Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight's episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons. →
Our crew's been kicking ass and working hard to get this done in time for this episode, and we're pretty keen on it. so welcome to the visual upgrade to Critical Role. That includes the glasses, the hats, and the various accoutrements. →
Perfect, that's what was missing. Right in my lav. Anyway, welcome. The start of the episode. →
All day, the energy from the community on the internet has been just overwhelming. The stories, the messages, the art. It's been intense. That's because of you guys, all of you. There are so many people to thank for the fact that we've been doing this as long as we have, and enjoying it as much as we have every step of the way. Thank you to everyone here at Geek & Sundry that brought us in, and had faith in this weird little show. Thank you to my incredible cast that really make the show. I set the table, you all actually make the dinner. →
You all eat it. Thank you to everyone who's been a part of it. Thank you to Orion Acaba and Tiberius, who started this adventure with us before going off on his own, thank you to all of our amazing guests we've had: Wil Wheaton, Felicia Day, Will Friedle, Mary Elizabeth, Chris Perkins, Patrick Rothfuss, Noelle Stevenson, Jason Charles Miller, Phil Lamarr and Ashly Burch who we had on one of our one-shots, which was fantastic. And tonight, returning to this next chapter of the story, we have Jon Heder. →
Jon Heder, who will be here. But thank you, everybody, and more than anyone that I just mentioned, the community. You guys, you guys who have somehow taken our crazy adventure into your hearts and come along and laughed and cried and tensed your butthole at the moments we did. →
Never stop. You guys, it is an honor, it's a privilege, it's overwhelming, it is humbling. It is truly magical, of anything I've experienced outside of this wonderful girl here. →
First and foremost, our hundredth episode tonight is sponsored by Marvel Puzzle Quest, returning once again. Thank you so much for being our amazing sponsor. Sam? If you want to. →
I'm going to do a super fast throw out-- well, I'm not going to rush them, 'cause they are our sponsor. Marvel Puzzle Quest, everyone, great game. Download Marvel Puzzle Quest, available on the App Store, Google Play, and Steam. New characters are added every two weeks, and you can play as heroes, villangers-- Villangers? Villains, the Avengers, X-Men, Spider-Man, and more. →
Speaking of the characters, I'm going to do a quick trivia quiz with Taliesin Jaffe here. Master of comic books. I'm going to read a list of characters available on Marvel Puzzle Quest game. →
Some of them of them are real, some of them are yoga positions. You tell me which is a character and which is a yoga position. Ready? →
No, it's okay. As a lot of people already probably know, we announced it in our press rollout, but in honor of the hundredth episode, we now have episodes zero-- which is all of our backstories-- through ten in podcast form. →
Critical Role podcast. And then what's going to start happening is, towards the end of the month, we want to start rolling out one a day, on work days. Five a week. Don't kill us. All right? Every day to catch up, 'til we get back on track. →
As being worn by the buff and glorious Sam Riegel. Gorgeous. Just gorgeous, with all the tour cities on the back and everything. And then, also, a commemorative item for the hundredth episode. We worked with David Mack-- Who is, like, this amazing artist. He's-- you know him. Tell some of his work, 'cause-- →
I mean, I'm so excited about this. Number one, just because it looks so freaking amazing. →
But then, he incorporated all of this amazing stuff like quotes and everything that has to do with the characters, and things that mean so much to us as the characters. And he just worked with us nonstop to try to make the most amazing thing for you guys, and I'm so proud of it and so happy. →
Also, like our shirts that you can't tell how soft they are until you're wearing them, like the Joe Mad poster that was so beautiful but until you saw it in person you didn't get it. This thing in person is unbelievable. →
So yeah. This will be available for one month and one month only in the Geek and Sundry store starting today. And then after that, it is gone. And we're doing the same thing that we did last time, which is also offering a limited edition signed version, so if you guys want to check that out, that's only available for three weeks so we can try to get as many signatures before Ashley has to leave. →
Oh, hello there. I'm Taryon Darrington of The Slayer's Cake. The Slayer's Cake, your pals in a pastry pinch. Go now? Okay. (clears throat) Heading to a fancy banquet and not sure if your hosts are undead? (gasps) Slayer's Cake. Say it's Winter's Crest, and you don't know what to get your secret Sarenrae. Possibly because you've never given a gift before. It could happen. →
Slayer's Cake! We even have miniature cakes for that special gnome-one in your life. →
So come on down to the Slayer's Cake, located in downtown Whitestone. Look for the big unsanitary bear. You can't miss it! And don't forget, don't step in bear shit! →
Wait, wait, can you see me? There it is! So we had the aprons made, which we're so excited about. I didn't do it, Ben did it, and he's amazing. Ben did this! He made cupcakes with the Slayer's Cake logo for us for the 100th episode. →
All righty, so, thank you very much for those announcements, guys. Other cool things coming up. Our fine friends at Wyrmwood, we have an awesome spot to show during the break today, showing some of their awesome craftsmanship and their partnership, showing off their products as well. There's an amazing giveaway at the mid-break that we'll show you guys when we get there, so stick around for the mid-break when we get to that point to see the process of what they do and how they do it and all the awesome things they produce there. You can find their stuff, by the way, at wyrmwoodgaming.com/criticalrole for free domestic shipping with the promo code-- Liam? →
Looking forward to that at the break. Also, those asking about campaign guide information, for the Tal'dorei campaign guide. All that is up on the Green Ronin website. You can go there, go ahead and find out when it's coming out, how to find it, all that fun stuff, and I hope you like it. Soon, I guess. Also, we have an awesome infographic up on social media and the website, put together from our friends at CritRoleStats, Andrew and all you awesome guys. So they're awesome, go check that out, a lot of fun trivia elements about how long we've been running the show, and apparently how many nonexistent characters live in my brain. →
That's okay, it was nice while it lasted. So see you guys at A-Kon in Dallas, Texas. Talks Machina, always live, Tuesdays, 7PM Pacific time on Twitch and Alpha. Talk about this crazy episode next week. Hosted by the fantastic Brian Wayne Foster. Thank you for eating my cupcake. Still, surprisingly. All right, Signal Boost, new episode, with? →
Well, I have a little thing, I just have to share this. Friend of the show, Kiki-- not our Kiki, the other Kiki who's made so many vestiges-- brought me a little something today. →
All righty. So, picking up where we left off last time, Vox Machina had just completed their adventure in the distant countryside of Wildmount, interfacing with the Darrington family and apparently their long-acquired debt with the Myriad, a criminal syndicate on that side of the world. After making a deal that would salvage elements of the Darrington family, you made your way back and encountered a half-orc bardbarian by the way of Lionel, who was there on behest of his boss, Aes Adon, or, as you were immediately referred to as, the Meat Man. Immediately. You were brought to a nearby tavern in Whitestone where the vicinity had been rented out entirely and you met with a large, intimidating-looking gentleman. Scarred, pockmarked, ready to go ahead and wheel and deal some business with you. After some interesting conversation and some sly insights by Vex'ahlia and Keyleth, it was discovered that the Meat Man was indeed your old compatriot Scanlan under an illusion, to attempt to notify you that he'd discovered something quite dangerous on his side of Exandria. You discovered that this fantastic bardbarian Lionel had been working for him under his Meat Man guise in Ank'Harel for the better part of a year, and while set on a mission with a number of other compatriots of his, Lionel had stumbled upon an area called the Smouldercrown, a mountain range not terribly far from Ank'harel, what seemed to be a cavern structure that led to an underground pyramid, similar to the ziggurat that you guys had been keeping an eye on underneath Whitestone, which also contained its own small black spherical orb in which they were feeding magical items towards, it looked like. However, they were discovered in that tunnel and Lionel was the only one to escape with his life. The rest fell behind and were left for dead. Upon notifying Scanlan, or the Meat Man, of this information, he knew it was pertinent to return and get this to you in person. After which, apologies were made; some were accepted, some were not. But it was generally decided by the team that, based on this information, you needed to make your way to Ank'Harel post-haste and discover what exactly resides beneath the mountains of the Smouldercrown. →
You gathered up the following moment, well rested, all met up at the base of the Sun Tree in the center of the square, and that's where we left off. So, as you've gathered your materials, your weapons, your armor, what you think you may need for this trek, you've all gathered around the base of the Sun Tree. Some shade has been thrown, but you have gathered. So, what do you wish to do? →
I just want to make a point that I've alerted everybody in the government-- everybody reasonable-- where we're going, why we're going, and that there should be people watching the Ziggurat underneath Whitestone 24/7 while we're on this mission. →
You've been to Ank'harel, you've been around quite a bit, and you've seen a number of trees. →
The city itself, within the walls, through magical means or otherwise, there is an interior oasis within the city itself. There is the sand and dust that blows in from the outside desert that surrounds it in Marquet, but there are a number of ponds and rivers and large palm trees and other types of trees that are risen. There are small clusters that form almost minute forests throughout the city, whether they be a park to wander through or a means of harvesting whatever the trees have to offer for the people that live there. But you've seen a number of trees and it's easy enough to make your way there. →
Okay. As Keyleth reaches out, Lionel, you watch as the small half-elf red-headed girl reaches out and touches the tree, and suddenly the trunk splits open at the base, and you watch as what seems to be a glowing doorway of divine energy appears. →
After an incredibly long, well-stretched six seconds, you all eventually make your way through the doorway into the center of Ank'harel. The temperature difference is stark, it's immediate. →
