Search Query Theatre

As per Aquarion, some of the more bizarre search queries that have brought people to kryogenix.org recently:

things to know when in prison
If you drop the soap in the shower, don’t pick it up
does chicken make u fat ?
No. Believe me, I know. Pizzas make you fat. Not doing any running makes you fat. Chicken’s really healthy. As are cigarettes.
when did the first molluscs appear on earth
Got some homework to do there, huh?
need to lose weight because penis is small
ahahahahahahahahaha. ahaha. ha ha ha. ahahaha.
neopet porn
Oh my God. My daughter looks at neopets.com. Christ almighty.
how to get a dieing cat to eat
For God’s sake! Take it to the vet! Don’t search the bleedin’ internet!
is huh a word
huh?
because she’s silently screaming, cant you hear her? listen carefully
wtf?
the cheapest thing you can buy from ikea
Any advance on a BÄSTIS hook for £1.49? See, this is why all websites need an API. I don’t have time to screenscrape the site, so see if you can find something cheaper.
he started punching him in the face
Why? Why would you search for this? Why?

Tea-focused questions

should you put milk one with earl grey
No! No you shouldn’t! No! Don’t do it!
how to get someone to make a cup of tea
What you do is constantly piss and moan about it until they cave in. Well, that’s what I do.
optimum infusion water temperature for a tea bag
Boiling! Boil the water! How hard can this be?

That’s enough of that. I’m just getting annoyed now.

Posted by sil at 4:52 pm on September 12th, 2006. 5 comments... »
Categories: Humour, Rants, Web.

5 comments.

  1. Are you sure none of those are search query spam? :)

    I hope not. I love them. The rubbish stats package I use only gives the top few.

    (I hasten to add, my website is not with my employer, as I was experimenting with competitors.)

    Posted by Matthew on September 12th, 2006.

  2. Is it bad that I initially parsed “how to get a dieing cat to eat” the other way?

    Buddy, you can’t be *that* hungry. :)

    Posted by Dieter on September 12th, 2006.

  3. I love the “need to lose weight” one – what I want to know is what page on your site provided the search engines with enough fuel to send him here.

    Posted by Paul Howard on September 12th, 2006.

  4. Actually, there is a correct way to get someone to make you ingestible products ;).

    Posted by Angus on September 13th, 2006.

  5. [...] as days pass by » Search Query Theatre Absolutely HILARIOUS (tags: search searchengineoptimization funny humour) [...]

    Posted by Meriblog: Meri Williams’ Weblog » links for 2006-09-13 on September 14th, 2006.

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