN
I'm going to put my face in the water and breathe.
# MATT
It's not affecting you. You're fine.
# LAURA
Oh, because you don't breathe.
# SAM
You're already dead.
# MARISHA
Weirdo.
# TRAVIS
Yeah, put your face in the water and breathe.
# TALIESIN
I'm putting my face in the water and attempting to take a breath.
# MATT
The bubbling of air there is the same fume here.
# TALIESIN
I'm just trying to use the water breath.
# MATT
Oh, the water breath itself? Oh, with the water breathing? The water you can breathe.
# LAURA
Oh, great! So any time we need a breath we just breathe, okay!
# TALIESIN
We might start getting a little loopy if we stay out here for too long.
# TRAVIS
Vex, will you look for anything that looks like a Core Anvil? And I stick my face in.
# LAURA
I take a breath and I start looking for a door or any way out of this.
# TALIESIN
I'm going to open the light fully.
# LIAM
Flametongue Dagger is out so I can see the non-water portion.
# MATT
Okay.
# LAURA
18.
# MATT
18. You go in and take a breath and you look down below, especially with the light and the lamp that's going around, you can see where this is happening, this little pool, it's another small tube that descends farther and curves away out of sight.
# LAURA
(gasps) Is it wide enough for all of to fit through?
# MATT
Well, from what you can see before it curves off, it looks like it could probably fit everybody.
# LAURA
Hey! There's a tunnel down there!
# TALIESIN
I'm going to tilt the light into it and take a look down.
# MATT
Okay. Looking down, it does; it's a curvature off, it looks like at one point there was some sort of an escape, or at least that jet that you originally found earlier? Part of it got blocked off and while the get of water continued, the opening here kind of got covered with some sort of liquid rock and it created this pocket. You can swim down there. Who knows where it leads, but it does not appear to have any sort of a forceful jet.
# SAM
It's a tube? We're in one of the cow's stomachs.
# MATT
Essentially.
# MARISHA
Control Water lasts up to ten minutes, so if we want to commit to this, I can help jettison us there.
# MATT
You have to cast it again, though, because you lost concentration.
# MARISHA
Why?
# TRAVIS
Because you made a Wall of Stone.
# MARISHA
We decided early on that Wall of Stone was instantaneous. And permanent.
# MATT
Permanent and concentration. Yeah, okay, I'll let you go with that.
# MARISHA
Because it was in Pathfinder.
# TRAVIS
Do we want to get rid of the water, though? Because that's what's allowing us to breathe.
# MARISHA
The water? Just happens. Us breathing water is good for 24 hours.
# SAM
But if we get rid of the water, then we won't have anything to breathe.
# MARISHA
No, I'm going to Control Water, and I'm going to jettison us with the current.
# SAM
Okay, go for it.
# LAURA
Let's take it a little slow because we don't know what we're coming up to, though. I don't want to jump full-force into--
# MARISHA
Yeah. It'll be like Lazy River.
# LAURA
Something like that. Lead the way, darling.
# MATT
Well, how the spell works is if you maintain concentration for the whole duration, it becomes permanent.
# MARISHA
For the whole duration?
# MATT
For the whole duration. Which is ten minutes.
# MARISHA
But I haven't done that because I've already jettisoned this one water, and then now I'm trying to use the remaining--
# MATT
It's fine. Don't worry about it.
# LAURA
Let's just go in the water. I follow him.
Although Percy should technically be up front because he's got light.
# MATT
Okay, so Percival goes first, followed by Vax, then Vex.
# TRAVIS
Me in the middle.
# MATT
Grog. Is Trinket still swimming along with you?
# LAURA
Trinket is behind Grog.
# MATT
All right. And then that's Scanlan and Keyleth at the very end. All right. You guys dive past under the water. It curves, and you can see there's a faint light source in the distance. This curves below. It splinters downward and then curves up slightly, and that's where the light source is coming from.
# TRAVIS
Yeah, of course. Air pocket.
# LIAM
I'm going to go stealth.
# MATT
Make a stealth check.
# TRAVIS
Do your Navy SEAL shit.
# LIAM
That's fine.
# TRAVIS
Come out of the water, eyes open.
# LIAM
34.
# SAM
34? Jesus.
# MATT
All right. You think you're pretty stealth.
# LIAM
I think I'm pretty stealth.
# MATT
You think you're pretty stealth.
# LIAM
All right.
# TRAVIS
I don't like the way he said that.
# LAURA
I know!
# MATT
Go upward?
# LIAM
Yeah.
# MATT
Okay. As you get up, you see a familiar orangeish-red glow, and as you see the surface of water above you, there's another, looks like an air pocket. You emerge. You look about, and it looks like there is another tunnel here, but there's a faint glow. It looks like there are small veins of cooling volcanic rock in this area.
The tunnel continues. There's actually ground that you can walk on that continues down and curves out of the way.
# TRAVIS
The walls are cooling?
# LIAM
I just turn to the group and I'm going to--
# LAURA
Can you see by the light of the magma?
# MATT
You can see fairly, with your elven vision, yeah, and with your dagger. So yeah, you begin to walk on the surface. The surface is cooled, and it's very hot in here. But not painfully so, like when you dove into the caldera itself. You walk down about ten or 15 feet and you see it's now breaking off in various directions. You can see small pockets where it closes off, areas where it looks like whatever air or gases were trapped up when parts of the volcano would expand and pressurize upward, it would trap these areas. But you see areas where liquid rock are spilling into and creating small pools. And it continues to descend, almost like a curved spiral, around the way.
# LIAM
So there's a walkway, but there's also lava?
# MATT
Very faint trickles, and cools slowly on the floor.
# LIAM
I've only gone about 20 feet at this point, is that right? I am going to go around the bend.
Continuing quietly.
# MATT
You go around the bend, and you can hear faintly the rushing of water, muffled. You're not that far away, you gather, from spatial awareness as to where the heavy pressure of the water that was forced upward, you can faintly feel the vibration. But as you curve away it gets dimmer and dimmer, as you spiral off further away from the center of this volcano. And as it continues to spiral downward, this natural air pocket cavern, it splits again into a small opening where it's settled, faintly orange glowing, with spots of black molten rock that's slowly cooling. The path curves around the way, and it splits into two pockets of this cooling rock. And then maybe about a five-foot leap to continue downward.
# MARISHA
Over lava?
# MATT
Your favorite.
# MARISHA
So bad at it.
# MATT
I know.
# LIAM
I'm going to double back to the group.
# TALIESIN
I think we're already starting to make our way out.
# LIAM
It goes a little further, but I just didn't want to go too far on my own.
# LAURA
What did you see?
# LIAM
Just goes further. But I don't want to get separated completely, so come up a bit, and I'll go a little bit further.
# SAM
Can we walk on it? Is it going to burn our little feetsies? Or do we need to fly?
# LIAM
I don't think so.
# LAURA
Up and over. Let's-- yeah. Let's go up there.
# TRAVIS
We follow Vax.
# LAURA
Can we cast Locate Object on the anvil? Don't you have something that sends a direct path to an object?
# MARISHA
Find the Path? But I think I have to have seen the object before. It would also burn my last 6th-level spell.
# LIAM
I could do it, but you have to be familiar with it. Being told about it doesn't count, does it?
# MATT
You don't have enough information to do that, yeah. You guys all emerge from the water to gather up with Vax.
# LIAM
I'd like to lead them to where that jump is.
# MATT
Okay. As you all take a deep breath under the water and get to the surface, you make a test breath and the air in this pocket is still poisonous and not breathable, so you guys are going to have to take a deep breath under the water and hold your breath as you make your way down that tunnel.
# LAURA
Oh fuck. Were there any other pockets of water along the way?
# LIAM
Shit. Get back in the water. And I'm going to solo go where I wasn't intending to, to see how far it is to get to the next bit of water. You said it was a jump over magma?
# MATT
Yep.
# LAURA
Does your creepy undead brain remember how long it takes before we die if we don't breathe? Do you remember that?
# LIAM
I walk away from her, and I go down the hall.
# MATT
All right. It's a decent jump to get over the lava. It's not a hard one, necessarily, but I want you to make an athletics check, anyway.
# LIAM
Ooh, better use one of my Lucks for that.
That was a one. Ooh! Six.
# MATT
Six.
# LIAM
Six. Burn, baby, burn.
# MATT
Total of six?
# LIAM
Yeah, total of six. Already used Luck; it's done.
# MARISHA
Why does this always happen to us?
# TRAVIS
I don't know, but I love it.
# MATT
You run and make a leap, and you're pretty sure you made it, but one foot (sizzle) right into it.
# TALIESIN, MARISHA
Is it the same foot?
# MATT
It's the same foot.
# TALIESIN, MARISHA
Yeah!
# MATT
Thankfully, your armor is set to resist.
# TALIESIN
Okay, that's right. That was early on.
Wow.
# LIAM
And yet Vax ain't sweating it. Not anymore.
# TALIESIN
It's nothing you haven't had to regrow before.
# LAURA
Does your Raven Queen regenerate lost footsies?
# MATT
What would have been 56 damage is reduced to 28 fire damage to you. You pull out real fast.
(sizzle, groan) It burns and burns and burns. Kick it off. You keep walking around the curvature, and it takes about two minutes or so of brisk travel to get around the corner where you can see another pool of warm water.
# LAURA
Two minutes.
# LIAM
So I see water and I shove my face down in it and breathe it. Who knows, with me? And I go back to where I burned my fucking foot, and I go into the earring-- I'm not going to fucking jump over that shit again-- tell them what I saw. Yeah, two minutes. So deep fucking breath. Yeah?
# LAURA
Ugh, two minutes.
# LIAM
And when you see me, run towards me and follow me.
# LAURA
Yeah. All right. Grog?
# TRAVIS
What?
# LAURA
Are you good to run and jump over some lava?
# TRAVIS
Nope.
# MATT
So as you guys are aware, you can hold your breath for a number of minutes equal to one plus your constitution modifier.
# LAURA
(laughs) Oh no.
# TRAVIS
Awesome!
# LAURA
Okay, but you were on foot. If I'm on the broom, then maybe it wouldn't take as long, potentially.
# MATT
You were making a careful path. If you were to continue to dash, full dash run, it would be close. You can try it.
# LAURA
Okay. I'm going to put Trinket in the necklace.
# MATT
All right. Trinket in the necklace.
# LAURA
Do you want to get on the broom with me?
# TALIESIN
I've got the boots, so I was going to use my boots.
# LAURA
All right, anybody? Scanlan?
# SAM
Yes, please.
# TRAVIS
It's just a thought, but I do have the big-ass jug that can make a big thing of portable water.
# LAURA
(gasps) Sick!
# MARISHA
Wait, we're waterboarding ourselves?
# TRAVIS
Well, you can breathe in that shit, right? We won't be able to see.
# TALIESIN
Can we fit our head in that jug?
# MATT
Yeah, you can.
# TALIESIN
You've just got to carry the jug, and as long as we stick our head in the jug every time we need to breathe-- you're a genius! You're a genius! I will say that seven more times. We'll space them out.