Whereas you had a gradual transition to Ank'harel last time you were there, going from the Whitestone colder, more damp climate to the immediate dry heat of the central Marquet desert is just immediate, it's uncomfortable-- it may be comfortable for some of you-- and your mouth immediately dries out for a moment, and you have to adjust to the new atmosphere. Looking around you, you've emerged from the outside of one of the central oases, which is kind of near the Lux Run where you originally entered the city. There, you see the streets are bustling and busy. It's starting to get closer to later in the evening now, on this part of Exandria. You can see the sky's starting to get a little darker. There's an element of dusk that will probably be setting in about an hour. But here you are. →
I am very powerful, but there's some things that I can't do, all right? Ever since you found out I was short, you're much snappier and snippier with me. →
So you step off to the side to a point where you're not being noticed and take on, once again, the illusory facade of the Meat Man. Stepping out into the sunlight once more, you see the imposing figure of the Meat Man now amongst you. →
As you all slowly begin to realize the slight display you've given in the center of the town, especially those of you in your darker, heavier leathers amongst this very warm, open air. →
So it's not like all of a sudden there's a crowd gathered around you. But occasionally there's a few merchants across the way that are like, "So, anyway, as I was saying..." →
You watch as the Meat Man leads you down four or five different streets, dodging through a couple of alleyways and off onto the southern-eastern side of Ank'harel. There is a modest-looking tobacco shop that is in a poorer district, it's a little run-down. Run-down compared to a lot of Ank'harel, which is pretty colorful and very well-kept. So, it's pretty decent, average fare for Emon, considered the poorer side of Ank'harel. But you-- (laughs) →
So you come to this modest tobacco shop. As you lead them into the interior, one of your employees, Doran, who is a rather scrawny-looking boy maybe of 22, 23, completely shaved head, tanned skin, a little sallow, but he's sitting there, balancing a long, thin, almost like a railroad-spike-type metal rod. He's just kind of balancing it over the wood, and as soon as the door opens, he fumbles. →
"But anyway." And he reaches down and pulls a small wooden lever, and it's like you see he's having to struggle with it. And as he does so, you hear the scraping of wood, and a chain-winch going. You watch as one of the small furrows in the back corner slowly lifts up and reveals a narrow staircase that leads down into a subterranean area. →
He sits back on his stool and takes his little rod and jams it into the wood and huffs as you guys all make your way down there. Which, both Lionel and Grog, you guys have to cannonball up real tight to make it through the corridor. You drag your way through by pulling on the little bits of wood and earth that mark the exterior walls of this descending staircase. The smell is musty. It's not damp, but you can sense that there is a smell of tobacco. You thought, oh, this tobacco shop's a front. As you go down, you see about ten feet down there is a large storage room that contains barrels of dried tobacco of all sorts, and has a very rich, pungent, but also like a nice spice scent to it in places. Spice. Ah! You lead them on down to the far end of the hallway. →
There is another door that is locked. You pull out a set of keys, unlock it, open it. It leads down another hallway, and then eventually what looks to be some smaller sets of barracks rooms. You see a few doors that are ajar and empty with some beds inside. You lead down another 20 or so feet to another chamber. And as it opens up, inside, you can see there are three tables arranged in a triangular pattern, and at the far end of the table, there is a single-- what looks like a throne-like chair. It's very well-crafted. It's gold-leafed in places, it has intricate scrolling on the sides and where the armrests are, and there you see an individual with a hooded cloak and a deep, bluish-purple color with what looks like a red crimson slash design around the back, a number of jewelry, and they're facing away, speaking towards the chair, for there on the chair sits an identical large, looming human male with long, dark hair and mustache, pockmarked skin, and is mid-conversation. →
All right. The cloaked figure is in the middle of conversation, and speaking Marquesian, which you understand, to the effect of, "We've been looking, and apparently all the shipments have "been diverted and held off until--" And hears the footsteps and turns over and sees you. "Oh." (confused sounds) →
"I, um." Begins to pull a small blade out to the side. "I am under the impression that perhaps "one of you is a doppelganger, and whoever my boss is, would you please raise your hand?" →
The other one does. "Aes, what do we do?" And puts the blade forward, and you watch as the other Meat Man on the throne just says, "We do nothing. I know this man, and we will do our "business. Tell no one what you saw here, but if two more leave, I have been taken by its will and "you'll have to kill us both. I'm just kidding, that's a complete joke. But no, seriously, you "really-- go, go." And the-- →
"Thank you. Be pleased." And darts out of the room real fast. The other Meat Man on the throne goes, "Oh, Verath, I'm gonna work real hard to try and convince him other of that." →
"Aye, very well." And you watch as the Meat Man on the throne suddenly diminishes into a smaller, gnome figure as well, only female, with short, almost buzzed sides of her dark brunette hair that poofs into a curl there. You can see she's also much tanner than you remember. She is wearing what looks to be a leather tunic that's straining against her rather large muscles for a small gnome, it looks like she's been making sure that nobody messes with her while she's in the city. →
"You know. The hot weather around here is a bit of a bitch this time of the year, so best to "get it taken care of. Anyway. What the fuck are you all doing here?" →
"Oh, that's fine, I've only been dealing with this for the past two and half weeks without "you just fine, no one's noticed, until you came up inside looking the same as me. That's great!" →
She pats the side of her coin purse, which you can see is rather thick and makes a heavy (clinking) of clinking coin. "Not been too bad, if I say so myself. More than I ever made playing violin." →
So we'll be going for a while, and just hold down the fort while we're gone. Also, I know it sounds stupid, but can you look into getting a few ducks? Just as pets? →
"Hold on, hold on." She walks over and starts rummaging through a few small crates that are to the side. She's like, "These haven't been organized properly." Grabs a little crowbar and wedges it in. Pops off the top, starts rummaging through, tossing various things out the side like small metal cups roll across the ground, come to a stop. Pulls out a small, looks like a leather satchel of some kind that's wrapped over the top and the side with twine. Unwraps it. "There's a "few something for you." Sets it down. Pulls a necklace off. "You're borrowing this, but you're "bringing it back when you're done." →
Do you already wear a necklace? I already wear a necklace, so I probably can't wear it, huh? You can get up. It's okay, you can go. You've got 30 feet! →
No. No! I mean, I wear, like, ears and fingers and toes around my neck, but you can always accessorize some more, fuck, shit! I'm the only one that walks around with alcohol on me all the time, anyway. →
All right. Make your way back up through the tobacco shop to the streets of Ank'harel. You are aware that the Smouldercrown mountain range is about 290 miles southeast of Ank'harel across the desert. →
You guys, it's gonna be a really long hike, so let's find another burning tree, or Sun Tree or something that we can just walk into. 'Cause that was way easier than traveling. →
Oh. Okay. So I go up to the tree. Do I touch it? You're the tree. Hey, can you open up and take us to Crown-- what was it? Smouldercrown entrance, just 'cause. Wait, it would be way easier to just go straight to the pyramid. →
All right, you guys feel a warm, magical effect go through you. As you're concentrating, consider yourself being a cloud, you are the cloud. You open your eyes, Lionel, and you look, and you are a fucking cloud! You're like 20 feet up! →
Can't really talk. You're a cloud. So if you wanted to, you could spend a minute to concentrate and revert back, and you can do that-- you have an eight-hour period where you can just turn back and forth. →
We should probably concentrate for just a minute. I'm gonna turn back, just so I can shout out, we should all follow-- you know how to get there, right, Lionel? →
Bob up and down if it's a yes. Okay. We're going to follow you, all right? And when it's ready to land, then just hover down, and we'll all follow your lead. →
All right. So you all go into your mist forms and begin to follow after Lionel's lead. As you guys coast over the upper areas of Ank'harel, it's a beautiful view looking down at this gorgeous city, just this glittering jewel of color and architecture, one of the older cities in Exandria that portions of it seem to have survived elements of the Age of Arcanum and the Calamity, and one of the first societies to spring up thereafter. And it's beautiful to see this history, far longer than that of Tal'Dorei, or at least the human societies of Tal'Dorei, just standing obstinate against the dark oppression of the surrounding desert. You continue to head in that direction, with you leading. Lionel, I need you to roll a survival check. →
14. All right. So you're traveling at an incredible speed. Like you're used to walking speed, running speed sometimes, maybe horsey speed. This is a very, very fast speed. You're coasting through the air right as the sun begins to set, and the night begins to hit. You keep relatively low to the ground, so you have your Darkvision to see the topography and get an idea of where it's going and the direction. You can look up and see the stars above. You've traveled, and you've been amongst this desert most of your life, so you have a good sense of how to follow that, and because of that, you're able to maintain your directional position towards the Smouldercrown Mountains. You push on. About halfway through the journey, you can see some little flames occasionally in the distance, what looks to be either caravan camps or bandit camps or various nomad circles that are set up for the night where different campfires are placed, whether it's beacons, traps, or just people to stay warm for the evening. You know, best not to stop whenever you see a flame in the middle of the desert. The winds are picking up and getting colder, the stark contrast between the temperature of the day and the night here is immense, and your moisture form takes on the cold fairly quickly, and you feel, even though you're in this form, the chill still captures you a bit as your condensation begins to slightly crystallize in places, but you push on. Roll one more survival check, please. →
15. And without an issue or any sort of a loss of step or position, eventually you watch as the ominous spire-like jagged dagger-topped Smouldercrown Mountains begin to break the horizon and make their way towards you. You're now, at that speed, it hasn't been that long since you left, maybe a few hours out of Ank'harel. So you're maybe around ten o'clock in the evening or so, 10:30. Going to go ahead and move over here to a non-- →
Worth noting, indeed. But yeah. So the spires of the mountain are surprisingly steep. →
They're steeple-like, almost, in a lot of places. →
