The perversity of banks

Aquarion rants about his bank’s slowness and lameness in the age of instant gratification. He’s not wrong.
I’m with an internet bank. They’re a pain in the arse, for two reasons. The second is that it’s a real pain to pay in cash or cheques into the account there, because you have to send them away or pay them into another account and then bank transfer the money, and we do that all the time, and it’s really annoying!. The first and most important reason is that we told then that we had a payment going out and asked them to transfer a fiver (just a fiver) off the credit card into our current account, so that the payment could be made (we were about 40p short in the account of being able to make it). We asked them if the payment from the CC would clear that night, in order to be ready for the payment to go out the following day, and they assured us yes, repeatedly. So, the next day, the payment went out and was rejected because there wasn’t enough money in our account. I got on the phone to the, bleeding out of my ears with fury, and they told me that they process outgoing payments before they process incoming payments. Now, that not only means that they lied to us about whether it’d work, but there is no reason to process outgoing payments before incoming ones other than to screw people like they did us. They could just as easily process incoming before outgoing and then fewer people would go into an unauthorised overdraft, but then of course they couldn’t hit as many people with unauthorised overdraft fees. So they’re deliberately mean to sting people for money. Fuck that. Moreover, the outgoing payment was the first direct debit for the car insurance, and, because the first one was rejected by the bank, the insurance company automatically cancelled the direct debit and made us pay the whole year’s fees in one lump sum. So i had to find a few hundred quid at no notice at all, and when I later asked the bank for an overdraft to get that money they told me I couldn’t have one because i was a bad credit risk.
It would clearly be a horrible piece of libel for me to tell you, my readers, that the bank is Intelligent Finance, so I won’t.

23 Responses to “The perversity of banks”

  1. Processing outgoing payments before incoming is apparently a feature of BACS: BACS collects outgoing payments for batch processing, then provides the resulting incoming transactions back. I’m assured that this system is being replaced.

    You have complained at length about this particular incident, though, haven’t you?

    Nick
  2. Certainly have complained. Their response basically boiled down to: excuse us while we don’t give a shit. I wasn’t too happy about this, and I want to move banks, but it’s such a faff

    sil
  3. I had real problems with natwest, so I moved to the co-op. They’re really good, have a decent website and the added bonus of your money not funding ‘evil doers’ ((c) 2004 George Bush).

    fizz
  4. But if it’s too much of a faff to move, then you’re one of the reasons they can get away with such poor customer treatment :)

    I’ve moved bank a few times: started with LloydsTSB, who became dreadful around 1997. Moved to Alliance and Leicester, who simply didn’t understand the web or have anyone answering their telephone banking calls. Then I went over to Cahoot, who haven’t caused me much reason to grumble … their site is a bit crap, for an internet-only bank.

    Matt
  5. Matt: I know, I know. Banks and other organisations get away with this shit because no-one complains :(

    sil
  6. We has (and still have) similar experiences with our bank (Suntrust). I wasn’t aware that some banks process outgoing payments first; that would explain a number of overdraft fees. Time to find something better… OldSockTrust, ShoeBoxTrust, or something…

    Hans
  7. If you move to Smile, apparently they do all the work of changing banks for you. I’m not sure how true this is, how much they actually do.

    They’re a decent bank IME, even if their website is hideously pink.

    Nick
  8. Nick: just about any bank will claim to do switching for you but I’ve never met anyone who has spoken of this as a simply, straightforward process.

    It makes it easier but it’s not ideal.

    As for Smile, I plan to avoid all internet-only banks from now on. I want to be able to pay cheques in, without the added postal delay, and cash in full stop.

    Matt
  9. Matt,

    The reason I’m with an internet bank is that it’s really difficult for me to get to a bank inside bank hours. If they opened until 7pm once a week then it would be useful for me, because I could pay in cheques and cash; as it is, I can’t anyway…

    sil
  10. Abbey’s open all day on Saturdays, plus it gives you all the internet banking you need :)

    Anyway, I don’t advocate any one bank over any other, but I always like the option of having somewhere to take a cheque or cash.