# SAM
We might run out of water, though, because we're breathing it in.
# TRAVIS
You're breathing it back out. You're recycling it. It'll get a little less oxygenated.
# LIAM
How long does a fish live in a fish tank?
# SAM
You're right. We're big fish.
# LIAM
The biggest.
# TRAVIS
Do you want to do that?
# SAM
Let's try it.
# TRAVIS
Salt water or fresh water? Or wine.
# LAURA, TALIESIN
Fresh water.
# TRAVIS
I take out the Alchemy Jug and I say, fresh water.
# MATT
It fills with fresh water to the surface.
# LAURA
Try breathing it.
# TRAVIS
Are we underwater right now?
# TALIESIN
We'll take it out of the water.
# TRAVIS
Okay. I stick my head in it. Can I breathe?
# MATT
Yeah, fine.
# TRAVIS
It works. It works! I'm holding it above the water.
# LAURA
Oh, smart.
# LIAM
I hear you can do this with a non-magical jug, too.
# SAM
Oh yeah. We just could have carried water in a jug.
# TRAVIS
Don't downplay my special moment.
# SAM
We have chalices.
# LAURA
We do have an extra chalice. You know what? I'm going to take the fancy chalice and-- as needed.
# TALIESIN
I'm going to use the breathing jug.
# MATT
This is the funnest work-around. I love it.
# SAM
It's a water bong?
# MATT
Essentially. You guys are gravity-bonging your way through an underwater volcano. If that's not Vox Machina, I don't know what is.
# TALIESIN
It's how I solve so many problems in my life. It's the solution to half our problems.
# LIAM
We're going to try to water-bong every combat scenario for the rest of the campaign.
# TRAVIS
I was looking at it, and I was like, fresh water, vinegar, oh!
# MATT
All righty. So.
# SAM
Don't do drugs, everyone.
# MATT
As you guys make your way around the way, through the combination of that druid spell and, strangely, Grog's ingenuity, you guys have bypassed a fairly serious situation. You make it down around the curvature of the tunnel, to where that small lava jump is. Anybody who wants to make that leap, go ahead and make an athletics check, please.
# LAURA
I pop Scanlan on the broom and we fly on over.
# TALIESIN
I activated my boots and walk.
# MARISHA
And I use my mantle, which I constantly forget triples my jump distance.
# MATT
It does, so go ahead and make an athletics check.
# TRAVIS
21.
# MARISHA
That's not great. Acrobatics?
# MATT
Athletics.
# MARISHA
Oh, that's better. That's better. 15.
# MATT
15? Yeah. You coast over. It's like a soft Neo jump. Not quite that far, but you coast and land onto the side. Grog, what did you get?
# TRAVIS
21.
# MATT
21. You guys all make it across that little stretch of molten rock without an issue. You continue around the way. Vex and Vax, as you guys are making heavy footfalls and making some distance, you begin to feel this (rumbling noise) rumbling in the ground beneath you.
# LIAM
Oh shit.
# LAURA
I think there's something burrowing. Or an earthquake.
# MARISHA
Earth elementals.
# LAURA
Potentially.
# MARISHA
Volcanic earth elementals.
# LIAM
Everybody hold still for a moment.
# LAURA
I cast Pass Without a Trace on all of us.
# MATT
Okay.
# MARISHA
Dope.
# MATT
I would like all of you to make a stealth check right now.
# TRAVIS
Oh, I think you barely got that in.
# MATT
Barely.
# SAM
It's plus ten?
# MATT
Plus ten.
# SAM
31.
# TALIESIN
34.
# MARISHA
34.
# LIAM
40!
# LAURA
Wow. 25.
# TRAVIS
I'm sorry, guys.
# TALIESIN
Oh no. Plus ten?
# TRAVIS
16.
# SAM
Oh, okay, that's above something.
# TRAVIS
I have a feeling.
# SAM
What about Trinket?
# LAURA
Trinket's in the necklace.
# MATT
The rumbling stops as you all quietly stand still. You begin to get bold, to take a few more very faint steps on the ground. The rumbling continues and gets louder and louder.
# LAURA
(whispers) I get my bow ready.
# MATT
All right. I'm going to go to break.
# TRAVIS
Oh! You fucking didn't!
# MATT
I'm hungry. All right. Yeah. So we'll pick up from that rumbling here at the end of the break. We'll see you guys back here in a moment.
We have quite the giveaway today. We have a spalted tamarind complete dice tower system. Three pieces from our friends at Wyrmwood. This is actually, this is Percival's wood type. It's nice, with a leather interior from our friends at Wyrmwood.
One lucky winner's going to get this. To enter this, find your way to the Twitch chat. And when requested during the break, go ahead and enter the word "volcano." That will put you in the entry.
We'll come back with a winner in a minute. We're going to go ahead and have a quick break with some food, and we'll see you here in a minute, guys! [break]
And welcome back to Critical Role.
# TRAVIS
That was a barrage.
# MATT
Yeah, that was making up for the beginning of the game. We have a winner. In the chat, we have johnny2x40 as the winner. Congratulations, johnny2x40. Danoba will contact you shortly to get your information, and we'll get that shipped out to you ASAP, signed by the cast. Congratulations.
# LIAM
The fuck was that?
# MARISHA
I loved it so much.
# TALIESIN
That's amazing.
# MATT
All right. So as the rumbling continues to grow and swell, you all hold yourselves in place.
(rumbling, crashing) You hear the crumbling and crashing of stone and rock, as from the side of the hallway, right next to where Grog is standing, maybe about a foot and a half in front of him, you watch some large, pointed object pierce through the wall, maybe about nine feet tall or so, go (explosion) out, sending dust and rock spilling out, and there's a faint orange glow from some smooth, armored head to some large creature with a toothy mouth that opens up and (chomping) as it bites down, you see rows and rows of teeth that are glowing orange, as bits of molten rock are spilling out the sides of the mouth.
# MARISHA
It's like 2006's The Core!
# MATT
Yeah. I hope it's better than that. You recognize the shape of the front, especially you, Percival, as you spent some time with a creature of a similar shape.
# LAURA
Oh, is it a worm? A purple worm?
# MATT
No, because it has two, big. muscular, trunk-like arms, as it (crash crash) out in front, but it has no eyes. It has the solid, armored front, and heated edges where the plates meet. It seems to be some sort of elemental-infused or variant of the bulette that you encountered before. And as it breaks through and stops, mere inches from Grog-- turn that thing off.
# LIAM
It talks! It's a sentient bulette!
# SAM
Happy Birthday.
# MATT
(snarls) Across the way, you hear a low rumble again. (snarls) It stomps the ground. And you watch, from one of the other walls, (explosion) jutting from it, a smaller version.
And a second emerges. (explosion) Two children. They both emerge, going (snarls). As you're all standing there, holding perfectly still.
# SAM
They can't see us. We'll stand still and we'll be fine, right?
# MARISHA
Jurassic Park rules.
# MATT
(sniffs)
# LAURA
Oh no!
# LIAM
We could attack them.
# LAURA
There's three of them!
# MATT
One of them turns around, and starts walking slowly towards the direction that Grog is.
The large mother. And turns, Grog, and you have to lean back as the nose sweeps past, and is facing right in your direction. You can see these large holes in the front of its armored snout go (sniffing). The mouth slightly cracks open and curls back into what you could almost imagine to be a grin.
# TRAVIS
Can I quietly go into a rage? (laughter)
# TALIESIN
You are not my parents.
# MATT
Well, as none of you have done anything at this point in time, I need you all to roll initiative.
# LIAM
See, that's what it was! That's what it was!
# TRAVIS
I heard you saying it, too.
# LAURA
You should have just done it!
# MARISHA
Do what?
# LIAM
Don't worry about it.
# LAURA
No!
# TALIESIN
Goddamnit. No.
# LIAM
Every time. Every time I do it!
# MARISHA
Oh, your sneak attack?
# LIAM
Yes. Fuckers.
# MATT
So Grog, who was stopped here, was the last to leap. Keyleth made it all the way over here.
# LAURA
Trinket's in the necklace. We were on the broom.
# MATT
Broom over here.
# MARISHA
Might still be able to do it.
# MATT
Vax. Where were you? You were stealthed.
# LIAM
I was near the lead.
# MATT
So you would be over here, stealthing behind this rock.
# SAM
What a great board!
# LAURA
This is really cool. Oh god, it's huge! Grog! Little baby bulette.
# TRAVIS
It's huge.
# LAURA
Do we remember what its weaknesses were?
# MARISHA
I know it takes half damage, I think, to non-magical physical attacks. He's got heavily armored skin. Other than that, I don't know.
# SAM
Ooh! Did a new light just pop on? And another light? For a red lava effect in my eyes?
# MATT
Into your eyes, Sam. That's why I do this.
All right, so initiative order. 25 to 20?
# LAURA
Oh, 20.
# MATT
20 to 15?
# LIAM
17.
# TRAVIS
19.
# SAM
18!
# LAURA
Does it realize that anybody but Grog is there?
# MATT
You don't know.
# LAURA
We could have, potentially.
# MATT
All right. And you're 17, you said?
# LIAM
17.
# MATT
All right.
# SAM
Here we go. This is going to be fun.
# MATT
All right. 15 to ten?
# MARISHA
13.
# TALIESIN
12. My lowest possible initiative.
# MARISHA
Did you roll a one?
# TALIESIN
I rolled a one.
# MATT
All righty. So top of the round, as all of them seem to have shifted in the direction of Grog, who is now quietly raging. Vex, you're up first. What do you want to do?
# LAURA
Oh god. I'm going to try to hit it with a Lightning Arrow.
# MATT
Which one?
# LAURA
What do you mean?
# TRAVIS
What animal?
# LIAM
There's the mama and two babies.
# LAURA
I'm going to try to hit the one that's breathing on Grog.
# MATT
All righty. So go ahead and make your attacks.
# TRAVIS
Yeah, provoke the thing with its teeth closest to me. I'm just fucking with you.
# LAURA
But it knows you're there! Maybe it doesn't know I'm there! Plus I get a sneak attack on it, because you're right next to it.
# MATT
It's true.
# LAURA
And I'm going to Hunter's Mark it!
# MATT
Look at that!
# LAURA
(laughs) I say!
# MATT
She says to you!
# LAURA
25!
# MATT
25 hits.
# LAURA
Lovely. So if that was a 3rd-level Lightning Arrow, then that means I get 3d8 lightning damage in addition to my regular damage, or is it just 3d8 lightning damage? Wait. Roll the attack as normal, the target takes 4d8 lightning damage on a hit. Oh, and every creature within ten feet makes a dexterity saving throw. Okay. If I cast it at 4th-level, so no, it's just 3rd-level.
# MATT
So it's 4d8 lightning damage. So you made the attack roll. It hit. So it takes that.
# LAURA
Wow. Really? Nine plus--
# MATT
Grog, make a dexterity saving throw, please.
# TRAVIS
Thank you. I have advantage on those, but I won't need it because that was a 19.
# LAURA
15. It doesn't actually do my regular arrow attack damage? It's just-- wow. My spells are useless compared to my regular attacks.