They're all just jutting up like these gargantuan spikes that were pressed out of the earth from some sort of landmass shift or some volcanic activity long, long ago. But you can see the densely packed rock formations, and the mountain cluster is maybe, at most, I'll say three miles, four miles across. It's not a very, very big mountain range. And it's called Smouldercrown because the circular pattern of the oval-like pattern of the mountains that rise up and resembles at a distance like a king's crown in the way that it circles around itself. You recall one of three different entrances, the one that was safest that you guys took when you entered, the central portion of the mountain range from the outside, and you guide the rest of them to the exterior of this space. You can see it's a small valley between two of the exterior mountains that collide together, and there is a valley path, where you see a number of dried trees. Some do appear to be alive, Keyleth, though they're designed to weather extreme droughts. They seem to have some sort of weird fruit that they're bearing, dripping off some of the branches, but the leaves themselves are brown and withered and you haven't quite seen plant la-life-- plant life like this before. →
I'll wait 'til we get closer. From up here, does the mountain formation look like it's naturally formed, or like some sort of other event? Is it seismically formed? →
16, not bad. They appear to be seismically formed. You can see some of the rocks, the way they rise up in the smaller areas, are at an angle where it's smooth on one side, and you can see the layers beneath where portions of the earth seem to have been jammed, cracked, and pushed upward. But because it's so localized, it isn't like there's tectonic plates shifting or anything, it's not a mass range. Most mountain ranges are long, driven locations that mark where those various boundaries are. This is just a central formation, so you're uncertain as to what the nature of this creation was, but it seems natural. →
Doty has Darkvision. We'll say that Doty manages to get you caught up a little bit. You fall a bit behind, but you do manage to find the rest of the team. You don't get terribly lost in the middle of the dark, desert sky of these small wisps of cloud with no light other than starlight there to guide your path forward. They begin to just pull ahead and vanish into the horizon. You freak out but Doty eventually finds you as a cloud and you swear you hear the wind go, "Tary." (laughter) →
You continue to push forward, eventually leading into the outside of this entrance of Smouldercrown, where the rest of them have gathered. You guys begin to slowly push into the valley that makes its way towards the center of Smouldercrown, following Lionel's leads. These trees that you notice, Keyleth, they're sporadic in places, and there is scrub brush, sparse, there are areas of the ground where it's dried and cracked. The badlands here, the sands of the deserts, the big storms largely don't make it into the center of the valley because the mountains protect it. While there are elements of it here and there, you can see the topography and the landscape here is very dried, cracked, red earth. Little moisture seems to be contained here. The plant life that exists here is designed to subsist on very, very little water. →
You eventually come, Lionel, to the area where you believe you found the last entrance. Make an investigation check, if you don't mind. →
You're still in cloud form. But you see some of the landmarks that seem to triangulate where you originally found the entrance. However, to truly search in this area, you'd have to get low and probably go to your physical form to seek it out. All right, so. You take a minute to concentrate and you revert back into your half-orc form. →
You're able to see in the dark for a decent amount. You walk the perimeter of this space where the first cavern was, and you feel around, and you gather that there was a path here, but it looks like there's been a small cave-in. A lot of the rocks appear like they've been recently fallen in, and there's some sort of a grade to them where you watch loose rocks have recently been tossed around that are of a deeper-set red color and haven't been quite as weathered as the exterior of the mountain appears to be. So apparently the entrance that you originally used either has collapsed on its own, or was intentionally shut. →
The cave-in is not natural. The rocks you can see, the portion of the archway where the natural mountain rock becomes the rockslide that seems to have filled the space, there is no damage that seems to be seismic or quaked, and you can see what appear to be some cleft sides at the edge of this entrance where it appears like elements of it were actually hacked or damaged until it eventually fell in. →
As you guys are having this moment, and you get low to the ground and begin to read the patterns of the different rocks that have tumbled and left small grooves and a little bit of dust and sand that does reside over this dark, caked dirt and rock, and you do notice a number of footprints. They're scattered a bit, some older, some newer. There's been a lot of foot traffic in and out of this cavern fairly recently, like a week or so ago. And you begin to follow the tracks. Some lead back the path you came, some seem to circle around further into the valley around this mountain. →
I'll say, as you begin to cast the spell, you take Lionel's hands and focus, and Lionel, you close your eyes and you imagine before you the most beautiful desert duck that could ever exist. →
And for a good 45 seconds, 50 seconds, 60 seconds, nothing. And that sadness in your heart sinks a bit, that perhaps Aes, or Scanlan, as these weird people keep calling him, said, there are no ducks here. And you hear, in the darkness, (flapping wings, squawk, impact sound). It runs into the side of the mountain, tumbles down onto the ground. (duck sounds) →
Well, there is another one. It's good, it's fine, it's good. In fact, I can double down on this. Can I now do my Commune With Nature and see if I can map out this cavern and find the other entrances? →
Okay, so as you've now sat down, and you focus, you can sense the guardian duck that was temporarily summoned is now wandering out to the desert, probably to dehydrate and die horribly when the morning light comes. →
However, you connect and you can feel your spiritual essence connect with the land here. The landscape is something you're not used to. →
Elements of it remind you of Pyrah, though not as visceral and volcanic, but the general heat and barren aspect of the landscape is familiar in some ways. So as you extend yourself, you can breathe and you can feel the land breathe with you, and as that communion hits, you feel you could ask some questions of the terrain. →
You get, as is the essence of answering these questions, you sense that there is one near the top of the spire and there is one not terribly far from where you are, kind of continuing inward towards the valley. But it doesn't specify directly where, it doesn't put an 'x' on your map for you. You just know that one's towards the top, and one's further around the path you're going. →
You focus, and you sense that there is almost like a cyst in the ground. You can sense some subterranean cavern. Maybe about 400, 500 feet into the heart of the mountain from where you currently sit. You can sense there this kind of pulsing darkness, almost like a terrible, cancerous heartbeat in the center of this land. →
You want to try and sense humanoids? You ask about it. Your attention is shifted back towards that weird cyst-Ziggurat area in the center of the mountain, and the land seems to give you the idea that there are a number of humanoids there right now. →
You follow the tracks, and about 200 or so feet around the edge, and you have to follow them between a few smaller rocks that are jutting out at the base of the mountain, and the terrain itself rolls a bit, and cracks in places. There are small fissures from recent rains that caused the earth to well up and tear in places, and eventually the tracks curve in towards the mountain and end, and it's just sheer mountain. →
What-what! I feel like Vex is really good at finding illusions. Oh, shit! Okay, well, can I put the front of my face through the wall and see what I see? →
Sure. You poke into the darkness, and it is pitch-black on the inside. As you poke past the illusion, it's about two inches or so of this rocky, heavy orange-red stone, and as you peer in you can see a cavern about ten feet wide or so and about 12 to ten feet tall. Natural along the walls, you can see the ground itself is smoothed over, and it's straight. It's a straight tunnel. →
It's not a rocky natural formation, it's like it was pushed and carved into the rock, like something heavy or something very focused drove through. You glance over to the side, and you catch what appears to be a face in the wall, about that big around. It's featureless, you just see two eye sockets, a mouth, and a nose. You see a flash of green light. I need you to make a constitution saving throw. →
You take 61 points of necrotic damage. As a familiar sting, as the green light flash turns into a piercing beam of life-draining energy, one that once almost brought you to the edge of death before, and as it hits you, you feel your breath and life essence sucked out of your nose and mouth and ears like a giant vacuum is pulling the essence out of your body. The veins bulge, you can't breathe, and you pull yourself back out of the illusory wall, and have to gasp for a moment. →
You guys hear the gasping as you begin to approach that side, and you find your sister there grabbing herself. →
There's a bad door. Just listen for a moment. Bad door. Right in front of me: fake, bad door. If you go through it, there is a very bad face that sucks your life out. →
All right. So you fly up. (flapping wings) 60 feet a round. It'll take you a good five minutes or so to make your way towards the top end of the spire. As you're going, make an investigation check. →
Oh, you're going cloud! Sorry, I thought you were doing your wings. As a cloud, you get there really fast. So as you make it up there, you cannot-- I will say, for the purposes of this... →
35, okay. As far as you understand, no one seems to see you. Make an investigation check as you make your way up the mountainside to check for any sort of entrances. →
18. You glide around there for a good ten, 15 minutes or so, scouring the edge. All you know is it's near the top, and you see no sign of an entrance. →
No. She told you there was supposedly an entrance, but you see nothing. Sheer rock. There are a couple of indents that could be cave entrances, but when you get close you see it's just a small alcove that ends. →
Okay. (whoosh) As you release it, it's still a good distance. It (whoosh) continues through. As you go past the face, the one that shot the green light, you can see the front of it is darkened now, from where before it was untouched. It cruises past. You see the formations. It looks like there's some cool designs here and there. The arrow eventually comes to rest. You don't see anything of interest as you pass by that quickly. →
You do see a very, very faint glow down the hall. →
You can see the glimmer of light, and as you watch, it's shifting ever so slightly, flickering like firelight. →
Well, they're going to think we're coming in through here, because they know about this entrance. Maybe they don't know about the other one, so we could maybe be super tricky and take an entrance they don't know about at all. →