    Matt
  11. Go to First Direct. They are the bee’s knees. Brilliant phone service, friendly staff, they go out of their way to help you when needed, their internet service is fine, and you can use any branch of HSBC as if it were your own.

    The Co-op are pretty good too, but I left them because they kept making the same mistake again and again.

    I used to work in direct debit admin, and can assure you that First Direct and the Co-op are the only two banks in Britain whose staff understand the direct debit system. Which is a tad worrying.

    Squander Two
  12. Oh, and they’ll you send you statements by SMS according to criteria that you define (e.g. whenever your balance goes below 50 quid or whenever a payment goes in), which is just so good.

    Squander Two
  13. Cahoot?? Crusty pile o’ shit with moronic telephone staff that seem to have trouble speaking clearly – I cant wait to shut it down. Only used the account for a couple of months and Ive hit a £25 charge for going £1.50 overdrawn – after they applied a £2.83 debit charge on some obscure mid-month date that I was never going to remember (no doubt that’s why they do it). Then I find out you cant even pay money into the fucking thing the same day!!!! And they call themselves an internet bank….what a load of old bollocks.

    Mr Happy!
  14. I agree Cahoot are total sh*t who in my opionion lie. Asked them simple question via email, got the biggest load of bollocks answer. Basically they said they would not reduce my interest rate on a loan to its current advertised level. Reason being I had a bad credit record, checked my self and I have a credit score of 1000 out of 1000 the best you can get ! Therefore Cahoot were lieing to me they just didnt want to reduce rate for me. In the end I took all Business else where.

    CahootCrap
  15. ur all a bunch of wnakers who aint ogt nothing else to moan about, Get a life u sad twats

    geeeeeek
  16. internet banks are for people who do every thing by direct debit, standing orders or electronic transfers. it’s not meant for prople who pay in cash and cheques every other day. thats why its called ‘an internet bank‘. you fuckin dumass bitches. i’ve banked with cahoot and never had any problems and when i have they’ve fixed em. they won’t give you the advertised rate cause it’s for new customers only. everyone knows that shit. it is crap but thats how all banks work.

    fuck you, you bunch of retards
  17. Ive never heard as much condiscending bullshit in my life, your all a bunch invailds, why don tyou lazy stupid bastards just go out to a bank instead of complaining about internet banking, you all need to be shot becuase your just a basic waste of space, your you

    Anonymous
  18. I dislike annonymous as he moans about people moaning for a better acuse

    Anonymous
  19. intelligent finance made me overdrawn by holding back a cheque i sent to them, then didn’t pay my monthly d/d to the nspcc charity donation of £2.00, then charged me £30.00 for it. thanks

    claire
  20. intelligent finance made me overdrawn by holding back a cheque i sent to them, then didn’t pay my monthly d/d to the nspcc charity donation of £2.00, then charged me £30.00 for it. thanks

    claire
  21. F**k Smile! They may have an ethical policy but they couldn’t give a s**t about there customers. “Oh you’ve gone ten pence overdrawn? Well here’s a twenty five pound charge and we’ll also bounce the payment.” Oh you’ve paid money into your account on the day a payment comes out? Well tough titties as far as we’re concerned that money doesn’t count and we’ll bounce the payment and charge you for the privilege” Assholes!

    Smile! You love it!
  22. I have noticed that most of the whining on this page is coming from those being charged. I think a few need to wake up and smell the coffee. Banks make money from charges, but they don’t if you don’t get charged. It’s really simple, if you have bills to pay then you make sure you put the money in the account the day before they go out. If you can’t understand that principle then you must have the brains of a rocking horse. Most charges are avoidable, and what’s the point in having an overdraft LIMIT if you keep exceeding it?. You have internet, phone banking, cash points, statements and god knows what else to help you manage your accounts and if you still can’t manage it then you would have to be bloody stupid. Get a life.

    Jare
  23. all banks are total fucking wanking wankers,for years they have taken my fucking money through ilegal charges and develish small print,in my opinion be it internet or high st banks there all a load of money grabbing bastards.

    my solution?

    take what money you have out,close the accounts down,get your charges back(there fucking ilegal),tell em to piss off(great satisfaction)and pay cash,the fucking pikeys do it!

    big bollox

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