# TRAVIS
21.
# LAURA
15 damage.
# MATT
All right. So 15 damage. And then 2d8 to Grog. Roll 2d8. And you take half that because you made your save.
# TRAVIS
19. It's right on the paper. Negative two.
Sorry.
# LAURA
You still made your save.
# MATT
Yeah. What's the damage?
# LAURA
Five.
# MATT
Five damage to you, Grog.
# TRAVIS
Thank you.
# MATT
Five total, or that's halved?
# LAURA
That's five total.
# MATT
All right, you take two points of lightning damage. Not too bad.
# LAURA
I'm going to try to hit it again, then.
# MATT
Lightning Arrow-- well, no. Interesting point of order, Lightning Arrow is a bonus action.
# LAURA
Oh, and I did Hunter's Mark.
# MATT
So no Hunter's Mark.
# LAURA
Oh, so I did Hunter's Mark-- no. Oh. I am never going to do spell attacks ever again. They're worthless for me.
# MATT
So no Hunter's Mark, but you hit it with the Lightning Arrow. Next round you can worry about that.
# LAURA
Okay.
# MATT
That's your first attack. You have your second attack.
# LAURA
Okay, then I'm going to attack it with a regular-ass arrow that does more damage, probably-- natural 20-- than a fucking Lightning Arrow.
# MATT
You did not do your sneak attack damage last round, so if you wanted to do sneak attack damage on this, you can.
# LAURA
Okay. Lovely.
# MATT
Which means you also double the sneak attack damage.
# LAURA
Sweet. That's seven. 14 plus eight is 22, 24, plus lightning damage. 24 plus five is 29 damage with a regular arrow.
# MATT
And that's with the additional sneak attack?
# LAURA
Yes. No, I get two sneak attacks! Plus another four. 29 plus four. 33.
# MARISHA
Sneak attack that bitch!
# MATT
33 points of damage to it.
# TRAVIS
Do I take that, too?
# LAURA
No, that's regular.
# MATT
As you release the Lightning Arrow, it slams into it. (growling) The look shoots in the direction where it came from, and as it opens up its snout to smell, you fire a second arrow into its mouth, and it starts writhing in place as it does. It shakes, and you feel the ground quake in the presence, and a few rocks (impacts) from the ceiling and the children join the wail, and they all turn in your direction. You going to do anything else on your turn?
# LAURA
Can I get on my broom?
# MATT
Yeah, you get on your broom?
# LAURA
I get on my broom.
# MATT
That's all you do? All righty! Grog, you're up.
# TRAVIS
Oh, I am, huh?
# MATT
At the beginning of your turn, the heat emanating from this bulette that's right next to you is rather intense. You immediately suffer-- from proximity to its searing body-- 11 points of fire damage.
# LAURA
How much?
# MARISHA
11 points.
That's not bad, yeah.
# LAURA
Are these monsters or beasts?
# MATT
These are considered monstrosities.
# TRAVIS
How tall is the area that we're standing in?
# MATT
The top of the cavern would be about, maybe, ten feet. Ten to 12 feet.
# TRAVIS
Ten to 12 feet? Yeah, I'm going to make both of my attacks at Mama Bear. Yeah, because I've got to move. Either I move and it senses the non-stealthy-- yeah, fuck it, I'm just going to take both of my Bloodaxe attacks at it with the first one Great Weapon Master. Not reckless. 21?
# MATT
21 hits.
# TRAVIS
Just barely? Okay. That's awesome. 26...
36 points of damage?
# MATT
36 points of damage on that first hit? Not bad. The axe cracks into the side of its body, and you see the armor crack a little bit where it hits. You pull the axe free, you can see the blood pour out. As it spills and hits the ground, (sizzle) you can see the actual blood in their body is superheated as well.
# TRAVIS
Ooh, that's a problem. Okay. They're like xenomorphs. I'll take the second strike, as well.
Great Weapon Master, not reckless.
# MATT
Okay, not reckless.
# TRAVIS
That's shit. That's going to miss, I think. Yeah. 20?
# MATT
20 hits.
# TRAVIS
Oh, really?
# TALIESIN
We're learning, we're learning things.
# TRAVIS
15. Because I said Great Weapon Master, it's minus five.
# MATT
You did. That misses.
# TALIESIN
Somewhere between 15 and 20.
# MATT
This is this one time where you do swing and it hits, but the angle of the axe blade hits the edge of its head plate armor, and scrapes off the top with a shower of sparks off to the side. No damage.
# TRAVIS
Can I use my bonus action to rage or not?
# MATT
Well, yeah, you were beginning to quietly rage.
# TRAVIS
Fair enough. Ends my turn.
# LAURA
You want to move?
# TRAVIS
No! I'm right next to it.
# MATT
Scanlan, you're up.
# SAM
Boy, man. I don't know what these things can do. I will step forward a little bit. Super tanky.
# MATT
Ten feet? Five feet?
# SAM
That's good enough for now. No, keep going.
# LAURA
There's lava! Careful!
# SAM
Thanks. I will inspire Grog by singing the customary birthday song of his people, which goes like this, (singing) Happy happy happy, happy happy happy-- they're a very simple people-- happy happy happy happy. (groans) (laughter)
# TRAVIS
You sang that better than my mother! Did I have a mom?
# SAM
And then as practice, I'm going to become my beautiful angel self and transform into a naked planetar.
# MARISHA
Oh shit. Going planetar.
# SAM
I assume I lose everything. I lose my Heroes' Feast--
# LAURA
Why would you?
# SAM
Because I'm a different creature.
# LAURA
So? It's still in your blood.
# SAM
I don't think so.
# MARISHA
Is this True Polymorph?
# SAM
Yes.
# TALIESIN
Maybe you get it back when you turn back.
# MARISHA
Generally, it'll say. Because Shapechange, you absorb your armor.
# SAM
Do you happen to have a planetar figurine?
# MATT
That's what I'm checking. I thought I had one prepared.
# SAM
Oh my god. Guys. Magic: the Gathering Puzzle Quest. Did I mention you can find out more at bit.ly/MagicRole?
# LAURA
You did, actually!
# SAM
Capital M, capital R on that, by the way, guys. Visit it right now. Friends of the show.
They need your support.
# LAURA
That's right.
# MARISHA
You know those first generation Black Lotus cards can go for $30,000, depending on their condition.
# TALIESIN
Is it the alpha style with the black border?
# MARISHA
Yep. Banned cards.
# SAM
Matt is really looking for this thing. In the meantime, let me tell you some other amazing Magic: The Gathering cards. I've got Time Twister, Jace the Mind Sculptor--
# TALIESIN
I've actually performed the Jace the Mind Sculptor. It takes three friends to really pull it off.
# SAM
Naked Singularity. Not a sexual position.
# MATT
We'll say for the purposes of this, because it is the same size as a large creature, right?
# SAM
It is.
# MATT
We will use good old Doty as the current size of your planetar.
# LIAM
I can touch my miniature! Whoa!
# MATT
You need to be there, because otherwise you'd be stepping in the lava.
# SAM
Okay, thanks.
# MATT
So that's it?
# SAM
I think that's all I can do.
# MATT
You can continue to move, if you want.
# SAM
Oh, that's interesting. As that guy, can I move more?
# MATT
Well, you've moved maybe 15 feet. I'd say you probably have, at his flying speed, maybe a third of his fly speed left.
# SAM
That's another 40 feet.
# MATT
(chuckles) So there is that.
# SAM
All right. Well, then you guys got this well in hand. I'm going to fly to the other guy. Is he going to get an attack on me?
# MATT
This guy here?
# SAM
Yeah. As I fly up high?
# MATT
You fly to him and you're gliding above right now.
# SAM
No, I'm going to go to the furthest guy.
# MATT
Over here? (gliding noises) Okay. You're currently floating above the lava. It's not affecting you as you (whoosh) fly by. Because you're flying, no, I will say the mom bulette does not notice you pass. It does not get an attack of opportunity.
# SAM
(whispering) I'm the Crow.
# MATT
Essentially. All right, that ends your turn.
Vax.
# LIAM
Click the boots. Hunter's Mark on mama. So all that's left is dagger, dagger, dagger, so I'm going to do sharpshooter throws with the three daggers that are left.
# MATT
Okay.
# LIAM
Am I within 60 feet? I think I am. All right, so negative five on attacks. The first one is total shit. The second one is 17?
# MATT
17 does not hit. (dagger ricochets) Ricochets off.
# LIAM
23 on the last.
# MATT
That does hit.
# LIAM
Okay, because Grog is right there, it is sneak attack? (sighs) One, this is nine, plus that is ten, plus this. 13, 18, 24, 30, 33, 35, 36, 37.
And because it was a sharpshooter attack, it's 47.
# MATT
Oof. Nice. Great, so that one, seeing the glow of the slight crack in the armor that Grog had left, the dagger disappears inside the slight gap, and you see this (spurt) of super hot, thick, viscous blood spill out and hit the side of the rock and then cool and darken as it does across the side of the cavern wall.
# LIAM
And then for movement, watch this shit right here, folks. (counting) 40, because I'm hasted, 45, 50, 55.
# MATT
There you go.
# SAM, LAURA
Wow.
# LIAM
I did it my fucking self!
# MATT
All right, that ends your turn?
# LAURA
Did it feel weird to have somebody else moving the people?
# MATT
No, it felt awesome. I didn't have to do a damn thing. All right.
# LIAM
Oh, and Hunter's Mark!
# MATT
Yes, the Hunter's Mark damage.
# LIAM
Six!
# MATT
That's an additional six damage. All right, infuriated, it's now starting to stomp in the middle, and as it's hitting, the lava's starting to splash up around it. The babies! This one right here is only going to make a bite attack right now. It can't make a leap because you're too close to it. But as you rush towards it, it seems to sense your presence, and the movement of the wings (wing flap) keeping you aloft. And the baby's going to (snapping) and lash out towards you. That is 18.
# SAM
Does not hit.
# MATT
Does not hit. As it snaps out towards you, its saliva seeming to spray superheated liquid (saliva spray) across. Does not attack you at all.
(laughter)
# TALIESIN
Well that got GIF'ed.
# LIAM
Dr. Manhattan, in the house!
# MATT
The other baby watches you go running past.
It's going to go ahead and make a Deadly Leap. 15 (landing) on you. (whoosh) That brings it here.
# LAURA
Oh shit!
# LIAM
He's dead.
# MATT
If that was the case, half you guys would've been dead a long time ago. All right, I need you to make a strength or dexterity saving throw, your choice.
# LIAM
I'll do dexterity at advantage because of the boots, so that is a 27.
# MATT
27, okay. So you're not knocked prone, but you do take-- let's see here. 19 points of damage, bludgeoning and slashing. You are pushed five feet out of its space.
# LIAM
What was the total on that, Matt?
# LAURA
19.
# MATT
All righty. That's the two babies' turn.
Keyleth, you're up.
# MARISHA
Okay. The battlefield changed a little bit, so instead, can I do a Chain Lightning out of the staff and hit all three of those motherfuckers? Starting with the big mama and branching off to the two other dudes?