I can clear out the cave-in. I imagine if someone is trying to cause an intentional cave-in, they're anticipating no one going through that cave-in, and we can start there. →
We're going to go back to the cave-in. Oh, wait, wait, wait! I did have a question. I feel like it might be smart to get my arrow out of there, in case anybody comes out and sees an arrow. →
You're an expert marksman, you know. Within 100 feet? Yeah, how about this? Why don't you shoot an arrow right now, outside the cave, same strength, and see how far it goes? →
All right. (poof) You guys appear inside the cavern. Darkness. You can see the firelight ahead, the flicker at the end of the tunnel, and you can see the tunnel, the straight portion of it, maybe 100 feet forward, begins to shift and bend a little bit. It starts to turn into more of a natural cavern as it goes. Whatever drove its way in here has merged with a natural path on the inside of the mountain, possibly even merged with the cave-in path. You look on the ground, and both of you guys make investigation checks, if you don't mind. →
In the time it takes you to go, "Okay, we're looking..." He's like, "Found it!" You find the arrow. A little dust drifts off of it, and as you're walking you can see that there's a softness to the ground here. You get the sense that the formation, whatever rock was pushed through here, was... There's no pile of rock outside, there's no symbol of the earth that was carved out of this tunnel, recently it seems, placed anywhere. →
There's just an absence of rock, and there's a heavy layer of dust on the ground. →
The minute he suggested that he get it, I didn't want to be a part of that, so I just immediately went in to start testing to see if there was ways we could just meld through the cave-in, or if we actually had to make a hole. →
You manage to squeeze through a few crevices between the stones and rock, but it's pretty densely packed. You get maybe five feet in before you can't really find a way to get your whole mist form through. →
Yeah. So depending on how high her perception is, she may, now that she sees the flicker at the end, she may be able to see something. So how high did you roll? →
That would be high enough to just barely focus your half-elven eyes and glance down. You get to see the very faint bead of light at the very tip, and it doesn't seem to change over the next 30 seconds, next minute, next two minutes while you focus intently. →
Yeah. There's no magical essence to it any longer, but your arcana check shows that you can see that there are certain small carvings in it that look to be some sort of sigil or glyph that is designed to hold a spell until triggered, and then it's released. Actually, Pike, you've used this once before. It's an actual Glyph of Warding spell that is utilized to hold a spell in and release it upon some sort of a trigger. →
That's the one that got him. He tried to get some money on the way out, and you found his body blown up and dragged about 20 feet off before he expired. →
Yep. All right. You notice, Lionel, as you guys step in, even in your Darkvision-- which, by the way, for your two human companions, it is complete darkness. You had a little bit of starlight, and your eyes had adjusted to it where you could see the edges and rims of different shapes within the mountain range, but once you step past the illusory barrier into the interior of the cavern, it is just darkness. →
There you go. So you guys silently make your way in. I would like a marching order on this, because it is about ten feet wide, this tunnel, and you guys can only go in there two at a time, shoulder-to-shoulder. →
Yeah. But I can see how, I'm the only one who's been in this mountain, so there's maybe a little trust. I got this! I haven't been here, but I got it! →
All right. So, Pike and Vax, as you guys are moving forward, your bardbarian friend pushes aside and muscles up to become the point at the tip of the sphere. →
All right. So at the very end, Grog, you're walking, and Scanlan's there at your side, and Doty walking in front of you, lumbering, surprisingly quiet. And you get the sense the reason you're so stealthy in here is because as you step, it's soft. It's like stepping on a bunch of very, very fine powder. (heavy footsteps) It helps cushion your footfalls. →
Can I just do a little, I'm going to scoop up a little bit and say, Percy, can I get a little bit of water added onto this? Can I do another nature check on what this is? →
I'm not going to tell you to make another nature check. You can't keep making rolls until you get a better one. It turns into an immediate mud. It's a very, very fine silt, almost. →
24. You listen carefully and you hear faint sounds of footsteps and scraping stone. In one little, sounds like a (whistle), like a brief sucking sound, and that's it. →
You go a little further ahead and you come upon what appears to be two more of those faces, that are facing the inside of the wall maybe 30 feet ahead. And you stop. You can see they're both facing outward, towards the center of the hallway. →
He points it out to you, and you can just barely see the smooth walls, the almost oval, circular passageway, you can see the slight lift of the side rock where the faces form a very faint profile. →
Okay. As you take a moment (whoosh), the first one releases, and you watch as the face suddenly begins to glow with this dull, grayish, black crackling energy, and then (poof). The energy seems to vanish and disperse, with the one on the left. You turn and release Dispel Magic on the one on the right, and you watch as the same effect happens. (poof) Disperses as well. →
Okay. As you approach and step toward the space right between where the two faces are, you make one footfall between the two of them, and nothing happens. →
Wanted to fuck with you. You continue pushing forward for another 50 or so feet. You're starting to get fairly close at this point to where the arrow may have dropped. →
18, okay. You don't seem to notice any strange or different elements of the topography that worry you. You push on for another 40, 50 feet or so, and you're just now on the cusp of where the arrow dropped. Make another investigation check. →
Okay. You don't notice any traps or any issues in the vicinity. You do see the footprints of Pike and Scanlan where they first arrived earlier before, venturing into this cavern, and pushing forward about 20 or so feet, the smooth cavern begins to turn into more of a natural, almost a volcanic tube-type physicality to it, and you can see to the left, another tunnel merges with it. You begin to recognize this. It looks like this carved tunnel is now dovetailing into the path that you guys found your way in, the one that was collapsed on the exit. Now the path that you know and the path you're traversing have finally merged into one singular path. →
The one that's on the left will lead you back to the entrance where you first came in, but it was collapsed, the one that you knew. If you keep going straight, it'll lead you towards the light and where you saw these people last time you were here. →
You stay halfway between, okay. It's roughly about 150, 200 feet this direction. It's a shallower cavern to this area than the one you came through. It's a longer way in, but you manage to find the other end of this cave-in. It's rocks that have tumbled in and clustered. Keyleth, you glance over and you see shapes moving in the light, and as you glance up ahead, about 30 feet ahead of you, you see six figures heading your direction. Humanoid. →
Holy shit, a brand new Tesla is coming this way! Okay. Hey, we have people. We have people coming this way, about six of them. Just letting you know, probably going to be some fighting coming up, and that is your update from the Voice of the Tempest. →
(sings) When people keep repeating that you need a place to sleep, when everybody starts retreating but you need a really cool keep, let Scanlan open the door. Let Scanlan open the door! Let Scanlan open the door to your house! →
Okay. Keyleth, you keep an eye out and you watch as they approach. They're in a sprint, a wild sprint. You notice the humanoid figures, there's a lot of clacking sounds, and you immediately notice they're thinner than a fleshed-out human. These are skeletal. They are skeletons in armor with shields and weapons, and they're (snarling) scattering through the hallway towards you at a very fast pace. →
Okay. Fireball is... Hang on, wait, I'm not a sorcerer. I should've had this prepared. I admit I should've had this. It's something d8? d10's? Fireball. 8d6 fire damage. →
34 damage. All right. You watch as four of these skeletons explode, their bones detonating and exploding all over the cavern. You watch as it bounces around and breaks and shatters, and you hear them all clattering into the dust below. Two more push through the flames. You can see the armor, the leather they have on is now burning behind them and is causing this glow in the alley. →
Don't even worry about rolling damage because even your minimum damage, with what damage they'd taken from the Fireball? Both shots, you hit them both in the ribcage, in the sternum and the back of the spinal column and they fold into themselves and crumple into spinning pieces of bone. You watch as the momentum of their movement causes them to scatter across the dust. Both of them. (gunshots) →
30 seconds passes. 30 seconds pass. Scanlan, you finish your spell. The doorway appears up. There doesn't appear to be anything else currently coming down the hall after you. →
You do notice, Keyleth, that the flickering light, the firelight, is getting brighter. The firelight is now becoming more of a white light, and it's a flickering white light. →
You all make your way into the center of Scanlan's magnificent mansion. Lionel, you step through this weird sparkling purple doorway that wasn't there before, and as you go through, the temperature becomes very comfortable-warm. It's well-kept inside. It's climate-controlled. There's these beautiful marble pillars. There's this royal red and gold carpet that spreads out over this dual staircase that winds up to a second floor. It's a gorgeous mansion. The interior's immaculately designed, and you watch as about a dozen or so spectral people suddenly float in with their arms crossed and give a bow and a nod to you as you arrive. →
Kaylie got sick of chicken about two weeks in, so she's got me on this vegan thing. (sighs) She says it'll make me last longer and feel healthier and stuff. →
Hello! I'm Taryon Darrington. I've been quite pleased to spend some time with your friends for the last year, and it's-- you have wonderful friends. You should honor and cherish them. They are the best people I've ever met in my life, and this is a lovely home you have. →
(sighs) It's nice to meet you, too. Thank you for looking after my friends. I guess any friend of Vox Machina is a friend of mine. You can use the downstairs. The basement room. →
All righty. You guys head back to Scanlan's room? We're going to take a break here. We'll return here and pick up from that exact moment here, in just a few minutes. Real fast, we do have a Wyrmwood giveaway. It is the black walnut complete dice tower system and tabletop dice tray with leather rolling surface. →
The leather interior is really nice. This will be going to the person who wins in the Twitch chat. →
Enter the code "hundred." The word "hundred" is the code for the evening. Put it in there. Good luck to whoever wins, and we'll see you guys back here in a few minutes. →
