Search Query Theatre
As per Aquarion, some of the more bizarre search queries that have brought people to kryogenix.org recently:
- things to know when in prison
- If you drop the soap in the shower, don’t pick it up
- does chicken make u fat ?
- No. Believe me, I know. Pizzas make you fat. Not doing any running makes you fat. Chicken’s really healthy. As are cigarettes.
- when did the first molluscs appear on earth
- Got some homework to do there, huh?
- need to lose weight because penis is small
- ahahahahahahahahaha. ahaha. ha ha ha. ahahaha.
- neopet porn
- Oh my God. My daughter looks at neopets.com. Christ almighty.
- how to get a dieing cat to eat
- For God’s sake! Take it to the vet! Don’t search the bleedin’ internet!
- is huh a word
- huh?
- because she’s silently screaming, cant you hear her? listen carefully
- wtf?
- the cheapest thing you can buy from ikea
- Any advance on a BÄSTIS hook for £1.49? See, this is why all websites need an API. I don’t have time to screenscrape the site, so see if you can find something cheaper.
- he started punching him in the face
- Why? Why would you search for this? Why?
Tea-focused questions
- should you put milk one with earl grey
- No! No you shouldn’t! No! Don’t do it!
- how to get someone to make a cup of tea
- What you do is constantly piss and moan about it until they cave in. Well, that’s what I do.
- optimum infusion water temperature for a tea bag
- Boiling! Boil the water! How hard can this be?
That’s enough of that. I’m just getting annoyed now.
Are you sure none of those are search query spam? :)
I hope not. I love them. The rubbish stats package I use only gives the top few.
(I hasten to add, my website is not with my employer, as I was experimenting with competitors.)
7 minutes later
Is it bad that I initially parsed “how to get a dieing cat to eat” the other way?
Buddy, you can’t be *that* hungry. :)
62 minutes later
I love the “need to lose weight” one - what I want to know is what page on your site provided the search engines with enough fuel to send him here.
2 hours later
Actually, there is a correct way to get someone to make you ingestible products ;).
15 hours later
[...] as days pass by » Search Query Theatre Absolutely HILARIOUS (tags: search searchengineoptimization funny humour) [...]
40 hours later