# MATT
I could say you could do that, yeah.
# MARISHA
Yeah, I do that.
# MATT
All righty.
# MARISHA
That's 10d8. And it's a dex? I think it's a dexterity saving throw, and it's 10d8. One, two, three, four, five. Does anyone want to lend me their d8s?
# LAURA
How many? I've got five here.
# MARISHA
You have five there? Okay, okay, okay. A little Ashley Johnson "Okay, okay, okay."
# LIAM, MARISHA
(imitating Ashley) Yeah!
# MATT
Nope, nope, and nope. No one makes their save. This big, hulking thing.
# MARISHA
Okay, I get to reroll ones because I'm a badass.
# LIAM
You got a bunch, too.
# MARISHA
Yes, I did.
No, that's a ten. Ooh, that's good. Okay, okay, five, four and four is eight, so that brings us to 13, another-- wait, four and four and eight--
# LAURA
17.
# MARISHA
That was right, right?
# LAURA
Yes, so you're at 17 now.
# MARISHA
17 plus another four is 21, plus another five is 26, plus another four is 30, plus another six is 36, plus another 16 total. So 36 plus 16 is 52.
# MATT
52 points of damage?
# LAURA
You've got another one here.
# MARISHA
Oh, 52 plus another seven, so 59.
# MATT
59 damage against all three of them. So as you stand in the middle and watch one of them leap past and pounce onto your lover as he's pushed out of the way, you see Grog now facing off with this giant gnashing mouth that is spilling forth super-hot liquid, the lava glowing in the distance. You're having flashbacks to the last time you dealt with lava. You concentrate for a second and release the blast of energy as it arcs off, (explosions) slamming into each of them. You see them shake and quiver, their muscles tensing as they shriek in the middle of the cavern.
(shrieks) They stagger backward. Hurt, but seemingly still holding on. All right, Percy, your turn.
# TALIESIN
I'm going to activate Silence. So that's up. Charge Diplomacy. I'm going to give it a little rev with my bonus action, and I'm going to-- oh wow, can I actually reach? I can't quite reach, but I can get close. I'm going to head against that wall and start climbing up that wall.
# LAURA
Right here?
# TALIESIN
Yeah, up there. Just put me up there.
Yeah, there we go.
# MATT
Okay. Is that all you're going to do with your turn?
# TALIESIN
That's my action, my bonus action, and my movement.
# MATT
All right, that's your turn. All right, now it's the mama bulette's turn. Mama bulette has been facing Grog this whole time, after taking the dagger and watching you run past, seeming ready to leap, but with you still right in front of it, she'll attack you. That is a natural 18. This is important. So that's a total of 31 to hit.
# TRAVIS
Let me check-- yeah.
# MATT
So that's 45 points of piercing damage, halved. We'll say 22, plus 13 points of fire damage... and you are swallowed. On an attack roll of an 18 to 20, it swallows the target. And literally, I rolled a natural 18.
# TALIESIN
What happens if you--
# TRAVIS
It's always me! (laughing) It's always me.
# MATT
Apparently, man.
# TALIESIN
What happens if you Titanstone-- never mind. I'm going to find out.
# TRAVIS
We've done this before. I'm well-versed.
# MATT
You are blinded and restrained, currently.
# TRAVIS
Blinded and restrained.
# MATT
It now begins to (thudding) go right up into melee range with Keyleth, who blasted it with the Chain Lightning before. That brings us to the top of the round. Vex, you're up.
# LAURA
Okay, I'm going to Hunter's Mark it! And then I'm going to attack it with an arrow.
# MATT
Go for it.
# LAURA
(old woman voice) Bramble Shot!
# MATT
How'd that go again?
# LAURA
(old woman voice) Bramble Shot! (normal voice) 25! Oh! Can I do sharpshooter and do minus five to hit, plus ten to attack?
# MATT
Generally, you have to decide that before you roll your attack. You can't just add it on like, oh, I rolled well! I'll say no, not for that first attack. You can for your second.
# LAURA
This one is a Bramble Shot and it's a 25 to hit.
# MATT
That does hit.
# LAURA
Okay, cool. Five plus eight is 13, 14, 15. 15 plus sneak attack and lightning damage. 15, 19, 23, 25, and then 4d8 piercing damage. 32.
# MATT
All right. 32 points.
# LAURA
And then he has to make a strength saving throw.
# MATT
That is a 20.
# LAURA
Then he succeeds.
# MATT
As the arrow slams into the side, the brambles reach around, and you watch as these thorny vines that wrap around the body begin to blacken and burst into flame. By the proximity, the brambles begin to burn to cinders and then break off the body as it storms forward.
# LAURA
I attack him again. This time I'm going to try as a sharpshooter!
# MATT
Do it!
# LAURA
Okay!
# MATT
You're up next, Grog.
# LAURA
Natural 20!
# MATT
Holy shit! That'll hit.
# LAURA
And it's a Bramble Shot. Do I have to say that before, too? Motherfucker.
# MATT
Well, Bramble Shot gets to see if it hits or not. It's not lost if you missed. If you hit, you can say Bramble Shot.
# LAURA
So yeah!
# MATT
Same way that Divine Smite can be done.
# LAURA
Okay, cool! All right! Right. I'm going to roll all my dice, and then double that, then add my extra things. How about that?
# MATT
Do that. That's usually how you're supposed to do it.
# LAURA
All right, Matt. Okay, so 11, 14, 20, 23, 25, 50. That's easy. 58, 60.
# MATT
60 points of damage with one shot! And secondary saving throw.
# LAURA
Oh, plus ten because it was sharpshooter.
70!
# MATT
70 points of damage with a single arrow! You didn't add your sneak attack damage a second time, did you? Okay, good. That is nasty. It rolled a natural 16 plus six for its strength saving throw, so it's not affected by the bramble. However, it is looking rough. The second arrow hits the side and you watch as it streaks, pieces of the armor fall off to the side. You can see the striations of its muscle, and where the muscle tissue is, it's dark, but at the seams it's glowing orange.
# LAURA
I didn't add the Hunter's Mark damage.
Well, only extra two damage for that.
# MATT
There you go, extra two damage. But now it's bleeding everywhere. Wherever it's walking, you can see it thrashing about. It's spilling off this heated liquid that's pouring out of its wounds.
Does that end your turn?
# LAURA
No, I'm going to move on my broom so he doesn't know I'm there. I'm going to fly to here.
# MATT
Okay! That ends your turn. Grog, you're up.
First things first, at the start of your turn, because you are swallowed by the mom, you suffer 42 points of fire damage. Oh, it has to make a constitution saving throw to see if it spits him up first, actually, because you did more than 40 points of damage. That is a 22. Yeah, it's fine.
Wait, no, it's 25 DC. No, it does not! You do not take the damage because she did enough damage with that crit hit arrow that it vomits you up. You are prone.
# LAURA
Happy birthday!
# TRAVIS
Thank you!
# MATT
That would have been a good 42 points of damage.
# MARISHA
Grog gets vomited up in front of me?
# MATT
Yep! (sizzling) There's steam.
# TRAVIS
Every fucking time. Hi!
# MARISHA
You smell like shit.
# MATT
Grog, it's your turn.
# TRAVIS
I'd like to stand up.
# MATT
All right.
# SAM
Jump into its throat.
# TALIESIN
Jump back in.
# TRAVIS
I would like to smash my Titanstone Knuckles together and cast Enlarge on myself.
Gotta get some fire resistance because good god.
# MARISHA
Big Grog!
# LAURA
Whoa, what is that?
# MARISHA
He's swole.
# LAURA
I don't think we've seen this.
# MATT
That's been it every time.
# TRAVIS
Yeah, every time.
# LAURA
But we haven't seen it! Haven't seen it up close. Oh, Grog is scary as fuck! I'm sorry; you're scary! Okay.
# TRAVIS
Can I do reckless, Great Weapon Master?
# MATT
Yes, you may.
# TALIESIN
That's something Travis would say.
# LAURA
Put me down?
# TALIESIN
It's something Travis would say.
# TRAVIS
26?
# MATT
Yeah, that hits.
# TRAVIS
Nice. 37 on the first.
# MATT
How do you want to do this? (cheering)
# TRAVIS
(singing) Happy happy (war cry).
# TALIESIN
Happy birthday.
# MATT
After it finishes vomiting you up and you get off the ground, still feeling the sizzling of its salivary liquid on your body, you sing this song to yourself as it rights itself. Its mouth opens once more. You bring the axe down right above its head. You crack the center of its armored plate. The top of its head caves in and you watch as the eyes go dull and the body collapses and falls to the ground, unmoving. Its body is still there, though, because it's very big. It only loses about two feet of height as it collapses, and it's still blocking a large portion of that hallway right now. That's your first hit. You still have half of your movement, still, because you used half of it to get up from prone.
# TRAVIS
Should I try and push him out of the way?
# LAURA
Just vault over it.
# TRAVIS
Yep, I'm going to (leaping noise) over the side, hardcore parkour. One-handed.
# SAM
Duke boys, sliding over the hood of the car?
# MATT
Using your boots, or just making an athletics check as part of your movement?
# TRAVIS
Yeah, let's use the Boots of Feral Leaping.
# MATT
Go ahead and make your athletics check.
# TRAVIS
That's going to be a 26. 27. Towards you.
Towards his left. Yep. And I'll move up.
# MATT
You have 25 more feet.
# TRAVIS
I do, don't I?
# MATT
You can use your piece. Look at that!
# TRAVIS
Can I get around here on the ground?
# MATT
Yeah, you could. You can make an acrobatics check to see if you can avoid the lava as you do that.
# TRAVIS
Yeah, I want to!
# MATT
All right, make an acrobatics, not athletics.
# TRAVIS
Acrobatics. 16.
# MATT
16? You just barely make it around that corner, curling around. Yeah, you don't go foot-first in the lava, like somebody else did earlier.
# MARISHA
I'm picturing Grog being like (intense grunting, careful inching, intense grunting).
# MATT
That's about where you can get to.
# TRAVIS
I'm right there, yeah.
# MATT
That's the end of your turn, Grog. Scanlan, you're up.
# SAM
As my holy self, imbued with the holy power of whatever I am, I float up a bit, draw my greatsword that I always use to attack because I'm awesome and bring it down real hard on the head of the thing.
# MATT
Go ahead and roll for an attack.
# LAURA
Are you naked with a sword hanging from your hip?
# LIAM
He's hitting it with his dick.
# SAM
No, I'm naked with a sword. I've got a belt.
I'm naked with a belt.
# MARISHA
He's Mr. November.
# SAM
That is 21.
# MATT
21 hits. The babies don't have quite as hard armor. As you bring the greatsword down, you strike with a large swipe of bright, divine radiant energy. As it slams into the top of its head, it explodes with radiant power.
# SAM
Do I roll, or do I use these stats?
# MATT
You roll damage. The stats are for me. 4d6 plus seven slashing.
# SAM
Seven, 12, 18 plus seven is 25. Plus I need 5d8.