And welcome back, ladies and gentlemen, to Critical Role. First and foremost, we have our winner in the chat: AJSparks08, congratulations, you won the fantastic Wyrmwood package. Denovo will contact you shortly to get your address and shipping information. Congratulations, on our 100th episode Wyrmwood giveaway! Also, it's come to our attention that the chat room and the Internet is convinced that this is not a real set and we are apparently on a green screen, so I wanted to show you guys how incredibly real this -- no, I'm kidding, it's actually real. It's a real set, it's actually here. It's a real set. →
We went on sort of a walkabout. Me and Kaylie went off to the woods, did some camping. We found some travelers and sang to them, and told stories like we do. Entertained some folks. Some nights were spent alone, some nights in the company of people who wandered by. We weren't too far away from Whitestone. →
After about a month or two of being hobos, I guess, she wanted to do something. You know, anything. She was getting bored, she's young. So I told her, I don't really have anywhere to go, but I do know of two fuckfaces I have to get revenge on. I asked her if she'd be interested in that, and she said, fuck yeah! So she came down with me. →
We got a boat, went across the sea, and we went back to that casino. It was really the only piece of unfinished business from our time together that I had to deal with. →
Well, when I got my revenge on them, I learned a bit about what they were up to. They weren't really drug dealers. It's embarrassing, but the drugs they sold me were not real. I know that's hard to believe, but I was swindled by them. →
But they were in this other game, of selling counterfeit stuff. So I did the thing that I knew would hurt them most. I took away their counterfeiter, and now he works for me. So I put them out of business, and I put me into business. →
And since then I've been doing that for a while, and it turns out I'm very good at it. →
We don't try to swindle people who are innocent. We started off by taking down-- well, not taking down, but ripping off a few guys who were corrupt officials in the city, and built from there. It's not a big operation, if I can be honest with you. It's just me and Kaylie and a few other people. →
You know there are multiple times we'd all be dead if it weren't for you. You know that. You know that! And the same could be said for any of us, that's true, but you take any one piece away, and the tower falls. Jenga, man. →
I don't know what that game is. But, I know, I know. Listen, I did a lot of thinking over the year, and I-- Yeah. I appreciate you all much more now than I did, and I realize that you probably appreciated me, too, but at the time I just didn't know. I was so used to being a loner that I didn't know really how to behave in a group, that's all. →
You don't have to apologize for anything. It was me. It was me, and I don't know if we'll ever have what we had before, but I can tell you that fighting alongside you all was the best time of my life, and not because of the glory, or the fortune, or the fame that we got. It was just to fight alongside you, and to see the looks on your faces when I did something really cool in battle. →
Well, again, a lot of hard shit was said on your way out, in many directions, and the way I look at it, it's to be expected. We went through hell together, that's going to have an effect. But even the ones who are angry at you, they did miss you. And family doesn't break apart that easy. →
All right. So the meal is filling to varying degrees of enjoyment, but you find rest at your disposal. Relatively early into your day, though it is night in Ank'harel. You guys have been awake for approximately five hours. Do you go to rest? →
You peek outside the door, and right as you glance through, you see about 13 or so skeletons that are all clustered right there at the door going (zombie groans). →
So you pull out the various bottles you've stored amongst Grog's Bag of Holding. Scatter a nightcap amongst those who wish to partake, and find yourself resting for the evening within the mansion. →
Well. Your emotions are justified. But you found it in your heart to forgive your family, and they did terrible things to you. Maybe it's harder with people that are closer. They cut deeper. →
I don't want to do it! I just want to be mad for a while, I guess, but... I don't know. I guess just seeing him again. Slowly but surely, I'm not as mad, but-- →
Okay. That's a good idea. I would feel very bad if something happened to him and I didn't say anything. I mean, if I died, then I just wouldn't know, I guess. →
So as you head down, you see, curled up on the sand pit, this half-orc snoring loudly, like a golden retriever that had rotated twice and passed out in the sand. Grog, what are you doing? →
I just talked to Vex, and she said that maybe if something were to happen tomorrow, maybe it would be better to just say some things, so that you're not, you know, thinking about it if somebody dies. →
Are you sure? I can't tell. He changed the inside of the mansion. He's got a new dog sleeping in the sandpit. He called him his best man. You heard it. I did. →
That's definitely an option, but I feel like maybe we could just try to be better than him. Maybe you could really show off, and show him that you are better, and that we're better, and we're better friends, and you know, that he should come back and hang out with us. →
Yeah! No, I like this idea. This is really something we can roll with! Yeah! He should miss us! In fact, he should be coming to beg us to be like, I miss you! You're so cool! →
All right. As you guys go make a blanket fort, curl up and sleep takes you. The next morning, you come to consciousness, are greeted with a fantastic, spiritually brought, vegan breakfast. →
Okay. You peek out into the hallway, and there before you, you see about 20 or so armored skeletons that are all clustered into this hallway, maybe five feet between a few of them, but they're scattered throughout, they're just in this holding pattern. →
Back at the breakfast table, just before they make whatever loud sound they're doing: It's good, it's almond milk, but I like cream a little bit (explosion). →
You guys all of a sudden drop your meals and start charging out. The door's already open, and it's vacant. You guys, as you charge out, all of a sudden you watch as ten of these creatures (zombie snarling) and leap towards you. What are you doing, Pike? →
All right, so as a war domain cleric, you can make a weapon attack as a bonus action, up to your wisdom modifier per day, so that's one use there. And you deal an additional 1d8 weapon damage on the attack, so it's-- How much damage does your mace do? →
18 damage on the first hit? You slam the mace into the side of a skeleton, and it crushes a lot of the bone, and a lot of it just seems to erode away as the divine flash impacts it, and you watch as the bleached white turns to gray and black. However, it still stands, largely wrecked, but still (zombie snarling). And your second attack, you hit the same one? →
All right, that one (whack) you hit the side of the skull, and the head just turns into dust to the side. The bones collapse into a pile. You destroyed one skeleton out of about 20 or so. →
And with that second hit, a second skeleton that's leaping towards you, with a giant scimitar in the air and a buckler around the side of its wrist, (zombie snarling), you just batter-up swing it, and it explodes across and rains down upon you. Pike, a couple of the bones hit your armor, fall to the side. →
All right, and so as you guys are rushing into the doorway, the skeletons immediately turn and swarm in. That's going to be five attacks on each of you within this range here. →
23. All of them leap onto you, but they can't get through the armor. They're all clustered up around you, they're piled up almost, like you're just being dogpiled by skeletons, and while none of them are getting to your flesh, there are all these skulls biting in front of your face as you're holding them back with your shield and mace. Grog. Miss. Natural one, miss. →
All right. So, you take 22 points of slashing damage, reduced to 11, from the two attacks together. As both of these skeletons just start hacking into you with their weapons. One has a long sword, one has what looks to be some sort of a war pick and is just, both of them, jamming into your flesh, and you just take it without an issue. All right. You guys all rush to the door and you look out and you can see this group of undead there, swarming your two friends. You get there just-- Well, you start preparing for the round. They're going first. →
Yeah, 16th level. So, CR 3 or lower. These are definitely there. All right. All righty. So, you're going to affect with that, in a radial area here, which is a radius of 30 feet. That's going to affect 15 of these undead. →
As you're held down by all of these skeletons, suddenly this beacon of divine, bright flame begins to burst from you. And you watch as the flaming wings of Sarenrae swirl up out of her like a phoenix. And as it does, you see above her the image of the dark skin, light flaming hair Sarenrae embodying her like a JoJo stand, as it takes this pose. And as soon as Pike brings her arms out and screams (yells), the image bursts out and you watch as every skeleton practically in that radius just turns to ash and dust in the vicinity, leaving two skeletons there, that are like (breathy groan). So there's maybe four of them left in the whole tunnel, from that one burst. →
All right, first hit, it smacks into the side and breaks part of its upper shoulder and upper arm. It cuts off one of its arms, but it's still standing there in front of you. →
So Pike, Grog, Lionel, you're right there, there's one skeleton left that's like (breathy hiss). And it leaps at you, since you just crushed its friend. And it hits you on your breastplate and just goes (metal ringing out sound) (breathy hiss). That's all it does. It's a sad sight. →
As you look at the one skeleton, just feeling this embarrassment, you swing with your axe and the skeleton (metal impact sound) stops it with its own blade and parries the axe to the side. The one that just didn't barely dent his armor. →
All right, so 20 points. So as you hack down this other skeleton, you cut into it and it destroys part of its torso. Its arm that's holding its weapon is hanging to the side, but it's still standing. Its jaw is unhinged. →
Grog. Grog, Pike, can I say something? I feel like there's some tension between us and we need to clear the air if we're going to go fight today. →
You guys are really bad today. Well. And I think it's because I haven't made you feel at ease. So can I please just take a moment before we go out there and just, for once and for all, say I'm sorry to you guys for what I did and how I left things. I said things that were really cruel and meant to hurt you, and that's wrong and I'll probably regret it for the rest of my life. But I needed to go and I just didn't know how to express myself. And I'm so sorry that I insulted you. →
Pike, I've said awful things to you for as long as we've known each other, and I can't take them back, but I can at least try to be a better person. And can I confess something to you? During the last year, I've-- I think I've been praying. I mean, I just talk at night and nobody hears me, but I guess that's praying, right? And sometimes I talk to Sarenrae, because that's the only one I know. And she seems cool. And she seems like someone who could be a good guide. And it feels good. And I even wrote a little poem about her and about her teachings. It's very simple, but can I tell you it? →
