And this is Search Query Theatre, written Sep 12, 2006, and concerning Rants, Humour, and Web

As per Aquarion, some of the more bizarre search queries that have brought people to kryogenix.org recently:

things to know when in prison: If you drop the soap in the shower, don't pick it up
does chicken make u fat ?: No. Believe me, I know. Pizzas make you fat. Not doing any running makes you fat. Chicken's really healthy. As are cigarettes.
when did the first molluscs appear on earth: Got some homework to do there, huh?
need to lose weight because penis is small: ahahahahahahahahaha. ahaha. ha ha ha. ahahaha.
neopet porn: Oh my God. My daughter looks at neopets.com. Christ almighty.
how to get a dieing cat to eat: For God's sake! Take it to the vet! Don't search the bleedin' internet!
is huh a word: huh?
because she's silently screaming, cant you hear her? listen carefully: wtf?
the cheapest thing you can buy from ikea: Any advance on a BÄSTIS hook for £1.49? See, this is why all websites need an API. I don't have time to screenscrape the site, so see if you can find something cheaper.
he started punching him in the face: Why? Why would you search for this? Why?

should you put milk one with earl grey: No! No you shouldn't! No! Don't do it!
how to get someone to make a cup of tea: What you do is constantly piss and moan about it until they cave in. Well, that's what I do.
optimum infusion water temperature for a tea bag: Boiling! Boil the water! How hard can this be?

That's enough of that. I'm just getting annoyed now.

Matthew

Are you sure none of those are search query spam? :)

I hope not. I love them. The rubbish stats package I use only gives the top few.

(I hasten to add, my website is not with my employer, as I was experimenting with competitors.)

Dieter

Is it bad that I initially parsed "how to get a dieing cat to eat" the other way?

Buddy, you can't be *that* hungry. :)

Paul Howard

I love the "need to lose weight" one - what I want to know is what page on your site provided the search engines with enough fuel to send him here.

Angus

Actually, there is a correct way to get someone to make you ingestible products ;).

Meriblog: Meri Williams’ Weblog » links for 2006-09-13

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