# MARISHA
Oh yeah! Use mine! They just did very good.
# MATT
Yeah, dude. Planetar form isn't messing around.
# LAURA
He didn't shake them, you just put them on down. That was the shadiest roll ever. If you did that in Vegas, they'd be like, "No."
# TRAVIS
The pit boss over here disapproves.
# SAM
Plus 14. So that's 39, right?
# MATT
39, yes.
# SAM
On my first attack.
# MATT
So first off, I forgot earlier. Grog, you did take another seven points of fire damage from being in the proximity of the corpse, which is still emanating heat, by the way.
# TRAVIS
Halved, because I have resistance from the enlargement now.
# MATT
Correct. Well, at the top of your turn, you got that, because you did not enlarge inside. And you also, as your planetar form, did take ten points of fire damage in your proximity to that one there, as well, so mark that. However, you, with that first strike, slam down and cleave the head in half. You watch as the baby's head (gravelly shriek). It had taken 49 damage before from her Chain Lightning. So with that second hit, (whack) it (gurgles) and falls to the ground, no longer moving. There is only one currently living child on the battlefield.
# SAM
All right. Well, then I'll say a silent prayer for the fallen and then fly backwards super fast to the other one (whoosh) and attack again!
# LAURA
Maybe you can make it a pet.
# SAM
Oh. 18.
# MATT
18 still hits.
# SAM
Hey! All right. Look at all these crazy things. 12 plus-- that's not very good. 12 plus all those.
# MATT
That was 12 plus seven?
# SAM
That's right. 19.
# MATT
So 19 damage.
# SAM
(counting) 19. Whatever I just said. Is that 19 plus 19?
# MATT
19 plus 19.
# SAM
34?
# MATT
38 damage. That kills it, yeah. So you hack one down, dart across the way with your blade screaming in the air. It actually cuts through the rock as it sparks across the ceiling. With what little space you have, your wings open, slam down on the second child and watch as its armored body cracks open. The radiant blast expands and bursts when the blade is actually dug a few inches into its form, causing you to destroy it from the inside of its armored shell. You watch as its body inflates for a second, then falls limp as smoke begins to pour from its wounds. So with that, you guys have wiped out the current danger on the battlefield.
# SAM
I feel like there's more coming.
# LAURA
No, that was it.
# TRAVIS
We're just traumatized.
# LAURA
The Core Anvil is going to float up from the magma.
# MARISHA
It's so hot.
# TALIESIN
That's a complicated tray.
(laughter)
# TRAVIS
As he herniates a disc.
# MATT
Yeah. I pulled my leg earlier this week, so moving up and down sucks. So as you sit there in the silence there for a moment, just hearing the occasional (plopping) with the nearby lava that fills the nearby hallway, you don't feel any further rumbling. There's just the heat emanating from the corpses of these three magma bullettes.
What do you do?
# TRAVIS
Can I look around for anything that resembles an anvil or a shelf or something that one might wackadoodle on?
# MATT
Make an investigation check.
# TRAVIS
Nice. Watch me knock this out of the park.
# MATT
I'd say more of a perception check for this. This is less of searching for details.
# TRAVIS
That's better. Still shitty. 11.
# MATT
The pathway still continues to descend and curve around, but that's it.
# TRAVIS
The pathway still continues to descend around.
# LAURA
Wow. Very observant of you, Grog.
# MARISHA
Descended around.
# TRAVIS
What?
# MARISHA
Copy that.
# LAURA
Can we see now because of all the glow coming from-- does magma glow?
# MATT
Most of you, aside from Percival, can see decently in low light, anyway, or have darkvision.
# TALIESIN
It's only been about 25 seconds, but we do eventually have to breathe.
# LAURA
Oh. I'll use my chalice.
# MARISHA
Oh yeah. Pass the jug.
# SAM
What about me?
# MATT
You, as a planetar, let's see here.
# SAM
I think I'm dying.
# LAURA
What? Why?
# SAM
I don't know. I think I probably need air.
# MATT
Well, you have a pretty high con bonus. You could hold your breath for seven minutes.
# SAM
I'll do that. See how I fare.
# LAURA
Do you still have Heroes' Feast?
# SAM
No.
# MARISHA
No, you do.
# SAM
I don't think I do. I'm a new body.
# MARISHA
No. True Polymorph, you absorb your gear and you don't benefit from it, but it doesn't say anything about you not benefiting from--
# MATT
Previous spells and bonuses. That's an interesting point.
# TALIESIN
The soul is imbued with Heroes' Feast, not the body.
# MARISHA
Correct.
# MATT
Okay.
# SAM
Interesting.
# TALIESIN
See, it's all there.
(laughter)
# LIAM
But we're along the path to the water that I saw.
# MARISHA
The gear melds into the new form. The creature cannot activate, use, wield, or otherwise benefit from any of its equipment, but it doesn't say anything else other than equipment.
# SAM
Thank you, Lindsay Lohan.
# MARISHA
You're very welcome.
# MATT
I'll allow it.
# SAM
I still can't breathe.
# MATT
You still have the same effect earlier that she put on you, so you still have the water breathing.
# SAM
Oh! So I can breathe some water. All right, cool.
# MATT
You're flying in here with the small space you have. Being a large creature, the fact that you even flew across-- you were only a few inches off the ground as you darted over. It's only about ten to 12 feet, and you're maybe nine feet tall.
# LAURA
You're 12 feet tall, so you're hitting the ceiling?
# TALIESIN
I'm going to start peering around the corner with the flashlight.
# LIAM
We're under two minutes away from the water I previously made it up to and didn't go into, correct?
# MATT
Correct. You're maybe 40 seconds away from it.
# TALIESIN
I'm going to head that way.
# MATT
You guys dart around the corner and follow the next pool. You have your means of passing water around, keeping yourselves viable. The path continues to curve in a haphazard spiral. It curves around and you watch as it passes, evens out, and then goes into a fairly steep decline, a 45-degree decline.
# LAURA
Should I try flying down there with the broom?
# LIAM
We're 30 seconds away from the water. I've already gone this way and come back to you guys. Unless something has jumped in the hole while I was gone in that time, I've already covered this ground.
# MATT
This is further than you covered. There's the pool of water you saw, and if you continue around that way, you can see it curve as you glance around and it descends in a steady decline.
# TALIESIN
The pool of water is just a pool of water.
# MATT
It's a small, little pit.
# LAURA
I'm going to recast Pass Without a Trace on all of us, P.S.
# TALIESIN
I can follow you down there, too, because I've got my boots on.
# MARISHA
Do the two twins want to scout?
# MATT
The pool of water, by the way, as you glance down and look past the surface, it does have a cylindrical tube that is feeding the liquid into it, but it's much smaller. It gets to that big of a pinching point before it vanishes out of sight.
# LIAM
Of your hands?
# MATT
Of the pool. Continuing down the path of the tunnel, as it curves around and goes into the decline, it continues and maintains its width of about 15 to 20 feet on either side. You glance down the decline, and there's a portion of the ground that opens up and glowing molten rock slowly drips and dribbles down for about 40 or 50 feet.
# SAM
I'm going to cast Detect Evil and then wordlessly speak to you all.
# LAURA
Oh, in our brains? I like it.
# SAM
I say: Brothers and sisters. Allow me to guide us by the spirits of my religious faith down into the depths of this hell place.
# LIAM
While he's talking, I turn to my sister and go--
# LAURA
Are you still you, Scanlan, just in another body?
# SAM
Yes, my child. Inside.
# TRAVIS
Boners and wangs.
# LAURA
It's weird that you're nine feet tall, but your penis is still a cube.
# SAM
That's by choice.
(laughter)
So you can recognize me if I die in a fight and you have to go to a lab and identify the body, you'll be like (fake crying) oh, it's him!
# LIAM
And they shall know him by his cube.
# LAURA
Sorry. Yes. Lead the way.
# MATT
You glide down your own way. The air is extremely warm as it passes by you. Holding your breath at this point, because you are not near any source of water, it looks like, and you're not carrying one with you. You glide down, rapid speed past the lava, which eventually comes and cools in a clump, a small mound where it seems a recent hole punched out of and began to dribble down.
It's been cooling and causing this extra layer on the tunnel. Everything here seems to be in this weird state of flux. You continue past it, and it drops into a tunnel below, maybe about 20 or 30 feet wide. Descends downward.
# SAM
Straight down?
# MATT
Straight down.
# SAM
I'll go down a bit.
# MATT
You descend about 30 or 40 feet. This cylinder-like tunnel comes to a halt; it stops.
# SAM
Am I detecting any evil?
# MATT
You are not detecting any evil, no. Do you have darkvision in this form?
# SAM
I don't know! Where does it say?
# MATT
It says truesight. You don't have darkvision; you have everything vision.
# TALIESIN
Predator vision.
# SAM
I can also speak every language!
# MATT
Given that case, as soon as you land, you look up and you can see across the rock here, there is one portion of the wall that is smoother than the rest in a concave perfect square across the opposite side. You can see faint runes or glyphs that are pressed into the stone, like part of it has been untouched for quite some time.
# SAM
Is there writing or is it just symbols?
# MATT
Because you can read any language, right?
# SAM
It says languages: all.
# MATT
Yeah. Okay.
# TALIESIN
This is the most irritated I've ever seen Matt.
# LIAM
This is because of the planetar, not Ioun? Planetar. This is how you must stay always.
# SAM
I agree.
# MATT
Glancing at the glyphs here, there are roots of magical, arcane glyphs here, but whatever enchantment there was here is very faint. It's more about the message or image that is set here.
It is an exit seal. It is a final word of those that utilized the space within. It translates to, "Here the Crafter's Halls lay dark, the means of making the World Ender gone. Allhammer protect us all."
# SAM
Allhammer. Wow. I don't know.
# MATT
The Allhammer. Make a religion check.
# LAURA
The Allhammer was--
# TRAVIS
You're not there.
# SAM
Looking. Religion. I don't know. 11 plus I don't know.
# MATT
Recalling that information, you have this information in your mind, I'll say. As long as you didn't roll a one.
# LIAM
You don't remember it, but you remember it.
# MATT
The Allhammer is one of the prime gods of family, craft, and construction of fine, important things. It is the patron saint of all craftsmen, blacksmiths, forgemasters, artisans, and from the information you received from Ioun, the creator of and last user of the Core Anvil.
# MARISHA
So is it "the Allhammer lies beyond"? "Is dark"?
# MATT
It was an exit phrase placed on this door by the last person who was in this.
# MARISHA
Here the Crafter's Hall remains dark, the Allhammer--
# LAURA
Watch over us.
# MARISHA
Watch over us. Something about watching over us. Yeah, validate free parking.
# TALIESIN
Objects in hammer are closer than they appear.
# SAM
I'll fly back and report to the rest in my pristine body. My pristine, hairless body. And that is what I saw.
# LAURA
That was all in our heads?
# SAM
Yes.
# TRAVIS
I think that's what we're looking for, right?
# LAURA
Yeah, let's go.
# LIAM
It was a flight down, yeah?
# SAM
Hold on one second. (blowing water bubbles) (laughter)
I'm back to being pristine.