So, let me get this straight. You think you can go away for a year, and come back, in adisguise, and apologize to this group, and that's going to be good enough for me? And then when I'm still pissed, you're going to give me a combo apology with Pike, and that's going to be good enough for me? I'm still pissed. You came back in a costume. A costume! I'm not even really that smart, it's not hard to trick me. And I'm a big guy, but you made me feel small. I don't know if you missed us; I don't know if somebody is making us go down into this Zigga-fuck. →
Ziggurat. I don't even know why we're here. I thought maybe you'd come back and be like, oh my best mate, the guy that would do anything to keep me alive, there he is, I missed him. No. You come back, you've found yourself a brand new idiot. One that does amazing strikes, twice in a row. And talks to ducks. Has all sorts of new tricks, brand new model, new and improved in every way. I bet you do all sorts of fun things with him. So no. You do not get to apologize to me. →
I wasn't going to. I was just going to give you a gift. Because the times we had together were the best times ever. You might be a little slow. →
But you're the best friend I ever had. And our times together were great, not because of our conversations, or our witty repartee. It was because of the fun we had together and the experiences we had. So last night, I wrote something for you. I know you can't read, but-- →
I just got you a gift. Because if you won't spend time with me now, maybe you'll be able to spend time on your own. So I wrote you this. Maybe someone else can read it for him. →
AKA the Meat Man, AKA Vicoul the Vicious, AKA Reddish the Bold, AKA the Little Paws, AKA François Bertrand Jean-Luc Australia, be aware that the bearer of this note, Grog Strongjaw, shall be entitled to any libation of his choosing at any pub, tavern, restaurant, inn, alehouse, brewery, or house of lady favors within the city limits of Ank'Harel. He shall be allowed to drink until drunk, and enjoy no molestation by any employee of said establishment, unless he requests it. All charges and bills related to his drinking, cavorting, or violent behavior resulting from drunkenness, shall be forwarded to the Meat Man for timely payment in full. By complying with this request, you are hereby under the protection of the Meat Man, and shall receive all the benefits and goodwill accompanying such association. The Meat Man always remembers. Sincerely, Aes Adon. →
We'll see. By the way, I want you to know: when you died, I sang a song I would never sing for anyone else, and I'm sorry you didn't hear it, but it was really hard. →
Listen, we need to go kill some things right now, but I just want to say to all of you, I'm so sorry the way I left, it was awful of me. →
Percival, I said awful things to you, I said awful things to all of you. But just know I've done and said worse things to Kaylee, and she's forgiven me, and I've done and said worse things to myself, and I've managed to forgive myself, and I hope that someday, you'll all be able to forgive me. →
And until then, I'll just keep trying, and that's all I can do. And after this fight, if you want me to stay, and you guys go home, that's fine. But if not, maybe we can start over. →
Vex, Vax, Keyleth. At this moment, you hear what sounds like footsteps making their way up the tunnel. Not where the light was before, but the path you previously stepped from. →
Yeah, but they're not walking by; you made the door way back in the tunnel. You see them up toward the T-juncture. So you guys would have to leave the mansion and get there quickly. →
You carefully move forward. The twins, you, at full stealthing pace, make it up to the corner, and as you crest around the side, about 20, 25 feet up, you see the two humanoid figures with hoods that come to a underoff point that hangs to one side. Looks like a leathery or rubbery substance from the little bit of light that's coming through, it's hard to really tell. They're wearing long black cloth, like a tunic, and what looks to be dark leather or thick black cloth, pants and boots. →
Inside you see what looks like a polished stone of smooth jade that is affixed to a grey leather band that loops in the back. You see a scimitar, a very well-made scimitar, that has a series of pearlescent gems across the hilt, it has a very Marquesian flair to it. And you see what appears to be a rusty iron sphere that is about three inches in diameter and weighs about a pound. →
It has a bunch of really strange shapes and design, almost like it was made from condensed chains that were then melted down into a single sphere. →
Yeah, you drag it back (dragging noises). I mean, the box has some food and blankets that are meant to keep it hidden, so you search through as you find them. Those are the only things of interest in the box, the rest of it just seems to be to fill the space. →
Okay. The opening is about that big, so it takes you a second, just like when you had to put Dork the Ox in there, it's like trying to fit a king-sized pillow in a twin-sized pillowcase. →
Sure, easy enough. You also find that both of them have what looks like a dark iron symbol hanging around their neck, hidden beneath their robes. It resembles a four-pronged pitchfork that has a single rod beneath it that forms a loop. →
Kind of, yeah. So you have the corpses both being stuffed into the Bag of Holding, you guys find the whatever symbols are hanging, and the robes are on you. →
What we have here is a Scimitar of Speed. You gain a +2 bonus to attack and damage rolls made with this magical weapon. In addition, you can make one attack with it as a bonus action on each of your turns. →
But maybe this guy can do it. We've also found the Third Eye of Awareness. A single polished stone of smooth jade is affixed to a grey leather band that loops in the back. The wearer gains advantage on initiative. →
You can use an action to speak the command word and throw the sphere at a huge or smaller creature, like my dick, that you can see within 60 feet of you. As the sphere moves through the air, it opens into a tangle of metal bands, like my dick. Make a ranged attack roll with an attack bonus equal to your dex modifier plus your blah blah blah, if you hit it, the target is restrained until you take a bonus action to speak a command word and release it. Doing so, or missing, causes the bands to contract and become a sphere once more. So it's like a trap ball. Trap ball. →
Well, it seems like you guys are working through a thing, and I should really be getting back home, anyway. I don't know, I don't feel quite as needed any more. →
After this is all done, I'll say my proper goodbyes. But I should be going. He's your best guy, right? You need him. He's part of the team, he always has been. →
"Tary." Doty pulls an arm up, and you can see one of the slight changes that they had made in his construction is a slight mister on the other hand that goes (water spraying). →
All right, it's only 80 feet until the winding tunnel opens up slightly. So, make another investigation check partway up, about halfway to that period. →
Okay. You make your way there. And you begin to push towards the entranceway. The soft dust on the ground, which is the same color as the rest of the stonework. Vax, you step onto one section that seems to step in a little further than the others, and you feel a (click). →
Doty takes 36 points of necrotic damage. All righty. You watch as you pull back and the sand sifts in and you see another face below, with a burst of dark energy that echoes out in a 60-foot radius. Fills the hallway with this high-pitched shrieking sound. As it hits all of you and the breath escapes you for a second, this circle of death-like sphere passes all of you, and you hear the shriek echo through both sides of the hallway. →
Okay. You listen out, and you hear what sounds like low voices, things shifting, a slight general humming sound. The bright light that was there before is not there at the moment. You still see the fire. →
Natural 20. You do remember it. The low hum that temporarily appears was very close to the sound whenever anybody was throwing something into the dark sphere above the ziggurat. →
That's a good question. I have a mild confession, and maybe I should have said this a little earlier, but I'm going to say it now. One night, I might have sneaked down into the middle of the ziggurat, and I stuck my hand in it. →
Well, I wanted to find out what would happen, and I found out it's real bad. It's really bad, is what I found out, and it nearly crushed my hand to a point of oblivion and I think I got really lucky, so I think it just crushes anything that it tries to suck in. →
You guys rush forward, and a hot wind is picking up through the tunnel. You're not quite sure directionally where it's coming from. But as you move forward and through the winding passage, maybe 60 feet ahead as it opens up, you see it splits into two different pathways of natural interior rock formations, and you can see a larger chamber beyond that. You have the right and left. →
Okay. You do not see any faces immediately within the two paths that are ahead of you. →
However, as you glance past one of the edges, within the chamber, you can see the sources of some of that flickering firelight. You see two clay bowls, large clay bowls that are set in the ground that have burning materials inside. Wood, cloth. Who knows what, but they're burning this bright orange-red flame. Not a natural yellow flame. A deep orange-red flame. It's causing this glow to emanate around the room, and you see the flames flickering and moving with the wind that's blowing about. →
All righty. Indeed, what looked like two different hallways was one entrance to the chamber that was divided by a singular column in the center. You both flank around as it opens up inside. You see a 50-foot-tall, 70-foot-wide natural cavern chamber that rounds out over the top, and you see it end on the opposite side. →
There are two pillars nearer to your end that both hold defaced statues of a woman on each. Defaced statues of a woman. Partially destroyed and collapsed. There are elements of it broken on the ground. The heads removed. In the center of the chamber, you see before you a massive stone-stepped pyramid, similar to the ziggurat you've found. The design is a little different, and you get the sense that a lot of it is still buried and it's just the top that has been uncovered and repurposed for whatever this may be. →
You do see, there are a number of cloaked figures scattered across these steps, and some of them are out looking in your direction as soon as you come around the side. They're all wearing the same black outfits, the cloaks. Some of them have the hoods back; some of them have the hoods on. →
Roughly, you have what looks to be six or seven from what you can view. There are two of them at the very top that currently have what looks like another crate that has been opened, and there above them, you can see the black orb, exactly like the one you have underneath Whitestone, and they're in the process of taking objects out and throwing them up into the sphere, and you watch as they flash and vanish into the darkness. You see one cloaked figure that's currently shouting out and giving commands right now. →
As soon as they all glance over, you guys are out in the open of a hallway. Once they see him, they see the spread of you. As this happens, you watch as a number of skeletons walk out from the halls on the sides, and one seems to suddenly shake and rise up from the ground: a large skeleton with what looks like giant horns that curve out of the head, standing about 12 feet tall. Looks to be some sort of minotaur-like beast, but bone and anger. →
Okay, so. There is a singular figure standing up here that seems to be giving orders and shouting it out to the side. Female voice rings out across the center of the chamber and says, "Remnants, slay the intruders and grant their bodies to the cause!" →
All right, so at this point the woman pulls an amulet. The woman pulls an amulet out from beneath the robe, and as she clutches it in her hand, the orb shifts from black to white, to a white-gray color, and you watch as the wind (whoosh) gets whipped up even heavier and lights up the area around the space. You watch as the cloaked hood flows back, and for a brief moment, before the grin crawls across her face, you see the face of Delilah Briarwood. →
All right, so at the beginning of this initiation, with the orb now flaring this pale gray-white and Delilah Briarwood standing there at the top of the ziggurat, staring down and focusing on the group of intruders that have just rushed in. Keyleth, it's your turn. →
You take 17 points of slashing damage, reduced to eight. And the last one is a natural 20, so you take 22 points of slashing damage, reduced to 11. And they are all set aflame. All of them take, I believe, fire damage from impacting you? →
So we'll say eight damage across the board for all of them. All of them get hit with fire as they swipe out at you, including the giant minotaur that swings over you with this large greataxe in its hands and bursts into flames as it does so. Awesome. All right, that ends your turn, Keyleth. Delilah, who's currently glaring at Keyleth and the rest of you, looks out and goes, "Of course it would be you, wouldn't it?" She takes a step back. Without breaking eye contact, goes, "Finish your work." (foreign words) And slams her hand down on the ground, and you watch as this sphere of rainbow color completely encompasses around the top of the ziggurat. You now see this large orb, this dome of multicolored rainbows that flickers for a second, and then briefly becomes a singular color. →
You see over here, a number of other robed figures and one that looks like it's heavily armored in the front, as well. A couple of small other cultists down on the sides, but they all-- apparently. Okay, the armored one actually manages to grab the stonework and hold on. →
Everyone else, except for that one armored guard, rises up and (wham) slams into the ceiling 50 feet up. That is 5d10 points of damage. 5d6, sorry. Thank you very much. Perfect. →
Actually, let's pull out Animus. This will be funnier if I'm walking around that way, which is always a fun thing to say. There's that one guy holding on, right? →
There's one guy holding on. I'm going to use my gun to make him drop an object of my choosing. And that object is going to be the pyramid. So just remembering how to do this. →
Sure. Close enough. You swoosh over there; it's fine. More of a flavor element. So all the visible creatures you can see right now are held against the ceiling. →
So weird. I'll take it. I hit the wrong thing. There we are. I'll burn another point for advantage and shoot him again. Just with a straight roll. That's 19. →
The one shot sends it flying up into the ceiling, and I'd say even before it impacts, as it's still floating up in the air, you shoot it once while it's still falling upward, and then it slams into the ceiling and you get one final shot to hit it while it's there. (grunts) Across the top. It's hard to see if it's really that hurt, but it's currently a little wounded. →
I'm slowly going to make my way towards the ziggurat, so I'm going to be actually walking up on the wall. So you can put me up on the little creases. Yeah, I'm walking sideways, as gravity's reversed right now. I'll make my way, as far as I can get, towards the sphere. →
Okay, and that radius, by the way, is maintained as long as you concentrate on that. So anybody who walks into that radius will have to make a dex save or be flung up into that. So! That being the case, ending Scanlan's turn and Percy's turn, the cultists that are currently flung to the ceiling are going to get up and run this way, so they're technically up on the ceiling right now. →
Those two are going to continue their work. You don't see what's in there. Grog, you're up. →
Against magic, I think it was? So yeah, both of you guys shrug off the effect. You feel the magic try to take hold over the inside of your brain and your muscles seize up and you manage to shrug it off. It's a familiar feeling. It is one that you're familiar with, as well, Pike. It is a Hold Person attempt on both of you. →
So half that. You're now locked on the ceiling, as well. However, that does put you in melee range, and prone, with one of the cultists on the ceiling. →
You're upside-down on the ceiling. The guy who cast a spell and it didn't work on you watched you tumble up, land, get up, and stare him down in his face. →
Okay. You smile at him, bring the axe back, and you completely-- we're talking tree trunk. He slides over and his body attaches to the ceiling and collapses against that, blood splattering out from his midsection. It seems really gross, in a sense. You still have at half movement, about 20 feet to run across. →
You take 16, reduced to half, so you take eight points of bludgeoning damage as you slam into the ground at the top, and you stand up and there's about five feet between you and Grog, and one of the cultists is there right in front of you, who's like, "Shit!" →
17 points of slashing damage as you pull your greataxe up and rake past. You see his chest split open and he (grunts) pulls back. He's still alive, and as he looks up at you from under the hood, he is also missing one of his eyes. (pants) →
Okay. The first strike cuts him across the chest. (pants) Rears back. Oh, that wasn't enough, and with a second half-assed swipe, he goes down and spills out all across the ceiling. That cultist is done. All righty, that finishes your turn. Taryon. →
Skeleton does not. So the cultist dodges out of the way on the ceiling. It smashes on the ground by the skeleton and bursts into flames. How much damage does it deal to the skeleton? →
16 points of fire damage? That skeleton, fire consumes it. It's still currently standing, and now the flames are licking through its ribcage. That ends your turn? →
Good, and the second one-- oh, that hits, for sure. That's a 16... 28. Okay, so for the first one, I'm going to unload some Smite into this motherfucker because I know he's undead. That is three, plus eight is 11, plus psychic damage is 17, plus 3d8 because he's undead. So 17 plus eight is 25, 29, 36 for the first attack. →
36 damage. As you fling the dagger out, it seems to skid across the stone of the pillar in front of it, leaving these bright white sparks as it hits. Comes through and strikes through the chest. As it does, a burst of divine energy. You watch as some of the ribs shatter and scatter across the stonework. (roars) →
You can smite. I believe so. I think it's whenever you expend a spell slot, so I don't think there's a limitation per round. That's part of what makes paladins so crazy at the higher levels, actually. But just to make sure of that or the internet's going to hate me. No, there's no limitation on that. So 22? →
Perfect. The skeletons get up and start rushing in towards the nearest things. This one's going to rush towards Grog. This one's going to rush towards Keyleth there. This one's also going to rush towards Keyleth. The minotaur, who got impacted angrily, sees you dart past. Turns around. You're not within range, so it's going to move up towards (heavy footsteps). This knight is also going to move in towards Keyleth. These guys up at the top are going to focus in that way. All right, first, the minotaur swings with its axe. Makes a giant swing towards you, Lionel. →
Actually, no. What it's going to do is it's going to rush up, instead, put its head down, and charge forward towards you with its horns in front. It's attempting to strike you with its horns. That's 18 to hit. What's your armor class? →
18, okay, so that just barely hits. You suffer 13 plus nine. You take 21 points of piercing damage, reduced to half, so it's ten, because you're raging. I need you to make a strength saving throw. →
23, yeah. You're not pushed. You get the impact and the horns come to your chest and you're like, "ooh, that hurt," but this giant creature's stopped in its tracks. Its hooves are scraping into the ground, and you're immovable. That's the end of its turn. Skeleton attacks on Keyleth. →
The blackguard is going to make three attacks with this giant glaive that it has. Now you've got up close, you can see this jagged black armor. He's going to rush up with his glaive and spins. All three attacks on you. That is 23? 18? And 16. All righty, so you take nine, plus Thunderous Smite damage. That's going to be 21 points of damage. Sorry, it's going to be nine points of slashing, which is reduced to four, and then you take an additional 15 points of thunder damage. →
Yes, you are. The war priest across the way is going to look outward and begin to focus and chant under his breath, and the little bit of light begins to show, once again, the missing eye on most of these individuals. Delilah is not missing an eye, it seems, but the rest of them seem to have this appearance amongst them. As it releases this form of energy, you watch as a familiar, darker-burning flame begins to spill across the ceiling as a Flame Strike makes its way-- not a Fire Storm, Flame Strike. Sorry, so it's a column. →
19 will do it. With that, as the flames begin to well out in this column of fire and dark divine energy, you just reach out and snap your fingers and the spell vanishes on the spot. →
That necromancer, however, is going to impact in the center of the chamber a burst of necrotic energy that billows out from the center in a 60-foot radius. →
Ceiling and floor, because it's a large enough radius where it affects the entire space. I need you guys to roll a constitution saving throw for me, please. →
All right. 15 points of necrotic damage to Taryon. As the wave fades off, you hear the chuckle of the two cultists, and they step backward into the red sphere. →
Essentially, yeah. As opposed to moving your initiative around in the order, you can still move on your turn, and then if you're going to cast or attack, you start it and then wait for something to trigger it and then release it when that happens. →
Okay. I drop form. I'm going to look around and go, (nervous laughter) and drop my staff and do Fire Storm radiating out from me, and I want to try and avoid Lionel and Grog, but basically radiating out, fire floods the ceiling. →
So those two skeletons next to you: untouched. Everything else in there has to make a dexterity saving throw against a DC 21. Natural 20 on that first skeleton. →
Blackguard does not make it. Natural 20 on that caster there, and a 13 on that one. So this one fails, that caster succeeds, blackguard fails, minotaur fails, skeleton succeeds. Roll damage on that. →
38 points of damage. This skeleton is burned into ash and destroyed. The minotaur skeleton, even though it made the save with a 20, it had taken damage from the fall earlier and it was enough to wipe it out. Minotaur skeleton, with that last bit, also burns up. The flames burn around the blackguard, but it stands there, defiant. It seems to almost be relishing the pain as it burns and tears through its armor. You don't see a face. All you see is black armor, jagged at the tips, long cloak that is burned to the back, big glaive that spins in his arm. →