# MATT
Just so everyone here understands, imagine between most conversations, there's somebody doing that into a small jar of water.
# SAM
(blowing water bubbles) And it's all cloudy now from everybody.
# LAURA
How often can you re-up that jar? Oh god, it's nasty water.
# LIAM
You're motorboating a gravy bowl.
# SAM
It's like a horse trough. There's hair.
# MATT
It is getting a little thick.
(laughter)
Oh god.
# LAURA
Should we head down there? Did it seem like you could pass through that door?
# SAM
Oh, I didn't try the door.
# LAURA
You didn't try to get through it?
# SAM
Sorry!
# LAURA
It's all right. We can find a way. It's just a door.
# SAM
It's just a door; we'll be fine.
# TRAVIS
Yeah, we're great entering doors. Great history with doors. Let's go.
# MATT
Who's doing what to get down there?
# TALIESIN
I'm walking down there.
# MATT
You (footsteps) on the side.
# LAURA
I am flying down with the broom. Does anybody else need to ride? Do you need to bamf your wings out, or do you want to get on the broom?
# LIAM
I'm going to save those. I'll get on the broom. You're offering me a ride on the broom!
# TRAVIS
I've got the carpet.
# MARISHA
I'll take the carpet or whatever.
# MATT
Grog and Keyleth on the carpet. You two on the broom. You flying. We're good. The rest of you guys descend down at a 45-degree grade and make it past where the lava stopped and cooled and collected and thickened up. Eventually, you find the area where it drops off into darkness below in this cylindrical tunnel. You make it down the 30 or so feet to where it stops. It takes you a moment, based on where Scanlan points you towards, but you can make out the runes he was mentioning.
Percy, you're the only one who can read them.
# TALIESIN
More of that. All right.
# MARISHA
What? What does it say?
# TALIESIN
It's a "shop's closed," I suppose.
# LAURA
Can we reopen it?
# MATT
No indicator of that. It was essentially, (door click) "Key is locked up forever. Bye! Bless "this seal."
# LAURA
Bust through this shit or undo it? Do we have a way to cancel the seal out?
# MARISHA
So it's quite literally a family business. We're closed, retired. Bars in front of it.
# MATT
You get that sense. The forge was made by and for the use of the Allhammer, and the Allhammer is locked somewhere on his own plane across the other side of the Divine Gate and has been for 800 years.
# LIAM
We've got a god-made doorway in front of us.
Something-made door, right. Natural rock around it or is everything carved?
# MATT
Natural volcanic rock. It's that same crumbly, porous black stone.
# TALIESIN
I'm going to touch the doors.
# MATT
It feels like the rest of the surrounding stone.
# TALIESIN
There's no obvious mechanism for opening it?
# MATT
Make an investigation check.
# LAURA
Can I pray to Pelor?
# TALIESIN
That's awful. No. Six.
# MATT
No current sign of anything.
# TALIESIN
Anytime I look for anything worthwhile, I stare at rock going, huh! Found a rock.
# LAURA
I'm going to pray to Pelor. I don't know if it makes a difference.
# MATT
What are you going to say?
# LAURA
I'm going to say: well. We are here at a doorway. I don't know if you speak to the Allhammer, if you know anything about this, but if you have any way to help us get through this, now would be the time. Trying to do good work here for you and all of mankind.
# TRAVIS
What about your bean?
# LAURA
Oh yeah. Well, I'm going to take the bean out and say all that shit again with the bean in between my hands. I'm going to whisper it to the bean because it's part of him.
# MARISHA
Can you hear the ocean?
# MATT
Ocean bean. Putting the words and thoughts out there. Prayer is still a foreign thing to you that you're still learning to do.
# LAURA
That's why it was so good.
# MATT
There's no words that respond, but you do get a warm sense pushing you forward. You get the idea from whatever guidance Pelor is sending your direction that you can translate from your only recently somewhat-faithful heart that you're on the right path. That's as much as you can muster from the conversation.
# LAURA
Thanks.
# TRAVIS
I don't want to jump the gun, but I did punch a volcano today. This door, probably not too big a tuna for me to filet, you know what I mean? Unless the runes say, "If you punch, melt you will."
# SAM
It didn't say anything like that.
# TRAVIS
It didn't?
# MARISHA
It seems like it's just closed.
# LAURA
Are they glowing runes? Are they magical runes? Do they seem like they're magic?
# MATT
This is an interesting point I should have recalled. Grog, are you still in your large form or not?
# TRAVIS
Yeah.
# MATT
How did you use the magic carpet to get across? That carpet will not carry you in your large form.
# TRAVIS
Oh, good point.
# LAURA
You're little. Or you could have--
# TALIESIN
Just slid down.
# LAURA
Oh yeah, could you have stretched to either side and he does a Ninja Warrior shit down the tube?
# TRAVIS
Well, we don't know how wide. How wide?
# LAURA
Well, that's what I mean.
# MATT
The passageway heading downward would probably be somewhere in the neighborhood of between 15 to 20 feet.
# LAURA
What about a Wonder Woman situation where you (impacts). Because you got the siege gauntlets on? And you make handholds?
# LIAM
How long a drop was it?
# MATT
Well, the drop wasn't the issue. It was the 40 feet of lava that was curling down.
# TRAVIS
You could fly down and put me in the necklace, if you want.
# LAURA
Yeah, sure, that's what I did. Popped Trinket out, flew back up, grabbed Grog, came back down.
# MATT
From a logistical standpoint, I recalled that.
# TRAVIS
Good call.
# MATT
Okay, so what are you guys going to do?
# TALIESIN
Are the runes glowing? Are the runes not glowing?
# MATT
No, the runes aren't glowing. You get the sense, Scanlan, that it was less that they were glowing, more that your truesight revealed the presence--
# SAM
To me, everything is glowing a little bit.
# MATT
You are a little Neo in the Matrix in this new physical form.
# TALIESIN
Tommy Wiseau is what I'm getting from this. I'm going to take the Sun Stone out of its little container, and really light up the room, and just illuminate the whole room now.
# LAURA
Is there a door knob or anything that looks like a seal?
# MATT
Make an investigation check.
# TALIESIN
Thank you, somebody.
# LAURA
18.
# LIAM
22.
# MATT
22. Glancing about, with the help of his light, as well, you look and you can see most of the rock is jagged and broken in places, and as you feel the edges, some parts flake off relatively easy, and when you get to the section of where that rectangular piece of the wall is that the glyphs are put across, it looks like it's a little smoothed over, like someone smoothed it down to make this intentional seal, but there's no sign of any sort of keyhole or handle or anything.
# LAURA
Maybe you could push it?
# TRAVIS
Let's try being polite, first. I will knock on the door.
# MATT
It's heavy stone.
# TRAVIS
All right, fuck this. I try and push the door either in and to either side.
# MATT
Make a strength check.
# LIAM, LAURA, MARISHA
Go Strongjaw, go!
# TRAVIS
17.
# SAM
You're inspired.
# TRAVIS
Oh yeah, I'll use that shit.
# MATT
It's a d12.
# TRAVIS
Oh, it is? Oh shit. Awesome. 26.
# MATT
26! You jam your hands into the wall and push. As you push and shove, your fingers are grinding and breaking the actual stone until they feel something metal. It goes from crumbling stone to a metallic surface, and as you pull your hands back a little bit, you pull away these giant chunks of volcanic stone, the actual runes and glyphs breaking around your grasp, and you can look inside and see hammered, dark metal on the other side. You then put your hand in and shove as hard as you can, and with a very faint grinding, you feel it give about an inch, then another inch.
And then eventually, it gives out suddenly, and you watch as suddenly the entire square structure falls inward with a slamming echo sound that echoes again and again, down a stairway that disappears from view about 20 feet ahead of you.
# LAURA
Check for traps!
# TRAVIS
You got it. Natural 20.
(laughter)
That's not my thing.
# MATT
Natural 20 doesn't mean you succeed, necessarily.
# LIAM
18 for me.
# MATT
All right. Both of you glance throughout the initial--
# LIAM
Grog, what do your elven eyes see?
# MATT
-- steps into the hallway, which is now littered with broken rock for the first ten feet or so, with a platform where the large rectangular metal structure fell over. No signs of any traps, no signs of any tweaking with the floor or walls for any triggers. You do notice that the metal surfaces here are a texture of rough, hammered metal. You can see the series of small indentations, like all these have been hammered into place, and it looks like the seams where these large metallic wall slabs would be have a thin little placed bar over those, as well. You've gone from central volcano, natural, emerging and expanding rock and lava to a place of very intense, intended construct.
# TRAVIS
I feel like this is it.
# LAURA
Would my greedy eyes know what kind of metal it is?
# MATT
Make an intelligence check.
# SAM
It's all pewter. Pewter everywhere.
# LAURA
Intelligence. Investigation?
# MATT
Well, this would be just an intelligence check. Just a straight modifier.
# LAURA
(laughs) Oh! Ten.
# MATT
Ten? (sighs) You're not entirely certain of the metal. It is a dark, dull, slate gray. A little darker than that, even, and elements of the edges appear to be almost red. Almost like a rust or ruddy color, but you don't recognize what type of metal it is, necessarily.
# LIAM
I'm stealthing. I'm stealthing down the steps.
# LAURA
I did cast Pass Without a Trace on all of us again a while ago. I said it. I even marked it off after the fight.
# MATT
Okay. You rolled a natural 20?
# LIAM
Yep. Using a Luck. But yeah.
# MATT
Using Luck. You've used three Lucks today.
# LIAM
Three of my four, according to your campaign guide?
# MATT
The campaign guide was something that was for other people to use...
(laughter)
As sort of an inside joke for the previous more than three Lucks.
# LIAM
Well, that was my third, not my fourth.
# MATT
Right, I'm saying for the purposes of the guide being released and you embracing your fate-touched nature and the extremely dutiful adherence to the law of your Raven Queen... sure, I'll give you a fate-touched additional fourth Luck.
# MARISHA
He's throwing you a bone.
# SAM
You know why? Because he knows Liam bought the book.
# LIAM
I did buy the book. I bought the book in the first hour.
# SAM
I bought the book, too. What do I get?
# MATT
You get an awesome angel dick.
(laughter)
# LAURA
Your one-inch cube suddenly grows.
# LIAM
To two inches!
# MATT
Angel wang, by the way, is a good band name.
# TRAVIS
(singing) Angel wang.
# MATT
All right.
# SAM
I'm going to fly over to Vex and wordlessly say to her, be honest. Do you think I'm more handsome like this or as normal Scanlan?
# LAURA
I'm going to think in my head, Scanlan's the best.
# SAM
Be aware that as a divine being, I can sense any lie.
(laughter)
# LAURA
Scanlan, darling. You're fucking hot right now, all right? But I love you like you were.
You're always my favorite when you're just yourself.
# SAM
All right. Thank you. I turn my little naked butt to her and fly away.
(laughter)
# MATT
All right. So, this hallway that you guys have pushed through now, it's about 20 feet wide, 30 feet tall, and this long ceiling gradually curves to an apex point, like two adjoining sides of a roof. And it continues to progress forward, and then descends with the staircase.