She's going to make a dexterity check to hold on right there, and she rolls a 23. No, a 22. →
Your DC is 22 for Scanlan? She just steps out of it and holds onto the edge. Actually, she wouldn't have had to do that. She steps to the edge. She succeeded, but she basically just looks out of the sphere. You watch her face appear out, and her hand. →
She looks over at you, Pike, and goes, "Not this time, my dear." I need you-- Delilah's got the Player's Handbook-- I need you to make an intelligence saving throw, please. →
Nine. As her finger reaches out to you, your brain goes a little numb and a little fuzzy, and the spell that you were preparing dissipates, and conscious thought becomes difficult as the Feeblemind spell takes effect. →
Still does not hit. As soon as you fire, it hits but it sparks off what looks like big plate armor on this caster that the robes were obscuring. As it hits, it tears through the cloth and you see the reflection of armor beneath. →
This is not the one I have the Hex on, right? Okay, that's fine. I should have done that differently. 12 points of damage and one point of psychic damage. →
This is the one that has armor under a cloak. It looks like an older man's face. Has this staff at the side and a mace hanging from the belt and is currently casting spells from the ceiling right now. →
But inside the sphere. I understand. I will say, as is the nature of the spell versus a Dimension Door, I need you, as you begin to pass through, your form folds through the magic, the very powerful magic and intent of this sphere. The dome of red hits you immediately. I need you to make a dexterity saving throw, please. →
You take 28 points of fire damage for the red. As soon as you flash through, and there's orange behind it. I need you to make another dexterity saving throw. →
No. You've made a valid point, and the spell does specify "pass through it." You do not pass through it. You appear on the other side. So what's the range on that? →
That's true. However, you didn't take any damage, so you didn't lose your concentration on the spell. You're just blinded. All right, so now those cultists have all been slain. I forgot to do the skeletons last time, so I'll have them move in. These two skeletons are going to rush in. This one's going to go ahead and... 25. That's four skeletons on you, Keyleth. →
And a 24. You take 11 points of slashing damage. Three of them are swinging at you and you're dodging out of the way, and then one of them catches you across the shoulder and you're like, (grunts). All right, that ends their go. →
39. All righty... This war priest over here, the one on the far end, as you strike. That was with the acid ray. The green ray strikes him and he goes (death rattle) and slowly dissolves into a pile of purplish-red mush that begins to smear across the roof. The other two are impacted by it, and they're reeling from the pain. They're starting to show some real wear and tear now. →
Yes, and as you rush down with the speed of an elven bullet, you drive the blade right into the center of the armor plates, and you watch as he's chuckling with his glaive out, glaring at Lionel. (chuckles, death rattle, thud) And falls dead to the ground. →
Perfect. So that's movement, action, and what I have left is hasted action and bonus action, so I would like to use my bonus action to zip over to Pike, 120 feet. →
There are two of them that appear to be staff wielders. The older one has been destroyed with acid. The other one you haven't really gotten close enough to see the face of. →
Does not succeed. He is restrained. (grunts) As you slam with the arrow from the other side, (grunts) the vines curl up and wrap around, constraining him. He's still holding the staff through part of it, but he's completely unable to move and is restrained. →
33. Got it. All right, so (arrow impact) the other arrow hits. Blood pours out of the mouth as they're being held there. They're trying to break away, but they're not very strong. End of your turn? Trinket? →
Okay. All righty. He angrily, from beneath the vines, gets his staff forward and begins chanting something under his breath. Rears back and exhales, and you watch as a cloud of green, billowing, poisonous smoke spills out in this area. That's going to get all of you guys. I want Keyleth, Grog, Lionel, and Percy to all make a constitution saving throw, please. →
Yes, I understand it happens at the start of their turn, but we're trying to get through this quickly, guys. Don't worry. Calming down the internet. It's fine. Yep. Two skeletons already went. That brings us to Pike. →
For the purposes of this, you are currently right there and it's just a big red dome. There, it's fine. Reverse Gravity makes this battlefield so easy to keep track of. →
Nobody sees you right now through the sphere. That ends your turn. All right. Delilah, within the sphere, the cultists next to her end up throwing the last object up and they-- well, no, sorry, they have not been throwing it in there because when the sphere turned, they'd been holding in there waiting for a moment. Delilah glances out and sees the dragon up there, she gets to make her save against your Frightful Presence. →
Wisdom saves, yeah, she makes it. She looks out, seeing everyone falling apart out there, pulls back in, looks at Scanlan and goes, "There's more important things to do." She grabs her amulet that she has around her neck and as she holds it again, you watch as the white orb that was glowing turns to black once again. In that instant, Grog, you revert back to your regular size, Keyleth, you return to your form, Percy, you fall off the side of the wall and land on your feet barely. The skeletons just collapse into piles of bones. Tary, you fall and land on the ground there. This Prismatic Wall vanishes. →
Feeblemind, currently, right now, is not affecting you. Meaning, Feeblemind, whatever the spell is right now, doesn't seem to be having an effect. All of a sudden, your consciousness comes back to you. →
She, clutching the amulet, gives a nod to the two other cultists and all three of them step into the black orb. You watch as their forms (whooshing noises) and vanish. →
You sense the concentration is still there, but the spell has no effect where you currently are. By the way, Lionel and Grog, you both (falling sounds) slamming into the ground. →
We'll say because you only used your bonus action to-- oh, not to reload. As a quick draw, you can pull it as an attack, you're fine. So, you do three attacks, the third one fires. You fire (bullet) and it vanishes into the orb. →
Currently, there's the one right there who's being held by the brambles. The brambles have vanished, and he's currently still conscious, and it's not his turn yet. So, Percy took all the shots into the orb. It is now Scanlan's turn. →
You rush towards the guy as the brambles wither away and fall to the ground. He turns around to rush towards the orb just as you rush towards him. Your bardic battle cry just "Argh!" with Mythcarver. Go ahead and make your attack. →
I'll just stab him in his toes over and over and I'll say, this is what you get for separating me from my friends! Who I want to be around forever because I love them! Is this what we're supposed to do now, is this the thing? →
As you repeatedly stab it in the feet, he's like, "Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!" and it's like trying to pull away from you down the side of the pyramid ziggurat. "What are you doing?!" as you keep stabbing it over and over again into the feet until it falls unconscious. Bleeding out through his ankles. How very Scanlan. →
She did something. It was black before, then she turned it white, and I don't know if that allowed magic. But when she turned it black again, all magic stops, so. →
You drop to your knees for a moment and concentrate, hoping for her wisdom. Go ahead and make a general wisdom check. Roll a d20 and add your wisdom modifier. Plus five. →
22. As you concentrate, you feel the warmth of Sarenrae's embrace descend from the darkness of the inside of your eyelids. You see the angelic form of her flaming aura come down and her hands touch the sides of your cheek. She turns your head around towards the orb. And, where previously you saw the little black dot, instead, you see a large oval doorway. Around it, it is flickering madly like a hundred spinning razors around the edges, but just beyond it you can see what appears to be a desolate, gray landscape, what looks to be a scattering of city buildings across this broken, black shadowland, and in the center a singular black obsidian tower that rises up to where you can't quite see the top from your current angle. →
And she gets down really close to the side of your ear. You feel the warmth of her divine breath against your face. She says, "This is the destiny. →
"This needs to stop. Only terror will come through this." →
And her finger touches your head and she kisses the top of your forehead and you feel the warm presence again, and she withdraws. As she withdraws, the cold is even harder with her absence because now the proximity of that shadow, of this room, just this general sense of negative energy and death that emanates from this direction behind you. As soon as you watch her light vanish and you open your eyes again, you're chilled to the bone. →
Seven? You concentrate and you get the sense that the proximity of this orb and something about the nature of this whole occurrence is interfering with your connection with your deity temporarily. →
You try and reach out to her, but nothing is returning your call. →
So, you take the black guard, drag it behind you. The rest of you all continue down the pathway. You get to about where that T-intersection was and Pike, your brain goes numb once more. →
Speak with Dead. You watch the plate armor rouse ever so slightly as the fresh corpse begins to clink and tense against the metal plates. You hear the creaking sound of breath trying to escape from the reedy thin slit where, apparently, part of the dagger blow that you had shoved in the back of its neck went through and cut part of the vocal cards. →
You can see the lips are curled back against the teeth and the skin is stretched tight against the skull. While once living, this had some sort of necrotic twisting to its flesh, whether it be by proximity or practice. But the jaws open. →
(gasping) Through the jaw doesn't move, you hear the escaping thin air forming words that say, "You need one of the crafted stones to pass unharmed." →
(chuckling) "His return is nigh. The Whispered One "will come. His acolytes will help him complete his destiny through the Ritual of Seeding. From within "the gate he will rise, the solitary tyrant and lord of Exandria. And with the sole crown of "creation guarded upon his head, we who were his body will be rewarded with life eternal at his side." (gasping) And the spell fades. →
As you sit here in the cavern, contemplating what these words mean, what the next step of your accelerated involvement in this plot, we're going to end tonight's episode. Ran a little over, guys; hundredth episode, that's a record. →
Thank you, Marvel Puzzle Quest for being our amazing sponsor. Thank you, Critters, for being amazing. I'm going to get my, like, four hours of sleep before getting on a plane to a convention. →