# TRAVIS
Are the walls hot to the touch, since they're metal?
# MATT
You put your hand out and feel it, and yes, they are. Not like (sizzle), but your hand can rest for a few seconds before you have to remove it. They're very hot.
# TRAVIS
We progress forward into the room down the stairs. Wherever the stairs lead.
# MATT
All right, so. You leading?
# LIAM
Yeah, I'm 60 feet ahead with my 47 stealth right now.
# MATT
Right. Okay. So as you begin, first thing you notice, the steps? They're long steps. They are about three feet wide each step.
# LIAM
God-sized.
# MATT
So you're having to like, step, step, step, leap down a few feet, continue again, leap down a few feet, and each of you are doing this. Who here does not have magic boots?
# MARISHA
Me.
# LAURA
I mean, just part of my armor. If that's not boots, then it's probably just the front guards, huh.
# SAM
I don't.
# MATT
You're flying. You're fine.
# LAURA
But I've got my broom. That I just said I was on.
# MATT
Correct. So you're fine. You, as you're walking, the ground is very hot, and you can continue to move your feet in a way where it's not too bad, but you get the sense if you were wearing normal boots and not the usual Ashari-made, leather setup that you work on, they would probably be melting across the metal floor here.
# LAURA
You want to hop up on this broom?
# MARISHA
Oh, I'm just-- big strides. Big strides!
# LAURA
All right. It looks awkward, but stay there, if you'd rather.
# MARISHA
I try to look more normal while still taking big strides.
# TRAVIS
It's not working.
# MARISHA
No?
# MATT
All right, so. The air itself now smells of very caustic fumes mixed with the smell of burning coal, but there is oxygen now in this chamber. You can breathe. There's enough air to actually get a lungful here and there, though it is still thin, and there is still the toxic fume here that had you not had the Heroes' Feast, you'd be having a rough time. But you're not having to constantly dip into the jug anymore.
# TRAVIS
Did one of y'all growl just now? That was you?
# TALIESIN
That was me.
# TRAVIS
Or did it come out of the speaker?
# LIAM
You don't know.
# TRAVIS
That shit scared me.
(laughter)
That shit was too loud from a weird direction. I got all haunted house for a second. I was like, (gasps).
# MATT
I cannot wait to get to Halloween Horror Nights with you again.
# LIAM
Travis Willingham's fatal flaw.
# TRAVIS
I'm quick as hell. (laughs)
# MATT
You are quick. That's why we leave you ten feet ahead of us.
# TALIESIN
You are the best jump scare.
# MARISHA
One of these days you're going to break someone's nose.
# TRAVIS
I know. Ah! I'm so sorry! (laughter)
# MATT
It's going to be glorious. Anyway, as you descend the staircase, you ahead, make a perception check.
# LIAM
All right. I'm going to use your Pelor die.
Hey, that's good. Perception, you say? 27!
# MATT
27, okay. You continue down for about two minutes or so, and even glancing ahead to the edge of your visual range here in the darkness, because there is no light source below at this point...
the stairs are continuing and continuing and continuing, and you have no idea how long it'll go for, but you begin to sense as you're walking, and you hear this faint rhythmic, bassy rumble of a low, nearly inaudible, drum-like beat, deeper than any sound you've heard, quaking the ground ever so faintly. (slow, rumbling pulses) And you can very faintly feel it. You get down and move your fingers to the ground, and for the moments before the heat gets there, the next time you hear it, you can feel a very faint vibration, only because you are very perceptive at the moment.
# LIAM
Is it exactly rhythmic? Precisely?
# MATT
I'd say, with your high perception check, you can tell that yes, it is precisely rhythmic.
# LIAM
I think there's some sort of god-sized machinery ahead of us. I think we're getting close.
# LAURA
Did you lose your earring because you're an angel now?
# TRAVIS
No, he keeps all his stuff.
# SAM
I don't have the earring, but I can talk to you telepathically in any language. How about Italian, darling? (laughter)
# LAURA
Stop being creepy, Scanlan.
# SAM
I sense my hour is coming to an end soon.
# MATT
You guys are about 20 minutes out, both you and Grog, before you lose your forms.
# LIAM
Do you know binary? One, zero, zero, one, zero, one, one, zero, one, zero, one...
# MARISHA
Speak in Morse code.
# MATT
Another ten, 15 minutes of descending these stairs that seem to go on and on and on, and you guys are starting to hear this (low rumbling), but it is getting steadily louder the further down you climb, Vax. You begin to see along the metallic walls, occasionally, shapes in the metal. And you glance over, Vax, and look, and you can see, carved from the metal, humanoid, armored warriors standing about ten or so feet tall, larger than normal. Their poses vary. Some of them are on the side, some of them are attacking, some of them are defending, and about every 25 or 30 feet or so, there will be one on one side or the other.
# LIAM
Are they standing free, or are they carved from the wall?
# MATT
No, they're from the wall.
# LAURA
They're drawings?
# MATT
They're reliefs. They're metallic reliefs in the wall.
# TRAVIS
Not some metal Medusa that turned them into metal?
# MATT
Made of the same metal, it looks like, as the walls around them.
# TALIESIN
I'm going to quickly inspect one.
# MATT
Make an investigation check.
# TALIESIN
I'm rolling terribly. Nine.
# MATT
Nine.
# LAURA
I want to look at them, too. I want to fly up on my broom. I was going to say it and then he said it.
# TRAVIS
Please don't be golems that will come out and fight us.
# LAURA
Investigation? 22.
# MATT
22? Glancing around the seams, these appear to be just reliefs in the wall. There is no deeper seam. Their proportions are flattened. They are designs in the wall.
# TALIESIN
Does the style indicate anything?
# MATT
The craftsmanship is extraordinary, the detail. Because you rolled so high, you can tell that these are just reliefs in the wall, but up until that point, it looks like the detail in the nooks and crannies are so microscopic, you can see texture on the skin, almost. Like pores carved in.
It's immaculate. It's artistic, the level of detail put into these.
# MARISHA
Grog. Do you trust this?
# TRAVIS
To what are you pointing?
# MARISHA
The reliefs, the people in the wall? Okay. It was a hypothetical question.
# TRAVIS
Right. Do I trust the art?
# MARISHA
Just to be safe, I cast Freedom of Movement on Grog. Just in case.
# TRAVIS
Ooh. I start popping and locking.
# MARISHA
So loose. So free. So much movement.
# MATT
So that lasts for an hour, great.
# LAURA
I'm going to be stealthy. I don't want to be noisy.
# MATT
Okay. Roll stealth, please.
# LAURA
32.
# MATT
Okay. So what is the marching order here, please?
# TRAVIS
I don't actually mind taking the lead on this one.
# MATT
Okay.
# SAM
Do we have five minutes left, or less?
# MATT
You're pushing about ten minutes or so at this point.
# TRAVIS
I think five to ten minutes, actually.
# LAURA
Yeah, you had said 15.
# TALIESIN
I love walking on the wall.
# SAM
We could stay like this forever.
# TALIESIN
So I'll be in the middle of the group, walking on the wall.
# SAM
I'm so beautiful.
# TRAVIS
You look over and Scanlan's going (kisses).
# SAM
So symmetrical.
# LIAM
I'm actually going to hang back.
# MATT
Okay, so Vax behind. It's Percy and Grog up front.
# LAURA
I'm going to go up behind Percy.
# MARISHA
Yeah, I'll be with Vex.
# SAM
I will fly up next to Grog and put my Healing Touch hand on his shoulder and heal him a lot.
(hums) 31.
# MATT
You heal 31 hit points, Grog.
# SAM
Oh, plus three. 34.
# MATT
There you go.
# SAM
And you're also freed from any curse, disease, or blindness that you have, just FYI.
# LIAM
I'm also going to dump 20 hit points of Lay on Hands on my own damn self.
# MATT
All righty.
# MARISHA
Wait, is that ding to your saving throws considered a curse?
# MATT
It is a curse that can only be broken by a god.
# LAURA
If he fucking brings it up to a god. He doesn't even realize he has it.
# TRAVIS
I tried to talk to Pelor, but people were like, "No, don't talk to Pelor."
# LAURA
What are you fucking talking about?
# TRAVIS
What are you talking about?
# MATT
Grog, continuing the charge forward, taking the steps, eventually you begin to see a source of some light. A faint, orangish-red light. Your initial instinct, based on your previous travels through here, is molten rock. It's a very similar orangish-red color from this distance. As you descend, step upon heavy step upon heavy step, you watch as you can see a square orange opening below. As in, the pointed hallway that leads you down comes to an end, and the stairs descend into a chamber.
# TRAVIS
I'll go in.
# LAURA
Would Trinket's little feet hurt if he was on the ground?
# MATT
Do you want to put Trinket out of your necklace?
# LAURA
Well, I figure I would have tried to put him out when we got in the tunnel, but if his feet were hurting, I would have put him back in the necklace.
# MATT
I would say Trinket's not comfortable, yeah.
# LAURA
Okay, I'll keep him in, then.
# MATT
Okay. So. As you descend, Grog, the staircase continues below as the hallway comes to an end, and you find yourself descending into the center of a massive hexagonal chamber. The walls climb about 25 feet on each of the hexagonal sides. There's one flat wall ahead of you, and you assume probably one behind, though you cannot see it from your current perspective on the staircase.
You can see that the walls are still made from the long plates of intricate, hammered metal, black and red-tinted with dust and rock and whatever other materials were forged into the actual metal.
The support girders of dark red metal marks the seam at every wall-plate, like when you entered the hallway above.
Central to the chamber ahead of you, across the wall that you see there, there is a glowing pit of heated coals, about 15 feet on any side that marks the floor before a giant, metal wall with two X-shaped cross beams that hit the corners of where that wall begins on each side. And in the center where they meet, you see a raised relief of solid gold bolted there that surrounds an opening of some kind. There's a space in that golden relief.
# TRAVIS
What's the floor look like from here to there? The same surface?
# MATT
Same metallic surface.
# TRAVIS
Any seams, or just smooth?
# MATT
Well, no, for the floor in here, it would be fairly smooth.
# LAURA
How high off the ground is that relief?
# MATT
It's 25 feet to the ceiling, and it's halfway down, so it's about 12 and a half feet in the center, so from the ground, you'd have to get up to see it.
# TRAVIS
I move closer towards that.
# MATT
Okay. You walk up, and you come to the very bottom of the last step. (grunts) Leap onto the ground, walk forward to the edge of where the coals are, there at the base of your feet. You glance up and you can see it. Make a perception check.
# TRAVIS
Hold on. 17.
# MATT
All right, you glance up and you can see the relief of solid gold. The opening in it is triangle-shaped, roughly one foot across from point to point, like that. It comes into a triangular point. And it's about that size; it's about a foot, and then a foot, and then a foot.
# LAURA
I think you're supposed to stick your hand in it, Grog.
# TRAVIS
It's just the triangle shape, right? There's nothing else around it?
# MATT
It's a weird rough circle, and then the triangle is carved into the center of it. The two walls immediately to the right and the left of that, where the hexagonal pulls back to each side, you see two more of those metal warrior reliefs that you saw earlier in the hallway.
# TRAVIS
And the coals are in a circle?
# MATT
The coals are in a square section, a 15 by 15-foot square section of the floor in front of you that leads right up to the wall with the giant X meeting the seams in the relief.
# TRAVIS
(sighs) Might have to Tony Robbins this shit, right?
# LAURA
Does it look like anything's supposed to go in the triangle? Does it look like a keyhole?
# MATT
It looks like a gold relief that has a triangular hole in it. That's all you can see.
# LAURA
Can we see how deep the hole goes?
# MATT
You'd have to get closer to it.
# LAURA
I want to get close to it on my broom and look at it.
# MATT
All right, you fly up above the coals, and the heat emanating from the coals below you is extremely hot. You can see it warping the air above it, so you have to protect yourself a bit and squint the eyes, and you swear you can smell the scent of burning hair. And you get up close and you can see the relief, perhaps some sort of triangular or pyramid-like shape would slip into it.
It looks like all the corners eventually converge to a point on the interior of it.
# LAURA
Okay. All right. I back up so that I'm not in the fumes.
# TRAVIS
Is there anything else in the room besides the two reliefs on either side that we can see? Tools?
# MATT
Do you guys want to walk around the back of the staircase? As you guys move around the back of the staircase, the wall on the opposite side of that relief contains a third armored warrior relief embedded in the wall. You can see there are four pillars right along the side of where the staircase descends that contain bolted-in, large braziers that contain ever-burning flames, flickering, that give that orange-red glow, similar to the coals you saw embedded in the ground as you arrived. And then on the back side of the staircase and the column that held it aloft, you recognize it immediately, Grog, strangely. Because while you've not cared or understood what these things are before, suddenly you know what it is. You see a large metal-- it looks like a well, almost, but there is a furnace built into it and a number of tools that are hanging to the side, small tongs and heavy leather gauntlets. This is a smelter.
# LAURA
Oh, that's where we have to smelt the platinum. Do we see anything around the room that looks like it could fit in that pyramid shape?
# SAM
I'm going to cast, again, Detect Good and Evil, and do a swoop around and see if I sense any creatures or magically consecrated objects.
# MATT
Okay. You swoop around the room. You detect no evil. You detect no magically consecrated objects. And at that point, the spell's about to fade or become permanent.
# SAM
(sighs) Big choice.
# LAURA
You mean, you'll stay like that forever? You can't undo it?
# SAM
Yes, my child. I will drop the spell.
# MATT
Okay. And with that, a smaller Scanlan form appears, the planetar angelic form vanishing, and he drops about four feet and lands on his feet on the ground.
# SAM
I feel my back, covered in hair. I'm back.
# MATT
And a moment later, Grog, your form drops as well, and you revert back to normal Grog size.
Still massive.
# TRAVIS
So we're supposed to smelt the platinum, right? Melt it down. And then we use our magic beans to make the Prime Trammels.
# TALIESIN
Do I understand how this triangle works?
# MATT
This triangle does not at all resemble any of the designs that you had imbued upon you.
# TALIESIN
I'm going to hop up to take a better look at it, as well.
# MATT
Okay. So you walk up the side and look into it and you can see it's a triangle, and then pushing inward, all the points converge on the inside where it would fit a pyramid structure, about one foot on each side, corner to corner.
# TALIESIN
And the point at which they connect, is that about a quarter size, would you say?
# MATT
The point where it connects, it goes to a complete point.
# TALIESIN
Complete point, okay.
# TRAVIS
And that relief is in the middle of two crossbeams? So you couldn't push the crossbeams over and lay it down flat?
# MATT
Well, the cross beams are bolted to the actual wall.
# TRAVIS
It's not something we have to lay flat.
# LIAM
Did you say there were two metal warriors?
# MATT
There are two metal warriors to the right and left and then one on the back wall.
# LIAM
And are they separated from where we are by hot coals, or can you walk right up to them?
# MATT
The only hot coals are the ones that reside directly beneath the relief.
# LIAM
Okay, so I'm going to check one of those out. See if it's any different than what we passed in that hallway.
# MARISHA
And you said there were three warriors?
# MATT
Yes.
# LAURA
And we can get to the smelter right now, or it's beyond the crossbeams?
# MATT
The smelter is on the other of the room, behind the staircase.
# LAURA
All the shit we need?
# MATT
Yeah.
# LIAM
24.
# MATT
24. You approach, and look up into the warrior, and you can see the three of them are all in the same stance. They're all standing square.
They all are clutching a long greatsword in one hand. The other appears to be open to either receive something or hold aloft something that's not there, and they're all facing forward.
# LIAM
I'm shooting my wings out as I walk up to them, as well.
# MATT
Okay. (whoosh) Your wings arc outward.
Looking ahead, you can see the armored helmet that adorns its head that normally would pincer to where the nose is, and you can see the pores of the face. The helmet is one, big, domed curve on top, and where a face would be, there is no face.
There's the outside of the head and a similar triangle gap in the face that's smaller than the one in the relief. You glance over quickly into the other warrior, and the third, and all three of them are faceless, instead having an empty triangle that disappears into the face.
# LIAM
It goes inward like the big one.
# MATT
Yes. But they're smaller.
# MARISHA
While he does that, I stand in the middle. Are the three warriors triangulated, if you were to draw out a triangle between them?
# MATT
In the hexagonal room, yes, they would be.
# MARISHA
In the same shape?
# MATT
It seems to be. Close enough, at least, based on the construction of the chamber.
# TRAVIS
What did the reliefs have in their hands? Weapons? Swords? Axes? Hammers?
# MATT
No, they're all greatswords, but they're also part of the relief embedded in the wall.
# TRAVIS
Okay.
# MARISHA
And one open hand.
# MATT
One open hand. It's embedded in the wall, and the other one is open to the side. But the relief is all embedded in the wall, and you can see the triangular opening. The only thing that darts inward is that vacuous shape in the face.
# LAURA
This is where Vox Machina dies because they can't figure out--
# TALIESIN
We can't figure out how the triangle works.
# MARISHA
Is there anything on the floor? Any patterns on the floor?
# MATT
Make an investigation check.
# SAM
The smelter, is it active right now? Is it hot?
# TRAVIS
Yeah, the coals are cooking.
# MATT
The smelter is low, but it's burning.
# SAM
What if we have to make something triangular?
# LAURA
Yeah, to fit in those things.
# MARISHA
13.
# MATT
13? Doesn't appear to be. The floor is pretty solid. There's no real detail that catches your attention.
# TALIESIN
Let's start smelting.
# LAURA
Yeah. Might as well.
# SAM
What if we take those beans and put them in the little triangle holes? I don't know. In their hands?
# MATT
Well, the statues are in the wall and you can see the outer shape, barely protruding from the wall, so it would be hard to place something in the hand.
# LAURA
Yeah, we switched all our gold for platinum in Vasselheim.
# TALIESIN
Yeah, so let's start the smelter, at the very least.
# MATT
Okay. The bellows are there. The big old heavy bellows, and Grog, you know exactly what to do. It's a really strange phenomenon to be like, "I've never done this," but it's second nature, and you begin to get that forge to well and burn, and brightly. You can see the flames and the coals heat up from dull red to a bright orange to a white at times, and as it heats up, you have the tongs. What do you smelt in?
# MARISHA
But what to smelt in?
# TRAVIS
I'm going to walk across.
# MATT
You get the sense here that smelting is the heating and liquefying of metals: one, to remove impurities, and two, to then pour into a mold in which, when it cools, the metal makes the shape of whatever the mold is.
# LAURA
Can I fly up to the circle on the wall, on the crossbeams? Does it come off?
# MATT
You reach out and you touch the gold relief.
It's built into the wall. It's a smooth, shiny, polished gold, but it's not moving at all.
# LAURA
We can't find anything that makes a triangle shape, a pyramid shape, in the room?
# TALIESIN
The faces of the statuary. Maybe we should prod them. We might as well start prodding things, because nothing's going to happen if we don't prod them. I'm going to crawl up to one of the statuary soldiers and see if the helmet comes off, or if the face is removable. I'm going to start tinkering.
# MATT
You reach up and grab the side and feel the side of the face and reach into the inside of the gap in the triangular void, if you will.
# TALIESIN
That thing is going to go click, isn't it?
# MATT
No, your fingers slide in. It does come to a vanishing point. It comes to a point like the larger relief. Once you look inside and get a glance with the little bit of light that's in there, the shape on the inside of it is different.
It's imperfect and messed up. It's hard to see what it is, but it's not a perfect triangle like the rest. Also, immediately, you guys see there's a flash of orange light that completely surrounds the exterior of the warrior, and the two other warriors, their entire outer line glows a bright orange, and with that, you instinctually step back--
# TALIESIN
I step up.
# MATT
Or yeah, step up, as all three of them (heavy movement) step out of the wall. Unlike the ones you saw previously that were pressed in and relief, these have a little more dimension to them, and the majority of their physical form was embedded backwards into the wall. They all of a sudden come storming outward, giant greatswords swinging in front of them, as they all immediately, the heads creepily with the open, triangular void of where a face would be spin to one of the nearby individuals in their space.
# LAURA
Ooh, maybe we have to kill them and then smelt into their faces.
# TALIESIN
I'm into it. I like this plan.
# MARISHA
Don't destroy their faces!
# MATT
That's where we'll pick up next week, because it is almost 11:00.
# LAURA
All right. How tall are they? How big were they?
# MATT
They're about ten to 12 feet tall?
# LAURA
And they're made out of metal?
# MATT
They're made out of the same metal material, it looks like, that the walls are.
# LAURA
They're golems.
# MATT
Constructs of some kind.
# TRAVIS
Those crossbeams, do they look like they're structurally integral to the room?
# MATT
No. They're bolted against the far wall, and it looks more ornamental, or at least there are seams against that back wall to hold a relief there or at least that's where the relief is placed. You get the sense with more inspection, you'd get a better feel, but it doesn't look like, immediately at glance, it's integral to the design. So! We'll pick up right at the beginning of those large, metallic creatures emerging from the walls and the ensuing conflict next week. In the meantime, thank you guys so much for joining us on the next crazy step of our adventure.
# MARISHA
Happy birthday!
# MATT
Happy birthday, yeah.
# LAURA
It's still for another hour! Thank you, Magic: the Gathering - Puzzle Quest.
# MATT
Yes, thank you Puzzle Quest, Magic: the Gathering edition for being our fantastic sponsor.
Thank you guys for watching. We'll pick up next week, and then after that is GenCon.
# LAURA
(laughs) Oh jeez.
# MATT
So after next week is GenCon, so start getting that ready.
# TRAVIS
Oh shit. Oh my god, we're going right into it.
# MATT
Yep. (laughs) Two weeks. All right. Have a good night, guys, rest well, thank you for coming, and as always--
# LAURA
I'll most likely kill you in the morning.
# MATT
Is it Thursday yet? Good night.
[music]
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